Brenda M.
I went to my WLS orientation in September 2005. I can't even remember what I was thinking when I went. I know that I had been thinking of the surgery for a few years, but only in a negative way. Like I couldn't believe people would do something so drastic, and why didn't they just stick to a diet? I was in such denial. As a matter of fact, I didn't realize I had that much of a weight problem.
About my denial.............I knew I was overweight. I knew that I had to keep getting bigger and bigger clothes. But I was in a relationship, so I got lazy and didn't really concern myself with how I looked. I never looked in the mirror, except to check my face in the morning. I had no idea what my body looked like. I was weighed for my yearly physical, but I always told the nurse not to tell me what it was. Talk about an ostrich with your head in the sand! I didn't have any comorbidities....no blood pressure or diabetes or anything like that. Plus, food was my only comfort. And boy oh boy did I use it. I handle stress so well...everyone says so....because my old pal Mickey D's was always there to help calm me down.
So, as I said, I don't know how I ended up at that orientation. In all honesty, (and please don't hold this against me) I found myself looking around the room that day thinking all of these people are way bigger than me, maybe I don't need to be here. I really laugh at that now. When I weighed in at my first appointment with the surgery dept., I weighed 319 lbs. Yep, that's right. Now I read people's profile or go to support group meetings and see that I was way way way past being obese, and I had a bigger problem than most people interested in WLS. I'm proud to say that since about a week before my surgery, my eyes have been opened. I know why people choose this option. For me, it was the only way I was going to lose weight and not reach 400lbs. That's where I was headed.
I had my surgery on March 16, 2006. I was, and still am, a little weirded out by all of it. Because I have just begun to admit my problems with food and weight, this is all still new to me. Having people look at me is just so uncomfortable. The other day, my mom grabbed my waist and said "Look how small she is!". I thought I would die. I have spent so many years hiding in big shirts and not hugging people because I don't want them to feel my fat rolls. This is all so new to me.
I have to say, that I am still bewildered by the whole process. I have lost 97lbs so far (as of 10/06) and I am still very far from my goal. The weight seems to be slowing leaving. I see people posting just amazing results, and I know I am one of the "slow" ones. That's ok with me. I'm learning how to live and eat again. Speaking of which....one of the biggest things that will get me on my soapbox is the reality of WLS. I am hungry all the time. I have not lost my interest in food. My food addiction did not go away. I still drive by Burger King and wish I could pull in and scarf a whopper and some onion rings. I really thought that after the surgery, I wouldn't care about food and I would fill up on a tablespoon of food. No way! Some days, (especially the bad PMS ones) I could eat all day. But I got a great jump start on getting rid of the weight, and I don't want to lose that. I constantly have to make choices, and that's ok, but I don't think people that are pre-op realize that the lovely full feeling doesn't always last past 6 months.
Other than WLS I do have a life...believe it or not. I have the best family in the world. My BF and two boys are just amazing. They are supportive and fun and all a girl could ask for. I have a new job that I don't love, but it will put cute shoes on my feet so I go every day. I love going to church at NorthRidge, it's like home to me. God has blessed me in so many ways. I love baseball, and the Tigers, and going shopping. Life is wonderful!
****UPDATE***11/15/06 As of today, I've lost 100 lbs! Woohoo! Only 55 to go before goal!!!!
**UPDATE** 6/2/07 Well, my BF is now my DH! We got married in Vegas last week. It was so fun....just us. I was so excited to sit in the seat on the plane.
I also know that I am going to gain weight easily for the rest of my life! Any time I take a weekend off, I gain at least 3 lbs. and spend the next two weeks getting it off. It's not fair!! WAAAHHHHH! It does make me realize that I was never going to lose 100+ lbs. on my own. That does make me feel good about my choice to have surgery.
UPDATE 11/25/07
As of this moment, I'm a total surgery failure. I have been bouncing around 197 lbs. for 7 months. I can't quit eating junk and I'm pretty much right back where I started pre op. Not that I can eat what I used to, but the mindset has come back. I'm buying junk food to eat in the car and not thinking about what I'm eating. Wait, that's not true. I am thinking about it. Every time I eat a donut at work, I'm beating myself up, but I still do it. It kills me to know that the fat girl inside never really left, she was just hiding until the right moment! I told myself that I'll start my plastics (TT and Breast Lift) as soon as I lose the last 20 lbs. and get to my personal goal. But that isn't motivating me to lose any more weight. I'm hoping that putting it all in writing for everyone to see will help me face what's going on. So wish me luck...today I start this journey all over again! For those of you that think this is the magic cure....oh Heaven help you my friend. I thought that too....in the beginning. You control what happens to you. After your surgery, your pouch rules you, but if you're not careful, pretty soon that part of your brain that got you in this mess in the first place will take over. The funny thing is, I always thought I was fat because I was miserable. Well now I'm happier than I have ever been....my life is great. So why am I ruining it? Hmmmm.....let me get back to you on that one.
04/27/08 UPDATE
Well, still no weight loss. As a matter of fact, I FREAKED out a couple of weeks ago because I was up over 200 lbs. When I hit 199 I said I would never be in the 200's again. Well here I am. From my 2 year follow up appointment to now, which is about one month, I have gained 12 lbs. I haven't been eating more, and we even joined the gym. Everyone keeps telling me "muscle weighs more than fat". That's crap, because I started gaining before I went to the gym and it just keeps going up and up. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't regret having surgery, but I wish I would have known it was going to be this hard. I'm going to continue to work out with DH. It's amazing what bad shape I was in. I wonder how long it will take me before I'm considered "fit"? I don't want to be all buff and muscular, but it will be nice to walk the treadmill and not get winded.
Update 3/17/09
Had plastics to remove tummy overhang on 2/11/09. Since I posted in April I have gained about 15 lbs. What's strange is I am more active than ever and careful about what I eat. It's a total bummer.
Dr. Alderman from U of M took off over 20 lbs. of skin and tissue. Even after my swelling has gone down, I'm the same weight I was pre-plastics. So did I gain another 20 lbs? Probably!
