Sunkissedsgrho

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Hi everyone! As I sit here and think about my possible future, I can't help but have a number of feelings... Some include excitement, fear, doubt, and impatience...

I'm excited!!! WHY?!? By this time next year, I could be (WILL BE) smaller than I've been in over 15 years. That thought sends smiles all across my face and my heart. I could be UNDER 300lbs? Under 200lbs? To be able to shop at Dillard's, Belk, Old Navy, Aeropostle (sp?!) and buy regular sized clothing off the rack! To be able to cross my legs when I sit. To be able to sit in a chair or a desk in my classroom! To be able to run around the field with the track team. To work out and not feel like all eyes are on my and laughing at me! Yeah, I'm excited about finally being able to live the life I've never been able to live!

FEAR? Heck yeah, I'm scared! I'm about to undergo a major surgery voluntarily! AND I'VE NEVER HAD SURGERY BEFORE!! So, yeah, it scares me some kinda of terrible! But the excitement outweighs the fear, so fear isn't really even an issue for me!

Doubt: Don't get it twisted: I AM NOT HAVING DOUBTS OF ABOUT HAVING THE SURGERY. THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN!  I'm having doubts that I will have the willpower to follow through on what I need to do to make this work. I've been told over and over that this isn't magic. This is a tool and I STILL HAVE TO DO MY PART!! Makes me wonder, if I did my 'part' in the first place, this surgery wouldn't really be necessary, now would it? Man, I haven't even done a pre op diet because I'm still holding food funerals! BUT, I'm not just binging... I will admit, I'm eating the things I want when I've read that it would be SMART of me to start eating and training myself for post op... And I will...eventually... I said I was gonna start on April 1st so, until then, I'm still looking for protein shakes and recipes that will help me with this pre op. I'm just hoping and praying that I've had enough time to mentally prepare for this procedure so that it won't be so hard to handle once it's done. Also the fact that I'm paying for this myself does motivate me somewhat more!

Impatience: YES, I am impatient in that I am SOOOOOOOOO ready to get the show on the road! I'm ready to find my sexy body inside of this one I'm currently working with! I'm ready for the A-line dresses and pencil skirts and boots that come up my calfs that I can zip! I'm ready for the new wardrobe and to be able to walk and carry a conversation. I want to run and be chased by my boyfriend (when I get a boyfriend) around the park or in the house...of course I'm gonna LET him catch me! LOL

OH, I AM READY FOR THIS!!!

No date yet. I have my sleep study on Monday and blood work to do...I'm hoping for a date in April around my spring break. I'm kinda worried about the recovery time. Would two weeks be enough to go back to work? I really don't want to wait until the summer. Once I make up my mind to do something, I DO IT!  I've been reading other people's pre and post op posts, and they are very inspirational! I know this surgery isn't gonna perform miracles, but I'm hoping it will give me the tool I need to lose this weight! I guess my main concern is afterwards...the food and hunger. I really don't eat much now, but it's WHAT I eat that harms my body. Some post do scare me because I read about low weight loss or stalls... and then the protein shakes... I'm going to start shopping around for some of the better tasting ones. Better start now so that after surgery, I won't be in that predicament...
I'm so grateful to this website and the new friends I've made. I'm hoping to join you all on the loser's bench soon!!!!

 

I had my initial visit this past Monday, and I am super excited! Well, the diet doesn't give me thrills... Ugh!! But, one must do what needs to be done! Anyway, I've got a few homework assignments (bloodwork, sleep study, nutrition class) to complete and then a date will be set! (no insurance... ) I'm paying with cash, so I've been pushed to the front of the line! Guess that's a good thing! Still have some concerns... Hoping and praying I'll recover well and use the tool and lose the weight!!