Sunday Jan 24 2010

I hope everyone  is having a good week. I  am having a diffacult time in my life not sure how strong I can be but I am trying to not stress out ,But I think I am way pass that and heading for insaneville. I am at 171 which I am glad I have not gained to 175.was in dec  I had my colonosocopy which was a night mare but I  came out cancer free My oophrectomy /hysterectomy is scheduled for Feb 22 proving no relatives pass away. Have two sick relatives hubbies side  right now and both not expected to live much longer.I am not as strong as people think. My sister had a tornado hit her beach house  the odds in calif  hmmm
I hope to hear from everyone and how u guys are coping with up and downs of life weight loss issues  and lifr issues. I sometimes just want to just scream and hope things would  get better but seems so much on my plate I cannot breathe at times.. I feel like I am drowning and in great depression. I just need to escape this but as soon as I do  someone would  have a catastropic event
I just need ME TIME.. I cant seem to do that when everyone around me is falling apart UGH!!! My b day is friday and  I just hope for a day gift nothing goes wrong. I am having  hard time dealing with the fact I carry the cancer gene and having to have a prophaylactic hysterectomy and  masectomy is scarrying me but my odds of cancer are so great 97% I may not really given much choice. I have worked hard to get a body the way I like it and I am healthy but yet I am facing major surgeries to keep me healthy I posted my sisters pic of them how brave they are they are my hero here so I feel bad losing it and look what they must endure chemo etc.. I feel so ashamed I am not as stromg as they are..
I cant even afford therpy.  But I so look forward to hearing from everyone each week and wonder where life is taking them and the journey they are on. I gain strength from your trails and think if u can do it I can.
I do think of you guys often
Hugs and love
Lisa

I wish I could shine a light on the end of that but things aren't that well for me either.  I just keep trying to tell myself that things will get better.  Weight wise I am holding on to 135 but right now its not that big a deal.  My drinking is getting out of control but I keep tring to stop.  This sight keepd me from falling over the edge I think but I don't like this place I'm in.  You're going through so much it makes my problems seem trivial.  You've been through so much, all I can do is prey for you and your familyl.  I think about you often and hope that it all works out in the end. 

Hello everyone. Having a great week here. Still no stomach pain. Im hoping that this pancreatitis is gone for good. Im eating pretty much whatever I want. My only problem is Im still losing weight. Im down to 116.5 today.  Lisa I hope things getting better for you soon. I will say a prayer for you.

Ps My sister in law passed away tonight. My father in law is doing very poorly his lungs are filling up with fluid ,  We were hoping she would hang a ittle longer as we were hoping to see her next sunday. The doc gave her a  month and she only made it a week to live.  

Lisa!!!
I am so sorry for the constant hurt and loss in your family!! I know you are strong and you will endure!! I too miss our talks but finding time to call has been crazy I work mon-fri at dish ans sat at the post office and then when I get home I have the kids and the man to deal with!! Please know I think of you offten and wish I could do more to help you out!!! Please keep me posted on your upcomming surgery as I will always keep you in my thoughts and prayers!! They say god doesn't give you more than you can handel WOW god has a ton of faith in you!!!! Love you girl and please keep your head up!

Im so sorry Lisa. I will keep you and your family in my prayers!