jennifer31

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I went out w/ the girls on Fri. night.  Gary stayed home w/ Hannah.  I had 3 drinks.  I woke up w/ the worst HA.  I guess I can't handle it anymore.  She has had diarreah all day and started throwing up again.  Gary has it.  If I am going to get it, let it be Mon. night after I get off wrk.  A mother/wife's work is never done.  He is sick again.  Gotta go.  Hope all are well.

Jenn

I put Hannah in bed last night @ 8:30 and @ 10:30 she woke up throwing up.  She prob puked 15 times between then and 10 of 7 this morning.  Long night.  She started w/ diarrhea this morning the last time she got sick.  I just love being thrown up on.  I hate when she is sick.  I wish I could have done it for her.  Well I gotta go.  She is crying.  Pray for me.

Jenn

Can I just tell you. Never put yourself in a car w/ a 15 month old, 2 1/2, and 4 year old for 6 hours.  Don't forget my impatient brother.  My sister n law and I were the only sane ones. Well, sane in the beginning.  Not at the end.  My brother told his daughter that he was going to pull her tongue out and feed it to her brother @ one point.  Now I know that sounds sick, but it was really funny. She just looked at him and said, Daddy why are you so weird.  We had a good time.  We are just exhausted.  We drove to Hixon, TN to see my dad's mom and sister.  We were lucky enough to see my great aunts and uncle as well.  My Uncle (my grandmother's baby brother) has Alzheimer's.  It is so sad.  He looked at his wife and asked, When is Nellie going to get here?  She is Nellie. It is so sad.  The strange thing is he still remembers us.  However, he thought our kids were us.  He said, I didn't know Frank (my dad) had 3 kids.  That is such a horrible disease.  At my daddy's funeral the preacher said that sometimes there are fates worse than death.  That disease is one of them.  At least cancer can't erase your memories.  I am so tired.  The rental was in my name and I had to drive the whole way there and back.  Everywhere else down there as well. I am glad that I got to go.  I miss my grandmother.  She is a beautiful person.  Gary couldn't go.  He had to bowl.  Yeah you read it right.  My brother told him that he hated him and when he got home he was shooting him in the balls. I put Hannah in bed @ 8.  Took her 20 mins to fall asleep.  She slept w/ me in a king @ the hotel.  I didn't sleep.  So I figure I will be in a coma like state tonight.  I have to work tomorrow.  Talk you all soon.

Jenn

Hello to all.  Hope everyone is doing well.  I don't know about the rest of you, but I am not ready for the cold.  I am looking forward to the holidays.  I have a reason to.  Hannah.  This year is going to be so much fun.  She can't wait for Ho Ho.  I am sad though.  Missing my loved ones that have passed on.  August of this year was 17 years since I lost my daddy to cancer.  For the past year we have been watching my step-father battle it as well.  Lung, liver, and now bone cancer.  I try not to ask why.  I know that God has a plan.  I don't understand but one day I know that I will.  I miss my dad so much.  I know he is always there watching over me.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about him.  I miss his hugs and wonderful sense of humor.  The thing that hurts the most is that Hannah never got to know him.  I know that he knew her spirit before I ever saw her beautiful face and held her in my arms. I truly believe that she acts the way she does b/c daddy told her to.   Life has been a bit stressful lately.  I feel like something is missing.  I just don't know what.  I feel left behind.  I don't know.  I can't really put it into words.  I never get to see my friends anymore.  I miss them terribly.  We are all so busy.  I think that we all take out lives for granted.  Life is too short.  If anyone should know that it would be me.  My weight has really been up and down lately.  I go from 150 to 156 and then back down.  I think I need another fill.  Halloween was a bust for me.  I ate so much crap.  I need to get back to the basics.  I think I am going to try liquids for a week and get myself back on track and see if that doesn't help.  I have been weighing myself 2 to 3 times a day.  I have not been like this since before the surgery.  I can't believe that it has been 2 years already.  I am between a 6 and 8.  One of my best friends Mimi is a size 0.  I don't know who she things she is.  Just kidding girl.  I am so proud of us.  I still struggle w/ seeing that fat girl in the mirror.  It is still so easy to gain weight even w/ my tool in place.  It is still a struggle.  I don't know if I will ever let go of that girl that I used to be.  Not that she was all that bad...just fat and tired all the time.  I hate that people have that whole stereotypical view of overweight people.  They think they are all lazy and unmotivated.  They are so stupid.  I have a friend who is a single mother w/ three kids and works two jobs.  She takes care of the house, yard, laundry, kids, bills, and people just look at her as a fat, lazy beast.  It is so mean.  When are people going to realize that they are so wrong.  Instead of tearing people down, encourage them and offer your support.  I don't think people understand that this food is an addiction just like smoking, drugs, and alcohol.  Of course when you do something about it like I have, then they see you as still being lazy and taking the easy way out.  Well you know what I say to that.  SCREW YOU!  You really are ignorant.  None of this is easy.  You can't imagine how hard it really is sometimes. I have talked to many people who have had the lap band and the general consciences is that we all have developed this fear of eating in public.  Sometimes it just takes so long to eat and then if you do get your food stuck then you are running for the bathroom and praying no one is in there to hear it come back up.  It is such a struggle sometimes.  Then there are days where I have no desire to eat and I literally have to force myself to eat.  Then I have days where all I am is hungry.  Oh well.  It is just one of life's many struggles and that is all there is to it.  I guess I better get going.  Need to get Hannah up and take care of a few things.  Have a good week.

Love,

Jenn

Good news.  Hannah has started having horrible night mares.  Well, last Tuesday night she was up all night crying about bears and spiders getting her.  I finally got her to go to bed @ 7am w/ a night light on in the hall way w/ her bedroom door open.  Gary got up @ 7:45 to shut the door so that his alarm wouldn't wake her up @ 8:10.  She was up standing i her bed wanting up.  He got her up and took her downstairs.  I slept until 8:45.  I got up so he could leave for work.  She was watching a cartoon and I fell asleep on the couch.  I woke up to the credits coming on.  That scared me to death.  I couldn't believe that I fell asleep w/ her up and awake.  I was also really sick.  I was running a fever, cough, severe sore throat, and my head was so stopped up I couldn't breath.  I called my mom and we went there.  She took care of her so that I could sleep.  I called the doctor and they had me come for a kenalog injection.  The doctor's office that I go to are the docs that I used to work for.  Well, at least 2 of them.  They asked me if I would like to work for them part time.  Mondays and Fridays and one Saturday out of the month.  I said yes!  I can't wait.  I will be good for me and the banana.  I am borderline pneumonia. They have me on an inhaler and tussinex.  I am also taking levequin.  Hopefully I will be feeling well soon.  The good thing about being sick i I weigh 149.  That will climb 3 or 4 pounds soon.  Well, the tussinex is kicking y ass so I am going to pass out.  Love to all.

Jenn

Hey there.  We finally got back home last night.  I died last night.  It is always nice to sleep in your own bed.  I went to my baby brother's house yesterday morning for 2 hrs to help them w/ their yard.  Same thing all over again.  I can hardly walk today.  I have used muscles that I haven't used in a while.  Hannah has been a little out of sorts today.  I put her down for a nap @ 3:30.  She was still awake at 4:30.  I will get her up @ 6:30.  I am taking Hannah to the babysitters tomorrow and Gary and I are cleaning out the basement and the garage.  I am going to have all the carpet ripped up in the house and have hardwood floors put down.  I am sick of cleaning carpets.  Yet another day of fun.  Oh well.  Have a good one to all. 

Jenn

Oh My!  I hope all are well.  Yesterday proved to be more interesting than I had anticipated.  We lost electricity around 3:30 for good.  It went off and on all day from 11:00 am on.  Around the time that it finally went down, my neighbor came over to tell me that our hot tub cover was laying 2 doors down in his back yard.  We finally wrestled it back onto the deck.  Hannah was scared out of her mind and I finally decided it was time to go to Mama's and Papa's.  As I was getting her dressed she was facing the plate glass windows in the living room.  Out of no where she looks up and starts screaming.  I looked up to see my covered swing in mid air heading straight for the glass windows.  I just grabbed her and laid on top of her.  When nothing happened I looked up to see that it was hung up on her pool.  Thank the good Lord.  I was able to get out there and get it wedged in to keep it in place.  That was the last straw.  I grabbed shoes and my purse and we were out of there.  It was like a war zone in Florence.  Several of my neighbors had lost almost entire roofs and many had lost the entire siding off of their homes.  I was just thankful that we made it to my mom's ok.  My day stared @ 9:30 in my mother's yard pulling limbs and branches out of trees.  Some of the limbs were as big as me.  It was unreal.  It took us until 1:30 to finish my mom's and the our neighbors next door.  I then turned my attention to my mom's neighbor across the street.  He is 84 and his children live out of the area.  I got his yard done and then worked on the street.  Push broomed and shoveled the mess away.  I was finally done by 4.  I am exhausted.  We stayed the night w/ my mom.  All 3 of us slept in one room.  Big mistake.  I was up and down all night w/ Hannah.  I am sleeping on the couch tonight!  Duke Energy said that Florence should have power by tomorrow night.  I HOPE!  No damage was done to our house.  Thank you Lord!  I pray everyone else is ok.  Take care all.

Love,

Jenn

Well folks...Here it is.  The 1st one.  Mimi probably just hit the floor.  As of 8/31/08 I am a stay at home mom.  This is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do.  I am so excited that I have the opportunity to do this.  I am so thankful that my husband has been extremely successful and has given me this wonderful new adventure.  Yeah I know, you can hear that huge BUT coming.  I am having a very hard time.  I love my daughter to pieces, but this the hardest job I have ever had.  I have worked since I was 14.  I am 33 years old.  All I have known for  the past 19 years has been working 8 to 12 hr day days.  Now I have no other identity except for Hannah's mommy.  Don't get me wrong, that is a beautiful title to have, but I will miss the work.  Hannah and I are trying to adjust.  She is having just as hard a time as I am.  She has been used to being with Mama and Papa 2 to 3 days out of the week and w/ a family friend and other kids the other 2 days.  Now it is just mom.  This is so frustrating.  I thought that all of this would fall into place.  That is a joke.  No one truly knows how hard it is to be a stay @ home mom and to just take care of a 2 yr all day every day.  I have so many things that need to be taken care of around here.  Closets to clean out, basement, and the garage.  Organize and keep Hannah occupied.  It is not going as I planned.  I have broken down a lot over the past 2 weeks.  I feel defeated and frustrated.  Gary works 9 to 6 on Mondays and then goes bowling and gets home around 10.  T and W are 9 to 9.  Thursdays he is off and then he leaves the house @ 5:30 to bowl again.  F and S are 9 to 6 and off on Sunday.  I see him very little and so does Hannah.  He sleeps all day on Thurs.  He says this is his day off.  When is my turn.  Never.  I just need to get over this hump and hopefully it will all work out and all will fall into place.  Today was the first time I have eaten in 3 days.  I have been a bit depressed and not hungry.  I finally ate today.  I literally had to force myself to eat.  My weight is going down.  Not the right way.  I know I will be OK.  I just need to get to OK.  When I do eat I have a hard time keeping it down.  I thought there was something wrong w/ y band.  Then I found out that stress can cause restriction.  I can get into a size 6 now.  Not so bad for a girl that started in a 24.  It is odd to run into people that haven't seen my in the past few years.  They don't know me.  I have to walk up to them.  One woman looked all over a store to find me b/c she heard my voice and knew I was there somewhere before she realized that it was me.  Gary surprised me the other night w/ some stuff from Victoria's Secret.  The sweat pants are XS and they fit.  Not to tight or anything.  Well it is late and I need to sign off.  Stay tuned for the next installment.  OK Mimi you can now pick yourself up off the floor.