Dreadz9093

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It  took me a little of 5 yrs but I have reached my goal and I am so proud of myself and truly thank GOD for get'n me thru this journey..,.

I CAN NOT BELIEVE THIS A SIZE 14 COULD HAVE GOTTEN THE 12 BUT THE BOOBS WERE NOT WORKING OUT BUT I WILL TAKE IT GOING BACK TO COSTCO AND GET SOME MORE OF THESE

I know so don't say it I'm still not use to taking pictures that's why there is no smile

Lord... Why did you make me black?

Why did you make someone the world would hold back?
Black is the color of dirty clothes, of grimy hands and feet...
Black is the color of darkness, of tired beaten streets...
Why did you give me thick lips, broad nose and kinky hair?
Why did you create someone who receives the hated stares?
Black is the color of the bruised eye when someone gets hurt...
Black is the color of darkness, black is the color of dirt...
Why is my bone structure so thick, my hips and cheeks so high?
Why are my eyes brown, and not the color of the sky?
Why do people think I am useless?
How come I feel so used?
Why do people see my skin and think I should be abused?
Lord, I don't understand...
What is it about my skin?
Why, is it some people want to hate me and not know the person within?
Black is what people are "LABELED" when others want to keep them away...
Black is the color of shadows cast...
Black is the end of the day...
Lord, you know my own people mistreat me, and you know this just ain't right...
They don't like my hair, they don't like my skin...
They say I'm too dark  or too light!!!
Lord, don't you think it's time to make a change?
Why don't you redo creation and make everyone the same?

GOD'S Reply was....

Why did I make you black?
Why did I make you black?
I made you in the color of coal from which beautiful diamonds are formed...

I made you in the color of oil, the black gold which keeps people warm...
Your color is the same as the rich dark soil that grows the food you need...

Your color is the same as the black stallion and panther, oh what majestic creatures indeed!!!
All colors of the heavenly rainbow can be found throughout every nation...
When all these colors are blended, you become my greatest creation!!!
Your hair is the texture of lambs wool, such a beautiful creature is he...
I am the shepherd who watches them, I will ALWAYS watch over thee!!!
You are the color of the midnight sky, I put star glitter in your eyes...

There's a beautiful smile hidden behind your pain...
That's why your cheeks are so high!!!
You are the color of dark clouds from the hurricanes I create in the September...

I made your lips so full and thick, so when you kiss THEY will remember!!!
Your stature is strong, your bone structure is thick to withstand the burden of time...

The reflection you see in the mirror, that image that looks back, that is MINE!!!
SO GET OFF YOUR KNEES, LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE?
I didn't make you in the image of darkness...
I made you in the image of ME!!!  
 

The title of this post is something that I have to remember at all time.  I am a work in progress.  Though I have come far just in this calendar year I still have a ways to go be it mental and physical. 

Mentally I have to remember how I see myself is not how everyone else sees me.  Though I know that I have lost over 100 lbs and went from a size 24-26 to a size 10-12 when I look into a mirror I still see that size 24-26.  When I take my clothes off in front of my partner and he tells me that I am beautiful I have to mentally start believing him.  Even though I was able to break free in November and go to Hedonism I still am not happy with my appearance. 

For this up coming calendar year I want to be able to take off this remainder 46 (I thought it was 40) pounds and be able to take off my clothes with the lights on and not only say this but believe it that this is the body I have you will either love it or leave it and then except the outcome of his chose. 

I wish myself all the luck and hope that if I do not make my goal that I will not resort to bad habits in order to punish myself.

GOD GRANT ME THE STRENGTH TO GET THROUGH THIS AND COME OUT OF IT A BETTER PERSON FOR I TRULY CAN NOT EXPECT SOMEONE TO MAKE ME HAPPY IF I CAN NOT MAKE MYSELF HAPPY FIRST.

thank you so very much for suggesting the support group at Raritan Bay.  It was so very informative I had such a great time and am looking forward to the next one.

when they asked how i found out about the them and i told them you they asked me to ask you if your name was maxine and if so to tell you hello and to drop them (being Lorretta) a line.

Once again thank you.

Ok maybe someone can help me.  For the past month i have been watching my intake and going to the gym where i have incorporated weights besides cardio and i have not lost one pound.  I have been taking my calcium and my vitamines but i don't know what I am doing wrong.  I am staying away from sweets and carbs.  I have been eating a lot of nuts I'm wondering if that is what is keeping the weight on me.  If anyone knows please help me out.