Michelle R.

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Hi! I'm so glad to be back.  I returned from my trip last Thursday and am happy to report that I'm 10lbs lighter.  I've also lost 10 lbs of fat, have become more hidrated and have lost inches.

I will try to make a long story short but it probably won't be.  I got to Tenessee on April 14th and started the program on the 15th.  The initial assessment was KILLER!!  I had to row 1500 meters, do squats, and push ups.  Luckily I didn't have to get on the floor for the push-ups.  After the 1500 meter row I couldn't get off of the machine.  The personal trainer had to help me up because my muscles had locked.  It took me almost 15 minutes to row.  By the end of the program it took me 8 minutes and 10 seconds to row!

This place was awesome for me because I not only lost weight but I dealt with why I eat the way I do in the first place.  The days consisted of cooking ourselves breakfast, a one hour workout at 8am, 2 sessions of group therapy, lunch together and depending on the day we prepared and ate dinner at a chef's house, ate out at a restaurant, or ate back at the center.  We also had weekly therapy sessions with our own therapist (more sessions if needed), massage every other week, 2 sessions with the psychiatrist and 2 with the medical doctor.  I also learned about meditation which was awesome and something that I consider essential for my recovery.

It was a little hard coming to terms with food addiction and with learning that there were things from childhood that I never knew still hurt me to this day.  I am continuing to see a therapist here and will be looking for a dietician in the next few days.  As far as excersize I am walking a whole lot and have sent the personal trainer from the program pictures of the machines of the gym I will be working out at.  Free gym where my cousin lives! Can't beat that :) Anyways the trainer is going to help me come up with some workouts.

Glad to be back and can't wait to see how everyone else is doing!

My heart sunk but I did it.  I'd been avoiding my job's annual free biometrics screening but I couldn't avoid it any more.  Got on the scale.....350lbs.  31 pounds away from surgery day weight.  I had a feeling and I was right.  How did I let this happen??????

Even though I'm not happy I'm glad to know.  No more avoiding hearing the truth. 

The nurse from my insurance called me today.  She said I should talk to a surgeon and get the ball rolling.  I would have to proove that the first surgery had complications and that I have comorbidities.  The BMI is at a state where I would be someone considered for surgery but my job only approves one WLS per person.  She said maybe they would since its a different insurance.  I'd have to do the whole 6 month thing nutritionist, psych eval, the whole nine.  Because of the prelim behavioral eval she transferred me to get set up with a life coach/therapist.  They are supposed to be calling me on my bday.   I come in to work today and see that I got an email yesterday from FitRx its a treatment place that I wanted to go to.  They specialize in addictions and have different centers for treatment.  This was a different person than the one I was emailing/talking to in January.  She said she was checking in and "I wanted to reach out to you and re-open the door."  I told her thanks but I wasn't able to afford it and let her know that I had tried to apply for Care Credit and wasn't approved.  She asked me how much I would be able to pay and that she could try to get me a scholarship.  One problem...She can't find my info from last time which is a little weird since she was able to email me.  Asking for my info again.   Not sure which to pursue...

As the days go by I feel more and more funky.  I don't know where these emotions are coming from or why they're even here.  I sit and think why the heck do I feel this way??  I mean is there a legitimate reason?!  I hate feeling like this, especially when I feel like there is no reason to be feeling this way.  I wish I could just get away and have time alone to think.  I feel like I need one good cry and everything will be okay.

I feel like waiting to see if I'm even eligible for a revision with my insurance is torture.  I was told it would be two weeks before I hear from the nurse that was assigned to me.  It feels like torture!!!

This is the second time I try to do something with the help of insurance.  A few months ago I was looking into going to a live-in weightloss clinic.  The insurance would cover everything except for $ 4,500.  I was so excited until I found out that part.

I hope I have a chance at getting any type of help.  The feeling of failure and the anxiety of it all can be overwhelming.

 

Well one week down, one more week to go...

This might be TMI for some so I won't go into detail but I'm a little spooked.  How crazy is it that when I want to get on track there's some kind of set back?!?  I went to the bathroom yesterday and the sight wasn't pretty.  I'm so scared that I'm having another bowel obstruction.  I don't know if I should call my doctor or just go straight into the emergency room.  I don't feel any pain at all like the last time which was 6 months post op.  That was the most excruciating pain I have ever been through.

 

I'll keep everyone posted.  Asking for some prayers.

 

Thanks!

Well, I finally had the guts to call my insurance to see if they cover a revision. I would like to weigh all my options and if possible this would be my last resort. I figure it doesn't hurt to find out all the information I can, right? What I know for sure is that I need to get back on track. Last year when there was a system glitch and I ended up with a different insurance then what I had I was almost devastated bt then I realized that everything hapens for a reason so here I am looking for new doctors. Trying to make lemonade here. I want to be positive and stay that way.

Its sad to admit but things haven't gotten much better since my last post.  I have continued to gain weight and it feels just terrible.  On top of that I have begun developing hives of which the cause hasn't been officially diagnosed but I'm guessing its because of stress/anxiety.  I have a lot of work to do but I'm keeping faith that things will get better.

I'm currently looking for a nutricionist, therapist, and physical therapist (for lymphedema).  I want to do whatever I can to loose this weight without a revision. 

Time to really think about me and stop putting others ahead! 

Its been a long time since I was last on obesity help.  I haven't made much time for myself and feel like my job has completely sucked the life out of me.  I haven't been happy at all there for the past year.  I feel that that stress has made me begin to do what I'm not supposed to.  For a long time I've been eating and eating high calorie and unhealthy foods.  I haven't been shopping in a while and last week got the shock of my life when I was looking for clothes for a job interview.  I had lost 160 lbs and because I'm too scared to get on the scale don't know how much I weigh now.  I was down to a size 20 from a size 30/32 and had even bought a pair of size 18 pants.  When I tried on the clothes this past week I had to buy a pair of size 24 pants.  

This has been totally devastating to me and I know that I have been completely self destructive.  I need to work on putting myself first again.  I don't want to go back to feeling the way I used to feel.  I feel like this has broken my spirit and I'm the one that's completely to blame.  I'm going to do my best to put myself back on the top of the list and hopefully I'll be able to share good news soon.
Please pray for me  

Well as you can see its pretty late and my surgery will be later today.  I can't sleep.  I just wanted to thank everyone for all of the support.  I'm really glad I found this place.  I'm glad I don't have to go at this alone, eventhough I do have the support of family and friends.  It is really nice to be able to meet so many people in similar situations and know that something can be done about our health.

Thanks again,
Michelle