Jack_Fabulous
All my life I thought that if there was one thing in my life that I would like to change it is my weight. I have battled a weight problem all of my life and I am physically and emotionally tired of fighting with the weight. I have tried everything including Slim Fast, Weight Watchers, personal trainers, nutritionists, psychologists, group therapy and nothing has worked permanently. I guess you could say that I am ready to throw in the towel. I have gone from 180 lbs to 320 lbs. I have never been able to lose more than 20 or 30 lbs at any one time without gaining it back. I need to lose about 100 - 150 pounds.I don’t have too many memories of my childhood. I do know that growing up, the only thing I had any control over was what I put in my mouth so I used food a lot as a drug to bury my emotions. This made me fatter and more depressed. It has been a vicious cycle of depression and eating.
The quality of my life is not what I would like it to be. I am currently on medication for depression, diabetes, cholesterol, and anxiety disorder. All of these, including heart disease run in my family so I am looking at a life expectancy of about 60 years of age if I am lucky. I have trouble sleeping and I am constantly tired which is due to sleep apnea.
There are many things I do not like about being overweight. I feel that people think of me as lazy or unmotivated because I can’t lose the weight. I hate not being able to fit in restaurant booths or theater seats. I travel frequently for work and always need to ask for a seat belt extension on the airplane.
I feel stuck inside a fat body because I am not able to do the things I want to do such as horseback ride and play softball. I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. I keep thinking how ugly and repulsive I must look to others. It especially hurts when I think that there is no way that anyone would want anything to do with me because of the way I look. I have an overwhelming sadness and self-hate I feel because I'm one of those fat people everyone dislikes or pities.
Then there is the constant fear of dying from a heart attack or other obesity related ailment. Everyday tasks take on new meaning as I try to put my shoes and socks on my feet or go shopping for clothes. When I eat, I worry that people are looking at me and judging the food choices I have made. I find the worst thing about being overweight is the lack of understanding in the medical community. I feel like I am being judged by my doctors based on my size. I feel like there is a lot of discrimination against people who are overweight. I feel that often our doctors often attribute being overweight as pure gluttony, and do not explore further to find out the real problems we may have. I have had several doctors who have repeatedly admonished me for not losing weight. They make it sound like it is the easiest thing in the world to do. They were all slim. Then there is the embarrassment and mortification you feel upon seeing people you've not seen in a while and their reaction to seeing a fatter you.
