Cindy C.
18 Months
Jun 11, 2009
I can't believe it's been 18 months already. I haven't posted for a very long time. So many times, I wanted to - felt the need to. Life was just too crazy. Tax season was the busiest I've ever had. It was great though. We had a tax office in our area that got in serious trouble with the IRS. The feds came from Cincinnati and arrested the owner. It has been kept kind of quiet. He was involved in politics in our county for years and just recently retired from office in 2008. Bad for him, and the taxpayers involved. It was great for my office though. I made enough extra money to pay for my plastics. lol.
On April 27, I had a tummy tuck and a breast lift with augmentation. The surgery was not near as painful as I thought it'd be. The recovery was a lot longer though. I didn't bounce back like I thought I would. My family thinks my body was just so run down from tax season. Maybe that's why the recovery was so long. Guess I'll never know. I'm just glad it's over. I go to see the surgeon tomorrow. It's been 6 weeks. I hope he releases me to exercise. My inner thighs are getting flabby. During tax season, I got on the elliptical when I could. During March and April, I don't think I got on it at all. I got on it yesterday (without the surgeons permission) for 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes in the evening. It wasn't near as bad as I thought I'd be. I've had so much swelling with my tummy tuck. They say this is normal. I've read alot on the plastic surgery forum. Some days I look like I'm pregnant. I hate it. Prior to plastics my stomach may have been draped with wrinkly skin, but it was flat. You couldn't see all the skin through my clothes. It's hard to look in the mirror and look bigger than I was before the TT. I'm trying to be patient, but it's hard. Somedays, I feel fat. Right now, my weight fluctutes between 124 and 130. I hate it, I hate It! I just want to get back to normal.
I'm really looking forward to summer. Last summer was great, but this one should be even better. I'm more confident than I've been in years. We're hoping to do a lot more camping this year. Bluegrass festivals too. We went to four last year. We plan to do the same this year. Our first one is coming up in a few weeks. There is another couple going with us. They are staying in our camper. Usually, our friend, Hillbilly, meets us there. I love him. He's a riot. Him and my husband are crazy when you get them together. They both pick guitar. But, with another couple, it will be nice to have another girl to hang with. I'm really excited about it. There is supposed to be a few other people we know coming too. I first met them last year at another festival. The two women, mother and daughter, don't like me though. It really bothered me at first when I found out. I almost cried. I've gotten over it though. I won't treat them any different than everyone else. If I'm cooking, they'll be invited to eat and if we go for a walk or whatever, I'll invite them to go along. I do want them to like and accept me, but I refuse to kiss butt. That is just not my style. I'm confused as to why they don't like me though. I've never had a problem getting along with everyone. I admit, I spent most of the days at that particular festival sleeping, and stayed up most of the night with one of the other girls. I didn't really get to even carry on a conversation with the others. Maybe they think I'm stuck up. That is so not me. Maybe this festival will be better.
We're supposed to go to the beach in August. Hopefully, by then, my belly will quit swelling and I can look decent in a bathing suit. Last year, I wore a bathing suit when we went to Longs Retreat. It was a tankini and came with a skirt too. It was cute and I felt ok it in. The boobs were quite saggy though. It was a size 12. I could have worn a 10, but all they had was an 8 and a 12. The 8 was a little too snug for my liking. This year, I'll probably need to buy different sized tops and bottoms. I may wear a 2 piece that actually shows my belly. My surgeon said not to expose my incisions to the sun this year. It will cause them to darken. That is definately not a problem. I want the bottoms to be more of a hipster style, not bikinis. I want full coverage. I would feel naked otherwise. I hate that I can't go to the tanning bed though. I guess I could, I just need to cover my incisions. I might get my suit picked out and wear it to the tanning bed. I want to get a tan before going to the beach. I don't want to burn. I'll most likely tan in my yard in something really skimpy. My driveway is almost a 1/4 mile long and curves, so no one can see me. No embarrassment. lol.
Life sure has changed. When we went to the beach in 2007, I wore a one piece suit with an attached skirt. It was a really heavy spandex and was very hot. I'm so thankful those days are behind me. I am so thankful to just feel normal. To feel like I fit in and no one is staring at me - in disgust. I just want to blend in with everyone else. Wow, what a feeling. Last year, even though I'd lost some weight, I still didn't feel good about myself - not like I do now. I hope to always remember how it felt to be fat and so unhappy - just right down miserable. God please don't let me ever go back. I love my new body and the new life it has given me and my family. I realize how lucky I am and how precious a gift WLS has been. When I see someone heavy in public, I often say a silent prayer for them. Often times, you can tell they are in pain. You know their knees and feet hurt. You can see there is no light in their eyes. Sometimes, I swear I see shame. I want so bad for them to feel better - to be healthy. I know WLS isn't for everybody. But for me, it has been the most awesome journey.
