Lucky2talk2

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Ok, I really like having my walking and swimming buddy!  It really is nice to walk and talk and Remy (not sure how you spell his name) he keeps entertaining us with his silly craziness!
 
what else... I am 226 lbs today.   I working on my IFLY now.  rode my bike there last night to weigh on their scales.  I weigh in the morning first thing, and usually naked (TMI).   so on theres last night with clothes and shoes and bike helmet and coat I was 232.  I am on it!  The lady there said I would be fine to go.  I think without the shoes and helmet and coat I would have been 230 or less.  lol.

So that makes me at ease for now.  I did ask about the sizes of the suits that we have to wear and she said I should be fine.... so that is the only worry for me now.  I asked if they were xxl or xl but she did not have an answer....  hmmmm...

I can harldy wait.  I have things in the makings!! 

Trying to stay accountable with myfitnesspal.com on logging there my eating.  I had been using a writing log little books when I was logging.  but now with my Iphone I am trying it electronically.  Also with my walking partner as a friend there.  So I am trying something new. 

Hugs,
Sherrie

 I will see 199 someday!! I WILL!!  When, I am not sure... BUT I WILL!!

It has been a great weekend!!  Friday night went to the hockey game with my mom, son, and husband!  I was so excited to go as this is the first time that I could actually wear a logo designed shirt/jacket for the team I wanted to win!  This did not have to be special made, I actually barrowed it from someone.   I know it is silly to have gotten excited about it but I did.  I have not been able to wear logo clothes since maybe 6th or 7th grade. 
Ok... so moving on to Saturday!  My husband and I went on a small bike ride as we were running out of time.  But we rode to the mall and back from our house.  It was a 10 mile ride, not much but was beautiful weather outside and great doing the thing we both love to do!  Then while at the mall we walked the whole mall and shopped for a hour or two. 
Saturday night went out to a club night and I literally dance a solid 4 hours.  As I walked around I was dancing and did not sit down!  I LOVED IT!!!  I know that it is great for me but further more I was having so much fun to just freely dance my butt off!!!  For so many years I could not even get up to dance a half of a song and the bigger I got I could not even barely get out of my chair so dancing consisted of sitting in a scooter and moving a little while sitting.  I now find it as a great gift to dance and have all that freedom.  Breathing and dancing... I would have never even dreamed possible 2 years ago.

So yes, this has been a great weekend!  Today is Sunday and I am doing laundry right now.  The house is clean and the outside weather is beautiful!  I plan to go out today and swim or bike ride!  Hate to waste a great weather day.  My husband should be getting off work right about now!! 

Hugs
Sherrie

Those darn numbers on the scale have finally moved DOWNWARD and it is feeling so GREAT TO SEE IT! 

229 lbs.  and I am almost 1/3 the person I used to be 2 years ago!!

I am feeling extremely excited, and I am planning my IFLY indoor skydiving party very very soon!!!   I thought for a moment I might not see this day till next year urrrr something!   This journey is truely lifelong but also life changing!!   

STEP BY STEP, SECOND BY SECOND, WITH PATIENCE AS A MUST I AM BUILDING A BETTER SHERRIE INSIDE AND OUT!!!   

Tonight I am dancing!  I will find e every way possible to move and keep going!  I am striving to have excuses only to move and go about life in the fullest way possible..... Used to be to find excuses to not not move and stay the fullest with gluttony and rid my problems with food.... Found pleasure merly from food and put myself into an unhealthy habit and lifestyle....

NO LONGER!  I love biking, dancing, and so many other active activities and I know the unhealthiest decisions I was making before got me to nearly loss of every function and totally immobile!  No way, I am more important to me than that!  

ONDERLAND, HERE I COME!   I WANT TO SEE AND DO ALL THOSE THINGS THAT ONDERLAND WILL ALLOW ME TO DO AND GIVE!!!  

Hugs, 

Sherrie

 Patience and a friends reminder to go back to basics.  EXCERSIZE and eating right will work!  Lifetime Sherrie.....lifetime!
No excuses, reality and truth!  

Something that I rarely think about.  My BMI.... at 654 lbs in the start of my journey.... BMI was 102.4 

Today at 239 lbs my BMI is 37.4    

WOW.... It says I am still obese.... and it said obese at both BMI's.

I have accomplished alot in the last 2 years and will keep going and one day I will be able to say I have a more "normal" BMI! 

I feel so much better than I did that the word obese is hard to choke but it is the truth!

So Yes, I am extremely happy that I have lost 5 pounds and now am 239 lbs.  I was getting a bit discouraged and in turn truths the food was easy to eat and not great choices on some days and some days would be good.  I was allowing excuses to come in to play as to not excersizing due to the medical issues I am having.  But I just have to think outside the box.. or do the things that I maybe do not like to do as much.  The things that have been more difficult.  I really realize how easy I was giving into the I can'ts because of this or that reason.  I am not doing that,  I know what it was making me feel like and I know I have the can do attitude that has gotten me to the point I am today!   I just had to find it again! 
Patience!  Effort, honesty to self, choices that are healthier, desire to do this and follow through, the willpower to not fall into the it's only a small peice or small amount... never mind the how many times in a day or even week would that small amount be eaten?!!  Yes,  allow myself special foods once in a long while... but do not let me fall into the excuses or traps that I can fall into so easily.  I have to be aware always of what my brain, mouth, and hands are doing....  When I am down I need to find other things to do and think about... physically my feeling crappy is what it is until medically fixed.... but reality is I could be feeling like worse crap if I give into traps/paths I allow myself to fall into.  
I have learned alot through out the last couple of years about me, my eating, my desires, goals, me as a person, and so forth!  I still continue to learn!  The further out from surgery I continue to learn.  Those that are further out than me, well... I love to read from you so it can give some insight. 
I will never give up and give into going back to not living life... being so big I could not have a life without the help of someone else! 

So hernia repair is next on the agenda.  Then hoping to get to goal and then have the thighs and knee done!  Need the total knee replacement! 

May look at working and then eventually taking a trip out of country to get my arms done.  Not sure what is going to be covered.....  at this point I wear long sleeved shirts and usually two or three just so that there will not be hanging ugly skin cause there is so much!  I do have issues with how my body looks with out clothes.  I will not lie!...  I used to love my body, even as a fat lady.  This deflated look is crap.  I look sick!  But I love living life so it is what it is and I just wear lots of clothing!  It will be easier in the winter to wear so many clothes!!! 

hugs to you all and best wishes always! 
Sherrie  

Ok, so today was a steady busy day that had not alot of idle time!  I love days like this, generally I try to fill the time so I am less likely to want to eat when I should not be.  So anyhow, I was tired early last night and fell asleep.  Now I am up and feeling like my day should start.  I went to the fridge to get some ice tea to drink, unsweetened.  Of course I had a very small amount of Couscous with chicken and currey with onion and bell peppers in it.  I made it from scratch so not a terriable thing to eat.  However I realize that at 2:30 am I really did not need it.  My body feels like it is a new day.  UG!  Sitting here making out a few thank you cards and so I pop onto this computer.  Saying hello to everyone here.

I am thinking constantly of my weight.  Why is that number so darn important to me.  I want to see 225... and yet something else goes into my mouth.  What the Heck!  I had a fairly good day actually with food and I got a bike ride in today and swam and sauna and hot tubbed today.  But that ballance is not going to make a loss of weight if I eat more often than I should.   So was I truely hungery just now.  I think I am trying to tell myself I was, but there is no feeling in my stomach since having had the surgery RNY.  Well there is feeling, but not a hunger and full feeling to go on.  There is no alert to me that I may actually be hungry, and nothing to say I am full... I just continue to have to measure a cup of food at a time. 

I have totally cleaned out apartment up and down and all around.  Bleach water and Pinesol.  Commit and 409.  Magic Erasers, bucket and mop, rags and garbage bags.  I tell you I have been in such a craze to clean.  Went over this last saturday and worked in my cousins yard for 4 hours.  She was so happy to have me there.  I did not stop for a break the whole time.  Got to be out in the sun, and was really feeling great.  Although last night I paid for it with severe cramping in my legs.  But thank you to God for allowing this surgery to happen in my life.  There is reasons for everything that occurs in our lives! 

God be with me in my journey, for real, AMEN!  I am stronger with focuss.  Priorities are what I have to evaluate. 

I love being able to do so many things.  I still feel so fat, like I am still helplessly obese like 654 lbs.  For me I was such a burden.  I needed so much help.  Now I see the things that I should have been able to do for myself and just how sick I truely was.   Why then do I feel so big at times, and like I am going to be a burden or that I cannot do something or some crazy things like that?  Sometimes I look in the mirror and see a pretty smaller lady, that is so different.  Sometimes pretty and sometimes ugly.  SO MANY FLAWS.  Some will be like scars to me, that will never go away. 

Wow, ok, enough.... Pathetic that I feel so terriable right now.  I have a doctor appointment on Thursday of this week.  Hoping to find out why I feel so crappy... vaginal ultra sound.  Never had one before so do not know what to expect.  Hoping to find out something and remedy my feeling like crap and the womanly aunt flow visitor to stop and leave.  2 and half months is far to long. 

Today is a new day.  I am going to make it a great day!! 

Hugs!

Not sure what to really write about.  I know the topic of weight loss.  Argh, as I sit at my new work space here in our bedroom.   It is nice to have a little work space to sit at.  Trying to no longer use the bed as the resting place to be on the computer.  Wow, what else, truth.  I am half ass feeling like crap.  Trying to get my womanly issues in control to feel better.  Just not sure yet what is going on.  Called doc today to get a sooner appointment for the ultra sound.  They got an appt for me in one week instead of two.  Went on a bike ride tonight.  Although I do not feel like it is enough excersize.  I feel terriable and tired and bleeding that will not stop.  I am down on myself and know that I should not be.  A bit of a funk still.  Trying each day to stay busy and focussed on my goal and reasons for losing all this weight.  How life is so different.  How to cope and deal with things that I am not happy with.  Sad.  Why?  Happy.  For good reasons.  But some sadness is mixed with happyness.   It is life.  Life comes with all of it.  How am I going to choose to deal with it.  Healthy?  Sure yes,  Sherrie,  get a grip.  Oh wait that is right I do have a grip.... or do I?  Of course, I realize some needs and how to deal with them.  How to make changes.  Changes that are simple but so hard.   Just have to be and do the things that I need to!  Stay busy.  Eat right.  Get outside and smell the fresh air.  Excersize in some way or another. 
Why is it the number on that darn scale that echos in my head and stays in my sight.  Is it up or down?  Is it where I think it should be.  It begins to be like a terriable game.  But it is not a game.   It is true in my life.   I never want to be as big as I was.  It was outright terriable in so many ways.  Moments were good.  But overall it was like living in a confined prison of physical and mental pain, but not until I reached over 600 pounds did it take its complete toll.  Why did I allow myself to feel so comfortable at the size that I was.  Why did I just adapt to it and learn to live with it.  Tell myself that I loved me and my size.  I loved parts of me.  I am learning to love all of me.  And yet I still find my faults, and I get discusted.  Why am I so hard on myself and how I look.  I sometimes look at me and feel ok.  Sometimes I look at me and still see a discusting pig.  Rolling hanging sagging mess that is still so fat and society can be so cruel.  I have worked so hard, I want to continue but get and have that self doubt.  I know that I am in a place where others may or most likely understand.  I love to come to OH and lurk.  I like to read others stories.  Look at pictures.  I have the hope to get to my goal.  But I still struggle with doubt.  I still struggle with food.  No lies.  Not nearly like I used to.  I do not sit and pig out.  I rarely eat sweets.  I did eat some dang cookies that I thought I could make and give aways as thank yous.  Right Sherrie,  What were you thinking.  Eating those cookies drove me crazy.  The cookies are all gone now and no, they did not go inside of me to rid them!!

Ok,  so basically I am sitting at the numbers of 246 on the scale.   I know that I want to be under 230 to be able to do what I really want to do.   Indoor skydiving!!  The weight limit is 230.  So instead of my ultimate goal number being my focuss,  I am going to focuss on that 230!   A smaller goal.  I also am starting back to my journalling of my food.  Maybe I should blog it for a few days,  I may try that?  I may be able to start walking with another OH member here in Kent.  That would be great. 

Not meaning for anyone to actually read this, more of my ramble about non interesting thoughts.  For real Sherrie, get over yourself already.   Positives... Sherrie you are not a negative person in general.  Head up high, cause you can and will do this!!  Conquerer!!   Time!!  Patience!!  20 pounds... Sherrie you can do another 20!! 
Walk, ride bike!  Sunshine and swimming!!  Protien, vitamins, small meals that promote the feelings that I want.  

 I wanted to do a quick update.  I did stat the gym and am loving it.   I feel the timing was just where it needed to be to join and start in this new part of my journey.   Funny, when I go to the gym I feel like I have been there forever!  Such a family feeling!   I have lost quite a bit of weight since joining and know that I will gets to goal.   I am learning how the calorie count and the gym coincide together.  Doing the math of it all!   I CAN DO THIS!!  

This morning my weight on the scale is 248, but way more than that, I am feeli g GREAT!!   I know I will even better with each day I work out as I am still getting stronger a d stronger.   Getting close to being able to indoor sky dive!!  I jumped on a huge trampoline this past weekend and that was something I used to sit on the sidelines wanting to try but was just way to big.   Not any longer will I sit by just feeling myself I am content.   I CAN AND WILL BE LIVING LIFE AND DOING SOME THINGS I HAVE WANTED TO TRY!!!


Hugs to you all, enjoy your journey as it is yours and only you can own it!!