Heather B.
Well I started the process of WLS a week or two ago - this has been something that has been on my mind for a year or two but knew I wouldn't have the support I needed to go through this... I've finally come to the realization that if I want to do anything to make my life better I have to do it myself and FOR myself. I started researching surgeons and what the requirements for the surgery were and have a bmi of 41... hurray... also have GERD, irritable bowel, and many other problems I refuse to talk about :) I went to the first information seminar and boy it was the wierdest feeling walking in there... I was very emotional and felt like this is the first positive thing I've done for myself in a long time and I was finally taking this huge step! I am very lucky to live very close to a wonderful pair of surgeons - At this point - I have gone to my nutrition appt. and have my first visit with the Surgeon on wednesday, June 7th... and my psych visit is right after the surgeon the same day. I am not using the nutritionist and pysch that is right in the building since they don't accept my insurance - so they gave me some other names and thankfully they accept my insurance and I didn't even have to pay the co-pay. The nutrition appt. went well - I felt very comfortable although she told me that she didn't think I was "That Big" - well after years of looking like this - I've learned how to "HIDE IT WELL!" I'm 5' and 210 lbs... its very hard to carry around that much weight with my little feet! LOL She is concerned because I eat a lot through out the day and is afraid that because it is such a habit that it will be hard to break after surgery - what does that mean???? I might have a hard time - well, I can tell you this - if and when i finally do have the surgery - I have resigned myself to the fact that I have to change everything... I'm very scared about it but I know I can do it. I'm not having it so I can eat and eat and eat and think oh I can't gain wait - I'm having it so that I can change the way I eat! I eat too much!!!! LOL! My husband isn't very supportive of this at all and won't even discuss it with me... I do have the support of my 2 closest friends who have already agreed to help with my son THANKS GUYS after the surgery (please let me get approved so I can have it in the summer!!!!) and my sister will help me out so I actually do have a decent support system... who needs men anyway! ;) I'm not doing this for him - I'm doing it for me & my son. I don't like the way I feel, I'm so moody and I don't think I am being the best mom that I can be for him! He's always asking me to go to the park, jump on the trampoline - yea right!, or just to play and I can't do it! I'm too the point where I don't even want to be seen.... I'm dreading the summer when he wants me to take him to the town pool!!!!!!! Oh well... enough of me now... I'm very anxious to see the Dr. on Wednesday and to get this rolling! I will keep updating...
****JUNE 7, 2006**** Surgery date scheduled for July 31st! I went to see Dr. Bertha yesterday and all went wonderful. My husband has put so many negatives in my head I thought Dr. Bertha was going to say I wasn't qualified! Luckily I don't need any pre-op testing and since I have the BC/BS insurance plan that I do I was able to sit with Josephine and schedule it right there. It was the wierdest feeling---i was so happy, a little sad and very scared but all knowing that I'm doing the right thing. I've only told a few people that I'm doing this and not sure if that is a good thing or not - I have some intestinal issues and was going to say that I am going to have the surgery to fix it.. I'm not embarrased at all - I just know people who are uninformed about this surgery may not have the best viewpoint on the surgery (i.e. my husband!) I don't know... haven't even told my parents. Still on the fence... I just can't wait! I also went on my psych appointment today and saw the dr. affiliated with MMH - what a wonderful man! That went really well and was so comfortable talking to him and he was so knowledgeable about the surgery and what you go through afterwards it was a great feeling... of course when we were done I asked if he would recommend me and he said YES!!!! so now the office is just waiting for his report and they will send my stuff in to insurance!!!! HURRAY! Keeping my fingers crossed!!!
***** June 9, 2006 ***** Well good news the Dr.'s office recieved everything that they need to submit my insurance paperwork so now I'm just waiting.... wondering how long it takes to hear.... This has all gone so smooth and hope that it continues to do so. I think this is meant to be - I spoke with my brother in Florida today and he is also considering surgery for weight loss which is great! he has a lot of other health issues that would benefit from this. Now if my dad would just hop on board we would be set! We would have a great 2007!!!!
*****July 24, 2006***** I haven't updated in a while but have already been to my preop class and met some wonderful people who I hope to keep in touch with. I had my followup today with the nutritionist and was a little scared when she almost told me should thought I wasn't ready - because I "Snacked" too much on vacation! I just came home from the Shore on Saturday and I gained weight! Its my last vacation with the ability to eat and drink what I wanted so I took the opportunity knowing full well it will be different next year! I'm hoping I look different too!!!!!! I hate the the way I look and hate the way I feel - i can hardly walk the boardwalk without my feet killing me! Its unbearable and I worry that my feet pain is permanent. I can't believe that my surgery is 1 week from today - egads! It came so fast and I'm so scared! Everyone is trying to put stuff in my head and stress me out about it - Give me 3 months and you'll lose 30 pounds - yea right! I made up my mind and i'm doing this and everyone else can go to hell!!! HAHA I'm not doing this expecting everyones support but you would think that 1 week before surgery people would realize that I am seriously doing this and stop stressing me out. I'm ready to lose my mind!!!! Its hard enough second guessing myself every second of every single day about everything else in my life and then i have to about this one decision I have finally made for myself????????? I'm furious right now! Oh well.... I will post more later! :)
****** July 26, 2006***** Well... my husband just did my measurements so here goes!!!! (actually 8/2/06 my sister revised!!!) he used a metal tape measure! Neck.........14.5" Upper Arm......14.25" Chest............ 45.75" Waist..........36.5" Abdomen......50" Hips..................46.5 I'm almost as wide as I am tall! Upper Thigh........28" Lower Thigh........22.5" Calf.......17.5" Ankle......9.25" When he did my hips I thought WOW I'm almost as wide as I am tall (60")! He is 100% opposed to this surgery and still keeps asking me to postpone the surgery for 6 months. I have been really procrastinating with the protein drinks... I feel like I can't make a single decision! I still haven't come up with a final plan for our son next week when I'm in the hospital... Oh well, I'll post more later!!! 4 days to go...
********* July 27, 2006********** OK... so today was D-Day... I started my day out by sending an email to my family telling everyone about my surgery.. that was at 12:55 p.m. at 2:30 p.m. I get a call from my surgeons office telling me that my surgery had to be cancelled on the 31st and rescheduled due to an unexpected personal emergency!!!! Talk about depression! OH MY GOD! I thought I was going to lose my mind! I was shocked and thought my friend was playing a joke on me!!!! NO WAY! I just finished making my shopping list and doing laundry, etc! I was all ready to go! Talk about shot down! Oh well.. like everyone says, I guess everything happens for a reason right? Well I hope its a darn good reason cuz I'm so disappointed! My new date is in SEPTEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!! the 18th the day after my 7th wedding anniversary! We'll have to go out to eat on the 16th!!! HAHA I don't know... I'm just so discouraged! Every great major event in my life has be marred somehow! My wedding 9/17/1999 was the day before Hurricane Floyd and it totally ruined my day - we were flooded out and the reception hall had no power and the minister showed up 3 hours late.... and it gets better but I won't bore you with the details! We were almost on Oprah its such a good story!!!! I just hope nothing major happens and maybe even I will get moved up if there is a cancellation prior to that. We'll have to see.... As I said earlier - i sent an email to my family and some close friends letting them know about my surgery (as I thought it was the right thing to do!) My dad and step mom are most important to me... I share everything with them good and bad and felt bad not telling them but didn't want them to worry too much so I feel so much better now!!!! I know they aren't super happy about it at all but will support my decision no matter what. I love them and lucky to have them in my life as well as all the other people that love me! I will post more later is this journey continues!!! This roller coaster is making me crazy! :)
******** July 31st ******** Well I woke up feeling kind of down thinking today should have been the day... I was laying around all day and just generally upset and I thought about everything I had to do to make sure my approval doesn't expire - get the dates in order for September and talk to my job that I was supposed to start in early September.. I called my surgeons office and Carla was on the phone and was told to call back - called again, still on the phone... she called me back and was like I have GOOD NEWS for you.... Dr. Bertha is trying to accomodate the patients that he had to cancel and is scheduling surgery for this coming saturday, August 5th.. can I put you down for it??? I was like whoa, wait a minute here - I have goose bumps I'm going to cry OH MY GOD! I said definitely put me down and was ECSTATIC! I called the insurance company and hospital to verify there was nothing I had to do and now I'm just counting down the days again..... The first person I called was my husband and he was kind of disappointed - I think that he was hoping he could change my mind between now and September. I then sent an email to my family and called each of them and am so happy with all the support that I am getting from them. I'm very lucky to have the people close to me that I do... I have a few close friends that I've told and they have been so wonderful, they laugh with me, cry with me and my family too... I just told my dad & step mom and although they aren't thrilled with the idea they are supportive of my decision My sister has been supportive of this from day 1 and my stepson and son are very happy for me! I think they are hoping that if I lose weight I will be in a much better mood!!!! HAHA Tonight we are all going to olive garen for dinner and then to Cold Stone Creamery - one last hurrah with my family! It will good to see everyone before I have my surgery. I'm getting a little nervous about the surgery, not quite the actually surgery but the what if I have a major complication? that is scarey! or what will the pain be like after... with my husband being so non-supportive I am afraid that if I even have one complaint he will be like this was your decision, I told you so... I've had so many surgeries in my adult life that this seems so minor but then when you think about it - it is very risky but I am ready for this. I need to start a new life and get myself back.... I'll update more later! XOXOXO
***** August 8th 2006 ****** Well I'm home from surgery... it went okay its so long to explain!!!! But in case someone is reading this looking for experiences I guess that I should talk about my journey... Friday, August 4th I did my wonderful bowel prep! How disgusting! I hate that stuff I actually gagged and couldn't get it all down... I spent the rest of the night in the bathroom and probably lost some pounds! I woke up at 4:00 am and took a shower and was nervous. My husband who was very nervous yet I have to give him credit was very supportive - brought me to the hospital. Wegot there at 5:45 and preregistered and went to the preop area and this nurse came in to start my iv and was asking me my height and weight - when i told her my weight was 210 she said NO WAY you are 210 you don't look as big as 210 unless you carry it well.. You are definitely one of the smallest we've performed this operation on.. I said 210 may not sound like much but 210 on a 5' tall person is a lot - so anyone that really made me mad!!! Your going through so many emotions at that point and don't need to hear that - anyway everything else went fine my husband broke my heart when they were wheeling me away the look on his face... he was so worried - I do love him so much! The anesthesiologist gave me some kind of shot in preop so I don't remember much I have no recollection of the operating room either - I woke up in recovery and just remember being so nauseous and in horrible pain and moaning and crying! I wanted my husband by me so bad but they wouldn't let him come back. They wheeled me up to my room and I still had such horrible pain and nausea and looked at my arm (it hurt) and there was a huge bubble! my vein had blown out so everything they had given me at that point did not really get to me! They moved my iv and I started to get a little bit of pain relief. I then felt like i had to pee - I went in the bathroom and nothing would come out! I sat for an hour and the lovely (I'm exaggerating) nurse came in and was like well if you don't pee you are going to have to be straight cath'd... I said what the hell do you think I'm trying to do! I WAS PISSED! I did not want to be catheterized.. A few minutes later she did some type of scan of my bladder and said my bladder was on the verge of exploding and had to catheterize me - oh well at that point i was in so much pain I could care less! The nurses were pretty much all bitches except for 1 or 2 and they never responded to the call buttons ever - it was the worst experience at MMH I ever had. My family was great - they were all there for me and very supportive which is great! My friends that knew were there and came to see me which was great so I feel lucky. Now as for my husband - he has been so absolutely wonderful through out this entire thing I can't believe it. He keeps asking me though if I regret my decision and don't know if he's hoping I say yes but I can tell you the first 2 days I was totally regretting every second of it! Its getting better though! Seriously! Tomorrow I move to Full Solids - HURRAY! and then in a week I get to see Dr. Bertha and will hopefully move on to soft foods. I weighed myself today for the heck of it - my ankles and feet look different which is I assume from water weight! The scale says 192 - could it be????? That would be 18 lbs since Thursday! How the hell is that possible! My scale must be messed up! I will see next week when I go to the dr. and they weigh me... interesting huh!!!! Oh well... I guess I will go and sip my decaf tea! and then eat a SF popsicle!!!! haha! I will update more later!!!!
August 18th, 2006 - 22 lbs gone! TWO WEEKS TOMORROW! Hmmm well I had my 1 week check up and I was down 18 lbs since surgery - how bout that!!!!!! I was pretty happy although there was a woman in the waiting room that was so rude I wanted to PUNCH HER LIGHTS OUT! and I'm not that way! She made a nasty comment about me being too small to have the surgery - I don't want to look like her - thats why I had it! (She was there with a patient). Anyway - I got my staples out and everything went well. Dr. Bertha seems to be happy with my progress so far HURRAY! He said I could move to soft moist diet but try to eat very soft & don't overdo it. I've been kinda HEAD hungry the last few days because I think I'm getting my period but I'm doing okay. I bought some flounder tonight and broiled it and IT WAS AWESOME!!! The best thing I've eaten in weeks! I'm just trying to get my protein and liquids in and its SO HARD! I just want to taste things that taste good to me. I'm not a sugar eater - I LOVE FOOD.... but really I am okay! Today at my sisters I had some bean salad (don't know if its okay) but I just ate like 8 beans and that was it and it was good. My back hurts now from going all day today and I am in the worst mood!!!!!! I've had no real problems other than getting carried away with my protein drink and drinking it too fast! I thought I was going to BLOW! It was ABSOLUTELY horrible but it passed fairly quickly. I've been eating 1 egg scrambled with salsa, ham & cheese for breakfast and eat about half, a cheese stick for lunch, and fish or chili, soup, etc. for dinner. Its so wierd how I'm just not hungry - I MISS CHEWING that is the problem! Sometimes I have even chewed food to taste it and spit it out. I mentioned it to my dr. that I miss chewing food and he said why don't you just chew it and spit it out and I said I do that all the time! HAHAHAHA its probably not the greatest idea but its getting me through. Tomorrow is my first social get together and I'm a little nervous! All my favorite foods with be there but I'll be fine. Enough for now.....
August 20, 2006 - 24 lbs. down = 186 lbs. Oh well I made it through yesterday it was okay.. I had a shrimp a little bit of bean salad and a tiny bit of cole slaw and I was fine! I was the but of everyones jokes though which totally pissed me off but whatever! Today I weighed myself and lost another 2 pounds! One little trick I did was that I brought my own dessert which worked out great and I was totally satisfied. Its funny how people are watching everything I eat now - kinda crazy but I guess for those who have no concept of what this is about its wierd watching someone eating 3 or 4 bites and getting full.
September 4, 2006 Well.... its been a pretty rocky road lately and when it rains it pours. My mother has been in the hospital since last saturday and is not doing very good. My sister and I have basically been living there night and day and man o man its so hard! I am an emotional eater and I feel like I am picking all day. I'm picking on the right things but its just that I am grazing all day and your choices in the hospital are SO LIMITED! My husband also had knee surgery this week and I have a 6 year old so that is putting more added stress on me - I feel like I am losing it and I don't want to screw up my weight loss. I was so constipated its been horrible - I thought I had a blockage and I called my surgeon who I think is the ABSOLUTE BEST! and he was wonderful - I told him about my mom and he said well I'm sure you aren't getting in enough fluids because you aren't thinking about it and you need to be more conscious of things you never had to be conscious of before and it was his manner and the way that he said it - like he understood totally and wasn't judging me for screwing up. After I spoke to him I did much better yesterday it was like a reality check. I know i'm babbling! LOL!!!!!! I have my 1 month checkup on Wednesday so hopefully everything will be ok except 2 of my scars are turning KELOID!!!! i guess I will have to get that Tummy Tuck!!! LOL I'll update after my 1 month. Heather
October 11, 2006 - 163 lbs!!!! Well I know that I haven't updated in a super long time!!!! My last update my mom was sick and she has since passed away on September 19th - its been super hard since she was sick and since she has passed away! It is unimaginable how hard its been for me but I am thankful that I had the surgery when I did or I would be at least 300 lbs. by now! I struggled a lot the last 5-6 weeks since my mother got sick and didn't have a lot of food choices in the hospital so I think that I lost more weight than I would have had this not happened but I really felt challenged so early out. I did wind up in the Emergency room on 9/27 and was dehydrated and had a cat scan and everything inside looked good! So I got a few bags of fluid and was sent on my way and since then I have felt much better. My eating has been kind of wacky because since I am home now and things are normaliing I feel like I am starting over. I feel sad that my mom isn't going to see me as I lose the weight and I know how worried she was about me when I had the surgery and since I had it.... when she was in the hospital and couldn't do for herself my sister and I had to lift her a lot and she in all her pain and misery was more worried about me. I went for my one month checkup and did well - I had lost 28 pounds and have lost another 19 since then. I am going to post my before and some more current photos soon when I can figure out how to do it!!!!!!
November 22, 2006 - 153 lbs. Happy Birthday to me!!!
I went for my 3 month labs etc. and my vitamin A is low and B1 so I have to supplement that now. I have also started losing my hair and I didn't think it would be this bad so I also bought Biotin and started taking that and hopefully it will work well. Other than that its been pretty uneventful - I am just seriously depressed s ince losing my mom and having to go through the first holiday without her. I am cooking for Thanksgiving so I just made my dessert - a sugar free jello/cool whip mold! LOL!!! who would have ever thought! I have been feeling so lousy lately I am really regretting this surgery right now and wish I could just feel etter. What a huge decision I made to do this surgery and can't believe how miserable I am. My marriage is a million times better and I look better than I did - I just with that I felt as good as I look!!! LOL!!!!! Oh well - probably when the holidays are over I will feel much better.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
