abuddingrose
No Regrets
Sep 04, 2010
What is the next BIG THING????
Sep 15, 2009
IS it possible? Why Not!!! I had an idea. I was surfing the net and thought I would check out the local colleges and see what it would take to earn a degree in nursing. Sound crazy? Maybe, considering my age (51). How ever my parents always said your never too old to learn. I have about one half of the credits that I would need to complete the course so that means only about 18 months of classes and I would finally do something I started a long time ago. Finish a degree in something.
If I can get a degree in nursing I will have knowlege that no one can take from me. I will have the skills to make money and not be dependent upon another. I will hae a sense if accomplishment that I can really do anything if I set my mind to it. (even tho I have proven to that more than once to myself).
Of course the classes that I am seeking admission to will not start until september or 2010. That gives me time to get my wls out of the way, the tkr if it has to happen and to decide if that is what I really want.
Imagine me a Nurse. Something that may happen after 33 yrs of trying to finish my education.
Ya jus neva kno
Zells_lori is 'abuddingrose'
Refusing to take things lying down
Sep 08, 2009
I was supposed to have surgery today and begin to get healthier. We all know that didn't happen and why. I refuse to take things lying down or to take NO for a FINAL ANSWER.
I have spent too much time on the sidelines. I have made an appointment with a trainer at my gym to see what kind of intense work out I can get into. I need to take charge and do what I have to try get things under control.. My bp is up again ( 160/90), the knee is almost like it was before the surgery. Zell dosen't like taking me on the bike too far for fear of me getting ill or other things. I have a great deal of difficulty getting on an off of his motorcycle and its not big either. My knee does not want to bend as well as it did when the surgery was first done in April. I want to be included in EVERYTHING and left out of NOTHING. I want to wear a smaller size, be able to walk and not "bump"into anyone. To squeeze through small places just because I can. I want to stop taking all of the meds that have so many side effects.
I deserve to have a fulfilled life. I deserve to be healthy and I will be.
I refuse to take this hand I was dealt lying down.
The sky is the limit and I will SOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My Soap Opera
Sep 02, 2009
I was married for 25+ years to a man that was manipulative to every one in his life. We had two children together and since I never had the opportunity to get to be with my real father growing up I decided that no matter what my children would have two parents together. BIG MISTAKE. I had little self esteem when I married ( pregnant and "had to do the right thing") and he continued to destroy the rest over the next 25 + years along with any I tried to establish in the two kids.
I had no support from family, friends, or social services. I could not go any where or do anything with out my ex-husband finding out where I had been, what I was doing, and who I had spoken to. He, his family and my stepfather were all conected with the law enforcement and clergy in the area and I was watched every minute of every day.
As a father my ex-husband abused the kids mentally, physically and emotionally to the point of having my son at the age of 12 on his knees begging for his musical CD's that he had just bought. His father had a hammer and was threatening to smash them because the boy had made some smart remark to me. At times my ex-husband would get angry over something only he knew about and would grab our son out of a sound sleep and practically throw him down the stairs.
One of the worst things my ex-husband did was dis enroll my
son from high school two yrs in a row just because a grand parent was ill ( old age) and I was in need of a hysterectomy.
Our son tried to going back to school as a Jr. at the age of 19 and of course that didn't work.
every time my son would do something good his father would minimalize it and not be the least bit excited about it.
my ex-husband would run hot and cold with his temperment and
would let the kids have no freedom at all.
My son just got his GED and is still living with my ex.
Like I said my son is the reason I moved to md in the first place. It was not easy trying to raise two kids alone even tho I was married and not being or having good role models for them.
I had planned ot move to md to be with Zell just not when I did. My son got upset about me spending time here and not having wheels to get around and got very upset and threatened to cut the tires on my vehicle. After a huge argument, I left for work and decided over the week end I was not returning to NJ.
It took my son from February until Mothers day that year to call me and just say Mom I love you.
My children and I grew up together since I was only 18 when my oldest was born. We are still very close.
I understand that my son needs to stand on his own, that is one reason why him comming to md is not an option. But he is still my son and me assisting him in any other way is not wrong.
My ex husband reaction to him not qualifying for job assistance was yelling at him and saying it was going to cost him money because I was going to come after everything I could get. Ie its my sons fault again.
Sorry this is so long and boring but I needed to get this out of my system
Up down and all around
Sep 01, 2009
I am up , down and all around this week. I try so hard to stay focused on the end of the journey but it gets so difficult when all you hit are road blocks. Not that I did't expect a fight at the very begining. Just gets frustraiting when something is needed and can not be easily obtained. I am curious to see what happens with the National Health Care Reform. Does that mean that jobs like mine will go away? I sure hope not, I at least earn enough to pay my bills and have some bennies. Plus if jobs like mine go away what will that do the current job market. I know some people that have been out of work for almost a yr and some even longer. When I read the letter from the insurance company I cried in frustraition. One person reviewed the appeal that was sent and decided NO period. Then in the next few paragraphs the letter informed me who to contact to file a complaint with and how they could help me get what I was looking for.
I have been in contact with the Maryland Health Education and Advocacy Unit here in Baltimore and when I told them the situation the opened a complaint right away and will try to mediate a solution to the situation. They aslo wanted the date that had been set for the surgery. ( 09/08/09).
We will see what happens .
so in the mean time I will try not to be up, down and all around.
Just Up and around.
Zells_lori is 'abuddingrose'
Todays Message
Aug 27, 2009
my message for today is..................
I Realize Your foresight my blindness Your generosity my selfishness Your guidance my resistance Your dreams My restlessness Your desire to provide my resistance to accept Your subtleness my liability Your desire my need Your commitment my lack of understanding
Dreams
Aug 25, 2009
Everyone has dreams I know I have my share. I am learning to use my dreams and nightmares to guide me. Some may agree with this practice and others may not; and that is ok. Dreams and nightmares are defined by each of us differently. I know that dreams are a way of our brain helping us learn more about ourselves and our innner voice shouting when we don't listen in our waking hours. I had a dream over the week end and it was one where I was waking up every half hour or so and each time I went back to sleep I would start where it left off and I was able to take the sequence from begining to end.
Last night I had a wonderful dream. I dreamed Zell and I were walking along a road someplace and I was dressed in a pair of jeans but the jeans kept getting larger and larger and eventually they fell to the ground because I didn't have enough body to hold them up any longer. Thats always a good thing. lol
I hope that this dream is an indication that I am going to get what I need. ie the wls.
My worst nightmare is like that of others on the board, not to get the results they need/want.
Does anyone care to share thier dreams or nighmares?
TGIF rant and then some
Aug 21, 2009
Neither Zell nor I really wanted to be at work today but we showed up any way. He was the lucky one and was able to leave early.
I have begun looking into clinical trials for my wls. I have found two that I may qualify for. One in Hershey Pa and one in Canton Ohio. Of course Pa is closer that Ohio and it deals with the long term effects of wls on those with osteoarthritis of the knees.
Well I definatly qualify for that I have it in both knees ,documented and medical records to prove it.
I hope to hear from someone soon.
I still haven't heard from Obesity Law and Advocacy Center in California.
I also contacted a friend that may be able to help with a second appeal if I need to do one.
I have just about everything together for that.
I just had a few things to voice today nothing Super important
but felt like sharing
Ciao
Zells_lori is 'abuddingrose'
out of sorts......... kinda
Aug 20, 2009
I now have to get a note from my PCP saying that I need to be allowed more time for "bio' breaks and i should not be penalized because of this. Then I got the due date for my cell bill crossed with another and it was late. Z was not happy about that.
Was going to go visit my kids this week end but decided to postpone for a month until I got the MRI and MRA out of the way and got the results.
Right now I just feel very tired and want to go to sleep. been that way for most of the week.
Oh well. onward and forward.
maybe thats why my face is red and my body is blue, I am running hot and cold. lol IE avatar.
Zells_lori is 'abuddignrose"
sometimes just sometimes lol HAHAHAHAHAHA
Aug 19, 2009
sis-in-law "How is baby morgan doing today and Lori where is your pic?"
my reply " i don't who baby morgan is and as for my pic I haven't posted it yet"
sis-in-law "then I don't know who you are, how did you get my mo and do I know you?
my reply: Yes you do
She will never figure out who I am until I actually spell it out for her because she doesn't know my first name and my brothers last name and mine are different.
Needless to say my brother and his wife are not as close as I would like to be. I canthank my daughter and ex husband for that. (another story anther time).
I like annoying her because she deserves it. The last time I went to visit my brother she made the excuse she had to go to work and kept commign back every 20 minutes to see if I was still there.
Eventually I will "tell her" who I am but not until I have a little more fun.
just had to share a bit of meniacle humor with ya'all
Zells_lori is "abuddignrose"
