Robert Palmer
I am a former high school (Granbury Pirates) and college athlete (Gig'Em Aggies) and a former Marine (OORah). After college I started having problems maintaining my weight. I finished at 220 and went up to around 250 or so. Then went into the Marines and got down to 208 with 5% body fat. Since my discharge, it has been a steady spiral up. My highest weight was 340. At one point, I was starving myself and exercising like a fiend. I lost down to 242, but then had to stop due to other family illnesses. Since then I have gradually gone back up to 327. I am scheduled for RNY-Lap on August 8th, 2005. Both of my parents have had it done by Dr. Barker, with wonderful results. My Mother is over a year out and has lost over 100lbs. My Dad is about 6 months out and has lost 75-100 lbs too. My goal is 100lbs.
July 6 2005 (Thanks TraciP) - I have my EGD scheduled for July 14th and my pre-op bloodwork scheduled for August 4th. I am starting to get a little nervous. I am out of town for business this week (Detroit, MI). I think that is going to be the hardest part of my new journey. The travelling I have to do for work.
********
July 11 2005 - I got my info back from the Cardiologist. I knew they were very pleased, but I didn't know how well I had done. It took me 11 minutes on the treadmill to reach the target heart rate of 153. That was after running 2 minutes. I actually reached 163! According to the camera thingy, my heart effeciency is 63%. The normal range is 50 to 65%. Damn, I am in shape, if it just wasn't for this extra 110lbs hanging around. When I lose this, I will have lost someone who weighs as much as my wife! And that is soaking wet with her clothes on! Today she suggested that we start walking together as a family to get some exercise! What a great idea. I have been walking a work, but if she wants to join me in anything, then I am all for it.
***********
July 19, 2005 - Had my EGD last thursday. Everything was fine. No problems at all. Dr. Barker did say there was some erosion from acid reflux but nothing to worry about. It was so funny, I don't remember anything after going into the procedure room. The anestesiologist started the drugs and I was out! The next thing I remember is waking up in recovery/step down. About 30 minutes later I was in the car headed home. Boy was I starving too. I hadn't eaten since midnight the night before, and it was now 3:00 pm. Then I get told that I have to have liquids for 48 hrs. ARGGHH!! Not what I wanted to hear. Oh, well, what ya gonna do right? We went to the Harry Potter book release party at Barnes and Noble on Friday night (7/15). Victoria is a nut for all things HP. She read the first 5 books last summer in about 1 month. They handed out bracelets with numbers on them and we were number 207. Right at midnight they dropped the baloons and started selling. It went pretty quick. I think we were out of there by 12:30 if not before. Of course she started reading in the truck. She is up to page 250 something now. It wouldn't surprise me if she finishes it before this weekend. She is a great reader for a 10 year old.
One other thing, I will be changing my surgery date to September. I had it planned for the week before school starts by my wife is concerned that I will not be in any shape to help her get through the first week of school. She still has anxiety attacks related to Victoria going back to school. I had planned to be off at least those 2 weeks, but in the spirit of compromise, I agreed to move my date to September. No date set yet as Dr. Barker is not scheduling out that far yet. Or more specifically, the hospital isn't. But I should have a date the first week in August.
*********
July 21, 2005 - Today will be my last post for about 10 days or so. We are going on vacation to Mississippi. We go to the Neshoba County Fair in Philadelphia, MS every year. My wife's family has a cabin on the fairgrounds.
*********
August 1, 2005 - Good morning all. We got back from vacation on friday night. Actually saturday morning around 1:00 am, to get this, NO A/C! It had gone out during the week. Luckily my next door neighbor was checking on our dog (Spaz the schipperke) and told us about it. So I stopped at wal-mart on the way in and picked up a window unit to at least cool the master bedroom for us to all sleep in there. The house was almost 110 degrees when we got home. It took 3 hours for the window unit just to cool down the room enough to sleep. And that was will fans blowing right on the 3 of us too.
I had called an a/c repair company to come out and look at it on thursday before we got home. Their estimate? 1200.00 to fix it with no guarantee it would work. Luckily my next door neighbor does a/c work for the Arlington ISD and he said it looked like some of the wiring burned through. I looked at it, and sure enough he was right. So 20 bucks in materials and a couple hours of my time later and the a/c was back on line saturday morning. I am tempted to call the a/c company and give them an earful.
Anyway, we had a good time in Mississippi. We go to the Neshoba County Fair every year. It is like a huge family reunion for my wife's side of the family. Her Grandfather grew up in Philadelphia, MS. Her family has a cabin on the fairgrounds, but because of her health problems the last 5 or 6 years, we have stayed at the casino, so she has somewhere to get out of the heat.
Now I have to catch up on all the messages for the last 10 days. Hope everyone is doing well.
August 8, 2005 - Well, a little depressed today. Today was supposed to have been my surgery date. But I moved it to September to resolve some conflict at home. I probably shouldn't have. But, in an effort to make everyone happy (but myself) I did. I should hear today on my new date. I was supposed to hear on Friday. I was really hoping that call would come in. I will try to update more later. Don't really feel like typing right now.
August 10, 2005 - Feeling a little better today about things. I called Dr. Barker's office yesterday and officially have my new surgery date. 9/7/2005. Time to start getting nervous again. One month to go. School starts back on Monday for the kids. Victoria doesn't want to go. She wants to stay home. She is a great student, but she misses her friends from her other school. They are constantly building new schools and that changes the attendance zones for everyone. So now, her and her friends all go to different elementary schools. I will update more later.
August 17, 2005 - As of today I am 3 weeks away from my date. September 7. Starting to get a little nervous and anxious. I know this is the right decision for me. Especially with my family history of Diabetes, Heart Attacks and Strokes. I have had 3 surgeries in my life and was never anxious like this before them. Well, the first one doesn't count, I was 2. But the others were as an adult. Collarbone and apendix. My wife is still not 100% behind my decision to do this. For 2 reasons. 1, she thinks that if I lose weight, I am going to be looking for someone else in my life. She has a lot of health problems relating to having been in a car accident when she was 5 years old and had her neck broken. I have been beside her every step of the way since we married 17 years ago. And I tried to explain to her that if I don't do this, there is a very real possibility that I won't be there to take care of her in the future. The other reason is that she literally cannot stand it when I am sick, even with a cold. When I had to have my appendix taken out several years back I was in the hospital for 4 days and she was there maybe 3 times. In the last 10 years she has been in the hospital for a total of probably a year. Multiple surgeries and related illness. I am there with her constantly. Mainly to protect her from her mother who can be a world class bitch. While I don't expect or want her to sit there with me 24 hours a day (we have a 10 year old daughter) I would appreciate a little more support. After all, I am doing this as much for her as I am for me.
August 25, 2005 - Kinda morbid I know, but something that has to be thought about. I spent today working on my Will and on my Advanced Directives (Living Will). Kinda depressing really. Makes you think about a lot of things that you don't really want to think about. Your own life and the life that your family might have with out you. I guess I don't really have a question, just needed to get it off my chest so to speak. I have been kinda in the dumps the last week or two anyway and this doesn't help. No chance of me changing my date or backing out. This is something that has to be done and has to be done now. I know that. Just a combination of anxiety and depression I guess.
*********
September 4, 2005 - Haven't posted to my profile in a while. Had a bad "discussion" with my wife this morning. She woke me up from a sound sleep crying and said we need to talk. I don't know about you but I hate those "we need to talk" talks. It means I don't talk I just sit there and listen. Anyway, apparently she just realized that my date was this Wednesday (September 7). She has known about it since I have. But I had marked it on the calendar and marked when I am supposed to start my liquid diet etc.. She wanted to know why I am trying to kill her. Her we go with this again. My wife has severe physical and mental issues that have steadily gotten worse over the last 5 years. Her physical problems are tied back to a broken neck she suffered in 1972 in a car accident. This has led to multiple head and neck surgeries in the last 10 years. Many of which have not worked as hoped. No matter what I have stood by her in the hospital day and night, taking off from work to hold her hand, her puke cup, help her to the bathroom when the nurses weren't available etc. I have never asked for anything in return. I do it because I love her and I want her to be comfortable and comforted. There are times when I have to be tough with her and I know she doesn't understand it, but it has to be that way sometimes. Her parents are absolutely no help to her or us. They treat her like all of her problems are emotional and if she would just go see a shrink it would go away. I will agree, that is part of the problem. And I am the cause of some of that. When we were first married I did not start a retirement savings. I thought I had plenty of time. I was 21, young and dumb! I lied to her for 10 years about our money situation, all the time watching it get worse and worse. Partially because of her hospital bills and partially because of my failure to own up to my own shortcomings and my own failures managing our money. Last year, I had to refinance the house so that we could pay off credit card debt (30000 which I had caused to be run up due to having to use my own cc's at work for travel purposes. I would pocket the reimbursement money and not pay off the cards) and hospital bills. I tried to do this without her knowing it, not to remove her from the legal docs, but just so she wouldn't stress out over what I had done and leave me. Needless to say, it couldn't be done and I had to own up to everything. The only good thing that has come out of this is that I only refinanced 100,000. Our home is worth 160,000. So we still have plenty of equity in our home to sell it and buy a new one when we choose. But since then, every time something happens, I am trying to kill her. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I love her with all my heart. She is the only friend I have. I honestly do not have anyone else as a friend outside of our marriage. Sure I have co-workers that I am friends with, but no one that I could truly call a best friend. I am so envious of my brother in that respect. He has a core group of friends around him that would do anything for him and he for them. I really wish I had that. That being said, I have always been a relative loner. I am perfectly comfortable living by myself, eating by myself, etc.. But there are times when you really need someone to just talk to that doesn't have a vested interest in what you have to say. I guess my dog Spaz counts as that, but she is getting old and tired of listening to me too, I am sure. Anyway, she doesn't want me to have the surgery, period. She has said that she will not come up to the hospital because she cannot stand to see me sick or in pain. I have told her that she has my "permission", not that she needs it, to stay home. I don't want her there if she is going to be a basket case anyway. I have also promised her that I will NOT hold it against her in the future. Something that she can't do. She holds a grudge like no one I know. I am having the surgery on Wednesday. No questions or doubts about it. I guess I am just not having a good day. Maybe need to change my antidepressants. I do not want or expect absolution. I screwed up our relationship seriously. I know that and I continue to apologize and try to atone for my mistakes. But it doesn't seem to matter. Her dr. has tried to get her to go see a therapist, but she says "I know what is wrong me". I tell her knowing and fixing are two different things. She has got to learn to love herself and see herself the way that Victoria and I do. Do I think our marriage is going to survive this? I honestly don't know. God I hope so, but right now things are not looking good. So I am leaning on you kind folks here at OH and specifically TMB to help me through this. My parents and Daughter are her for me. I know that. I just wish my wife could support me. Enough rambling for now. sorry.
September 5, 2005 - Today has not been too good either. All she has done all weekend is cry almost to the point of hysterics. Then she will be ok, then it starts all over again. She keeps doing everything she can to get me to not go through with this. She even went so far today as to tell me that all I have to do is eat better and get more exercise. Tell me something I don't know. I have been eating better for 6 months now. I could exercise more, I know. That being said, I have not dropped a pound in six months. The only way I have been able to lose any weight at all was this week when I started the liquid diet. I have stuck to it pretty closely. I did deviate from it a little while I was travelling. But for the most part I think I did really well. By my scale I have lost about 15 pounds. Which is great. I am really happy and proud of that fact. Dr. Barker wanted me to lose 10.
I finished my goodbye letter to her tonight. Boy that was difficult. I have sat here with tears running down my face for over an hour now as I try to get through it. I may give it to her anyway, just so that she will know my feelings for her are true and undying. Thanks again for everyone's support! I so need it right now.
September 7, 2005 - Just had my last drink of water for 24 hrs
It is now a little after midnight and I just had my last glass of water for 18 to 24 hours. It is also a little more than 12 hours until my surgery. I am starving right now. The liquid diet has worked, but I couldn't do it for much longer. I have lost 16 pounds in 5 days on it. Anyway, my brother is going to post a message to the board when I get out of surgery/recovery. Wish me luck!
September 9, 2005 - Good evening everyone. Just wanted to drop a note and let everyone know I came home last night. All in all a great experience surgically. No problems what so ever. Very little pain at all except from the bloating gas. I made my self promise not to step on the scale until I hit Dr. Barker's office on Thursday for my 1 week staple removal. Paul, Thank you so much for coming all the way to Mesquite. I really appreciated the company, and the bottles. Even Dr. Barker was impressed with them
September 15, 2005 - Went to Dr. Barkers for my 1 week appt. I am now at 304. That is 26 down including the 5 days before surgery when I started the liquid diet. I was really hoping to be under 300. But I am happy with those results anyway. Question for everyone: How many carbs are you taking in? What about calories? I know RNY is a mal-absorptive procedure so we don't injest all the calories we put in our mouth. But I don't want to slow down my basal metabolic rate either.
September 22, 2005 - Weighed in yesterday. I have lost a total of 35 lbs in the little over 2+ weeks since my liquid diet and surgery! I am so ecstatic!
September 23, 2005 - Any of you who have read my profile know the trials and tribulations I have been going through at home in regards to my wife and my surgery. It just keeps getting better!
Apparently yesterday she decided it was time to clean out all the closets in the house. Which is fine, they do need to cleaned of clothes that don't fit her and Tori. Of the 6 clothes closets in our house, between the 2 of them, they use all 6. We have 2 walkins in our bedroom. In "my" closet, I have one rod for my clothes. Which is neither here nor there, just pointing out that they have too freakin many clothes and she keeps buying more with out getting rid of stuff that doesn't fit. We have sacks of clothes in the attic that she just can't part with. I get home from work around 5:30 yesterday afternoon. And ask her if there is anything she needs me to help with. There are clothes all over the place. She said no, so I said I was going to be on the computer adding my FitDay.com stuff in for the day. Then she says that the white board downstairs in the kitchen is full of stuff that needs to be done. Ok, I go down and check it, sure enough she has written a bunch of stuff down she wants to get done. So I dust downstairs and vacuum. No biggie, because of her back problems she can't vacuum, and I wouldn't ask her to. After I finish half of the downstairs (wanted to wait until Tori was finished with her homework to vacuum the dining room), dinner is ready so we sit down to eat. It was delicious and I told her so, Salmon and Couscous. But for some reason, I couldn't get it down. Well, I did get one bite down, but it didn't want to stay. That was my first near dumping experience. Not sure why. It may have been the seasoning on the salmon. I made sure to explain to her that it wasn't that I didn't like it or it wasn't good. LIke I said, it was delicious. But for whatever reason, furby, didn't like it. After I finished vacuuming and dusting downstairs, I sat down to watch the Aggie football game last night while I was going over Tori's homework. By that time it was time for Tori to go to bed. So I put her to bed and read to her. After reading to her, I went back down to finish watching the ballgame. Cyndi comes around the corner and says "If something happens to me, I want to be buried in Woodson". Woodson is where her grandparents lived/died out in West Texas, close to Abilene. I ask her what she means by that. What is going to happen to her? This "pseudo" threat follows along the same lines as the "your just trying to kill me" threats and outbursts that she has from time to time.
I just don't get it. Then she came down and said "We need counselling" . And that it is starting to affect Tori. While I agree that we need counselling, the only way it is affecting Tori, is if she is doing or saying something to her. I make sure that she is not around when we are having a "discussion". Cyndi always tries to pull her into it. "Didn't this or that happen...." I do everything I can to make sure that doesn't happen, but what happens when I am not home? She won't take any initiative to find a therapist that she can work with or anything. I have to do it. Fine. Just like with all of her other Dr. Appts, I have to make them and take her to them. I don't mind taking her to her appts at all. What I do mind is having to make all of her appts for her. She is perfectly capable of picking up the phone and placing a call. But I get tired of fighting that fight and usually end up doing it anyway. So I will be doing that this morning some time.
When I got up at 5am this morning to get ready for work, she was laying in the bed, moaning and groaning like she had a severe migraine. Which she does get from time to time. I asked her if she wanted me to stay and take Tori to school. If so, I would go back to bed for another hour or so. She said no, so I went and took a shower, got dressed and was fixing my protein shake in the kitchen. She comes down and is just standing by the counter with her arms crossed. Based on her "if anything happens" comment last night, I told her "There are 2 things you need to know. 1, if you are selfish enough to do something to harm yourself, you better do it all the way. (harsh I know, but I am tired of the threats). And 2, you had better not do something that puts Tori in a position to be the one that finds you or has to help you. Then she starts in saying that Tori tells her things that she won't tell me, which I am sure is true. Mothers and daughters being what they are.... So I ask her like what? Keep in mind this whole time, I am not losing my temper or raising my voice. I am just trying to get her to talk to me. She says that Tori tells her that I am not nice to Cyndi. I ask her for an example. Her first example was that last week, all I did was sit on the couch or take a nap. She seems to have completely forgotten that I had major abdominal surgery the week before. That I don't do anything around the house. Which is bullsh*t. I do the laundry, vacuum, yardwork, all the grocery shopping, pick up her prescriptions, make her dr. appts, take her to her dr. appts and a host of other things. I bend over backward for her. A prime example is the saturday after I came home from the hospital on friday. She had a prescription that my Dad, had stopped and picked up at the Dr.s office in downtown FTW for her. She was sick/not feeling good so I drove down to the pharmacy to get it. I felt fine, and it is only a short drive. But I know I wasn't supposed to. Then on Sunday, we spent 5 hours walking around Target and Walmart. I was wore out, but I did it for her knowing that she doesn't get out of the house on her own that often. She started crying that she hurts all the time. I told her, you are the only one in this family that is allowed to hurt. No one can hurt as much as you, no one could possibly know how she feels. Bullsh*t. I have been dealing with lower back and leg pain for 5 years now. But I don't say anything about it, because hers is" always" worse. Nobody can stand as much pain as she does.... She doesn't care one bit about the pain anyone else is in. She hasn't asked me one time since I came home from the hospital how I am feeling or even how much have I lost. When I brought this to her attention this morning, she still didn't ask.
I just don't know how much more of this I can take. I am about to the point now, where I am ready to throw in the towel on this relationship. We have been together for 17 years. The first 11 were great, these last 6 have been close to hell on earth for me. It takes 2 to make a marriage work and it takes 2 to make it fail. I have been trying to work at it, but she obviously doesn't care. So why should I?
September 24, 2005 - Good evening all. As I am writing this, I am flying 35000 feet over this great nation of ours on my way to Baltimore. I want to thank everyone for their kind words of encouragement and even for the several kicks in the pants. All of which I needed! I made her an appt friday morning with a therapist that deals with families and children as well. When I got home Friday afternoon, I had sort of expected her to join Tori and I for dinner with my Sis-in-law and her kids who are up from Houston. We were to meet them with my parents over in Fort Worth. When I got home, Tori was ready to go, but Cyndi wasn't going. No big surprise really. As long as Tori was ready I didn't care. We left and I didn't even bother saying goodbye, I was just so tired of the drama. Anyway, dinner was great. It was the first time Tori had gotten to meet her new cousins, Helen and Joe. They hit it off great, like I knew they would. About half way through dinner, my dad's cell phone rings. It is Cyndi saying she is having a panic attack. My dad asked her if she wanted him to tell me or for him to come over. She said no, (then why did she call?). We finished dinner at a leisurely pace and went back to my parents house for everyone to just sit around and enjoy the rest of the evening. Tori and I got home around 10:30. She was sound asleep and didn't wake up when we got home. About 6:00 am she woke up and moved over to my side of the bed and put her arm around me. We slept like this for another hour or so before natures morning call. When I came back to bed we wen back to sleep like that for another couple of hours. First time in probably six months.
She woke before me and went downstairs. When I woke, I started getting ready to cut the grass. She came in and asked me if we could talk. I think I have mentioned before that what that normally means is she talks and I listen. This time was different. We were able to put all of the cards on the table. What I felt was wrong in our relationship and what I thought it would take to fix it. And she did likewise. We both agree that we love each other very much and that we want to work at fixing the issues. I told her I had made an appt for her/us to attend therapy, but that she has to go first. She agreed. I guess we will know for sure on Friday. I think we have made some positive steps. The next few months will tell for sure though.
September 29, 2005 - At 3.5 weeks I am down 40 pounds! WWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I need to get more exercise in this week as I only lost 5 pounds. Only 5 pounds. That is a big deal, but it just doesn't seem like it.
********
October 6, 2005 - Jumped on the scale this morning and I have lost another 6 pounds! That brings my 4 week total to 46 pounds! I am so excited. I actually am now wearing size 44/42 pants down from 48/50! And the pleats don't pucker! Just had to share. Hope everyone is having a great day!
October 13, 2005 - Down another 4 pounds this week. That puts me at 50 total for 5 weeks! I was hoping it was a little more, but I didn't get my exercise in last week.
October 23, 2005 - I think I am about ''this close (picture fingers touching) to divorce after this weekend. My parents gave my brother and I NASCAR driving school tickets for Christmas last year and today was to be the day we did it. She decided that 'She would prefer not to go" and I am sure talked our daughter into the same decision at some point this week. She knows how big a deal this is to me. I grew up in SC and NASCAR is in my blood. But of course she has no desire to participate or support anything that I enjoy or want to do. She would rather go shopping for new shorts for our trip to Disney World this week. Not that she needs any, she has closets full of clothes that she hasn't worn in years. Literally! Earlier this week when I took her to a Dr. appt., she made the comment that we are going to go to Disney and act as if everything is ok. But after that "who knows". Her exact words. I am to the point of telling her, I know, call her brother the attorney and I will find one of my own. I am so tired of everything. Am I perfect. Hell no. I know that, and I have never claimed to be. All I ask is that she support me and SOME of the things I like to do. Apparently that is too much to ask.
**********
November 2, 2005 - Back from Disney World! We got back from WDW last night about 10:00 pm. I was so tempted to jump on the scales then, but I figured I would wait until this morning. Down another 10 lbs. That makes 60 so far since 9/7! Woohoo! The trip itself was fun, with the exception of the last day and a half. Most of the trip was paid for with airmiles/hotel points, so all we had to pay out of pocket was for park tickets, meals and rental car. The park tickets are outrageous! Over 700.00 for the 3 of us. Meals we were able to do on the cheap, especially since I don't eat very much anymore! LOL. I have a lot of work to catch up on and will try to post more a little later.
November 14, 2005 - I haven't been posting as much lately. Don't know why really. But I wanted to post about a WOW moment I had last week. I was on a flight to Jackson, MS. It was on one of those Embraer Puddle jumper jets. And I could fit in the seat with out my fat thighs hitting the recline button constantly. Way cool. Anyway, I know it is early for New Years Resolutions, but I promise to be more active on the board. I need the support from here and if I can give back, so much the better. I have lost 65 pounds so far since surgery as well. Which is way cool too!
**********
December 12, 2005 - One of my main goals after my surgery in September was to be able to fit into a pair of black loose fit levis (size 38) that I have had hanging in my closet for 14 years. I hoped to be in them by the end of the year. Well, guess what! I wore them to work friday! I got on the scale this morning and have lost another 5 pounds this week. Down to 251. That makes a total of 79 in 3 months! Only 30 more to reach my dr.'s goal and 40 more to reach my goal.
**********
January 9, 2006 - Just wanted to check in. It has been a very busy month and a half so far. For those that know of my family issues, my wife and I started going to a counselor a few weeks ago. Things seem to be getting better. Hopefully it is going to work for both of us.
On an even better note, as of my weigh in on Saturday, I am down 90 pounds! 30 more to go to reach my goal of 210!
***********
July 13, 2006 - I know, I know, it has been forever since I updated. I just posted a new picture. I will try to have some new ones this weekend. My brother is having surgery on July 26th. So please keep him in your prayers.
************
August 1, 2006 - We are going to Cancun for a week starting this Friday. Should be fun. Hopefully!
************
October 4, 2006 - This is shaping up to be a tough week I do believe. I talked to my wife's pain medicine dr and explained to her how much she is drinking (2 + boxes of wine per week) and that her parents and I feel that she really needs to go into an in patient detox program. If for no other reason than to get her off of all the pain meds she is on and to establish a true baseline of her pain levels and locations. For those that don't know, narcotics can cause the pain receptors to fire even when there is no pain. This how the body tricks the mind into taking more and more. Or maybe I should say how the mind tricks the mind. But anyway, her dr agrees with me. I suggested to her that she tell my wife that unless she goes into detox she is going to cut her meds off completely. She has her appt on Thursday morning. Unfortunately I can go with her. Her mother is going to take her. I know if her doctor does push this (which she hopefully will), she is going to initially blame her mother for this. I asked the doctor if I could forcibly commit her to a treatment facility. But the only way that can happen is if she is shown to be a danger to herself or someone else. And that honestly isn't the case. Although, she may be a danger to me when she finds out I am the instigator. Have to hide the guns and the ammo! LOL. But seriously, I honestly believe this will be the beginning of the end of our marriage. Although it has been on the rocks for several years now. Partially my fault as I have documented above. But it is now to the point where I have to ask myself, "Do I love her?" The answer continues to be yes, but the other question that lingers is "I am in love with her?" And I honestly cannot answer that question. After being pushed away for so long, there comes a point where you have to do something for yourself and quit coming back for more rejection. Does she love me? I believe the answer is yes. She says she does. But I just don't know how I honestly feel. More later
This is some of my Daughter's artwork. She is the love of my life along with my beautiful wife. I will be posting some pictures of them shortly | |
 | |
These are pictures of my wife, Cyndi, and my beautiful intelligent daughter, Victoria | |
Victoria and Cynthia at the Harry Potter Book Release on 7/15/05 | |
 | |
Victoria at the HP book release on 7/15/05 | |
 | |
Victoria and Friends watching Fireworks on July 4th | |
 | |
Victoria playing with sparklers on July 4th | |
 | |
Ashton, Victoria and Cynthia at Zoo Camp | |
 | |
My Family at my Parents 40th Anniversary Party | |
 | |
Fitting into both legs of an old pair of my pants! Weight 260. | |
 | |
The three of us at Disney World for Halloween | |
 | |
My brother and I at our Nascar Racing Experience at Texas Motor Speedway | |
| |
My Family at my Parents 40th Anniversary Party | |
 | |
Topless in Cancun! | |
 | |
Victoria and I at Senor Frogs | |
 | |
The three of us at Xel Ha eco-park | |
 | |
Beach Bar in Playa del Carmen | |
These are two of my favorite institutions in the world! | |
 |  |
