Proof it isn't always sunshine and roses on the loser's bench...

Some of you may have seen my blogs over the past year or so and my struggles with alcohol abuse since about 6 months or so after my WLS. I managed to get sober on my own Dec. 29 of last year but by March I had started 'socially' drinking again. After a string of events in my life that seemed to be going from bad to worse, I had every excuse I needed to crawl into a bottle and sit there. There WAS no excuse, but I used everything that was happening in my life and around me as one. Slowly but surely I started seeing just how far gone I was. By the end of July I was opening up to my husband about how bad my drinking was and how much I'd been hiding it from him (he knew it was BAD but it was worse than he realized). After getting up my nerve and calling a crisis line, I was directed to call and see a general practitioner to begin getting help. The doctor I saw was understanding and compassionate. I was sent to a counselor and then followed up with a therapist. The therapist I saw wasn't for me, we didn't 'click' at all. My doctor found me a new therapist. During all of this my blood work the doctor did came back with serious liver damage already in the process, low white blood cells, etc. I was given under 5 years to live at the rate I was going. Last Wednesday I met with my new therapist *****commended inpatient detox. I called my doctor who agreed. The next day my husband and I went to the local ER, had more blood work done and waited all afternoon for the crisis coordinator to find a bed for me in a detox facility. I had been told there at the ER that alcoholics take priority for detox over any kind of drug user because alcohol withdrawal can kill a person, however coming off heroine or cocaine will not. (Yes, this scared this HELL out of me.) That evening I was admitted to detox 2 1/2 hours from my home, in a lock down facility. I was rushed through the admittance fairly quickly because I blew a 0 on the breathalizer when I got there, and the nurses were worried about how long I had until the DT's started hitting me. I was already shaking and a bit disoriented at that point. The first 24 hours were spent with plenty of valium in me to keep my body from reacting too harshly to the withdrawal. I'm fairly certain this was in itself a life saver. The next two days I was wiened back off the valium and on my third day I was discharged. So now the hard work begins, I'll be seeing my therapist regularly and going to group sessions 2 to 3 times a week. In detox I was told about 2 different drugs that can be prescribed to help keep the cravings for alcohol way down, and I plan to speak to both my therapist and my doctor about them this week when I see them. I am terrified. Both of relapse and of destroying my weight loss. I regained to 163 through the alcohol & the crap I had began eating. Today I weighed in at 160, I've been drinking a ton of water since I went to detox and it's now flushing my system. I've been eating a bunch of fruit since I got home. I was told I might get sugar cravings without the alcohol and I figure fruit is way better than refined sugar, especially since it makes me dump. Well, sorry about writing a book there! I just felt like I owe it to my surgery sisters to tell my story and let you all know that I was way down but I'm picking myself back up slowly but surely. I'm now 5 days sober and can't even begin to describe how awesome it feels to be able to say that after all I've put myself and my friends & family through. I hope what I went through will help even one person somewhere out there that may be struggling with the same kind of problems. More than anything, I hope none of you are struggling and that life is good! 269 @ surgery/163 Surgeon's goal/134 my revised goal/160 now 5 days sober, aiming for FOREVER!

So sorry to hear of your struggles and I was just reading how people who have had WLS are prone to replace the overeating for another form of addiction. I really can see how easy it would be to slip into alcohol or drugs. Congrats on seeking help and I wish you strength and courage in your sobriety. Take Care! Kelli

Thank you for your reply, Kelli. It was way too easy to find a new addiction once I could no longer turn to food for comfort. I'm seeing my therapist still, going to group sessions 2 to 3 times a week, following up with my medical doc, and now taking medications too. Thank you for your good thoughts! Connie 25 days sober

Hi Mrs. G. I too had fallen to the bottle. I was drinking 1 to 2 glasses of wine after work and it made me relax but the weight started to come back, and that really made me depress. So it's been 2-1/2 weeks with out wine and I'm fighting another habit. Diet soda and some times regular soda. I'm not a water drinker. I really try to stick with the crystal lite and the walmart brand of C/Lite but I want to feel the carbonation bubbles run down my throat. I really want to keep my weight under 185 but it has been a struggle and it seem like I'm loosing. I don't know what to do at this point but cut back my food intake. I hate to exercise and to be truthful, I really don't have time to exercise. After work I come pick up my son from my mother house and come home and cook him dinner and after that its time for home work. After are doing home work I'm trying to wash dashes or wash clothes. I'm doing something for the house are for my son. You see I'm a single parent with one child and know time for me. But the one thing I can do is ask the good LORD for help and keep trying to do the right thing and just maybe it will work for me. I will say alittle prayer for you. Stay strong and take care. Carolyn

Hi Carolyn - thank you for your reply. Immediately after detox I began grazing off and on all day, mostly on fruits but some days on junk food. I've had to start weining myself off the bad carbs again, and hope to lose the extra weight I gained from drinking/detox and get on down to my final goal. I am glad you were able to kick the wine habit, all we can do is take each day one at a time and work on trying to make the best decisions for us and our families. I was a single mom to my 4 children for two years, I remember how very hard it is do go it alone. Hang in there, Carolyn, keep trying, we can do this! Connie 25 days sober

I'm so glad you reached out and got the help you needed! I can't imagine how terrible detox was. But the worst part is now, both with staying sober and maintaining your weight. If you're not already, I've two suggestions, the Grad board and the Addiction board. Both are active and can provide support. The journey continues! Michele

Hi Michele, thank you for your reply! I do lurk on the addiction board and the grad board. I really suck at posting though, I'm not sure why, so I just read. I'll try to muster up the courage to reach out on those boards for support. Thanks again!! Connie 25 days sober

25 days! Terrific! Courage? You have more courage than I'll ever have! You recognized your addiction and are dealing with it. You wrote your story here, just update it for the addiction board. Unless you're very, very lucky I'm sure you don't have a sponsor that understands both. The ladies on the board do., reach out to them. Michele

Hey Connie, Good for you to again taking charge of your life. Just like the first few months were hard post-op, so will these first few months post-alcholol. It sounds like you've gotten all the tools and such you need to be successful, and more important, YOU want to be successful. I hope you can continue adding to your new count - until you're years sober! Love ya, Dawn

Hi Connie, I am so happy that you posted. I drink wine above all other acholic drinks because it brings a quicker buzz for me. I don't like other drinks because of taste or because I don't "feel" anything after drinking it. I am just realizing this about wine. I don't drink everyday, but when I go out I'll have a glass. I am seeing that it is a bit of a temptation for me lately. At first, it was just because I wanted a glass of wine. I now find that I am drinking more then one glass when with friends and when I have a glass in the evening before bedtime, I realized just last night I enjoy the feeling of the buzz that comes with it. Thank you for posting and being so brave. It has made me realize that I may have a problem if I don't nip it in the bud. I never drank before 2003, then I was fired from my job (at a church) and said if I want to have a glass of wine, I'm going to have a glass of wine. I only drank about once a month or less. Since coming back from a trip at teh beginning of September, I've noticed that my once a month or less has increased to 2 times a week or more. So, again thank you for waking my senses up to know that I don't have to have wine, I just want it and need to remember how quickly it effects me because of the surgery. I'll be praying for you! Lori 298/185