Janet F.

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Well, I'm one week post op.  With just a only a few aches left, I feel no different than I did before surgery.  I guess I believed I would magically believe feel thinner.  I pull myself to reality and realize yes I am going to have to work to succeed.  I know I can do it. 

I have not had any complications post surgery.  No nausea. Able to get my fluids and protein in.  The worst thing I endured was pain in my large incision.  Felt like a knife slicing me when I moved.  Feels much better today.  Ready to get this drain out.  Ready for swelling and bloating to be gone.

The kids have been really cute.  They can't wait for me to feel better so they can give me full body hugs again.  I definitely miss them

Have my post op check up in 2 days. 

I started journaling my  food and exercise on sparkpeople.com.  I have been fascinated by it and how much easier it may make my post surgery dealings with food.  I am trying to make small changes in my lifestyle now to reduce post surgery change anxiety.  I read the posts and blogs of people who have already had surgery and I'm almost envious.  It feels like their is a light at the end of the tunnel.  I will be able to take this weight off and keep it off.

I think about the reasons for having wls.  To be honest, I think the first reason I want surgery is to conquer the battle of losing weight and reaching goal.  Something I have never done.  To think of it, I have never been close enough to even decide on a goal weight.  I am ready to be thin.  I want to feel healthy.  I want to wear size 12's. I want to wear medium scrubs at work.  I don't want to be the biggest person at work anymore.  I'm tired of failing at weight loss.  I want to be thin to help preserve my hips.  I want to shop in any  store I walk into. I don't want to feel self conscious in public or at my kids sporting events.  Sometimes I feel I don't belong.

I am so excited about all the possibilities, but I get nervous about the attention I will receive with weight loss.  I'm not an upfront, outgoing person.  I usually just like to fade into the background. I'm a good worker but not a good leader.  I am very thankful for the love and support from my husband, children, and friends on OH.

Met with Elizabeth today.  I feel I have come a long way in a month.  She was proud I was down a pound especially over Thanksgiving.  Anyway, I didn't gain.  We talked about my good decisions and my not so good ones.  We talked about why I chose the things I ate.  We also talked about the emotional side of eating.  She asked me to think why I really want to have this surgery and to come up with some goals.  Part of it is I hide my emotions with food and I keep from getting too close to people when I'm overweight.  I fell  I'm less likely to get hurt emotionally when I'm fat.  That's an oxymoron if I ever heard one.  It's harder to put emotions into words than it is to think about them in my head.  I have never really finished anything to the end.  I do things just enough to know I can do it but never really follow thru completely.  I can partly play the piano but never followed thru w/ lessons.  I can play softball and volleyball but was not good enough to play in college.  I got my Associates Degree but had no desire to complete my BS.  With dieting, I could lose weight to a certain point but could not get to goal or maintain my weightloss. I am so afraid of failure I would quit before I would finish.  After starting to lose weight so many times, I'd sabotage myself before I would even get started.  I see surgery as a great tool to help me get to my goal but I need to understand there's no quitting after surgery.  It's got to be an every day mentality.  I am going to blog more to help me understand my emotional side of eating.  Sometimes it's really hard to face that part of weight loss.  I am going to finish this and not be scared to feel.  I love the encouragement from OH.  I actually don't feel so alone anymore.

This is my first time to blog since I've been an OH member.  For the first ime I don't feel so alone with my weight issues.  I read and feel all the love and encouragement among the members.  I am really excited about the possibility of WLS and how it can help me with my journey.  I just feel so tired of being fat and not having energy to want to do anything.  It's better since I've had my hip replaced.  I don't have the excruciating pain anymore when I walk.  I just hated the vicious circle of pain, weight gain, and depression.  I went to a weight loss seminar, I've had my psyche visit, had my sleep study, now I'm in the process of seeing the dietician.  I'm trying to take this seriously because I know it can change my life.  My husband says he can't wait for the day when he can pick me up.  I CA N!