debbiedear
I don't think my story is original or unique but maybe it will resonate with someone in the same circumstances and help them make better choices or come to some clarity on their particular situation. I have been wanting to write my story for some time because it will seem more real to me and will help me to "get real" as Dr. Phil would say. I must point out that my decision to do this was not mine alone. I have felt lead by God throughout this whole process. I have prayed to Him for years to help me lose weight...give me willpower, strength, wisdom, and even to melt the fat off (I got really desperate). I knew that He was finally answering that prayer when all of a sudden this year information about weight loss surgery started showing up in my hands (not that it is difficult to get this info now..it is everywhere). I was never keen on WLS because of the complications etc. But now my thought were turning to it. There have been many other instances in which he has shown me that this is the right choice. One is when my husband's company approved the funding when weight loss surgery is an exclusion on the insurance policy. 
I was at a normal weight (never even thought about it) just like the rest of my family until I reached puberty. In 5th grade apparently I put on some weight. I did not realize until we were on home leave and visited the doctor. My mother brought up that I had put on some weight and he told her just to cut out the cokes, cookies, and just cut the amount of food I ate in half. Within 2 months I was down to normal if not skinny weight. The damage however was already done and from then on no matter what I weighed, I still looked at myself as fat. I resented that my family hid sweets from me and everything was so secretive.
I stayed at a normal weight until my parents moved to our now hometown and I started a new high school. Not knowing anyone over the summer, I spent a lot of time in the house and snacking all day as I read. 
I put on about 30 lbs. until my junior year in high school when my parents gave me 1/2 of a gym membership (I had to pay the other half) for Christmas. I went on WW and that combined with the gym, I took off the weight in a few months. I was looking good but still thought of myself as big. When I bought clothes, I was always surprised by the size tag (no way could I be a 5!). I am curvy and that was not the norm which lead to my poor body image.
When I was in college, I put on the Freshman 15 followed by the Sophomore 20. It was turbulent years for me with a nasty boyfriend and I ate a lot of junk food. I joined WW again and walked. The pounds again came off.
Some time in graduate school, I put on 15-20 pounds and by the time I got married, I weighed 140...I was so pissed and felt huge!! Looking back on my wedding pictures, I realize that I didn't look big at all. I regret that I couldn't see that so that I would have focused on being healthy and not continue to put on weight. I worked to get the weight off but every time the diet/exercise failed, I felt like a failure and continued to eat. Eventually over the years I put on 110 pounds and all this time, I was feeling miserable as everyone on this website has felt.
Now enough is enough. I have sleep apnea and PCOS. I am not diabetic but I am also not going to wait around to develop it. 
Looking back, I wish my mother hadn't made such a big deal about my weight. I am not placing blame, after all, I am an adult now and make my own decisions. I have been in counseling before and it didn't make a difference. It felt unworthy of her love if I was not thin like her and also I didn't like feeling powerless over what goes into my body. I'm sure she had the best intentions at heart but it feels pretty crummy when you are a teenager and your mom gives you a scale and a cookbook for your birthday. I would have much rather have had some cute clothes. (I was normal weight at that time).
My sweet husband and my parents are very supportive of my decision to have a gastric bypass and mom and dad are going to come and help with the kids and also help when my husband travels this fall. The kids know that I am going to have surgery for weight loss but we asked them not to share any of the details with anyone else. We have not told my in-laws. I am afraid of their biased opinion and really don't need the discussion. Luckily, my husband is taking care of this. Throughout this time, I want everyone to act normally and not try to hide anything (food) or make a big deal about meals. I will share the holiday table as always but I will just be bringing my own stuff.
Like anybody, I go between feeling excited and scared, but know that ultimately the decision is the right one. I know that God will be right with me, holding my hand and getting me through this. He brought me to it and he will get me through it.The road will not be easy but it will be doable. I am curious about what people's reactions will be..I am not going to share with everyone what I am doing.
Where I am right now in this journey is I am waiting for the insurance company to receive all of the reports from Dr. Davis' office so they can approve from a medical stand point. The company has already approved payment so I think this is a formality but the surgeon won't schedule unless they have an approval letter. I was hoping to do this right after my birthday this month but it could be Oct.
I hope this story might encourage someone else and if not, then maybe it is just some entertainment when you are surfing the web one night when you cannot sleep.
P.S. I like my curvy body now and can't wait to show it off again
