sarahj

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Wow long time.  Big changes.  Divorced, remarried and found out last month new baby on the way.  Doing well maintaining up a little but that is because I had severe back problems and ended up with a spinal fusion last August.  Babywise I have had a big problem with dumping on everything.  I have always dumped but it is excessive now.  Last labs low on Iron so I am on Bifera, but all is good and I wouldn't change a thing.  Pray for a boy we have 4 girls full time.     

Wow 3 years.  I am doing good.  My appetite is back but I am trying to make good choices.  I do gain some. I can get it off but  I have to work at it though.  This year has been the worst year of my life.  I'm so glad its over.  My dad died after a successful liver transplant.  Unfortunately after they opened the old liver up they found bile duct cancer and 3 months later it went to his lungs.  He died 5 weeks after we found out it was in his lungs.  2 months later I walked out of my marriage.  It had been bad for several years.  The week my dad died he said to me.  " i put your mom through hell, but the difference was I wanted to change.  He doesn't, don't waste your life with that, your way to great".  He was right.  I feel empowered and free.  I can finally admit it was an emotionally abusive relationship.  He has chosen right now not to see our daughters which is tough on them, but he is so mentally not well that its for the better.  His daughter who lived with us for 6 years moved back to her mom's ( he told her there relationship was over, who does that?).  Her mom is letting me have her visitation so she is here with her sisters a lot.  Hopefully the divorce will be over soon, so we can move on with our lives.  My mom is doing great.  She is leaving for Florida for 3 months and then this summer is renting a home in England.  Yeah we get to go to Europe.  I can't wait.  My goal for this year is to get my plastic surgery done, I think I'm ready for it.  I also want to start playing tennis again.  I can't wait to see wait 2009 has in store for the girls and me.  I'm so excited.....

I haven't posted in a long time, so I guess its time for an update.  There has been so many changes in my life that I don't think I can put them all down as I will forget some.  I have had a very difficult marriage for over 2 1/2 years.  It was very toxic.  I decided I was worth more than that, plus I wanted my daughters to see that I believed I was worth more , they have witnessed alot.  I filed for divorce., after 11 years.   I am at peace with my decision and my girls are doing well, unfortunately it is going to be messy as I  can't comunicate at all with my soon to be x.  My dad died at the end of March after a transplant, they found out he had cancer and when they shut down his immune system the cancer spread from his liver to his lungs.  He died 5 weeks after they found the cancer.  Rny wise, I am doing ok.  My nerves are shot so I seem to be throwing up alot, nothing seems to agree.  My weight is stable, labs are good, and mentally I am doing ok. I can't wait to see what my new life has instore for me.   

I posted this today in response to a pre-ops post about questions to ask yourself before surgery.  Re-posting it here for anyone who wants to read.

Your relationship with food, is an area that definately  needs to be explored, before surgery.  When I had my surgery St. V's classes focused on aftercare.  No one ever mentioned that I may have emotional issues after.  I never realized how much I used food as my "drug".  I ate when I was happy, sad, frustrated, angry, stressed out , bored and especially at night when I couldn't sleep.  I used food as an escape.  The fact that I can't use food to cope with life, has been my biggest problem since surgery.  People always said  I was laid back, easy going, always helpful, never wanted confrontations.  Well that was because I could eat it all away.  Now I can't and I'm having to deal with issues that upset me, make me angry, stress me out.  People that have known me for a long time, say I've changed.  I tend to say what I think now, which doesn't go over well, when I've always been the "get along" kind of girl.  I have had terrible issues with insomnia since surgery.  I started to take ambien, and involuntarily got in my truck at 3:30 in the morning and hit a pole.  No more ambien for me.  I'm going to counseling now, have done it in the past, but now without food I have to learn new ways to cope, to handle stress.  The weight loss part has been easy for me.  I'm under goal,  a "success" story.  The emotional part has been hard.  I look at before pictures of me.  I was miserable because I was so heavy, but I was happy, life was good.  Now, I'm proud of my weight loss and don't want to go back to the old self, but learning to live with the new self is hard.   Again this is just me and my experience.  I don't hear much about the emotional sides to WLS very often.  I used to laugh when I heard people talking about transfer of addictions.  I kind of did that with the Ambien.  I am not taking anything to alter my mood or to help with insomnia now.  I am facing all my "stuff" head on.  I didn't realize I had any "stuff" to work on before surgery.  I was so wrong.   If anyone asks me if I've had any complications, I am truthful.  I tell them "not pysically, but emotionally its been rough".  I think its important that pre-ops know this.  It isn't a "fun ride" all the time.  If you deal with emotional eating get help before surgery.  If your not sure if you do, start checking, become aware of when you eat and why.    Would I do it all over?  Some days I do think, man it was easier to live in a heavy body and not deal with life, but it wasn't fair to me, my family, or anyone I deal with.  People are just going to have to learn to live with the new me, like it or not.  I have to learn to live with the new me.  The old easy going, helpful, do anything for anyone, Sarah is gone.  The new " I need this, that is not o.k., stop, I don't want to hear all your problems, doesn't take crap from anyone" Sarah is here.    This hits all areas of my life, friends, family, job.  I have to find a happy medium.  I'm working on it.   My family has been really supportive, thank heaven for them.  i couldn't have made it through this without them.  Would I do it again? Yes

Sarah  

I just realized I haven't updated in awhile.  Well I did it, I hit my goal weight this month.   My goal was 140 and I am 136.  I wanted to wait a few days to make sure it was really true.  I have been really sick, so that may be why I finally lost those last few pounds.   I have had a terrible sinus infection and the drainage fills my pouch and then I get really nauseated.  I ended up in the ER dehydrated and after 2 bags of fluid I still only gained a pound. 

 I have decided to postpone my plastic surgery.  I just don't feel mentally prepared yet.  I need a break, I need to get stuff done around my house.  I don't need to add anymore stress right now to my family, we all are not handling stress very well right now.

 Went to Florida for spring break, felt great in a bathing suit.  My mom says I still slouch like I did when I was heavy and need to stand up straight. I will work on that.  

This month I want to increase my exercise and work on doing something nice for someone else.

We'll see how it goes. 

My weight gain was water retention and maybe a little of not eating as good as I should I have lost 7 pounds since Feb 14th.   I am still using Fitday and I encourage anyone who is having stalls to use it.  It really makes you pay attention.  I was not getting in nearly enough protein.  I ordered some achieve one, and some protein bullets.  I have really upped my protein now and its working.

Had my second PS consult, didn't like him as much as Dr. Grasee and He was $8,000.00 more for just his services not including hospital.  I'm glad though that I had another consult as it just reaffirms to me that Dr. Grasee is the right surgeon for me.  I changed my PS surgery date to June 20th .  Kids will be out of school and things will be a lot less hectic.  I'll have a hot summer in a binder though, trade-offs I guess.  

Going to New Orleans On Saturday for a meeting.  Hubby is going too.  Its Anheuser Busch's national convention, always fun.  We love New Orleans, but haven't been there since Katrina hit, anxious to see it.  Home from the meeting on the 14th then leave for Florida on the 23rd with the whole family for the week.      

until next time-    

14 months out and I have gained a little, like 6 pounds. OK that's a lot, could be a lot of water retention, I'm hoping.   I am using fitday now and hopefully will see the scale start moving the other way.  Its frustrating, I have 10 pounds to go till goal.

I had my first PS consult with Dr. Grasee in Carmel.  I thought I needed an LBL and BL.  I have had 2 previous breast reductions, before my wls.  Dr. Grasee is very nice and I had a good connection with her.  My husband went with me and he liked her too. She thinks I need a tummy tuck, flank lipo, breast lift and maybe and augmentation as I won't have a lot of breast tissue left after my BL.  I scheduled surgery with her for May 9, but I have a 2nd consult with Dr. Severinac in Ft. Wayne on Feb 26th.  I heard great things about him and that he is also a very strong christian.    I want to feel a strong connection with my PS
as he/she will be changing so much of my body.  I have that feeling with my WLS surgeon, she was the first doc, I felt that with.  Now I know what to look for.

I'll check back in next month.

goals for this month:

EXERCISE
drink more water
get more protein
hug my kids more

Sarah
  

  

13 months out and starting to lose again.  I am only 6 pounds from my goal.  I have my first PS consult on Feb. 2nd with Dr. Elizabeth Grasee in Carmel, IN.  I am anxious about it .  I had planned from the very beginning that my journey would include PS so its just my "next step", but I have been reading on the PS boards and it doesn't sound like much fun.  

I had my 1 year labs done and I found out I was hypothyroid.  This is not related to my WLS  my surgeon assured me it just happened.  Side effects are hair loss, dry skin, being cold, and weight GAIN.  I wonder if I didn't have the hypothyroid if I would have lost my weight faster.  All the other symptoms are like wls stuff, so I had no clue.  So I am off all meds except now on Synthroid.  The rest of my labs were great except Vitamin D.  It  was really low 11.4 and should be above 32.  My surgeon just started testing for this.  I guess they were seeing people 3-4 years out with hyperparathyroidism.  So at their  last conference they found out that it starts by having a low vitamin D.  The first nurse I talked to about it didn't even know what to do, but after I talked to my surgeons nurse, they had me take 50,000u of Vitamin D for 5 days and then they will retest my Vitamin D level tomorrow.  You get your vitamin D from the Calcium supplements.  I take mine like I should, but its just not enough I guess.  If the labs show its not up then I get an IV infusion of Vitamin D.   My calcium and HPT were normal.

Another thing I'm really happy about is my Cholesterol it was 179, my LKL and HDL were both normal.  They have never been, I mean never been.  My Cholesterol has always been over 200 even in college.  I am so stoked about the 179.

Everything else is going fine, I have had a few tests because of pain in my sternum that goes to may back, tests showed its not my gallbladder.  Started on Carafate and Prevacid again, in case its an ulcer, I feel better now, so it must have been acid production.    Even with these minor complications I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Until next month....  I'll sign off with this.  Take your Vitamins and CALCIUM.

 

Hi all,

1 year ago today I was sitting in the pre-op area with the worst headache of my life ( off diet pepsi ).  Today I am 113 pounds lighter. It has been a crazy ride, with so many changes.  I am so emotional today, sitting here crying as I write this.  Its been a hard year, from approval to surgery date was only 9 days.  The day of my pre-op testing we found out my husbands mom only had 2 weeks to 2 months to live and she died 6 weeks later.  She was so proud of me for taking control of my life, and I know she's in heaven cheering me on.   I am so thankful for this second chance at life. I didn't realize at the time how unhappy, unhealthy, and sick I really was.  This year has been so hard on so many levels, but I also have gotten to know things about myself I never knew.  I am completely different, and I'm treated differently by people now.  I have wondered if its because I've lost weight, but the reality is I think I let people know what I need and expect instead of just being able to eat it all away.  I am so thankful for this gift that God has given me.  I'm thankful for the support of this group who I am so proud to call my friends.  I couldn't have made it this far with all your help.  I am so thankful for my great family, especially my mom, who has worried about me constantly, but been there for everything.   and my  kids who now say "Mommy you can try this its sugar free".  They made me a little book with before and after pics, I just might have to post the pic of my 9 year old holding up my old undies, nest to the 3 year old holding up the new undies.  They definately ar e creative, and proud of me.   For all of you who are pre-op or thinking about the surgery, there are times its not fun, not easy, and you think why did I do this, but its all worth it.  To be healthy, to look and feel better, to have a chance to do things I never would have done while heavy.  Its truly a blessing, and this Christmas I get to eat. 

Thanks everybody,
Sarah                

The weight loss is slowing again.    I am still having proplems with constipation, so Dr. C. had me do a bowel prep to try to get cleaned out, then reset myself.  I think it has helped.  She also said to make sure I am eating slowly and chewing well.    She told me that if you eat to fast and don't chew, that the food will go whole into you intestine and have to completely digest there.  This can cause  constipation and could result in a bowel obstruction.  This month I started exercising, I'm  seeing a PT for my back  its helping.  Its the first time in 5 years I can say, I am having pain free days.  I'm exercising on a recumbant bike.  I love it, no pressure on the lower back.  I am also doing a lot of stretches and exercises to build my core muscles.  One of the oddest things happened this month.  I have had a few people tell me I need to be done losing weight. What?  I have never heard or thought I would ever hear that.  I'm still about 10 pounds away from my original goal weight, and about 20 pounds from where Dr. C. said is the lowest weight she wants me to go.  Seems impossible that this has happened.  I bought a new outfit today.  Drum role..  size 10 petite, I had on regular sizes and the lady at the store said to try on petites.  I was hesitant but tried, and they fit.   I still feel that I need a tummy tuck, or lower body lift.  Arms and thighs are ok.  I am going to start interviewing PS's next month and am hoping to have surgery next April.   I want to have a consult with Dr. Turkle's group, I know its a long drive but they have so much experience with WLS patients.  Plus I love St. V's Carmel.  Family is doing well, we are all so busy.  Hubby and I are going to Vegas in November for our 10th anniversary.  Never been there should be fun.

Take care

Sarah