Rogue
11/10/04
I have been overweight all my life. I am single at 30 with no children and I feel like I never even started my life. I am tired of just surviving! I want to enjoy my life and stop watching from the sidelines. My Grandmother and Mother both had WLS in the 1980's and it worked well for them. For a long time I wouldn't even think about WLS, I thought I didn't need it. Then I found out that I weigh more than my grandmother and mother did when they got their surgeries. That was a BIG slap in the face. I am hoping to get this surgery so that I can get healthy and feel better about myself.
3/29/05
Well, here's an update for you. Back in November when I decided to make my first step I went to the informative meeting at Trinity in Moline, IL. Learned some new stuff and heard some stuff I already knew. I made my appointment for my first consultation with Melissa (she's the coordinator). Then I started looking into my insurance further and found out that in Feb. 04 my insurance changed to require a 2 year documented physicians diet preceding my surgery date. Needless to say, I didn't have that. Before the wonderful job that I have now, I didn't have insurance and didn't have a PCP. I hit rock bottom. I was sooo depressed! Here I made a decision to have the surgery and after finding that out I couldn't believe it. I stayed off this site for a long time because I was SOOOOO angry and jealous (yes I admit it). Then about a month ago I found my way back. I just have to say that I LOVE this site. I know that I don't post often (right now only once) but I am here daily to check up and I'm addicted to reading everyone's profiles. Anywho, I decided instead of ME deciding that insurance wouldn't cover, I'll let the insurance company decide. I know, I know what a novel idea!! So, I had my consultation with Melissa at Trinity on 3/16/05 and my Pysch evaluation was 3/25/05. Now I'm waiting for Trinity to get their copy of my evaluation. I'm thinking about seeing a chiropractor as more evidence of medical necessity. If you are reading this, THANK YOU! and sorry so long. Now that I know how important everyone's profiles are to me I will update more often just in case I can help someone with my journey. Wish me luck!!
4/28/05
Well I have an appointment to meet with a surgeon at Trinity!! I can't believe it took so long for my pysch consult to be forwarded to Trinity. (over a month)I had a "nice" conversation with a friend the other day...she told me that she thinks that I have never "really tried" to lose weight. She was like "I thought you were doing well with Weight Watchers." I told her "I lost 12 pounds." Now don't get me wrong, I was HAPPY with those 12 pounds in 2003. Even though it took 4 months. (I had to quit for financial reasons) NONE of my friends understand me I think, that's why I love this board SO MUCH!! I love reading posts that really hit home. It's nice to know that I am not the only one who thinks the way I do. My appointment is May 13 so I will update after that.
5/16/05
Well, I had my consultation with Dr. Schrier on Friday. I think that it went well. He talked to me about the risks and such. I told him that my grandmother and mother both had it done in the 80's so he would know that I had an idea what would happen. I told him about this site too. He said that I am at higher risk for complications because of my weight. Which I understand but I know that many people who get this operation are my size and bigger. He said that the letter to my insurance company will go out by the end of this week (by 5/20) and if I don't hear from them in one month to call my insurance company to check on my claim. I can't call the dr's office for two months though. I'm hoping that I will hear back from them sooner than that, but we'll see. I also told him that I am ready to fight and he said not to think that way, because Insurance Companies are psycho and you can never guess what they will say. Good thing, I haven't gained any weight. I will be moving to Davenport on Memorial Day weekend, so I will be busy. Maybe the time will go by faster!! Wish me luck!
5/26/05
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!! I'M APPROVED!!! My case manager from BC/BS Sue called me at work today to ask if I had received my approval letter. I was like "NO!" (excitement builds) Then she goes "Well, your surgery has been approved." WOOOOOOO HOOOOOO! She was sooooo nice. She said she would be my case manager and that she wanted my surgery to be a success (ME TOO!) so she would be following up with me throughout my process. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??? I had just assumed that I would be denied and then WHAM! guess what WRONG! I AM SOOOO HAPPY! :) I called the surgeon's office and they said that when they receive a copy of my approval then they will call me to set an appointment to see Dr. Schrier again where I should get my dates for surgery and preop tests. Will update then.
6/2/05
Well my appointment with Dr. Schrier will be June 8th. I have to have my deductible of $1000.00(!!) on that date. I am in the process of trying to be approved for a loan from my bank for that amount. But I did find out that if I'm not approved for the loan, my boss is willing to loan me the money. Isn't that awesome?!! Sometimes I can't believe how I found such a great company to work for that actually hired me. And, in August it will be 2 years here!! On the 8th I will find out my pre-op testing and surgery dates!! OMG! This is starting to go fast. I have moved to Davenport in my own apartment. It is a little lonely right now. I'm not used to it and I don't have cable right now because I can't afford it. After surgery I'm going to get a part-time second job so I have a little extra money to play with. Will update later....
6/3/05
I was approved for my loan! My payments will be like $62 for 18 months. I'm just glad that I don't have to worry about that anymore.
6/8/05
I HAVE A DATE!!!! My pre-op testing will be on June 23rd and my surgery will be on July 6th! WOW, a little less than a month away. Can you believe it? It seems to be going sooo fast now. I thought I wouldn't even be approved and look at me now baby. My grandma will be staying at the apartment with my cats and with me after I go home. I will be in the hospital for like 4-6 days! I didn't realize it was going to be that long, but I'm happy that they play it safe. Dr. M. McFarland will be assisting him with the surgery. I guess they do this as a safegaurd for people with a high BMI. I told him that I was hoping to go back to work after 2 weeks and he said that I was being VERY optimistic but it changes with everyone so we will see how I feel. I have AFLAC that will kick in after 15 days and July is a 3 paycheck month (paid every 2 weeks) so I will try not to stress about getting back to work too early. I am getting cable!! There is just NO WAY that I am going to be home for 2 or more weeks with nothing to do. I will be walking the hallways of my apartment building though. I also have elevators so that if I want to get some fresh air on my walks I can do that. I know I'm babbling and this might be happening a lot until surgery. If you're reading this, sorry!! ;)
Tina
6/24/05 Copied from my post on the July 05 board
Hi all!! I hope everyone is doing well. I had my pre-op tests yesterday. This is what my day was: ultrasound of gallbladder (she also looked at more stuff), X-rays of upper chest (I'm not sure what this is for I'm a non-smoker), Upper GI (barium, to me, is not as bad as I thought it would be), EKG, Pulmonary (they put the thing on your finger to check your heart rate), I got that little thing you have to breathe into after your surgery (can't remember the name right now) and then they took 3 vials of blood but no blood gases for me. The hospital where I am going to has a Bariatric Institute so after that I got to eat breakfast and go there. They (Melissa and Billy who are GREAT!) went through everything. Billy took my before pictures and weight and gave me a copy and will also email them to me. I signed a living will. The one cool thing was that Kathy who is having her surgery the same day as me was there too! A dietician talked to us and then Melissa showed us a whole bunch of stuff (how big the hospital gowns are, a picture of their hospital beds, a picture of an average incision on a real person, and the also had ALL the tubes that will be in us there and explained them in detail which I liked alot). Also, we will go back there monthly to weigh and when we were there someone came in who had the surgery in December and she was nice enough to sit down and talk with us. She has lost over 100 pounds! I feel even more prepared now than I thought I was. I'm sorry this was so long but I know that I love posts like this and wanted to put it out there for anyone who wants the info. I hope everyone is doing well!!
Tina
8/8/05
Well today is my first day back at work since my surgery. I will write about my surgery experience when I have more time. I can't believe that I have lost 48 pounds all together so far in a month!! I will go back to the Dr. on 8/11 to see if I have lost more since my last weigh in on 7/28.
8/17/05
Okay, I want to do this before I forget. My surgery was on a Wednesday so I had to start the bowel prep on Monday (7/4) at 5:00 PM. Well, I started clear liquids then. My grandma stayed with me from this point on till August 6th, because I went back to work on 8/8. Let me just say now that I LOVE LOVE LOVE my grandma, she is basically my mom and I don't know what I would do without her!! Anyway, I digress. On Tuesday at noon I had to take Phososoda which I mixed with Ginger Ale. Let me just say that right now I am sitting here gagging by just thinking about that crap!! I had to take this again at 5:00 PM. I also had to take 4 pills 2 times that day that made me sooo sick. If you take these, be carefull, I was sitting there one minute in my chair and the next minute I was throwing up. GROSS I know. So Wednesday we had to be at the hospital by 8:30 and I was still nauseous so they gave me something which helped alot. I didn't get nervous untill the anestesiologist(?) came to talk to me and told me that when we put me to sleep the stuff will burn my arm when going in. I was like, what kind of burn???!! I though I was done by getting the IV. (I HATE NEEDLES) I walked back to the surgery room by myself and got on the tiny table I think around 9:30 or so. They were strapping me down, giving me warm blankets, and doing other stuff. I was asleep before Dr. Schrier came in. There was no burning at all and one minute the anestesioligist was saying "Tina are you doing okay?" and the next thing I was waking up. I DO NOT remember the recovery room at all. I don't even know how long I was there. It seemed like I had just woken up and then they were wheeling me to my room. I remember that when we went over the bumps to get on and off of the elevator that it hurt my belly. My family was in my room already. There was my grandma, my mom, my sister, and my two nephews Tony & Miguel. I was in a bit of pain and I kept my eyes closed alot so the nurses were like "when you open your eyes we can give you your pain pump (morphine)" I wasn't really listening so then my mom and grandma kept saying it "if you open your eyes you can get something for the pain" Finally, I was like "My eyes are closed BECAUSE I'm in pain!!!" So, they gave me my pump and all was right with the world. I got out of surgery around noonish and my family didn't stay long because I was out of it. I could hardly keep my eyes open. I remember having to get up and walk that afternoon. The first time, I only walked a little past my room door and back. Then I walked 4 times a day every day after that around my floor. I was in the hospital until the 12th, so that was for 6 days. I had a few problems. I think it was on the 8th that I got VERY nauseous and could not eat anything really. I was dry heaving and that HURT so bad. This lasted for 2 1/2 days. Come to find out the culprit was some flowers that I had received. I was (still am) very sensitive to smells and I guess they did something to me. My grandma took them home and I got a little bit better. The morning I went home I had an Upper GI to make sure everything was okay (it was). Now, I am doing okay. I have been released for regular food (no fried, no high in sugar) and have been doing okay with that. I still dry heave now and again but I don't know why. The only time that I have thrown up so far is one time that I had milk. I had been drinking it with no problem and then I don't know what happened. I still can't drink it now. Hopefully that will change as I used to like milk. As of 8/11 I have lost 54 pounds! I can't believe it!! I am only 18 pounds away from being below 300. I have decided right now to only weigh monthly. I don't know if this will change, but I'd rather not become a slave to the scale. I will try to post more often.
9/7/05
I can't believe it has been 9 weeks since I had my surgery! Weird. I am having a few problems with severe back and leg pain. I am walking like an old granny at 31 years old!! I totally hate it and can't wait for it to go away. (I hope it goes away) I'm thinking it's because of the weight loss and shifting that is going on. I see Dr. Schrier tomorrow so I am definitely going to ask him about it. I am glad to say that my GI drain hole FINALLY closed up last week! I got that damn tube out on July 28 and it took a little over a month to close. I'm hoping I will be released for swimming now because walking just hurts too dang bad. I'm not having any problems with food and haven't thrown up once since starting "regular" foods. (knock on wood) I have tried steak (yum), chicken, wraps, taters, asparagas (sp?), popcorn (only a little) and I know there's more but can't think of any right now. Oh, I geuss I did try some baked cod once at a restaurant (I had been craving it) and it made me feel yucky for about an hour. I don't know if that was dumping or not. I have also been able to tolerate one glass of milk a day for the last two days. I am happy about that because my surgeon wants us to get protein from food and I'm worried that I am not getting enough. I was weighing myself at home for awhile but it never showed a loss so I put the scale away. Sooo, either I haven't lost anymore weight or my scale doesn't work the best over a certain weight. I geuss I'll find out tomorrow. I have been noticing that men open doors more for me now. I don't know if this is my imagination but it sure happens more than it did before. I tell myself that it is just my imagination because I have only lost 54 pounds and I'm still over 300, but who knows? I will post tomorrow after the.........*gasp* weigh in.
9/8/05
Well it's official, my scale at home is a piece of crap!! YAY! I have lost 8 more pounds. I know that's not really that much but I'm not going to complain yet because I lost 54 in the first 5 weeks. I think my body just needs to catch up. Also, I have been released for swimming so when I start doing that I think I will lose more. He didn't have any ideas for the back and leg pain and said that it wasn't "normal". He thinks I should see my PCP about it so that's my next step. My sister had her 3rd boy today!! Emilo Jacob was born at around 9:45 am. Carrie wanted a girl really bad but sounds happy about him. I will get to go see them tonight after work!! One thing I wanted to mention, it was funny/cute, Dr. Schrier commented on how I was getting my neck back! I was like yep and my collor bone is coming out of hiding too!! :)
9/14/05
I went to my PCP (well actually her fill-in, she is on maternity leave) and he gave me exercises to do and told me to take 2 Aleve in the morning and at night. He said it is most likely a ruptured/slipped disc or a pinched nerve or a combination of the two. I go back in one week and if he sees no improvement he will want to do some X-rays and maybe an MRI. (scary) I'm hoping it will get better, I hate walking the way I do!! It is very noticeable and people do comment on it. I saw quite a few friends this past weekend and everyone was asking what was wrong. Nothing mean, just concern. Two nights ago I when I got home from work I just started crying because of the pain and the fact that I didn't know what was going on. I told the Dr. I did not have these pains before I lost weight besides the back pain ONLY when I walked. He said "it's like the straw that broke the camel's back, was it the last straw that did it? No, it was the accumulation of all of them." He also said the pain has nothing to do with my weight loss, that a few weeks ago I probably did something really innocent that through everything out of whack. Will let you know...
12/7/05
Whoa! I haven't updated in awhile. As for the back and leg pain, it's gone!! YAY! I went out one night and after the bars closed everyone went to Country Kitchen where we sat in a *booth* (can't believe I can sit in booths now!!) and when I was scooting out my back popped but not in a good way. It hurt really bad but then the next day I was fine and now I have no pain. I'm really happy about that! :) I have lost 97 pounds so far in 5 months! WOW! I got weighed yesterday and I was really hoping to lose 100 but I "only" lost 6 pounds last month. I did lose 10 pounds of fat but gained some muscle so I guess that's good. I still don't really see in except when I see pictures. I think it's because I am still 275 pounds. Also, when I think of how much I weigh I still say 300 something in my head and I have to correct myself. Weird. I am still wearing a lot of my old clothes, they really (in my eyes) aren't THAT big on my yet which is strange. I have bought a couple of things that are about 2 sizes smaller. 97 pounds and I have gone down 2 sizes.....? OK...whatever. ;) As for eating, I can handle most anything with no problem. I am very diligent about chewing though. I have *gasp* cheated a little. Not too much just every now and then. My daily menu right now is like this. Breakfast: Atkins Advantage Shake (these have 20 grams of protien! and the vanilla and strawberry rock) and sometimes a bit of banana, Lunch: Half a wrap, Tuna on crackers, or leftovers from takeout or supper, Supper: This can vary between frozen dinners to meat and veggies. I'm single so I don't cook very often. Then at night I have been adding another Atkins shake lately. I have been losing my hair like crazy and I need more protein and I don't snack (except for some mixed nuts when I get home from work). My doctor's plan is 3 meals and NO protein shakes with 2 glasses of milk a day. Milk makes me feel oogly, I don't know why. I told Melissa at the Bariatric Institute yesterday that I was using the shakes and she told me to stop. I want to be compliant to the plan but I think that I shouldn't stop taking them?? I have been doing Leslie Sansome's 1 mile Walk Away the Pounds in the morning before work. I haven't been religious about it but I think I'm getting better. I was thinking today about adding the 2 mile when I get home from work 2-3 times a week. The tapes I have use the stretchy band and I like that. This has been a long update, I will try to update more often.
1/5/06
Well I have finally broke the 100 pound mark!! 104 pounds in 6 months! I can't believe that it has been 6 months already. I lost 7 pounds over the last month which, while isn't the best, is still pretty good I think for the holidays. I can eat sugar with no problem and this is a problem for me because I find myself wanting them now. It's wierd because I can still remember not wanting anything like that after surgery. It seems that within the last month is when I wanted them. I don't want to say cravings, it's just that if it was there, I wanted it. And with Christmas and Thanksgiving, it was there alright. Yesterday I started going to the Y with a couple of girls at work. We walked a little over a mile. We were on the track and didn't keep track of our laps so don't know exactly. I saw Dr. Schrier today and he is happy with my results. I showed him my before picture next to one that was taken today. I don't see him again till July for my year check up. My sister Carrie is thinking about getting the surgery done. I am going with her to the Trinity informative meeting on 1/9. Billie at Trinity today asked if I wanted to be the patient speaker that night and I told her that I think I haven't lost enough weight yet. When I went to mine it was a husband and wife and they were at goal. I want to be closer to goal before I put myself out there like that to potential surgery candidates. Hopefully that doesn't sound too crazy! Well, till next time....
1/16/05
Well, I did get up in front of everyone. It wasn't that bad. They had someone at goal, someone 8 weeks out and me at 6 months. It made me feel really good because when I said, "My name is Tina, I had my surgery 6 months ago and I have lost 104 pounds." Everyone clapped and I even got gasps of "wow" and "oh my" by a few people. Going to that meeting, however, has shown me that I have veered off the path a bit. I have ordered a book from amazon.com called Exodus from Obesity. I have seen people from OH that really liked it and it helped them alot. I'm hoping it will do the same for me. I'm not gaining weight or anything, but I have slowed WAY down in losing. I think if I could just stay motivated to exercise it would be so much easier for me. I'm on my period right now for only the second time since the operation. The first was in November. TMI for some but I want to document before I forget these things.
2/7/06
Things are going good! I have lost 121 pounds in 7 months! I have tried to be good about exercising this last month and it paid off with a 17 pound loss of all fat!! YAY! I met a guy, Nick. And while I don't know if things will work out with him it's just nice to know that I am visible to men. If you don't understand then it's hard to explain. I turn 32 on the 19th of this month. UGH! :( I can't believe I wasted so much time being SMO! I am going to a Nine Inch Nails concert this weekend and I looking forward to being surprised at sitting in the Mark seats. Sounds weird, but it's true. In my head I know how I fit before and I think I'm going to be blown away. All my clothes are getting way too big but I can't seem to let them go and wear them daily to work. I have brought a few outfits but go back to the others mostly. I don't understand this about myself at all. I also still wear my old winter coat that just HANGS on me but I love wearing it. I know some of it is the money and I haven't tried the second hand places because I think that I'm still too big to find stuff there. I should probably just go check it out. Like they say, it's an operation on your body not your head!
3/7/06
The NIN concert was great! I fit in MY chair and didn't spill over on anyone next to me. I couldn't believe it! I have broke it off with Nick. He was totally using me and it took me a while to figure it out. I hate being alone though. I just feel like I'll never find anyone. I have now lost 128 pounds in 8 months. And while that is really cool, it just makes me look at how far I still have to go. At 244 pounds I still qualify for the surgery! There are people right now that weigh the same as I do going in for weight loss surgery! I know that I have done awesome on this journey so far but I can't wait till I can be considered "normal". I still feel like the fat chick on the outside and it seems like that's never going to change. I never want to forget where I came from at 372 pounds but I wish I felt like I fit in. I think a lot has to do with the fact that most of my freinds have kids or boyfreinds or both and I'm not living in that world. For awhile I had it with Nick, or I thought I did, and that's part of the reason I tried to hold on to him. He said that he wanted me but his actions proved opposite. Will this be how it is with all men? I am truly frightened that no man will ever find me desirable! Especially since I am 32 years old with basically no relationship or sex experience. How lame is that? I am emotionally a teenager at age 32 when it comes to the opposite sex. Wow, this update sure turned into a long winded confession of sorts. I will sign off for now before I have to start paying OH for my couch time.
4/7/06
Wow, must have been feeling down last time. I have now lost 140 pounds!! YAY me! I met a super nice guy named Eric L. I met him April 3rd at his house. He had a party at a house he just bought. I had sex with him that night. It was really great! He even held me the whole night. Then, on April 5th we went on our first date. We saw a movie in Davenport (The Inside Man) and went to eat at Village Inn. He is a complete gentleman. He opens doors for me, including the car door, and paid for everything. That part is a little wierd for me, I'm used to paying for myself. He wants to slow down though, which I completely understand, but it still scares me. For some reason when he said that I start thinking that he doesn't really want to see me. I don't know why I think this way, he seems to like me. But....he wants to date other people too. Part of me is like "that's cool, no problem" then the other part is like "but I like you, don't you like me? What's wrong with just dating me?". It doesn't help that I have no experience with this at all. I wanted to call him yesterday, the day after our date, but my friends said to wait to see if he calls me and then call him tonight if he doesn't. I can't believe how much my life has changed in 9 months. If you would have told me then that these were the problems that I would be having now, I would have laughed.
5/5/06
I am no longer morbidly obese!!! OMG! I have moved back to Clinton. I have such a cute apartment. I went from living in a "studio" apartment to living in a one bedroom apartment with a walk in pantry in the kitchen (I have a kitchen!) with a bedroom (with a door!), use of the attic for storage and a garage to park my car in. YAY! I am so happy that I decided to move back. Eric never called me again and when I called him a couple of times he didn't answer or call me back??? I don't know, I don't get it. I could have really liked him ALOT. I hope that I will meet someone. Just to go out and do things with. I seriously feel like I will be alone for the rest of my life. I know that sounds like I'm having a pity party but I seriously feel that way. I am wearing some size 18 jeans and 18/20 tops now. I just fit into 18's yesterday! Some 18's fit me and some don't but all 20's fit. When I began I was in 30/32 tops and pants that were getting tight. WOW! Melissa at Trinity yesterday told me that I am the "perfect" patient. I hope she doesn't jinx me! :) I think she says that because I have lost every month. (Knocks on wood) 25 more pounds till I'm below 200! Do you think I can do it in 2 months? (I'll be a year out) Melissa says she doesn't want me to lose that fast anymore because I will start looking sick. I just know I'm going to freak because I haven't been below 200 since MIDDLE SCHOOOL! I now weigh less than I did in high school. Pretty soon and I won't be at a weight that still qualifies for surgery!
6/8/06
I love my new apartment!! My friend Tanya helped me decorate it and it looks totally cute! I lost 5 more pounds this last month for a loss of 153 so far now!! ( I lost 15 pounds of fat and gained 10 in muscle!!!) Next month is my year anniversary!! OMG, where did the time go?? I'm kind of bummed because I won't see Dr. Schrier untill August when I'm 13 months out because he's out of town next month. I met a guy through truebeginnings.com last week. His name is Brian and he lives in Davenport. He is soooo cute! He has big blue eyes and short brown hair and is like 5'9 We went on our first date last Sunday 6/4/06 to the Air Show. It was a good time! We both got a little sunburnt though. We sat at his house for awhile afterwards to cool down and relax for awhile. I couldn't really tell if he liked me or not untill he kissed me out of the blue! Then we made out for awhile. Nothing naughty just kissing. WOW! It was really nice. He asked me out again that day for this Saturday but I had already made plans with Tammy and Bill to go camping at Maquoketa Caves Friday and Saturday night. When I left on Sunday I asked if he would call and he said that he would call me tomorrow. And guess what?? He did! We have talked everyday since we met. Now we have made plans for this weekend. He is bringing his daughter Alex (7) to the campsite on Saturday and we will all probably go check out the caves. I've never been there and I'm looking forward to it! Plus, I'm actually going to be doing something recreational with a man! What? How weird is that? And, I am going out on the river with him on Sunday on his boat!! I'm trying not to get my hopes up but so far he seems really nice! I asked him why it was hard for him to meet people and he said that he tends to be shy.. He really wasn't shy with me but I could tell that he could be. I haven't told him about the surgery yet and will probably wait to see if this will be just casual or something else. I think anyways, we'll see I guess. I ordered a work out tape called Chicometrics and got it yesterday. I will update with my progress with that. My life sure has changed in the last year!
6/21/06
Happy first day of Summer! Guess what? Brian and I are still talking! I didn't get to go camping or go out on the boat that weekend because it rained and was crappy all weekend. But I still spent time with him. I met his daughter Alex on our second date (6/10). We went for Chinese and then rented movies to watch at his place. I ended up spending the night...*ahem* because it was too late to drive home, yeah I'll go with that excuse (he lives in Davenport). What can I say? We waited a week at least. Then he actually called me on Monday! Then, this past Saturday (6/17) we went to Ryan's for supper and spent some "quality time" back at his place. Alex came over on Sunday at noon. We were going to go out on the boat but of coarse it was cold and looked like it was going to rain. We decided to go to Maquoketa Caves. It was nice when we got there, actually a little humid. We had a good time! We will definitely have to go back with flashlights and changes of clothes next time. On the way home I said to him, "I would like to continue seeing you." and he said "Yeah, me too. I just assumed that." YAY!! Could this be the beginnings of a relationship? I hope so! I told him about my surgery after our second date and showed him my old drivers license photo. The only thing he said about my weightloss was "Wow, that's a lot of weight to lose." Then I told him "I'm still a big girl but I'm still losing too." and his response was "You're not that big." OMG! He thinks I'm not that big!!!
7/7/06
I have lost 161 pounds in one year!! I'm only 12 pounds away from being in onederland!! Things with Brian are going great! I find that I have to fight my insecurities though. I think this will always be a problem for me, but I know about it and fight it. I don't want to lose him because of me being insecure, you know? Things that have changed in my life: Then: size 30/32 tops and pants (NOTHING other than stretch pants); Now: size L-XL tops or 18's moving into 16's and 18 - 20 pants (ALL of them are jeans or pants with a waist); Then: no men in my life AT ALL with no hope of any in the future; Now: I've been on a few dates and have met a REALLY great guy who I hope things can keep proceeding with!! (and if it doesn't, I know I will meet Mr. Right someday); Then: no self esteem at all, I was basically a doormat; Now: I stand up for me a little more each day, almost to a "fault" I had a friend recently tell me! I can cross my legs now and I have NEVER been able to do that. I weigh less than I did in high school and I'm moving into my Middle School weight. MIDDLE SCHOOL!!! OMG! It's hard to believe that all of this happened in one year. I used to dream almost every night about my life changing like it has and now those dreams have mostly come true. It's amazing to me and a little scary. If you are reading this and are looking into getting WLS I think all the scariness is TOTALLY worth it. Look into yourself and see your life changing and make it happen. The hard part is the first step and then hold on because it's a roller coster ride from then on. And let me tell you, that's a ride I'd pay to take again.
8/10/06
I saw Dr. Schrier yesterday. He said I'm doing great! No hernias and no other problems to report. I think I should get into my regular Dr. to get some blood analyzed though, but he didn't say anything about it. I see him again in 6 months. I told him that I would like to get to 180 and he said that should be no problem! YAY! I only lost 3 pounds this month, but to be honest I'm glad it was that much. It is WAY too easy to eat anything that I want now. I find myself snacking and eating things that I know I shouldn't. I don't know why I do this? I now don't qualify for the surgery and I am not the heaviest friend anymore! Dr. Schrier did say that the only way insurance will cover plastics is if I have rashes and other problems. I knew that but I just don't have any. I don't know why. I think it's because I still carry most of my weight in my belly and the skin isn't hanging all that much there yet. Well, untill next time...
11/14/06
I have lost 176 pounds in 15 months! I had a 7 pound loss this past month! I really didn't think I could still pull off those numbers. I think it's because I have been trying to exercise more. Everything is going great! I find myself eating the wrong things sometimes and I'm starting to worry that after the "weight loss stage" I will put the weight back on. But, I try to weigh myself more often now so that I can keep an eye on it more. I weigh 196 pounds which is about what I weighed in 8th grade in middle school. Isn't that weird?! Brian and I are still together! I love him so much, but he's not ready to tell me that. I think he loves me, he acts like he does anyway. We did have one snag that involved sex and him having problems about a month and a half ago. Finally he told me that he has never been with someone as big as me and he didn't know if he could get used to it. ;.( I never cried so hard in my life. It really broke my heart. I told him that I have lost a lot of weight and I would never have a great body without surgery. He said that he knew it. I said to him, couldn't you tell from my personal ad that I was a bigger girl? He said he could. I said, then why did you contact me? He said I looked nice and he wanted to get to know me. I said why did you kiss me on our first date? He said that he liked me. I asked him if he was attracted to me at all and he said YES. Anyway, without going into the whole thing which I never will forget. He thought if he told me these things that I would leave him and he didn't want that. REALLY didn't want that. He was afraid of that the most. Now it seems like just talking about it has made him move past it. I don't know how but he is different when it comes to my body now, he touches me more and seems to be turned on by it. I have to admit, after the "episode" I worried that he was forcing himself to touch me and was being grossed out by doing it. I finally asked him about it and he said NO I want to touch you. We have been together for 5 months, but it seems longer. Isn't that weird? He asked me to spend Thanksgiving with him and his family. We are going to cook together. I miss him when I'm not with him. I just hope that I don't freak him out. I have only told him twice that I love him because I know he's not ready. In my head I think it's too early to be in love with him but I can't help how I feel. I know that may sound corny or whatever but I guess I'm corny sometimes when it comes to him.
6/13/07
Hello! I'm not being very good at updating anymore am I? I got on my scale at home the other day and weighed in at 184. That means that I have lost more weight than I weigh! I never make it official untill I get weighed at the hospital though. I am moving in with my boyfriend on June 23rd. He told me that he loved me on New Years after we kissed at midnight! Now we say it to each other all the time. I am so much in love with him! I can't believe I found somebody to love who loves me back. I never thought that would happen! I could never imagine myself in a relationship or even imagine getting married. Now I am in a relationship and I can see myself getting married to this man. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe just how much my life has changed because of my weight loss. People who have never been morbidly obese could never come close to understanding what it's like to "live" like that. It's so weird. Sometimes I think about how much the world has changed for me but I think that mostly I have changed how I view the world. Does that make sense? As for the surgery, almost 2 years out. I can eat almost anything that I want, just smaller portions. This is not a blessing, let me tell you. However, it makes me feel like a "normal" (meaning non-op) person. I know that I should watch my sugar and fat intake more than I do and I know that I will if I see my food intake showing up on the scale. Right now, my motto is moderation. I allow myself anything in moderation. This works for ME, I'm not pushing my method here or anything. As for my body, I've lost 181+ pounds, of course I have skin and someday I'm hopijng to take care of it after I have a baby. Where I hate it the most is my belly. It is still the biggest part of me and hangs alot. My arms are not that bad. My inner thighs have a lot of skin but not too much that it causes me any problems. I would like to have my boobs done and have something done with my stomach someday. We'll see.
5/13/05 372 Pre-op
6/8/05 370 Pre-op
6/23/05 367 Pre-op BMI 65 (ick)
7/6/05 365 Day of surgery
7/21/05 333 -31
7/28/05 324 -48 BMI 57.4
8/11/05 318 -54
9/8/05 310 -62
10/6/05 298 -74
11/4/05 281 -91 BMI 49.8 (I'm not SMO anymore!!!)
12/6/05 275 -97
1/5/06 268 -104!!
2/6/06 251 -121
3/6/06 244 -128 BMI 43.2
4/6/06 232 -140
5/4/06 224 -148 BMI 39.7 (I'm not MO anymore!!!)
6/7/06 219 -153
7/6/06 211 -161 One Year Anniversary!!
8/10/06 208 -164
10/9/06 203 -169
11/13/06 196 -176 BMI 34.7
