Gina L.

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11/02/04 - Psych eval is tomorrow. After that I have to go back for an actual interview with the Psychologist. I noticed last week that my letter from BCBS requesting all the additional info listed that it was a pre-determination for Gastric Bypass. I called them & told them I was not interested in a Gastric Bypass, but a Lap Band procedure. they said they would change that & mail it out to me. the rep. that I spoke with wasn't sure if the requirements would be the same or not. He also said this was the 2nd time in 2 days that someone had brought htat to his attention! I am kinda bummed out today, not sure why, maybe the weather change. Or maybe it's the way my coworkers react when I mention my husbands wish for wls. I would never tell them about mine!!!!! I will take vacation & come back 7 they will never know. there is one person here that I have entrusted the info with. She is also obese. She agrees with me that no one here would ever understand or support it!! People that have never had to worry about weight do not understand! They think you should just be able to "eat less" or "watch what you eat" & poof, like magic you'll be thin!!! I wish that just once, they would have to suffer through a very painful case of the "Infamous Under Belly Rash" & all that implies!! hahaha Okay, enough ranting for today!

11/04/04 Well, Bill & I got the "monster" psych exam out of the way yesterday. The bad part is that the Psychologist can't see us one on one until two more weeks. They will call if they have a cancellation though. That's all I'm waiting on now! Bill has his appt. with a surgeon in a little bit, but I couldn't take off to go with him.

11/08/04 Well, I got the corrected letter from BCBS. It still says for "Gastric Bypass" but also added or Laparosopic Gastric Banding". So I guess that's better. It did take out the 5 years of medical records & the 1 year of documented physician supervised weight loss. I'm not sure if that means that they don't require that or they already have that. I have 3 weeks more to wait for psych eval consultation unless they get a cancellation. But, I figure I've waited this long, I can wait 3 more weeks. Tomorrow we have to attend the support group for Dr. Barker (Bill's surgeon). I have been e-mailing back & forth with one of his patient's that's here on the board & we'll get to meet her & her hubby then! We are both looking forward to meeting & making new friends!

11/10/04 Well, we attended the support group meeting for Dr. Barker last night. We were very impressed & of course in awe of all the wonderful wls patients, both pre-op & post-op! We met some folks & I hope we can become friends! Still playing the waiting game with insurance, of course they are actually waiting on me to see the Psychologist! Bill got clearance from both the Cardiologist & the Pulmanologist for surgery, waiting to hear what the insurance says now!

11/18/04 No news yet to report. I'm getting very anxious, maybe because Bill & I are doing this together. There is so much to learn & so much to "take in"! I'll be so glad to get all the insurance requirements out of the way!!!

11/29/04 Well, I just got back from the second part of the psych eval. Can I just say that was absolutely the weirdest thing I have eer had to do? He asked me lots of questions like how long I had been overweight, why I thought I was overweight. What diets I had done & what were the results. Also asked how many calories I thought I ate per day? Then he told me that I had to eat at least 3645 calories per day in order to maintain the weight I was at!!!! Boy that made me feel good. Then he said "think about carrying 8 concrete blocks, the kinds with holes in the center of them. That's what you're carrying around, wouldn't it be easier to walk up the stairs if you weren't carrying that weight?" I felt like saying well duh!!! Why do you think I am trying to have this surgery done?????? I then had to go through all the ink blots & the pictures & make up stories about them! What the heck does that have to do with me having wls!!!!! Anyway, that's done & I think all the insurance needs! Bill's doc wrote a letter explaining about all the diets he's done & all the problems he's had & etc etc. But his surgeon's office called me & they don't think the letter will satisfy the insurance. I asked her to please send it & see what they say before giving up. I used to work for BCBS & I know that rather than read a whole stack of records, those review nurses would rather see a nice concise summary in front of them. Hope it works!!

12/10/04 I am trying sooooo hard to remain patient & not worry about what the insurance says, but it is driving me crazy! BCBS has still not received my additional info yet. Monday will be 2 weeks ago that I finished up my psych appointment! I think if I am approved, I am going to switch surgeons. Dr. Powell is on the other side of everything for me & I found out that the Surgery Center they use is not in network for any insurance. They have never even called me to let me know that the insurance needed anything else. I am the one that followed up on that & got that taken care of. I know they are busy, but I want a little more personal care. I didn't particularly like the idea of having to see the PA when I went instead of the surgeon either. The only time I saw Dr. Powell was at the free seminar I attended. I like Bill's surgeon, Dr. Barker, so I think I will switch to him if all is approved! Well, enough ranting for now. I just feel really stressed & depressed. Guess the holidays are all part of that too.

12/20/04 Well, I called BCBS today. Supposedly they need my height, weight & bmi, along with a year of Dr. Supervised weight loss attempts. They asked for the same stuff for Bill & they already had it. I don't have the Dr. supervised weight loss attempts, so I guess I'm screwed! My insurance will pay for weight loss drugs if you have a bmi over 40, maybe I should try that for a year & then I would have my documetnation if I am not succesful. This depresses me!!!! ugghhh I hate insurance!!!

12/21/04 Okay, so maybe I jumped the gun so to speak. Yesterday when I got home, I had a letter from my old physician that had prescribed Adipex back in 96. I had tried to call her several months back & found out she retired. I looked up her home number & called her. She said that all her records had been destroyed that were older than 6 years old. She said she remembered me & my husband. I told her I was trying to get approved for the Lap Band surgery and I needed 12 months Dr. supervised weight loss attempts. She asked for my address & said if she could help to let her know. I told her that it might help with a letter from her. I figured she blew me off, but yesterday I got the letter that said she had prescribed Adipex-P to me in 1996 & that I took it for 14 months with a maximum weight loss of 42 pounds. I can't believe she would remember all this, she must have had a log or something on her computer. She also included that I was monitored on a monthly basis by either her or her nurse practitioner as all her Adipex pts were. Anyway, I scanned the letter & e-mailed it to Dr. Powell's office. I hope it works!! Okay, so I feel better today!

March 1, 2005 Okay, so I just realized that I haven't updated in a long time. I got denied, but I am appealling. I have a letter from my pcp stating my health problems & such. I will write my own appeal. Will update as I know more!

April 7, 2005 Okay, I am not doing real good with updates! I've had my appeal ready for quite some time & don't ask me why, but I just mailed it yesterday. I sent it certified return receipt so I will have proof of when BCBSTX received it. I have really been funky about sending it. I think I have been trying to make sure Bill is doing okay with his WLS and everything first. But as I see him weighing only about 50 pounds more than me, I decided I better get in gear!! I will try to do better with updates!

06/08/2005 Well, looks like I am getting worse with the updates. I got denied again! I have to have 12 months of Dr. supervised weight loss attempts & they also said I haven't been MO for 5 years, even though I have! I am now in my 3rd month of Dr. visits & he is really writing good notes. I started the Atkins 8 days ago & have lost 8 pounds! Woohoo, but I'm afraid I know all too well the past performance of this! I can take it off fine, but I always gain back more. Also, I have decided to switch to RNY Lap if possible. Maybe it's just the LapBand they are so fiercely denying! Bill only weighs about 30 pounds more than I do now!

June 16,2005 Well, here it is 17 days after starting the Atkins diet. I have joined e-diets & am keeping up with all my food intake there, plus writing it down to take with me to the Dr. next week. My how time flys, this is already the 3rd of 12 "Dr. supervised" visits! I lost about 11 pounds & then gained some back. I haven't had a non-diet drink in 17 days! I did break down & eat some ice cream last night after our Economics test!!! I have to get my cholesterol checked before going back to the doc, so I'll try to do that tomorrow.

July 29, 2005 I haven't updated in a while. I went yesterday for what I thought was my 4th of 12 months of "dr. supervised weight loss attempts" but it turned out I had gone in February & the doc said that would count. I also have physician notes from another Dr. that states he had me on the South Beach diet & they are all from '04. I took in a list of stuff that I knew was not in my records from this doc (my Bi-Pap setting, fungal infections, urine leakage, GERD, etc.). I also took a copy of all my records from other docs with everything regarding being overweight or diets or comorbidities high-lighted. I have seen this doc off & on fro over 7 years & know him personally as well. He told me that he has 7 years of good records showing me as "markedly obese" that has increased to "morbid obesity" over the years. He said he wants me to go ahead and make an appointment with the surgeon & then see him one more time & we should, as far as he's concerned, be ready to submit. I gained 4 1/2 pounds since I saw him last month, so obviously I'm going in the wrong direction! I went in to the appointment depressed & frustrated & sick of watching carbs & calories, etc., but I actually have some hope! I feel more confident that he is working hard to help me get approved!

August 17, 2005 Wow, I can't believe that my appointment with Dr. Barker is tomorrow. For some reason I am a little nervous. Maybe that means it's gonna go through this time, at least that's what I'll believe! LOL I saw Dr. Barker at last week's support group. He asked me when I was going to come see him. I hate that he is moving his office again, it will be harder for me to get over there, but at least he will still do surgery at Mesquite. He is so personable & caring. He was a little late to the group & when he came in, he looked around the room & said "Wow, yall look great, I'm so proud of all of you!" I just don't think every doc would say something like that! I am so glad that he has a new office staff though! Dr. Stephan brought his office staff in for the new patient meeting (Dr. Barker's old staff). It just helped to remind me how snotty & arragant they were! So glad I don't have to deal with them! Well, I will update again after my visit tomorrow.

September 16, 2005 Well, there was really nothing to post, but I did have my appointment with Dr. Barker on the 25th of August. I also met with Dr. Gares who will be working on my insurance packet. They are really trying to be proactive with the insurance rather than reactive after a denial! I have almost everything in order. I had to request a copy of my latest records as well as a letter of medical necessity from Dr. Ingram (my PCP). That was just completed on the 12th & yesterday Dr. Gares faxed me a copy of it. We should be ready to submit to insurance. I have had 5 monthly visits with Dr. Ingram that dealt strictly with weight loss attempts & I have records from other physicians as well that focused on my weight. I am also going to see Dr. Ingram Monday & on a monthly basis after that until I get approved, just in case they want more. Dr. Ingram's letter did state that he had been seeing me for 7 years & that my lowest weight had been 211 pounds & that was 7 years ago.I also had to write a letter for the insurance regarding my experiences with my weight. I will try to post that letter here later in the case that it might help someone down the road. I'll wait for approval first though! My GERD has continually gotten worse & worse lately. Not sure why though. Also the fungal infections under my belly have gotten harder to control. My daughter is a nurse & she thinks they are a yeast infection. My skin is cracked in a couple of spots & it hurts so bad! Well, hopefully, I will have some positive news to post soon!!

The letter I had to write on my experiences regarding weight loss. Hope this might help someone!

August 25, 2005
Wills Point, TX
75169

Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Texas
Dallas, TX

RE: Policy Number

To Whom It May Concern:
I am asking for your assistance in obtaining weight-loss surgery. It is difficult and embarrassing for me to come to you asking for your help, yet I know and feel that my health has and continues to deteriorate because of my obesity. I have tried many weight-loss plans, including the Atkins’ Diet, South Beach Diet, American Heart Association Diet, American Diabetic Association Diet, the Grapefruit Diet, Slim Fast, Herbalife and the Zone Diets, all of which I failed at miserably. I did lose weight, but eventually gained back all that I lost and more. I even took Adipex and Pondimon for a year in 1996.
I now suffer from chronic obstructive sleep apnea. I have slept with a Bi-Pap machine for the past two years for this condition. I also have arthritis which I take Celebrex for every day. This has worsened with my increased weight. This really limits me as far as exercise goes. I can barely walk up one flight of stairs without pain, not to mention how short of breath I get. I also take Prevacid for GERD (gastro esophageal reflux) every day. I also take Lexapro each day for depression, which I believe is definitely related to my weight & the problems associated with it. I previously took Lipitor for over a year as well, for high Cholesterol & Triglycerides. I have a strong family history of heart disease, high blood pressure and obesity as well as for diabetes. I myself had gestational diabetes with two of my pregnancies. During one of those I took two insulin injections each day. I understand that the likelihood of developing Type II diabetes later in life is 60% greater for those with gestational diabetes. However, by losing weight, maintaining an ideal body weight, following a healthy diet and exercising, the risk is substantially reduced.
I have researched bariatric surgery in depth and I am well informed. I know there are risks associated with gastric bypass surgery, just as there are risks associated with any surgery. I realize that a lifestyle change and exercise are major components of bariatric surgery and I have already started making those changes. As you can see by my PCP’s records, I have been adhering to a low carbohydrate diet for the past 5 months. I have also increased my exercise as I can tolerate it.
The experts say bariatric surgery is necessary because it is the only proven method of achieving long term weight control for the morbidly obese. Bariatric surgery is not a cosmetic procedure. Surgical treatment of morbid obesity does not involve the removal of adipose tissue (fat) by suction or excision. What it accomplishes is reducing the size of the gastric reservoir, with or without some degree of associated malabsorption. This reduces caloric intake and ensures that the patient eats small amounts of food very slowly, while chewing each mouthful well. Success of surgical treatment begins with the patient setting realistic goals and progresses through the surgery and lifelong follow-up by the bariatric surgeon. The different, accepted surgeries have been worked out over the last 30 years, and are now standardized, clearly defined procedures, with well recognized and documented outcome results.
Prevention of secondary complications of morbid obesity is an important goal of management. Therefore, the option of surgical treatment is a rational one. Morbid obesity is a disease, not a disorder of willpower. The physiologic, biochemical and genetic evidence is overwhelming that clinically morbid obesity is a complex disorder. Contributing causes are inheritance, environmental, cultural, socioeconomic and psychological. Up to 96% of patient’s see a cure or at least the improvement in their diabetes, or the risk factors that contribute to the disease. At least 80% of patient’s see a cure or an improvement in their sleep apnea. That alone would result in a savings to insurance, as my machine is billed at over $400 per month for rental. Patients also see a lessening in their arthritis pain in the weight-bearing joints which enables them to become more physically active. Most patients are able to get off their medications for GERD as well, since symptoms are greatly improved. With the gastric bypass, patients typically experience an average of 65-70% of their excess weight loss at 5 years after surgery.
I realize that behavior modifications are a major part of this surgery. The small gastric pouch forces patients to modify their diet. Furthermore, some patients experience what’s known as “dumping syndrome” if they eat something that is too high in fat or sugar. I have personally witnessed someone go through this and believe me, it’s not something I want to experience first hand. The person experiences dizziness, rapid heart beat, severe cramping & usually ends up vomiting.
All of the medical side effects of morbid obesity are terrible, many of them are even life threatening. However, many people are unaware of some of the other problems that morbidly obese people face on a daily basis. I’d like to give some examples of things that affect me both mentally and physically due to my weight. These include, but are certainly not limited to the following: the embarrassment of being seated in a restaurant booth, only to find that you don’t fit in it; sitting down in an airplane seat only to find that the armrests are gouging into your sides, so you keep your arms folded across your chest so you won’t “spill” over onto the next seat; this also happens in theatres; being told that you are too heavy to ride a ride at an amusement park, or even worse, having to get off of a ride because the seat belt or bar won’t lock around your belly. These are the types of things that many of us face each day. These things damage our self-esteem, cause depression and cause us to withdraw from the physical activities that we need to participate in because we are too embarrassed.
As you can see, my problems associated with my morbid obesity are numerous. The list of obesity related ailments continue to increase. I feel that surgical treatment is my only option. I have made so many failed attempts at diet and exercise. It seems that for every pound I lose, I gain it plus more back. I implore you to cover this surgery. I certainly feel that I meet all the required criteria and I certainly have all the records to substantiate my more than 5 years of being morbidly obese.
Thank you for your time,




September 23, 2005 Well, I went to see Dr. Ingram (pcp) on Monday. I still want to continue to see him on a monthly basis until I hear the words approved!!! He wasn't happy, I had gained 7 pounds since I saw him on July 23rd, that makes me a whopping 254!! He also gave me a script for Nexium for the GERD. I go the 28th for my EGD. He was very passionate when he talked about the surgery. I don't think I had ever heard him like that. I told him that Dr. Gares said with a letter of med necessity from him & a letter of med necessity from Dr. Barker, that it would be hard for BCBS to come back & say that it was NOT medically necessary! He said "yeah, I'd like to see them pull out their medical licenses & stake it on someones health, because I'm damn sure willing to do it!" That really shocked me. He held up my chart & said, "we have enough ammunition right here to shove it down their throats!" I'm impressed! Wow!!! I am fighting temptation to call BCBS, but I will try my best to wait until at least next week!

I thought the day would never come, but I received approval after only about a week and a half in med review. Now I am waiting on Cardiac clearance before I get a date. Since I saw the cardiologist in April, I only need a note faxed over from them to Dr. Barker. I have called them 2 days in a row & left a message for them to call me & let me know if there is a problem. That's all I'm waiting on for a date! I am so excited, but so impatient as well. I have already waited a year & I'm ready to "get this party started!"

October 12th Well, I got cardiac clearance & I have a "Tentative" date...October 28th! Wow, never thought it would happen that quickly!!! I will know for positive by Friday, so I won't post on the open board until I know for sure! The surgery will be at Doctor's Hospital instead of Mesquite Community.

10/17/05 Well, it's a definite go for the 28th! I start my liquid diet on the 21st,, which is only 4 days from now.....WOW! I never dreamed things would move this quickly! I am so thankful for Dr. Barker, Dr. Gares & Earline! They are so wonderful. I am so excited, a little nervous, not really, more like hyper! LOL I am ready to go!

Me & one of my Grandbaby's - I weigh around 260 in this pic...My highest weight ever

10/26/2005 Well, only a couple of days to go. I am amazingly calm about this! I am just so ready! My friends are so great! Lizzy has called me everyday to check on me, so has Mel. Lisa is so worried, but I think it's just that she doesn't want anything bad to happen...hell, I don't either!! Plus, Lisa is thin & beautiful & has always been that way. Lizzy has been there, struggling with weight like me, so I think it's easier for her to understand the battle. Also, my little documentary Goddess, watches & reads everything she can about WLS so she can better understand what I am going through. I am so thankful for my friends! Don't know what I would do without their love & support!

I have done well with the liquids, I started them last Friday. I'm really not hungry at all. Amazing how much liquids can fil you up! I've had a variety of things including soups, broths, pudding, popsicles, juice, tea, etc. I'm fine. Gotta get new scales, since the grandbaby's broke mine!

Nov. 6, 2005 I"M A LOSER!!!!!!!!!!! I thought I would never be able to say that, at least not because of surgery! LOL Everything went well & this first week has been a blur! My friends have kept close tabs on me, don't know what I would do without my Angel Girlies!!

Well, I got my new scales, I know, I know, stay off them!! I am going to try to weigh on Weds. & Sat. Of course I'll probably step on some in between, but I've also done a chart for all my measurements., I'll see if I can post that somewhere here if I can figure out how. I also have some night before shots I will try to get posted...gross!!! Good news, since I started the liquids on 10/21/05, I am down from 260 to 234!!!!!! Who'da thunk it?? WooHoooo, I'm on my way Baby!! Healthy...here I come!!

I am going back to work tomorrow, we'll see how that goes. I am not going to push it. I'll come home early if I need to! I'll try to post my progress often, I know that's easier said than done!

November 28,2005 Wow, already a month! I have lost 43 pounds and a total of 24.5 inches! I don't have a lot of energy yet & I tire out really fast! Throwing up a lot too. I go see Dr. B Thursday. I can hardly keep anything other than liquids down. I know it will get better! I just hope I don't have a stricture or something like that. I am down 2 pants sizes & from 44DD bra to a 42D! That's great news for me! I hope to post some pix from before & some from 1 month out soon.

Well, I went5 for my 1 month ckup & he scheduled me for an EGD. I had that on Friday & I did have a stricture. He was able to dilate it while he was in with the scope. I felt almost instant relief! I was able to eat for the first time in a while. But as soon as I ate a small amount of salad last night, I dumped really bad. Man that is a scary feeling! I hope not to do that again soon.I guess I need to go slow until my tummy gets used to it!

Well I had been doing pretty well up til last Saturday & stuff has been coming up again. I will call Dr. B tomorrow if I am still unable to keep anything down. Liquids are fine, just anything else stops & comes back up!

03/14/06 Wow, I haven't posted anything in quite awhile...shame on me! I thought I would be so good at this!! Well, I have done remarably well so far. I am down 75 pounds & over 50 inches so far! I have gotten almost 2 inches back in height!!! That amazes me how much fat can pull you down!

The best news is my bloodwork! My cholesterol is 168 & triglycerides are 108!!!! I can't even fathomm that!! I feel so much better, but I do feel zapped sometimes! I am able to do so much more though! I still can't eat a whole bunch though and I really have to be conscious of how fast I eat or I will throw up still!

04/17/06 Well, I'm still battling the same 3 pounds I have been fighting with since February!! I have to get stricter iwth myself. I have been drinking a couple of light beers every couple of days & I know that isn't helping me!

I am continuing to loose inches. 68" total so far & 14" is in my lower belly!! That makes me feel pretty good. I am wearing 16's that are very baggy, so I bought some 14's off Ebay. Will see if they fit. I will freak out if they do!! I still have off days mentally. I can't comprehend my loss & I feel moody a lot of times. I am definitely not exercising like I promised myself I would! I have an elliptical, a recumbant bike & total fitness machine, I have not used them!! I have to do it!! I just don't have the energy to be honest.

May 18, 2006 Well, I managed to get under 180. The 14's are getting looser by the day! I still can't believe it! I am battling my head & trying to remain positive. It's hard, I just don't see myself as apparently everyone else does. I am starting to notice saggy skin. My legs & butt have all but disappeared & that was the smallest parts of me to begin with. My belly is getting smaller, but the dreaded fat roll drives me insane! It doesn't hang as low as it did, but I still get teh chafing & fungal infections underneath. I try to always document & take pictures everytime. I understand that is good documentation for plastics. I need to make sure my doc writes in my chart about it. My pouch has not been happy the past few days. Half of what I put in has come back up. i honestly think it is becasue I have had some serious sinus drainage the past week. Bill says he does the same when he has drainage. Gross, but I giess the snot has to go somewhere & the pouch is where it ends up.

I still have the ups & downs & not a lot of energy like I thought I would. But then again, we've had some major stressors going on lately. I have taken a fall & currently have 8 stitches in my knee. I tripped going into a store, so it wasn't from feeling bad or anything. We've had some rough patches with our kids & Bill's job as well, so it's just all around. I do have the weird feelings when I get so many compliments. It kind of drives me crazy to be honest. I don't know why, it just does. Remember they always say they did surgery on our stomach, not our head. I know I should be going to more support type functions, I just hate to go without Bill & he doesn't care to go. I think it's because it's usually more women than men & he feels out of place, not sure though.

June 14, 2006 Well, I officially weigh less than I have in 23 years this morning! My scales said 173.4 & I was soooo excited. I remember 175 about 15 years ago, but that's the lowest since right after my son was born, or rather when he was 2!! LOL

I have really been battling fatigue lately. I have no clue why. I don't have the energy to exercise like I should be or the ummpph to even get outta bed on the weekends unless I have to. I have started taking a Potassium supplement and some new B-12 (Bariatric Advantage) that Dr. B gave me. I've also started drinking at least one bottle of Propel Fitness water every day as well as consuming over 100 oz of fluids per day. I feel like I need a big butt full of B-12!! LOL A shot would be good right now!!

I need new pics badly, so I'll try to get that done soon. I look way different than the last updated photo!!

June 28, 2006 - 8 months
Today I am 8 months post-op RNY Gastric Bypass Surgery. Wow, what a rollercoaster ride of emotions this has been! I started out as a size 26/28, and I weighed 260 pounds. I had sleep apnea, slept with a bi-pap machine for 2 years, bad arthritis that I took medicine for everyday for over 3 years, GERD, urinary incontinance & I could go on & on. I didn't have the more serious comorbidities related to obesity, but I was getting there. My blood pressure kept creeping up, as did my blood sugar everytime I saw the doctor.

Hard to believe it's been 8 months. I now wear a size 14 and I weigh 172 pounds. No more sleep apnea, GERD, arthritis meds, etc. My blood pressure is great & my cholesterol & trigycerides are inconceivable to me!

I would love to say that it has been the "Easy Way Out" as some uneducated (and I might add the word "ignorant") people have dared to say to me. However, that is far from the case! At 5 weeks out, I had a stricture. I threw up every single drop of anything that went into my mouth. I'm here to tell you, I hate more than anything! I had to have another endoscopy to open up the stricture, not that big of a deal, but a deal none the less! Then we come to the part of behavioral changes. This is the biggie to me! I never realized how fast I ate before surgery! That has been my downfall! I have so many times from eating too fast!

Then we have the emotions! WOW! Could they be anymore extreme? First of all, I lost a friend, food! I never considered myself to be an emotional eater, but now realize I was/am! It doesn't go away overnight & it's a constant battle. Sometimes I just plain ole feel sorry for myself & I guess I subconsciously try to drag others into that! That's why I try so hard to keep a positive attitude! Depression creeps in though & it's a hard to fight off sometimes even with the most positive of all attitudes!

I know I could do more to loose more weight. I have been battling the no energy monster of late, but what's been my excuse up til now? Believe me, I can find one! Even the most well laid plans can go astray! I need to exercise!! I need to add my protein shakes back in, I need...well, you get the point, I need to get off my a$$ & DO IT!!!!

So, with all this said, would I do this again? In a heart beat & I might have tried to do it sooner! I feel like a normal human being , whatever that feels like! I still have a negative self-image, but hey, I'm working on that! I hated the compliments at first! I despised them in fact!! I kept thinking, I'm the same woman I was before, there's just less of me & you never complimented me before! Now, the more I hear, the more it pumps up my self-image! So bring it!!!

Sorry this has turned into such a long post, but I just needed a little reflection time & to talk myself into & out of some things! As David says on the train, a little ME time, never hurt any of us!

I have to give credit to my biggest supporter, my DH of nearly 26 years, Bill. He went through this in Jan. 2005 & to date has lost over 155 pounds! I'm so proud of him, but moreso, it's like having a built in tech-support! He has been through most everything that I am going through now. It's cool not to have to give a big drawn out explanation of "dumping" to someone! He can look at me or vice-versa & say "ya dumpin'", no questions, no explanations, other than anything I can do to help?

I'm soooooo thankful for the TMB and the many friends & accquantances (sp) I have made here! You all have been one of my major guiding forces to make it through some days that I didn't feel I could & others, well, my dear Mellie, what in the world would I have done without your friendship??? I love you all!! You are such an inspiration to me & I hope in turn, that I might be an inspiration to someone one day! I'll do my best!

August 28, 2006
Well, today I am 10 months out from surgery. I am down 5 pounds since my last post 2 months ago. That doesn't make me real happy, but I have no one but myself to blame. Some days I am up 2 or 3 pounds, other days I am down that same amount. I have been eating like the proverbial horse lately. Some days I feel like I ate a horse, other days I feel like I didn't squeak in 500 calories, so I guess maybe it evens out.

I am still battling fatigue. I went to the doctor & she ran all kinds of labwork and found nothing other than my B-12 was on the low end of the scale. There's a big range for B-12 though. It goes from 200-900 and mine was 272! Nikki is giving me B-12 injections every couple of weeks, but they don't seem to be helping!

I really had hoped that by this time I would have lost at least 100 lbs., but hey, the 93 is nothing to smirk at! I am wearing some 12's now & I never thought I would be able to say that! Bill & I both know that we need to cut out the grazing & get some sort of exercise program in to jump start the loss again! We keep saying when it gets cooler, so maybe that's this week, who knows! LOL

I've had a lot going on in the past couple of months, Mom had open heart surgery & another surgery on her leg & she's been living with us, Steph moved back home, my brother has been in dire straights & I've been trying to help him, etc. etc. I could go on & on, but I vow to do for myself!!

There have been pluses & minuses to this journey, but more plus than minus. They just forget to tell you about the rollercoaster of emotion! I'm sure a lot of that is hormone related, because Bill went through & is still going through some of it, but not as severely as I seem to be. I would certainly go through all this again! It is soooo worth it just to feel better physically even if I do have mentally challenging days! LOL

September 18, 2006 Well, I finally took a step towards becoming a support group leader. I feel like I have so much to give and that is truly what I want to do. however, I don't want to just have a get-together/gossip type meeting. Those may work for others, but not for me. I need something more structured. So I signed up with OH & received my info. I have to take three training sessions, all of which are via conference calls. They are on pretty interesting topics, including Nutrition, Types of Surgery & Support Group Leader info. I look forward to doing my first call!

I do vow to get better on updating my profile. I know how important it was for me to be able to read people's profiles & see their progress. It also helped to see the negative side that so many people will write about in their "journal" but are not willing to post for fear of scaring a newbie. I do understand the reasoning behind that, but I personally think it is better to have all the facts whether tey are "good, bad or ugly". It just helped me to be more realistic about things. I have taken that same approach with my dear angellette Donna. I told her from the beginning of her journey that it wasn't all pretty. She told me that she needed to know all sides too. I saw her at lunch today. I am soooo proud of her for making this giant leap!! She has lost about 14 pounds already! I think her face even looked thinner today. I think we tend to lose from top to bottom! LOL

I am still battling the no energy demon, although I have started walking & doing some elliptical training. I hope to be able to do more soon!