The long road begins

Jan 08, 2009

So I started my protien/salad diet that my surgeon suggested so that I can loose 10lbs to show the insurance company that I am commited to loosing weight and makeing the necessary changes to my lifestyle that will allow sucess with this WLS. I get a protien shake for breakfast and supper, and a small salad for lunch. I'm takeing the Syntrax Protien Nectar. It's actually not too bad as far as taste goes! and it's only 8 oz so it's not like drinking a pitcher of sludge like some of the other things I've tried. I started all this Monday and weighed myself last night...I was already down 2 lbs! I couldn't believe it! Alot of it was water weight I'm sure but still it was quite encouraging!
The biggest struggle I'm currently facing is my family. They're supportive but they dont really want me to have the surgery. They fear that I will go through all the pain, cost, and time, only to fail and end up worse than when I started. My Granny and mom live together and I am very close to them both but they are completly unfiltered in what they say to me about my life, weight, apperance, etc. So we're stting at the table last night and they are eating. I'm flipping through a magizine trying to fight the temptation to cheat my program by eating, when my Granny says "DeWitney, I just don't know how well your going to do with this surgery because of the way you love food" I smiled and said "I'll just have to love me more than the food" and my mom chimes in with "Well it's just like if you were an alcoholic, we wouldn't want you to work in a bar. But we can't just keep all the food we eat away from you" I looked at my mom and said "Well mom if I were an alcoholic, would you want me to get treatment?" neither of them really responded. I seems like they would be happier if I were to just settle for the life that I have, pretend to be happy and keep getting fatter and fatter. I guess because I haven't been faced with any life threating illness yet due to my weight, maybe they would have a different outlook if I were battleing diabeties or heart disease, but I refuse to see the train comming and not at least try to dodge it! I want to do something NOW to try to prevent thoes things from happening. My mom acutally used the "when it's your time to die you will die no matter how many surgeries you have" but what she dosn't see is that i'm not afraid to die...I'm afraid of wishing I would die. I'm afraid of being so miserable and trapped inside my own body that I wish for death as a release. I want to enjoy living and enjoy being who I am..and I can't do that with 100 lbs of extra weight hanging on me.

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