michdeb
Maintaining
Feb 21, 2007
141 pounds
210 pounds lost
Decided it was time to update a little. I am managing to maintain my weight between 140 and 143. I am happy with this, and hope two years from now I can still be saying the same thing. This, in spite of eating *two* paczki yesterday, Mardi Gras. For those not familiar with Michigan's version of Fat Tuesday celebrations, paczki are an egg based fried filled doughnut, usually filled with custard or jelly. Like a bismark doughnut, but on steroids. I love these things, love, love, love. PreWLS, I would eat several on Fat Tuesday. It was one of the things I mourned at the thought of having surgery. I didn't have any in 2006. This year, in maintainance, I decided weeks ago, I was going to have one, dumping be damned. I marked the day on the calendar. I went in to my familiar bakery (haven't been there in two years) planning on buying one. Bought two. Planned on eating part of one yesterday. Ate two. Not at the same time, in fact, ate half of one, waited an hour, ate the second half. Waited two hours, then ate the second one, all at once. I actually wanted to dump, as I NEVER have consumed that much sugar at one time. I didn't dump, but I didn't feel good either. My heart was racing, I was quesy for about 20 minutes, then I took a nap. I knew going into this that it was a once a year special treat. I will not go into the bakery and buy a regular doughnut, I will not eat sugar like this again. But, damn, it was like a food orgasm. Maybe others lose their taste for such things, but it tasted as good as ever to me. Ahhhh. I didn't eat much after the paczki, just drank some protein later in the evening, I actually wasn't hungry. That much fat and sugar can fill one up. So, what do I know from this? I still love the paczki, I could do this all the time if I let myself, I don't dump as easily as I thought. I also learned that I will not do this except on Mardi Gras. It will be something to look forward to, in a weird way.
Continuing with the exercise. I logged 55 miles of walking/jogging in the month of January, and have 41 miles in the first 20 days of February. As soon as I finish writing this, I plan on working out. That's 96 miles in a 7 1/2 weeks. Wow. Still hate it. Had to go to the orthopaedist office yesterday, as the pain in my left shoulder is getting worse instead of better. Diagnosed arthritis in the rotator cuff joint, with the possibility of adhesive capsulitis, or "frozen shoulder". I start physical therapy next week. I have been using two pound hand weights while working out, and being very vigorous with the resistance band. I am going to have to take it down a notch, at least until the PT can treat the shoulder. I have fluid in the joint. I was hoping the doctor would tell me not to exercise, but, no luck. In fact, she was incredibly impressed with me. She was the doctor who treated my knee injury and bursitis in the fall of 2004, which was the impetus for my WLS. When I saw her in Oct. '05, she wasn't too impressed with my 110 pound weight loss, but yesterday, she thought she walked into the wrong examining room. Cool. And, she was treating a sports injury, not an old obese woman, I'll say I got more respect.
Well, I am spending more time thinking about my food addictions, and those of the truly struggling WLS grads. So far, I have been successful. But it could end at any day. Food sobriety is one day at a time, just like any addiction. I have to examine what my motivations are when I want to eat foods I shouldn't. The paczki wasn't a binge, it was well planned, lol.
210 pounds lost
Decided it was time to update a little. I am managing to maintain my weight between 140 and 143. I am happy with this, and hope two years from now I can still be saying the same thing. This, in spite of eating *two* paczki yesterday, Mardi Gras. For those not familiar with Michigan's version of Fat Tuesday celebrations, paczki are an egg based fried filled doughnut, usually filled with custard or jelly. Like a bismark doughnut, but on steroids. I love these things, love, love, love. PreWLS, I would eat several on Fat Tuesday. It was one of the things I mourned at the thought of having surgery. I didn't have any in 2006. This year, in maintainance, I decided weeks ago, I was going to have one, dumping be damned. I marked the day on the calendar. I went in to my familiar bakery (haven't been there in two years) planning on buying one. Bought two. Planned on eating part of one yesterday. Ate two. Not at the same time, in fact, ate half of one, waited an hour, ate the second half. Waited two hours, then ate the second one, all at once. I actually wanted to dump, as I NEVER have consumed that much sugar at one time. I didn't dump, but I didn't feel good either. My heart was racing, I was quesy for about 20 minutes, then I took a nap. I knew going into this that it was a once a year special treat. I will not go into the bakery and buy a regular doughnut, I will not eat sugar like this again. But, damn, it was like a food orgasm. Maybe others lose their taste for such things, but it tasted as good as ever to me. Ahhhh. I didn't eat much after the paczki, just drank some protein later in the evening, I actually wasn't hungry. That much fat and sugar can fill one up. So, what do I know from this? I still love the paczki, I could do this all the time if I let myself, I don't dump as easily as I thought. I also learned that I will not do this except on Mardi Gras. It will be something to look forward to, in a weird way.
Continuing with the exercise. I logged 55 miles of walking/jogging in the month of January, and have 41 miles in the first 20 days of February. As soon as I finish writing this, I plan on working out. That's 96 miles in a 7 1/2 weeks. Wow. Still hate it. Had to go to the orthopaedist office yesterday, as the pain in my left shoulder is getting worse instead of better. Diagnosed arthritis in the rotator cuff joint, with the possibility of adhesive capsulitis, or "frozen shoulder". I start physical therapy next week. I have been using two pound hand weights while working out, and being very vigorous with the resistance band. I am going to have to take it down a notch, at least until the PT can treat the shoulder. I have fluid in the joint. I was hoping the doctor would tell me not to exercise, but, no luck. In fact, she was incredibly impressed with me. She was the doctor who treated my knee injury and bursitis in the fall of 2004, which was the impetus for my WLS. When I saw her in Oct. '05, she wasn't too impressed with my 110 pound weight loss, but yesterday, she thought she walked into the wrong examining room. Cool. And, she was treating a sports injury, not an old obese woman, I'll say I got more respect.
Well, I am spending more time thinking about my food addictions, and those of the truly struggling WLS grads. So far, I have been successful. But it could end at any day. Food sobriety is one day at a time, just like any addiction. I have to examine what my motivations are when I want to eat foods I shouldn't. The paczki wasn't a binge, it was well planned, lol.
still losing weight
Jan 26, 2007
1-26-07
weight 140 pounds
-211 pounds
BMI 23.3
Hoping my weight stays at this level, or maybe a couple of pounds less. Do not want to lose more than another 5 pounds or so. Not sure why I am continuing to lose weight. I thought it had stabilized. But, I am exercising at a higher level at least four times a week. I did over 14 miles last week, and have done 12 miles this week. I am now jogging some of the miles, instead of just walking, and have added more strength training. I still drink my protein every morning, and continue to love it. I hate the mornings I have to drink it quickly! I wish all WLS patients could feel this way about their protein. I still live in total fear of weight regain, and return to old eating patterns. My weight had gone from 147-148 at Thanksgiving down to 142-143 after my dad's death. It jumped up to a max of 149 right after the holidays, and I refuse to ever be above 150 again. So, after the girls were gone, I just buckled down. I went down to 143 for a week or so, and then this last week, down to 140. I actually saw 139.8 on the scale yesterday. Never, ever, ever, would I have thought that. My size 8's are still fitting comfortably, although I notice swelling in my abdomen, especially the days I work. I have to obsess here about my weight, because no one else wants to hear about it, especially the girls. It is a bit threatening to them I think.
I went ice skating a couple of weeks ago. I went because I knew I would be terrified to do so. Therefore, I made myself do it. If it hadn't been for Margaret, I would have fallen numerous times, which is what I am afraid of. She was surprised for someone who didn't know how to skate, at how well I did. All that exercise, haha. I must say I was proud of myself. To go again, I would have to get my own skates. Rental skates suck, and they're hockey skates to boot.
I still mourn my father every day, and so miss talking to him. I talk to him in my mind constantly.
I set a list of goals for myself for the year, actually to do each month. January is almost over, and I've done about half of them. It's progress, not perfection that I focus on at this point in my life. I am not very focused at getting things done at home on my days off that I need to. Like spending way too much time here on the internet. Not sure why I am avoiding certain tasks, other than they seem a bit overwhelming to me. Small steps.
weight 140 pounds
-211 pounds
BMI 23.3
Hoping my weight stays at this level, or maybe a couple of pounds less. Do not want to lose more than another 5 pounds or so. Not sure why I am continuing to lose weight. I thought it had stabilized. But, I am exercising at a higher level at least four times a week. I did over 14 miles last week, and have done 12 miles this week. I am now jogging some of the miles, instead of just walking, and have added more strength training. I still drink my protein every morning, and continue to love it. I hate the mornings I have to drink it quickly! I wish all WLS patients could feel this way about their protein. I still live in total fear of weight regain, and return to old eating patterns. My weight had gone from 147-148 at Thanksgiving down to 142-143 after my dad's death. It jumped up to a max of 149 right after the holidays, and I refuse to ever be above 150 again. So, after the girls were gone, I just buckled down. I went down to 143 for a week or so, and then this last week, down to 140. I actually saw 139.8 on the scale yesterday. Never, ever, ever, would I have thought that. My size 8's are still fitting comfortably, although I notice swelling in my abdomen, especially the days I work. I have to obsess here about my weight, because no one else wants to hear about it, especially the girls. It is a bit threatening to them I think.
I went ice skating a couple of weeks ago. I went because I knew I would be terrified to do so. Therefore, I made myself do it. If it hadn't been for Margaret, I would have fallen numerous times, which is what I am afraid of. She was surprised for someone who didn't know how to skate, at how well I did. All that exercise, haha. I must say I was proud of myself. To go again, I would have to get my own skates. Rental skates suck, and they're hockey skates to boot.
I still mourn my father every day, and so miss talking to him. I talk to him in my mind constantly.
I set a list of goals for myself for the year, actually to do each month. January is almost over, and I've done about half of them. It's progress, not perfection that I focus on at this point in my life. I am not very focused at getting things done at home on my days off that I need to. Like spending way too much time here on the internet. Not sure why I am avoiding certain tasks, other than they seem a bit overwhelming to me. Small steps.
Father's death
Dec 08, 2006
12-08-06
144 pounds
207 pounds gone
It has been a horrible week. The loss of my father 8 days ago, on November 30, 2006 has devastated me emotionally. The entire process, driving through the night through bad weather to arrive at his bedside on life support, knowing that I would never talk to him again. I held his hand for the next 12 hours untill the rest of the family could get there, I said goodbye and I loved him, and then the ventilator was removed. The next few days of the visitation and funeral, the dredging up of old suppressed memories and stepmother interactions, I am mentally drained. Driving 1000 miles in less than two days, the ice and snow storm. I survived it all with the support of my husband, daughters, and aunt.
Eating was another issue. Trying to eat as healthy as possible through this all, with the travel, I managed. Now, back at home, I don't want to eat any food at all. I want to binge on everything that I shouldn't eat. I want mashed potatoes, I want doughnuts, I want Christmas cookies. I want to make myself physically ill with sugar. I want to eat sugar and dump, so the physical pain of dumping will take my mind off my mental pain. Luckily for me, I am too rational. This is what I want to do, but not likely to do. So, I am not eating. This is the third day, with only protien shakes and vitamins. Luckily for me, I love my protien, and find drinking it comforting. My husband doesn't realize that if he just cooked something, I would probably eat it, but when he asks me if he could cook something, I just say no. Perverse.
I can't Christmas shop. I should be out there today. I want to take a pain pill and sleep for hours. I know my dad would be disappointed with me for reacting this way. I am disappointed with him that he didn't go to the doctor when he fell and hit his head. Maybe he wouldn't have died from the brain hemorrhage. This brings back so many painful feelings of not being a good enough daughter, I should have seen him more. I am so angry at myself, I have felt this overwhelming need to go see him (10 hours away) for several months now. I used my recovery from my tummy tuck as my reason for not going. Yes, I couldn't have ridden in a car that long, but I have had this premonition for two months, and I didn't follow through on it. No one would believe me if I told them this. I didn't believe my own feelings. It's going to take a long time to get over this. (Ironic laugh) The good side of this grief, I've lost another four pounds.
144 pounds
207 pounds gone
It has been a horrible week. The loss of my father 8 days ago, on November 30, 2006 has devastated me emotionally. The entire process, driving through the night through bad weather to arrive at his bedside on life support, knowing that I would never talk to him again. I held his hand for the next 12 hours untill the rest of the family could get there, I said goodbye and I loved him, and then the ventilator was removed. The next few days of the visitation and funeral, the dredging up of old suppressed memories and stepmother interactions, I am mentally drained. Driving 1000 miles in less than two days, the ice and snow storm. I survived it all with the support of my husband, daughters, and aunt.
Eating was another issue. Trying to eat as healthy as possible through this all, with the travel, I managed. Now, back at home, I don't want to eat any food at all. I want to binge on everything that I shouldn't eat. I want mashed potatoes, I want doughnuts, I want Christmas cookies. I want to make myself physically ill with sugar. I want to eat sugar and dump, so the physical pain of dumping will take my mind off my mental pain. Luckily for me, I am too rational. This is what I want to do, but not likely to do. So, I am not eating. This is the third day, with only protien shakes and vitamins. Luckily for me, I love my protien, and find drinking it comforting. My husband doesn't realize that if he just cooked something, I would probably eat it, but when he asks me if he could cook something, I just say no. Perverse.
I can't Christmas shop. I should be out there today. I want to take a pain pill and sleep for hours. I know my dad would be disappointed with me for reacting this way. I am disappointed with him that he didn't go to the doctor when he fell and hit his head. Maybe he wouldn't have died from the brain hemorrhage. This brings back so many painful feelings of not being a good enough daughter, I should have seen him more. I am so angry at myself, I have felt this overwhelming need to go see him (10 hours away) for several months now. I used my recovery from my tummy tuck as my reason for not going. Yes, I couldn't have ridden in a car that long, but I have had this premonition for two months, and I didn't follow through on it. No one would believe me if I told them this. I didn't believe my own feelings. It's going to take a long time to get over this. (Ironic laugh) The good side of this grief, I've lost another four pounds.
At Goal
Nov 10, 2006
11-10-16 150.0 pounds BMI 24.9 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
201 pounds lost
Trying the new blog format, got to take the time to move my old profile, I worked hard to document this process.
Today, I am at my personal goal. I have been hovering here for about two weeks, and yes, the scale god rewarded me today. It means my BMI will say "normal", how could that ever be. However, I still want to lose about another 5-10 pounds to have wiggle room. Is this how it gets started? When people don't know when to stop. I'm not worried. I enjoy food too much still. I think with the amount of skin I still have on my body, that I would actually only weigh about 135-140, which is why I will need to be careful about how much more I lose. I wore my size 8 pants this weeks, and damn, I looked good.
7 weeks post abdominoplasty. Yesterday was the first day that I felt like I truly had energy. I cleaned the house, and I still felt good. Today, I did a 1-mile WATP workout. Kinda sad, since I was doing the 4mile four days a week pre-tt. But I need to build back up to that. I feel it in my shoulders, where I have the bone spurs, the lack of muscle tone. It is strange to say I have missed working out. Not back at work this week, like I thought I would be. I don't think I need too much more time off, I will be ready soon. I thought I was going in to get fluid aspirated yesterday, but my doctor had a conference. It isn't an emergency, so I have an appt. for Monday. If working out makes me generate more fluid, it will be good to know that.
201 pounds lost
Trying the new blog format, got to take the time to move my old profile, I worked hard to document this process.
Today, I am at my personal goal. I have been hovering here for about two weeks, and yes, the scale god rewarded me today. It means my BMI will say "normal", how could that ever be. However, I still want to lose about another 5-10 pounds to have wiggle room. Is this how it gets started? When people don't know when to stop. I'm not worried. I enjoy food too much still. I think with the amount of skin I still have on my body, that I would actually only weigh about 135-140, which is why I will need to be careful about how much more I lose. I wore my size 8 pants this weeks, and damn, I looked good.
7 weeks post abdominoplasty. Yesterday was the first day that I felt like I truly had energy. I cleaned the house, and I still felt good. Today, I did a 1-mile WATP workout. Kinda sad, since I was doing the 4mile four days a week pre-tt. But I need to build back up to that. I feel it in my shoulders, where I have the bone spurs, the lack of muscle tone. It is strange to say I have missed working out. Not back at work this week, like I thought I would be. I don't think I need too much more time off, I will be ready soon. I thought I was going in to get fluid aspirated yesterday, but my doctor had a conference. It isn't an emergency, so I have an appt. for Monday. If working out makes me generate more fluid, it will be good to know that.
