Wendy Kipp

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 This is my 7 year surgiversary date. I received an email reminding me. The thought passed through my head briefly this week, but it escaped me quickly. I was reminded by the email, of the importance this site for those going through the newbie process. I would not have survived or been as successful at the time without OH. I believe that. My friends I met here, while I no longer keep in touch with them, were so important to me. I still think of them and wonder how they are doing. They helped me get through the first few months and made me laugh and cry through their accomplishments and struggles. 

I want everyone to know two things. This is the most important decision, an obese person can make. But it will not make your life perfect. I have since been divorced and remarried, mostly due to the changes I encountered in myself after the weight loss, and I am still struggling with weight regain. I am currently at 230 lbs. This is still much better than 395 lbs, but I am not happy that I have slipped so far. 

Please see a counselor during the process. It is so important for you and your family too. 

Now about me!

I am now remarried to a great guy named Mark. I love him to pieces! He is my rock! We started out as a couple of lost souls, on prodigal journeys and God has brought us around to another way of thinking!  We are both following Gods plan for us now and we are much happier. 

I became a grandmother on March 22, of this year also! He is a beautiful little boy named Isaac David! My oldest is now married and has a baby! Wow! 7 years is a long time! My Samuel, is graduating from an Academy this year and will start college at 16 years old! My oldest son graduates in a year and wants to join the Army. My youngest is 14 and going on 30!
I also have 3 stepchildren now. The oldest stepson is 21, then a 15 year old stepdaughter and another stepson, 13.
I never would have believed I would be the mother of 7 children. 7 kids in 7 years!! LOL!! I guess that is an accomplishment and a grandbaby to boot! 

 Holy Cow!! How did I get here from 2007?!!!!  Crazy how time flies. I forgot I was a bariatric patient!! I mean really forgot.... I have put on about about 50 lbs since my last post. It is still now bad for 6 years, but I am determined to take it back off. I am ready to follow the rules again, and it is about time. I went crazy with my diet and my life for awhile! I got my life back on track, now I need to get my weight back under control!

Well here I am with lots of issues, but can't post it all.  I have lots of emotional stuff going on.  Still dealing with the self esteen and body image, dysmorphia stuff.  The other stuff is coming out now too.  I had to stop working so much due to the pressure from guys at work.  I talked with Ron and he agreed I need to get off the 3rd shifts.  I am eventually gonna break down and freak out if I don't.  I have lost more weight since my last posts.  I'm down to 179 now.  Dr. Choi doesn't want me under 170, she said 175 would be good for me, I would like to shrink as much as possible. 

Here is an article that Delores on my surgery date forum gave us to read:

 REGAIN:

Part 1: (SETTING THE STAGE)

You dreamed this would be the last time you would need to lose
weight. Weight loss surgery was the answer to your weight loss
failures of the past. You were doing so well. Weight seemed to fly
off so to speak in the beginning, almost effortless. No matter
what you did you couldn't possibly take in enough to not lose weight.
For many this was the first time in your life you didn't experience
physical hunger. You felt full on so little. You were limited in
the variety of foods you could have. Sugar, fats or large portions
made you sick. If you didn't chew well enough, or slow down to eat or
if you drank with our food you got sick. Dumping syndrome, although
not an intentional part of weight loss surgery works as a strong
behavior modifier. Who wants to experience nausea, vomiting,
sweating, chest pain, palpitations, diarrhea, fatigue, and lethargy
and have to lie down for one cookie? But over time your motivation
wore off. Fast forward a year or two, you heard the window slam
shut, the golden period tarnish and well quite frankly the honeymoon
is over. This is normal & expected but you still are surprised &
horrified! Denial works for a while but after the ` 10-20 pound
bounce back weight' hits you decide you can no longer live in
denial. Your clothes don't fit and you are scared to death. Many
think their pouches have stretched. In reality it could possibly
be a mechanical problem, but most likely it is the honeymoon period
ending. You are then faced with the questions, "Did I use my time
wisely?" & "Did I make the lifestyle changes needed to be successful
long-term"? If you answered yes to both of these questions then
congratulations & do not read any further. But if you can't answer
yes to these questions and you find yourself OFF-TRACK, keep
reading!

You remember hearing about it months ago, bariatric professionals
educate regarding its existence & significance; it has many names, `Window of opportunity' , `Golden period' & `Honeymoon phase'.
Did you really believe, understand and utilize it? Or did you think
that weight loss surgery was magic and you were invincible? The
first 12-24 months after weight loss surgery is a time of change,
growth and rebirth for many. It is the beginning of a wonderful
journey. It affords us to experience life unchained by Morbid
Obesity and all its limits & complications. You have heard this
mantra before a thousand times, weight loss surgery is only a tool
and they operate on your stomach not your brain! What you
sometimes forget is it isn't the end of your food issues.

You are not alone! Do not allow yourself to be alone! It is in
isolation that you continue to struggle and stay off-track. Your
surgery hasn't failed; you are just not using your tool to its
potential that is all. It is there still; you need to get back to
basics though. And yes this means you now have to work harder than
the tool! Remember it isn't the surgery alone that makes us lose
weight it is the lifelong lifestyle & behavioral changes you make
that enable us to lose weight and keep it off. It is the tool that
gives us the opportunity to make these changes. It levels the
playing field for weight loss and maintenance with those who are
not Morbidly Obese! In this delicate time many things happen: dumping
may decrease or stop, you are able to eat a larger variety of
foods, you can eat larger quantities of food, you get over the newness of
surgery and may let some habits slide, the malabsorbtion may
decrease as the body tries to normalize! Basically life happens.

PART 2: (Points to ponder, consider, reflect on....MY OPINION &
VIEWS....)

Why is it that the things we KNEW DIDN'T WORK, TRIED AND FAILED US AYWAYS pre WLS after WLS we consider trying again? *As if they will magically work now because we have less gut to absorb or a tinier tummy?

QUICK FIXES, `MAGIC' PILLS, FAD DIETS.....They didn't work pre-wls and they don't work post WLS, we know it but that nasty old defense called denial ropes us in to beat ourselves up over and over
trying yet again, this time maybe. We stay stuck in our shame and remain victims. We know surgery helps control the quantity of food consumed; most of us are still plagued by the same eating demons that caused us to gain weight in the first place. But why is it now we believe that having WLS makes us immune to those issues? Surely the magic of
the honeymoon cannot be all that powerful can it?

Why do many of us still believe the falsity that thin=happy or
thin/wt loss=resolution of all issues? Do we still need to have
the hope that being thin will take away all our ills so therefore when
we get thinner and it doesn't happen we subconsciously sabotage
ourselves so we can revive that false belief and have hope once
again, after all one thing we do have control over is whether we
diet or not! Even if we can not control anything else in our lives
such as occupation, relational stressors

We have read the studies pre and postop such as; In one study, 80%
of patients reported that they regularly felt a loss of control
over eating just six months after surgery. Several studies show that
beginning two years after surgery, many patients begin to regain
at least some of their weight. Why did we think this wouldn't be us,
that we'd be different? How does our shame at being one of those
keep us stuck here in the past and hoping about the future only to
allow our present to slip by and our life and chances to change.

Why is it that we cannot see the destructive patterns? Or why is
we we'd rather focus on a magic and quick cure such as a surgical
redo or another diet or another pill when it is clear if we only choose
to look and accept it that our lifestyle is what needs to change...
*usually* I am talking about things like:
· NOT exercising the way we did, or ever, or making this a
part of our LIFESTYLE consistently... .
· Drinking caloried beverages, the lattés the coffees sweetened with cream and even sugar at times.
· Skipping out on plain old water they way we used to drink it
or if we didn't ever incorporate it....
· GRAZING, eating when not hungry but simply because we can,
small nibbles, taste, licks, bites here and there....
· Nighttime binges, endless noshing on food that is not driven
by physical hunger but out of emotional causes, deprivation
because we dieted all day, or neglected our needs nutritionally, eating to
fill up what is missing in our lives.
· Drinking with food, starting with a sip here and there and
now full gulps and cups with food, why is it we wonder we don't
get full or can eat a lot more than we used to?
· Neglecting ourselves to take care of everyone and everything
but ourselves, seeing ourselves as not needing or worthy of care,
remaining in the victim role actually selfish because we are
helping others our of our need not theirs.
· Deciding that today I cannot do it (diet, exercise or
whatever) perfectly so I will restart tomorrow, next Monday or
next month. Falling into the old negative self-talk tapes that kept us
chained to our old disease Morbid Obesity.

Why do we all want to have the emotional bypass? Simply because we
do not want to feel the pain, that is why denial is used, that is
why the hope of a magic diet or pill is thought of, anything to
deny the truth, the reality or the Here AND NOW yes we can be present in the now and still be in pain and still move forward.

It is hard work but looking at the issues and wanting to deal with
them is the first step! Be proud of yourself for that and you can
do it. What purpose is food serving for you? Do you need to hold on
to old unhealthy habits of numbing your emotions with food or can you
develop new, healthier habits to deal with stress? Today is a
great time to start, not to change everything but to change one thing.
Stop the excuses! If you wait you may have another 20 pounds to
work on. Holidays and parties are always going to happen, you can
always find an excuse to wait or a reason why you can't. Its difficult
but search within yourself and find a reason why you can and do it.
Remember why you started this journey and what you told yourself
not so long ago! The power of positive thinking is yours! Think
progress not perfection! You are worth it!

Perfection redefined is who we are today at this moment so we can
break free from the toxic shame and victim roles to truly heal
ourselves from the inside out!

Why can we not just start with reality, writing what we are eating
in black and white, I bet because then the truth is we need to
change. Why do we avoid journaling our emotions? Meditating and
getting centered? I bet because we fear the pain we may be
avoiding, but in avoidance comes more pain it just shows outwardly. It
easier sometimes to have the hope that we can control our diet and in so
will control the emotions/relationsh ips we struggle with.

Life is one lesson and opportunity after another, until we learn
one lesson we will have it show up over and over in our lives. I think
it may be time to learn the lesson that life is hard, food is easy
and that we have little control. I think it is time to give up the
fairytale ending "happily ever after'. Life is about perception,
denial keeps us from reality, denial keeps us from change, it
keeps us from growth, it keeps us from happiness and joy and peace and prosperity.

***I do want to note there are broken surgeries or wrong surgeries
performed, but typically it is not using the tool or defeating the
tool or our emotional issues that are the factor to consider. But
first I ask we be honest with ourselves, take a look at our
lifestyle, see where it may of changed from 1 yr out, see are we
still exercising to the capacity we used to, are we still eating
the minimal calories we once used to, are we still adhering as
strictly to the pouch rules as we used to? OR are we perhaps cheating a
little here and there and stuffing our emotions. Are we perhaps
ashamed to go to our support groups, surgeons or health care
providers to weigh in on the scale for a reality check and ask for
support.

I know I eat more than the 1,000 calories a day I used to, I know
I exercise less than the compulsive 10 hr a week I used to, I know I
am not as rigid with my Pouch rules as I once was it is little
wonder then that I have regained weight? IS it the tools fault?
No, is it my fault? Well I am not here to judge others or myself
anymore; that simply isn't helpful. I am here to be accountable
and responsible to myself. I am here to make choices about my
lifestyle; I am here to address my emotional issues from childhood that may no longer serve me well as denial no longer serves me well. I can see they were powerful defenses I needed once but I need no more. I am freeing myself of the bondage that the need to control requires me
to be bound by and am working on living HERE AND NOW and
redefining myself as perfect today as I am. I am choosing to let go, trust,
have faith in a power greater than myself, I am where I need to be
at this moment. No emotion is too much for me to handle now. I am
enough; I am more than a number on the scale.

We all know what to do, it means changing our lifestyle now and
forever, it means one minute at a time, it means change, it means
pain, it means challenges. It also means hope and abundance and
prosperity if we choose it and happiness along the way! Together
we can do it because we are all perfect right now. Another surgery
may give us a 2nd honeymoon but in a years time we'd be right where we are today I believe with the same lesson to learn. Off my
soapbox........................Take a look inside, be still, and quiet what do you hear? What are you truly hungry for? I bet it isn't food! Address
this hunger and many things will be clear 

POUCH RULES FOR DUMMIES LINK

http://www.gastricbypassfamily.com/PouchRules.html

Happy Surgiversary to me!!  Well, the 1st was my two year, and I can honestly say, I am very happy where I am now.  Life is not perfect, but I can really make the most of things now.  Saturday night, for example, Ron and I went out for dinner a comedy show, and dancing all night!  We went down to an exclusive dance club in Ferndale called Boogie Fever and we got in from the back of the line!  We danced til the club closed.  I never could have done that before, I would have had to sit down every other song!  Plus, I must say, I looked HOT!  I had Ron all over me all night, and a lot of guys at the club really took interest.  I have none in them, but it was fun getting that kind of attention.

Well people!  I am struggling with my habits.  I haven't really gained weight yet, although I do go up and down within 5 lbs, but I am eating really bad on and off.  I did much better yesterday and today, I am determined to get back my control.  I think alot of my problem is hormonal and am convinced I have some kind of hormone issue that caused me to gain alot of weight.  I know that I have control over it now, but I think before surgery I allowed myself to indulge the wild cravings I get during the 2 weeks before my period and never tried to control it!  So that in combination with the fast food I consumed regularly was my loaded gun!!!  

I can look now and see all that.  I don't know why I couldn't figure it out before, but now that the fast food addiction is gone, my only real battle is the hormones.  I think I will give Dr. Samra a call and see if there is help for that too.  If not, it will be a matter of control and knowledge.  The battle is hard and exhausting.  I went back to allowing myself to indulge these cravings and I can't allow myself that luxury, or over time, I will lose and become fat again!  I am my own advocate and have to be, since noone else can do it for me.

Wendy

Well as of this morning, I weighed in at 184 lbs!  I am now at a normal bmi!  This is a wild moment for me!  I had my plastic surgery on the 3rd and no longer have all of that big old gut!  The swelling is subsiding and I think my metabolism has kicked back in a little as I am still losing day by day.

I am a little frustrated as I am still the same size pants as before surgery, which seems impossible as I had such a large panni, but maybe it is all the swelling.  It hasn't quite even been two weeks yet, so I am hoping things change over the next couple of months.

The tummy tuck was not as bad as I had thought.  I have incisions up to my breast bone and all the way around my back, but it still was not as bad as the original wls.  

I also wanted to add that I have been struggling with anemia since November, this seems to be a long term problem for me.  It is possible that it has been going on longer, but I was unaware of it.  I had to have my surgery put off in February to receive iron infusion for a couple of months.  I had my levels up before surgery, but they are back down again now and I have to go back to the hematologists.  I am so tired all of the time now, this is one reason that I do not recommend this surgery to everyone.  It is hard to deal with malabsorption and should only be considered after all other options are exhausted.  Although I would still make the same decision to this day. I feel that it is the smartest thing I ever did for myself.

Boy has it been a long time since I posted!  I have been soooooo busy lately.  I have been receiving iron infusions and my plastic surgery was cancelled for it's original date due to being too anemic!  I did receive a new date and it is in two weeks!  April 3rd.  I am excited and nervous all at the same time.  

I haven't gotten all the weight off of me that I had gained since last post.  I am sitting at around 198lbs, although I do go up and down with this water weight thing, especially when I am pms'ing.  I hope after surgery to be down at least 10 to 15 lbs of excess skin weight.  I am having the tummy tuck and butt lift so I will lose more weight that way.  

Well I have had a lot of wake up calls this new year so far!  I have learned so far that I am not invulnerable to weight gain and I have learned that my esophagus is not invulnerable to what I was doing to it.  

I finally quit toying with the bulemia due to having an inflamed esophagus and fearing the damage I was doing to it.  And found out that when I eat whatever I want without care I CAN gain weight.  I went on a trip this weekend with my family and came back weighing over 200 lbs!  I know some of it was water weight from all the salt, but not all of it was.  I was down to 194 a couple of weeks ago!  This has been a revelation for me which will be with me for awhile.  I am going to learn how to actually eat!  I haven't had to do this since surgery due to the fact that I lost weight no matter what I ate and because I could only eat a little bit, but as time goes on the pouch stretches and you can eat more and tolerate more fat and sugar!  I have to learn to eat healthy or I will lose this battle once more.  I refuse to ever be fat again!

I had a great time on my trip though, we went back to Great Wolf Lodge.  We went 2 years ago (the picture of me in my photos with my hubby wearing purple). I was at my heaviest then.  I couldn't ride the rides because I couldn't climb the stairs.  I went down 2 times and the second time had heart palpitations so bad I didn't go anymore!  but this time was different!  I climbed stairs til I was exhausted and went down with my husband and kids a million times!  It was so much more fun.  I went in the playscape and climbed through tunnels!  We had a good weekend and I was much less self concious.  Last time I got into a horrible fight with Ron because I felt so bad about myself I thought for sure he was checking out all of the other girls.  This time I was so busy having fun I didn't obsess on it.  Although I am not immune to feeling insufficient, it just wasn't the foremost thought on my mind, it would come and pass quickly.

2 and 1/2 weeks til the tummy tuck!  I am nervous and excited, can't wait to see the results.  Then on to the other things I want done.  I spoke with Carey Poisson today about seeing Dr. DiNick for my next surgeries and am excited about that too.  I am sure it is the right thing to do, I wish I could use him for my tuck.

Well, last post before the new year!  What a trip to think I have made it so far away from surgery.  I have my date for my tummy tuck now, it will be Feb. 6th.  Only a month away!  I am having the butt lift with it so it will be quite extensive to heal up. 

My mom had a fit that I got my second holes in my ears!  LOL!  She thinks that is just too much since I am gonna have more surgery!  

I wanted to be able to wear the studs my kids gave me for Christmas, because I never wear studs in my ears I thought second holes would be perfect.  I love them, they look great!  

I haven't lost any more weight since last post, but I decided to start really cramming in the weight loss before my surgery.  I am back on a strict protein only low cal, high excersize plan.  I hope to drop a few more before I get tightened up permenantly.  I don't want to lose more after the tt and be loose again.  I hope it works.  Besides, I can't seem to tolerate much food.  I don't do well with solid food anyway, except carby stuff, and I don't mind giving that up.  So it is back to the yogurt, cheese, milk, protein powder and nuts.  Lots of vitamins and fluids.  This seems to work for me and my levels are usually good.  I do need to add some iron in, but I think I will see the doctor this week for a supplement, since all the otc ones are very low in iron.