Nonny S.

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Wow!  I'm bad at this whole keeping a diary thing huh?  Ok, let's see...

I ended up having my gall bladder removed shortly after I last logged in.  I got back with my ex-husband last year (SHOCKER!!)  and we got re-married on Feb 11th this year.  It's been sooooo amazingly awesome!!!  I have done horribly with my eating and exercise.  I'm sitting at 212 today.  Just sucks-sucks-sucks!!!  We have decided to try to have a baby and it's been difficult.  I got some blood work from my gyno and my calcium and vitamin D is bad.  She has loaded me up with supplements and doesn't want to start diagnosing IF until my levels are balanced.  I'm going to go ahead and see an RE since I don't want to be walking around for however many months only fixing my nutrition problem when I could be fixing my IF problem too.  Anyway, my gyno put me on Azeo-pram (?) to help me digest my food since I don't have my gall-bladder and she suspects that I have Isulin Resistance, so she has me on a Low GI Diet.  Back to the grind stone!!!

Wow!  I knew I haven't been on this site in awhile, but I didn't realize that it has been this long!  I would like to say that the reason is because my social life is keeping me too busy, but sadly...no.  I've been home reading steamy romance novels, living vicariously through ficticious characters & petting on my cats (I'm only up to two...so not quite cat lady yet).  Yes, when your 9 year old son tells you you need to find a man, you have to wonder if you have a problem.  Unfortunately I don't really know what my problem is.  Ok...I guess I do, but I have a few :) and I don't really want to admit to them all, so I'll give you just the biggest one.  And it's that I may have lost over 100 lbs, but I'm still the fat chick on the inside.  I still see myself as too big and not possibly attractive enough to attract the men I'm attracted to (I need to find my Thesaurus).  I'll be out with my sisters or mom and they will tell me that so & so was flirtting with me or such & such guy was staring at me, etc and I will have been clueless.  It never even registers.  It's like I assume that no one will take an interest, so I develop tunnel vision.  You know?  Anyway, it sucks, but what can you do?  I guess I just have channel Stuart Smalley and chant "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me" every morning in the mirror until I start to believe it.
Anyway, about my weight loss...I guess I can't complain.  I lost more than my doctor wanted me too.  I've maintained the same weight (or roughly around there) for the past year and a half.  I would like to loose more, but I'm happy and comfortable and don't want to kill myself dieting and exercising.  Which brings up the too things I'm not doing AT ALL!!  Unfortunately I can eat everything and on some occassions do.  I still can't eat alot in one sitting, but I will take bites of anything on anyone's plate who will let me (or won't notice).  I have had zero problems with anything except for about a year ago I developed a random pain in my chest.  I thought I got something stuck (it had never happened before) but then it happened again about 5 months later and this time it was worse and after I ate oatmeal.  It has been happening closer and closer apart but I never did go to the doctor until today and she thinks it's my gall bladder.  I go for an ultrasound in two days, so we'll see what happens.  Anyway, I'll have to update my stats and pictures and all that jazz.  Probably this weekend...who knows?

Well, I haven't been on here in awhile.  There is a lot of catching up to do.  My mom has been sick and in the hospital again and I have been staying with her since my sister has been on her senior class trip to Cancun.  Her intestinal problem got real bad and we thought we were going to lose her there for a few days.  Her colonoscapy (can't spell) developed a leak and she became septic (again, can't spell).  Her infection was so bad, that they had to remove her lap-band.  Unfortunately, her doctor doesn't think that she should have it put back with all the problems she will have with her diverticulitis in the future.  Surprisingly, she's not as upset about that as I would have been.  Hopefully she will not be one of the ones who gains everything back.  It makes me even more thankful that I opted for the RNY.  I'm betting that I will have digestinal problems since both my parents have had colosomies before they reached the age of 60.  If I do inherit this lovely condition, I'm glad at least I won't have to worry about the doctors removing my tool.  
With all this going on, she took in her ex-husband's soon to be ex-wife and step-son.  Mom wanted to help the latest victim of my ex-step-dad and she has been staying there for the last 2 weeks.  She was supposed to find a job and place to stay and has done neither.  She sleeps all the time and only wakes up to take her son to daycare and pick him up.  We began to smell alcohol on her and decided it was time for her to leave.  Mom gave her a week to find someplace else to stay.  Then my lovely ex-step-dad calls to tell mom that if she continued to help his wife, he would hand over all the "information" he has on one of my sisters and her boyfriend (now fiancee after this weekend...yay!!) to the cops and they will both go to jail since they both have open warrants.  Mom decided not to wait and told this woman she had to leave and our family no longer wanted to be in the middle of their problems.  Mom told her five times through out the day "You need to pack your things and leave" and she would just go back to bed.  It then came to a big screaming match with Mom (who is on bed rest) saying "Get out" and this woman saying she wasn't leaving.  Then we started to call the cops, and finally she left.  When we cleaned her room and found all the empty bottles, all our guilt went away.  You just can't help some people.  Her situation sucks and I get that, but if someone told me that I could not stay with them anymore, I wouldn't refuse to leave.  Crazy psycho people...  The one really hurt by this is my littlest sister.  Her dad is acting psycho threatening to send her big sister to jail and won't let her see her baby sister unless it's just the three of them.  (Mom doesn't want to find out why he has that stipluation, so she refused.)  And he is making darn sure that her step-mom and step-brother are out on the streets.  I hope he feels the fire of a thousand suns...
Have I mentioned how happy I am to be single?  Crazy cat woman I will be.  (I really don't know why I said that like Yoda, but it works I guess)

Bad week for food, but good week for weight loss.  I hate those!!  They mess with my mind in thinking that I still can eat anything.  I'm in a GREAT mood though!!  lol

05-07 to 05-13
Daily Average:
Calories = 465 (should be between 700 and 900)
Fat = 14
Carbs = 40 
Protein = 44 
Calcium = 159 (should be between 1000 and 1500)
Iron = 16  (should be at least 18)
Water = 914 grams (should be at least 1361)

Wow this month just flew by.  I feel good today.  Probably because I went through my closet last night and bagged up a ton of clothes for Good Will and found that I can fit into a ton of clothes that I haven't been able to fit into for years.  Some of those, I found, are now too big!!  That sure does wonders for your mood!!

I'm feeling better emotionally.  I'm not obsessing over my weight anymore (which is good).  I'm also not obsessing over what I eat anymore (which is sometimes bad).  I had another visit from my dad this weekend.  I was freaking out over the anticipation Friday night that I bought and ate a bag of plain M&Ms.  A small bag, but still, the whole thing.  Boy did I pay the price too.  I don't remember anything after about 10-15 mins from when I finished the bag which was about 10:00 or so.  I woke up at 6am with my stomach cramping, sweat everywhere and my head pounding.  I finally went back to sleep at about 6:30 and woke up at 9:30 with only a migrane but was exahusted all weekend.  I still feel very tired.  I'm glad in a way.  I don't want to be able to sit down and eat a whole bag of anything.  I hate that I let my father get to me so bad that I did this to myself.  My sister had my back and tried to have him stay with her this weekend, but he turned her down.  Uggghhh!!  He's coming back in a couple of weeks for my other sister's graduation.  I have until then to come up with plans that I am going to be doing so that he doesn't stay with me.  Any suggestions?

04-30 to 05-06
Daily Average:
Calories = 599 (should be between 700 and 900)
Fat = 15
Carbs = 58 
Protein = 54 
Calcium = 380 (should be between 1000 and 1500)
Iron = 29  
Water = 1087 grams (should be at least 1361)

This week, my protein was low and carbs were high because I basically ate soups and chili all week because my teeth were so sore from my braces.  Oh well, I'm back on track now and should do better this week.  My mom gave me a bunch of clothes that no longer fit her and was surprised to see that I can fit into a size large shirt, but won't wear any yet, because I'm not that confident to show off my lower stomach.  But to know that I could wear that size made me feel good.  I haven't tried any of the jeans on yet.  It will be interesting to see if I'm out of a size 20 yet.  They are baggy, but I don't think they're that baggy to need to go down to an 18, but we'll see.

04-23 to 04-29
Daily Average:
Calories = 635 (should be between 700 and 900)
Fat = 20
Carbs = 70 
Protein = 48 
Calcium = 417 (should be between 1000 and 1500)
Iron = 32  
Water = 1106 grams (should be at least 1361)

This week was good.  I feel alot better emotionally than I did last week.  Not coming onto this site helps I think.  It makes me not so obsessed with my weight anyway.  I'm cutting this post short because I just got braces this morning and I'm a bit sore.  Not to mention feeling "super great" to be back in braces for the third time and in my 30's to boot.

04-16 to 04-22
Daily Average:
Calories = 797
Fat = 37
Carbs = 48 
Protein = 65 
Calcium = 638 (should be between 1000 and 1500)
Iron = 44  
Water = 823 grams (should be at least 1361)

I went to my 6 month check up with my surgeon last week.  He says that I'm doing great and he is pleased with my progress.  He stated that I should only push for my calories to be between 700 and 900 per day.  He made me feel better.  I was scared that he would be disappointed that I didn't loose as fast as some others.  He said that I wasn't a slow looser, but more of an average looser.  I guess the fast loosers are more likely to get on this site and post their success than anyone else.  So it just seems like they are a majority.  I have decided to not go on the forums or look up any profiles for awhile.  The only thing I am doing on this site is posting on my blog.  I'll see if this helps my outlook any.

04-08 to 04-16
Daily Average:
Calories = 484 (should be between 700 and 900)
Fat = 15
Carbs = 36 
Protein = 50 
Calcium = 468 (should be between 1000 and 1500)
Iron = 38  
Water = 1168 grams (should be at least 1361)

I'm pretty bummed that my weight loss wasn't as great this month and I slowed in my inches lost as well.  It's making me scared thinking that I won't loose much more.  I'm definately not close to being ok with my weight where it is if I stop loosing.  Of course, on the other hand, 86 pounds lost in 6 months is awesome.  I guess I really shouldn't complain...and I'm not really.  I'm just scared that this is all.  
Anyway, I definately found out that I have replaced my emotional eating with emotional buying.  As well as replaced my obsessive eating with obsessive buying.  Of all the addictions, I guess I landed a healthier one, but I'm so broke all the time.  Hopefully it doesn't leave me and Lukas living under a bridge...lol.  It has been said many, many times but it's true.  Surgery does not fix your head, only your stomach.  If you think you may be an exception, prepare yourself anyway.  I'm just thankful that I did not get into alcohol or drugs like some post-ops I've heard about.

04-02 to 04-08
Daily Average:
Calories = 523 (should be between 1,000 and 1,050)
Fat = 15
Carbs = 45 
Protein = 50 
Calcium = 611 (should be between 1000 and 1500)
Iron = 15  (should be 18) 
Water = 1170 grams (should be between 1361 and 2835)