Size 12. To me, that's skinny.

May 27, 2009

So I made it into a size 12 last week while i was on vacation.  I didn't mean too... I just put on some short that my sister gave me for my birthday, and happened to see the size 1/2 way through the day when i was in the bathroom.  12???  Sure enough. 

12 is what thin people wear.  My sister was a 12 for many years.  She looked great.   She was skinny.  I was a size 24, and apparently I was fat.  She's gone on to lose some weight and is a 6/8.  I'm a 12.  I guess I'm skinny now too.  It's hard for me to see that when I look down.  All i see are lumps of skin here there and everywhere.  When I'm dressed, I kinda see it.  pictures are good, especially when I'm wearing "supportive" items under my clothes. 

It's very confusing, loving and hating my body simultaneously.  I'm finally thinner than I ever thought I would be (seriously, I've never been on a diet), and while I do appreciate it, I still feel like i look weird, clothes don't fit right, look at these thighs in a bathing suit!!  I'm petrified of plastic surgery, and my mother almost acts like I'd HAVE to get it...and she might even pay.  There's something unhealthy about all of this, I'm sure of it, but I can't sort out her stuff when I've got my own to contemplate.

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