Jayc66
Let there be light... weight that is!
Jul 20, 2010
Finally something I feel I can smile about ... stepped on my arch nemesis; aka the scales this morning and to my shear joy the extra weight I gained with the surgery is gone! Hallelujah!!! It's all down hill from here!
5 days out...
Jul 17, 2010
Thank goodness my angels have been watching out for me. It's been a tough few days since my surgery. I've had a lot of discomfort because of the gaz and I managed to tear a couple of my stitches... ugh! I'm very fortunate to have my mom and sweety looking after me. They dote on me and trust me, I'm lapping it up like a kitten and cream! And when they aren't looking after me I have a home care nurse who comes in and checks me over. I feel truly blessed.
I'll be even happier when this phase is behind me though. I was feeling pretty discouraged when I got on the scales for the first time only to discover I gained 11 lbs! Unbelievable! So far, I've lost 5 of them - 6 more to go... can't wait to get my momentum back.
I'm trying to stay positive, but the truth is I've had a few moments of self pity. I guess that's normal. But I have to try and stay focussed - keep my eyes on the prize... All of this is going to be a blurr before long...
10% off
Jul 11, 2010
It's official! I have lost 10 % of my body weight today! How awesome is that??? All I can say is I've never been satisfied with 10 % off before now... It's an incredible feeling... but just like with my bargain hunting I'm not going to settle for this! I want more off! and I'm going to get it too!
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Am I being too hard on myself?
Jun 27, 2010
Five (5) weeks before starting my pre-op diet I decided I better prepare myself. I anticipated having great difficulty switching to a meager diet of 4 diabetic boost drinks, 1 oz of skim milk mozzarella and 2 fruits a day. So, I started replacing either lunch or supper with one of my boosts. I was delighted to see that I began losing weight right away. During that time I lost a total of 15 lbs. A pretty good start I thought...
Then along came June 9th and the real "diet". Just 1000 calories a day... Amazingly I'm doing well on it. I don't seem to have much hunger and when I do I just have some fat free bouillon and I feel fine. I think it actually helps to balance the sweet/salt intake so I don't really feel like I'm missing anything. I can honestly say I haven't cheated unless, of course you think an extra raspberry counts!
I deluded myself into thinking I was going to lose a ton of weight on this next phase. I mean if I could lose 15 lbs by just simply replacing a meal surely it would melt right off on this diet... NOT! Imagine my utter disgust when that didn't happen. Today is the 19th day and I've only lost another 10 lbs. I know I should be happy with that but I'm really feeling discouraged. I know, Rome wasn't built in a day... blah, blah, blah... but I must be ingesting a lot less than I was before.
I should try and put things in perspective. The 15 lbs was over 5 weeks, this latest 10 lbs has been lost in just 2 1/2! I so wanted to lose 50 lbs before my surgery on July 14. I get the sense I should come to terms with the possibility that that may not happen. Ugh! I feel like Lucy from the peanuts.. "Good grief!"
This to shall pass... The truth is I am becoming obsessed with decreasing numbers... that's not such a bad thing is it? I guess as long as I don't get so discouraged that I lose sight of my accomplishments.... I just want to shed the term "super obese" along with years of mislead self preservation...
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Then along came June 9th and the real "diet". Just 1000 calories a day... Amazingly I'm doing well on it. I don't seem to have much hunger and when I do I just have some fat free bouillon and I feel fine. I think it actually helps to balance the sweet/salt intake so I don't really feel like I'm missing anything. I can honestly say I haven't cheated unless, of course you think an extra raspberry counts!
I deluded myself into thinking I was going to lose a ton of weight on this next phase. I mean if I could lose 15 lbs by just simply replacing a meal surely it would melt right off on this diet... NOT! Imagine my utter disgust when that didn't happen. Today is the 19th day and I've only lost another 10 lbs. I know I should be happy with that but I'm really feeling discouraged. I know, Rome wasn't built in a day... blah, blah, blah... but I must be ingesting a lot less than I was before.
I should try and put things in perspective. The 15 lbs was over 5 weeks, this latest 10 lbs has been lost in just 2 1/2! I so wanted to lose 50 lbs before my surgery on July 14. I get the sense I should come to terms with the possibility that that may not happen. Ugh! I feel like Lucy from the peanuts.. "Good grief!"
This to shall pass... The truth is I am becoming obsessed with decreasing numbers... that's not such a bad thing is it? I guess as long as I don't get so discouraged that I lose sight of my accomplishments.... I just want to shed the term "super obese" along with years of mislead self preservation...
Who am I?
Oct 20, 2009
I wonder how many times you have read this before... I don't like to talk about my weight... The way I see it is it's no one's business but mine. If people can't accept as I am than it's their problem. Yeah right. The truth is I have built this body to protect myself from being hurt. Hurt by an abusive father, hurt by people calling themselves "friend" and hurt by people who have said they loved me only to discover that they loved themselves more. Each encounter in life builds your character and helps you to become the person you are.
So who am I?
Where do I begin. Looking back over the years I see a child who always felt different from everyone else. My family didn't have much. My mother always worked hard to see that there was a way to do things for her children. My sister got her braces without which she would not be the confident woman she is today. My brothers had the instruments that they always wanted so they could explore music. And me, well, I got to go to summer camp and be an Explorer.To this day I don't know how my mother managed to pull it all together... but she did.
I remember seeing other kids have things and not quite understanding why I couldn't have the same. Now of course I realize that we were on the cusp of poverty. We lived in one of the more afluent areas of Montreal's West Island... near JM Schneider's family.. I recall this clearly because they always gave out full size chocolate bars on Hallowe'en. That was worth the extra walk to the Lakeshore! But seriously in my young adulthood I blamed my "weight problem" on us being "poor" and having a diet that was mostly made up of poorer cuts of meat, and processed foods like pasta and white bread. While I realize that my battle with carbs may have started then I must take responsibility for allowing myself to become the size I am today.
My lack of motivation towards exercise developed early in life. I was always laughed at in gym. Even though I was pretty good at gymnastics I couldn't run well and the other kids took pleasure in pointing out how well I filled out my bloomers! The ultimate school girl embarassment happened when I was around 8 yrs old. Every Wednesday there would be an announcement over the PA system reminding people to attend ballet after school. So I started to go. I went to a few classes and was doing well until the instructor asked me for my registration fee. I didn't know what she was talking about. She gave me a paper for my parents and told me I had to leave and not to come back until my parents signed the paper. Unfortunately my parents could not afford the registration fee and my dream of pink shoes evapourated in to "thin" air.
So ended my interest in being involved in physical activity. Later when I attended high school I was so relieved to learn that I was not required to take any more gym classes. Little did I realize that was yet another turning point. One that would lead me to a life filled with less physical activity and an even heavier body to carry around.
Poor diet + in activity + emotional eating = who I have become. Though I never would have admitted that my weight defines me, it certainly has become a barrier for me. I can no longer do the kinds of things I once enjoyed without worrying about parking, distance, stairs, shortest route, restrooms and seating. Once a spontaneous, outgoing woman, I have become what I always said I would not. That overweight person who is limited in what she can do by virtue of her size and disability. I am the not so proud owner of 3 cpap machines. You see I could no longer stop off at my mom's or a friends for an impromptu overnight stay because I could not sleep without it. Now I have one for travel, one for home and one at my mother's. This way all bases are covered and at least I can breathe.
Ah yes, so many diets, so many short lived successes. Its taken a lot of soul searching and self contemplation for me to understand the making of me and all the triggers that lead to my self destruction through emotional eating. I've had enough. I want my life back. I want to be that spontaneous woman again. So I've made the decision to have Lap Band surgery done. I do not have a surgery date yet but Dr. Jette tells me the average waiting time is 6 months. By this time next year I should be well on my way to a healthier me. I can't wait to get to know that version of me. I realize that it will take a lot of work but I owe it to myself to become the best person I can be inside and out.
0 comments
So who am I?
Where do I begin. Looking back over the years I see a child who always felt different from everyone else. My family didn't have much. My mother always worked hard to see that there was a way to do things for her children. My sister got her braces without which she would not be the confident woman she is today. My brothers had the instruments that they always wanted so they could explore music. And me, well, I got to go to summer camp and be an Explorer.To this day I don't know how my mother managed to pull it all together... but she did.
I remember seeing other kids have things and not quite understanding why I couldn't have the same. Now of course I realize that we were on the cusp of poverty. We lived in one of the more afluent areas of Montreal's West Island... near JM Schneider's family.. I recall this clearly because they always gave out full size chocolate bars on Hallowe'en. That was worth the extra walk to the Lakeshore! But seriously in my young adulthood I blamed my "weight problem" on us being "poor" and having a diet that was mostly made up of poorer cuts of meat, and processed foods like pasta and white bread. While I realize that my battle with carbs may have started then I must take responsibility for allowing myself to become the size I am today.
My lack of motivation towards exercise developed early in life. I was always laughed at in gym. Even though I was pretty good at gymnastics I couldn't run well and the other kids took pleasure in pointing out how well I filled out my bloomers! The ultimate school girl embarassment happened when I was around 8 yrs old. Every Wednesday there would be an announcement over the PA system reminding people to attend ballet after school. So I started to go. I went to a few classes and was doing well until the instructor asked me for my registration fee. I didn't know what she was talking about. She gave me a paper for my parents and told me I had to leave and not to come back until my parents signed the paper. Unfortunately my parents could not afford the registration fee and my dream of pink shoes evapourated in to "thin" air.
So ended my interest in being involved in physical activity. Later when I attended high school I was so relieved to learn that I was not required to take any more gym classes. Little did I realize that was yet another turning point. One that would lead me to a life filled with less physical activity and an even heavier body to carry around.
Poor diet + in activity + emotional eating = who I have become. Though I never would have admitted that my weight defines me, it certainly has become a barrier for me. I can no longer do the kinds of things I once enjoyed without worrying about parking, distance, stairs, shortest route, restrooms and seating. Once a spontaneous, outgoing woman, I have become what I always said I would not. That overweight person who is limited in what she can do by virtue of her size and disability. I am the not so proud owner of 3 cpap machines. You see I could no longer stop off at my mom's or a friends for an impromptu overnight stay because I could not sleep without it. Now I have one for travel, one for home and one at my mother's. This way all bases are covered and at least I can breathe.
Ah yes, so many diets, so many short lived successes. Its taken a lot of soul searching and self contemplation for me to understand the making of me and all the triggers that lead to my self destruction through emotional eating. I've had enough. I want my life back. I want to be that spontaneous woman again. So I've made the decision to have Lap Band surgery done. I do not have a surgery date yet but Dr. Jette tells me the average waiting time is 6 months. By this time next year I should be well on my way to a healthier me. I can't wait to get to know that version of me. I realize that it will take a lot of work but I owe it to myself to become the best person I can be inside and out.
