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1/2/05
I'm very excited because tomorrow I go to my PCP and discuss getting a referral for WLS.  I called quite a few doctors around my area and only one or two accept Tricare.  Watkins and Montgomery don't.  Well, they do, but they have to have payment upfront and Tricare will repay me.  Don't have that kind of money lying around.  Also, I've been doing a lot of thinking about the lap band and it may not be the best idea for me.  A few reasons why, really.  One, quite a few docs offices have been telling me that Tricare no longer covers it.  Once the shock of that wore off, I discussed it with my husband at length and discussed it with a few people here in the chat room.  I can understand why they wouldn't pay for it: 1) it is a lifetime of follow-ups getting fills, etc., 2) it has a much easier 'failure' rate in that it's much easier to 'eat around' the band by just getting some fluid taken out, and 3) it is much newer.  So, after lots of thoughts and prayers I'm more open to having RNY, but I would still like it to be laproscopic.  We'll see what can be done about that.  I've had my gall bladder removed laproscopically, so I know what that's all about and had no problems with it at all.  Actually I was sleeping on my stomach the night after I had it done!  We'll see what tomorrow holds with my PCP.

1/3/05
Oh, my goodness, things couldn't be going better!  I went to my PCP today, got weighed (332.8), BP (a little up, but understandable considering how nervous/excited I was/am), and all other stuff.  Then the doc comes in (SUPER NICE - Dr. Jonie McBee at Oak Harbor Naval Hospital) and says, "So, how can I help you today?"  I said, "I'd like a referral for gastric bypass surgery, please." to which she replies, "Well, you fit the criteria, I'll put in the paperwork!"  I said, "Ummm...okay?!"  I was stunned!  I was sitting there with all my reasonings, family history, diet history, etc. ready to be blabbed out and she just said, "OKAY!"  LOL!  So, I said, "Well, I would like to request a specific doctor, if I could." and she said, "Okay, just go over to the Tricare office and talk to them!"  So, I go trapsing over to the Tricare office (not even a 2 minute walk from my doc's office) and I said, "My doctor is about to send over a referral and I'd like to request a specific doctor and she asked me to come here to request him."  He said, "Are you Dr. McBee's patient?"  I said, "Yes." and he smiled and went to get a paper.  I said, "Did she already send over the paperwork?"  He said, "Are you Michelle?"  I said, "Yes?!" and he said, "She just e-mailed me."  JIMINY CHRISTMAS!!  Then we joked for a minute about him having Green Bay Packers stuff all over his office and I had a Pittsburgh Steelers jacket on - he said we could only talk in the hall, LOL!  He was as nice as could possibly be and discussed the fact that the doctor that I was requesting wasn't accepting new Tricare patients as of the last time he referred to him, but that he would try, but if it didn't get accepted by the doctor (he said that he is in network, but that the surgeon just wasn't accepting new Tricare patients, so the surgeon could deny the referral) and the only reason that I was requesting this doc was the proximity to me, he had another doc that he referred patinents to at Univ. of WA.  So, I came home, did some homework on this doc (Oelschlager) and I was impressed with the excellent comments on here about him.  So, I called the insurance guy and left a message for him to just put the referral through to Oelschlager.  SOOOOOOO.....things are getting started!  I should hear back within a week to see if I can get to see him and if so...wow - we'll see!!

1/7/05
I called my insurance company today to see what the status was on my referral for a consult to my surgeon and they said it was a go!  So, I called the surgeon's office and got a recording saying "If you'd like to be considered for surgery, leave your name, number, and address for us to send paperwork to..." type of thing or I could look it up on the website (www.uwsurgery.org) so I did and there's a bunch of papers that I have to fill out, so I will.  I have to then fax them to their office and they will schedule an appointment for me.  So, here goes the 1st hoop!

1/7/05 (little later in the day)
Well, I just spoke to someone at my surgeon's office (or who I'm hoping will be my surgeon) and she asked me a bunch of questions and considering I don't have a co-morbidity (that I know of) Tricare may not approve me for the surgery.  She said that since so many people are now requesting the surgery that the insurance companies are getting a bit more rigid with who they approve since they're paying for so many more.  So, if I don't have a co-morbidity then I may not be authorized.  So...I made an appointment with my PCP on Tuesday and going to discuss the fact that I may have sleep apnea, I have almost constant back pain, and my blood pressure is borderline high.  I'm going to see what/if he can do to help the insurance approve me.  I CAN'T NOT HAVE THIS SURGERY!!!

1/12/05
What a day today has been!  I've been kind of down because it didn't seem like I'd be able to get in to see Dr. Oelschlager for at least 3-4 months and then it would be another 6-8 months or more before I could have the surgery AFTER I did all the prelim stuff (labs, etc.).  I really didn't want to wait that long.  So, I did some more checking into other doctors in the area and found a doctor in Tacoma (about 2-1/2 hours away), Dr. Rifenberry or something.  He's listed on this site.  I called the office and the lady who answered (Patti) was INCREDIBLY nice and said yes, they take Tricare but they only do lap RNY and as of the middle of November, Tricare wasn't paying for lap RNYs except at the military instillation (it's a two year wait over there to even get seen).  WHAT?!  So, I told her that I'd just talked to them the other day and there was no problems with lap RNY.  So, she gave me the head guy at Tricare who said she could give his number out to anyone who wanted it so that they could discuss it.  So, I called the guy and he said that as of mid-December they were accepting it anywhere.  So, I called the doc's office again and told them what the Tricare guy said and she laughed because he'd called her right before I called her back and apologized for not informing them and it was a go!!  So, I asked when I could be seen and she said "How about the 17th?"  I said, "You mean February or March?"  She said, "No, Monday, Jan 17th."  I said, "You mean in five days?" and she said, "Yes."  WOW!  So, I said, "Well, how long after that would I have my surgery?" and she said it was basically up to me.  She said that I would be given a list of things to do (labs, psych eval, etc.) and they needed to be done in Federal Way (which is about 2 hours away), etc. and she asked if I was local.  I told her that I lived up in Oak Harbor and she said that I could have most everything done where I was at and even one of my consults could be done over the phone so I should only have to come down once for the full exam by the doctor (pre-op).  WOW!!!!  So, she said depending on how aggressive I was at scheduling these tests and stuff would determine when I would go in for the pre-op consult.  Then after I do that, my surgery would be scheduled about 4 weeks after that.  WOW!!!!!!  I'm so stoked!!  So, realistically I could be having my surgery as early as April!!  Much better than say November or December!!  So, I will be seeing a Dr. Cho who is with Dr. Refenbery's at the Center for Minimally Invasive Surgery.  He's not listed on this site, but we'll see!  Their website is great and informative. (BTW, the website is: www.centerformis.com)

1/17/05
Well, I had my consult today with my surgeon.  All in all it went well.  He was very informative, sat and answered all of my questions, and was very nice.  He emphasized that the surgery is the easy part, the hard part is after I go home and I'm living with this for the rest of my life.  I was glad that he was so concerned with me and the rest of my life, not just cutting into me.  I like him.  The only thing I didn't like was the drive - it took me 2-1/2 hours to get there and then back.  It was an exhausting day of driving and knowing that I'm going to have to go there for all of my post-op check ups, my surgery will be there, etc.  Sigh...  But it's worth it.  I'm starting to get nervous now as this is seeming so real.  I'm not really sure what it is that I'm nervous about.  My surgeon is very compotent so I'm not worried about the procedure.  I don't want to die on the table, but when it's my time to go, I'm going to go no matter if I'm being operated on or sitting on the couch with my kids reading them a book.  I guess I'm nervous about the afterwards.  I don't know what it's like to be a thin adult and I guess I'm a bit nervous about that.  It will be a whole new me.  Will I change a lot?  How will I change?  I just know that I don't like the way that I am right now, so this is something that has to be done to make me a better mom and wife and a better me.

Anyway, the consult went well as I said.  I will have to do some labs, a psych consult, and a nutrition consult and that will be it.  Once I have all of those things done, they apply to the insurance and it's a done deal!  Shouldn't be too long, I wouldn't guess.  But, it's all about the scheduling.

Here's the questions I asked him:
How long have you been doing the lap RNY and how many have you done?

What percentages of your patients have complications?

How many mortalities have you had?

What kind of aftercare do you have if there are problems?

What are the follow-up procedures that I will need to follow?  Do you have them printed up?

What type (and what daily amounts) of vitamins/minerals will I need to be on and is there a particular brand of nutritional supplements that you suggest?

I have had diarrhea since my cholecystectomy in 1993, will that get better, worse, or stay the same post op?

What will I have for pain management in the hospital and when I return home?

Can I do my follow-up in Oak Harbor?  How often will I need to follow up there or with you?

Will I be having a proximal RNY?

Will you be checking other organs while doing the procedure and correct any problems that you may see?

If there is a problem while doing the lap procedure, would you be comfortable opening me up if need be?

Why is there a problem with high fiber foods post op?

Are brainwaves monitored during surgery to ensure no intra-operative awareness?

Will the anesthesiologist be in the room during the entire procedure?

Does the anesthesiologist have experience with people my size?

How long will you expect the procedure to take?  What would be a reason that it may take longer?

Will you staple or suture the stomach?

Will you visit my husband after the surgery to tell him how it went?

How soon afterwards can he join me?

Can he spend the night?

Will you put in a drainage tube and if so, why?  How long will it be in place?

Will I need a catheter?  If so, for how long?

When will I be able to shower and/or brush my teeth?

Can I bring hard candy to suck on post op or the ‘pocket packs’?

Does acid in the unused portion of the stomach cause ulcers or problems?

How often does the stoma close and need to be stretched?  How large will my stoma be?

What are some common complications and/or side effects?  Which ones should I not worry about and which ones require immediate medical attention?

How long will I have lifting limitations?

When can I begin going to the gym?

How much weight should I expect to lose and how quickly?

Do you recommend an annual endoscopy or other tests?  Which ones?

Will I be intubated?  If so, will it be taken out before or after I wake up?

Will I have a NG tube in place post op?

How large will my pouch be and how much of the small intestine will be bypassed?

How can I prepare mentally and physically for surgery?

Is there any reason that the surgery may not happen after you’ve opened me?

How many follow-up appointments will I have?

Do you know of support groups near me?

Does the hospital have gowns large enough for me?  Does it have a weight loss surgery ward?

How common is vomiting and how can I avoid it?

1/25/05
Well, it's been a bit since I've updated.  Seems like a lot longer than a week!  Last time I posted I was a bit nervous.  Well, that's not true, I was a LOT nervous, anxious, and wondering what the heck I was thinking!  I kept praying and asking for peace and when I went to see my counselor on the 18th, we discussed the anxiety and she gave me some ways to combat it.  She had me write out all of my negative thoughts and turn them into positives.  The biggest ones, I have to admit, were that if I died (wasn't so worried about dying myself, but how it would affect my kids) I wouldn't want them to think that Mommy was being selfish or something for doing this surgery.  The guilt was just overwhelming me tremendously in that "I can't do this to my babies!  If I die, they will hate me for this!"  But, I talked to my therapist about it and we 'turned it into a positive'.  I told her that the reason I was wanting to do it was so that I could be a better mom for them, so that I could go horseback riding with them.  I could ride bikes with them, I could go rollerblading with them, etc. and not just sit and watch and eventually have to go back in the house because I felt like utter garbage for not being able to be with them and share in their fun.  And when they say, "Mommy!  Come ride with us!" I just say, "No, that's alright, I'm having fun watching you!" when in reality I'm too fat to do it!  So, I came home and was completely honest with my kids.  I told them flat out exactly why I was having it.  (They're 11 and 7.)  I told them that I wanted to be a better mom, that I was too tired all the time to do fun things with them and I explained it this way.  I told my daughter, "Imagine that if everytime you got up for anything - and I mean anything - like getting a drink, going to the bathroom, taking out the trash, getting the mail, walking upstairs, getting dressed, etc. that you had to carry your brother with you.  Everytime.  (He weighs about 70 pounds.)  Wouldn't you eventually want to stop getting up and doing things?  If you wanted to go ride your scooter, you had to pick up your brother and take him with you on your back.  You wouldn't really want to do it would you?  Or, if you wanted to rollerblade, you had to have your brother on your back.  You wouldn't want to, or it may be too difficult for you.  She got the picture and so did my son.  I explained it that way to my husband, too.  I told him the same thing, but about carrying our daughter (she weighs about 130).  I said, "You realize that I'm 160 pounds or so overweight - which means that I'm carrying around our daughter and then some everytime that I get up to do anything!"  So, anyway, after explaining all of this to my kids and my husband, the fear and anxiety all went away.  My daughter has been asking me lots of questions and I've been answering them all completely openly and honestly.  She wanted to know exactly how long the surgery would take, how long I'd be at the hospital, what the surgery entails, etc. so I've explained everything to her and she is now at peace with it.  I've really been calm and peaceful for the last week or so.  I do not feel anxious hardly at all.  I have a few minutes here and there, but overall I feel very good about it.  I really don't think that God will take me at this point, I just don't feel that.  But even if he does, my kids will be taken care of.  I have a good husband and my parents would be more than willing to take them or help out if necessary.  I just can't tell you how calm I've been.  It's been wonderful.  I am completely and totally at peace with the whole thing.

So, yesterday I had my final consultation with Northwest Center for Weight Management.  What happens is that I see Dr. Cho and NWC for Weight Mgmt. does all of the pre-op stuff - everything from the lab work to the getting approval from TriWest to ordering any testing, etc. and then I go see Dr. Cho for the pre-op appointment.  So, I have done the consultation with them, filled out the paperwork, and have done the final consultation with them (discussing paperwork and answering any final questions) and now it's all on them.  They submit everything to the insurance and just wait.  She said (Janelle) that now I could just practice chewing, LOL!  I have to give a shout-out to the people at Northwest Center for Weight Management.  I've spoken to both Susan and Janelle there and they are BOTH absolutely wonderful to deal with and talk to.  Janelle is the program manager and I've had more contact with her.  She has been an absolute angel, answered all my questions, been incredibly informative and has just been super supportive.  I live about 2-1/2 hours away so she's arranged for me to have all of my pre-op stuff done close by me.  She's even helped me find those people close to me.

Anyway, that's about all I've got for now.  It's just a waiting game now, waiting for everything to be approved and I'm on my way.  I'm looking at probably late March or early April to have this done.  But that's just my guess!!

http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/mempix/cloud_michelle/bar.jpg">>

2/2/05
I went to my first WLS support group meeting last night.  It was great.  I met quite a few people in my area who have had WLS and one who's two weeks from her surgery and one who's about at the same stage I am.  It was great to see so many people in one room who knew exactly what I am going through and could answer any questions and give reassurances.  I'm so glad that I went.  I was actually pretty tired and considered not going, but I decided it would be great to get to know all of these people before I got so close to my surgery and have some support.  What was even more awesome is that one girl who was there (it was actually at her house) has the same body makeup as me, was the same top weight as I am now, and is right at my goal weight now.  It is so cool to look at her pictures and see where she came from (looks just about like my body now) and see where she is and think that I may be there some day!  It was such a visual that I really needed.  I can't even fathom that I will look like that someday.

I'm still playing the waiting game.  I have an appointment tomorrow again with the psychologist and my nutrition consult is becoming quite a pain.  Northwest Center for Weight Management is telling me that I have to have my nutrition consult down at Madigan (which is 3 hours away) when I've got a perfectly good dietician right here in Oak Harbor.  All of the women at the support group meeting last night have the woman here as their dietician and couldn't understand why I had to go all the way down to Madigan.  I had an appointment with Jackie (the dietician here) for the 11th, but cancelled it when NWCWM told me that I couldn't see her.  So, I e-mailed NWCWM and asked them why I couldn't just see Jackie - we'll see what they say.

I am still at such a peaceful place about the surgery.  I just can't explain it.  It must be that peace that passes all understanding!!  I am so ready to do this.  I would do it tomorrow if I could!  But, I figure since I can't, there must be more that I need to learn about or find out or something.  So, I'll keep doing what I need to do and leave the results up to God.

2/8/05
Quick update!  I called TriWest today and they said "Authorization Pending".  I guess that means they've gotten everything and are reviewing it!!  Sigh - they told me to check back on Thursday or Friday (today is Tuesday).  Of course, I'll check again tomorrow, LOL!!

2/9/05
APPROVED!! APPROVED!! APPROVED!!  I AM APPROVED!!!!  I called TriWest today and she gave me an authorization number, effective dates between 3/15/05 and 3/25/05, so my surgery will be sometime between those dates and the CPT code (which I googled to make sure it was for Gastric Bypass and RNY - not just the office visit) and I AM REALLY GOING TO HAVE THIS DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am so excited I am literally shaking!!  I can't wait!

2/10/05
I went to my psychological eval again today (2nd visit) and he wants to see me a 3rd time.  He said it's not unusual for him to do at least 3-4 visits with his patients.  He has you break up your life into 5 year incriments and we discuss them.  So, it takes a while to get through it all!  I also had my lab work done today (TEN VIALS OF BLOOD!) so tomorrow is my nutritionist and then my last visit with the psychologist (I will still see him afterwards, but the last one for the psych eval) and I'm done!!!  Then I see my surgeon again (probably 1st or 2nd week in March) and we schedule the surgery!

2/15/05
Well, I have decided to change my surgeon.  Dr. Cho is a nice enough guy, but he's only done 3 WLS procedures.  I would have been #4.  I thought for the longest time that it didn't bother me, but the more I thought about it and the more I talked to people, the less confident I became.  I just kept thinking, "Would I let any other surgeon do any other procedure on me if I knew that he had only done three others?"  And the answer kept coming back, "No."  His partner, Dr. Rifenbery, has only done about 75 and every other surgeon that I've talked to has said that if they've not done (anywhere between 100 & 300 is the various answers I'm getting) then be very, very concerned.  So, I have decided to go with Dr. Weber.  The good news is that I have all of my pre-op stuff done through Dr. Cho, so whatever the pre-op that Dr. Weber may require, I've at least got a good portion of the stuff done.  The bad news is that in re: to my insurance company (TriWest), I'm back at square 1.  I didn't have to go see my PCP again, but I have to get authorized to see Dr. Weber and he will have to put in the authorization request for the surgery.  Basically the entire time I've spent getting all of this done has been a waste of time.  Sigh...  Oh, well.  I feel 150% more confident in Dr. Weber than I did in Dr. Cho.  I understand that everyone has got to start somewhere and everyone has got to have a #4 patient, but I am not willing to be it considering I've got a wonderful husband and two beautiful children that I am risking leaving without me.

So, I went to Dr. Weber's seminar (required by all of his patients) last night and I was so tremendously impressed with him.  He is a very experienced surgeon who has had tremendous success and remarkably few complications with his patients.  Hopefully I will be able to get in to see him very soon.  I will call tomorrow or Thursday to schedule an appointment with him.  Until next time.......

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3/1/05
It's been a few weeks since I've updated.  Not much has changed.  I'm still waiting for my April 1st appointment with Dr. Weber.  I'm having an easier time with the waiting.  At first when I found out I couldn't see him until 4/1, I was freaking out, upset, angry, annoyed, etc.  But he's going to be out of town for a while, so there's not one thing that I can do about it.  So, I wait.  Thankfully it's only a month out now.  I'm not concerned about the surgery at all.  I am pretty sure it will go just fine and I'm going to do everything that I'm supposed to so that I have the least risk of complications (at least the ones that I can control).  Right now I'm wondering just how much exercising and such that I should do as I don't want to lose too much weight before I go see him so that I don't risk getting denied for the surgery.  I don't even know what I weigh right now as I've not weighed since I went to the nutritionist on Feb. 11th.

I've been talking to and meeting many new WLS patients.  Two people I know just had lap RNY within the last week-and-a-half so it's been interesting talking to them and seeing their reactions.  Their main pain has been from the gas, one of them has pain in her larger incision.  That's encouraging that the pain isn't on the inside too much.  So I may have some pain from the incision, but I know with the open procedure they move the ribs, so I may have some pain from there as well.

Anyway, lots to do today so I need to run.  Until next time...

 

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4/8/05
Oh, my goodness how the time goes by!  I can't believe it's been over a month since I've updated.  As you can tell I have a surgery date and I'm so excited.  I'm so ready to do this I can't even stand it.  I have noticed that I'm a bit more irritable, a little more down, and just kind of 'bleh' feeling.  I don't know what that's about.  I've been contemplating how much of my life has been hindered by my weight and it's really depressing.  I've wasted so much of my life!  But that's about to change.  I just decided that for me, doing whatever I wanted was more important than eating whatever I wanted.  I'm making that my new motto.  Hopefully I'll remember that post-op, too, which will make the not being able to eat much seem not an issue.

Dr. Weber told me at my office visit that I have to do 45 minutes a day of aerobic activity, so I've been doing that MOST of the time.  I've missed a day, but I've been doing pretty well.  I go to the gym or walk around my home or doing an exercise video.  I've not been enjoying it, but I know that it's good for me and that it will make my surgery go easier.  I also want to be very athletic after surgery and I'm sure it will be MUCH easier when I'm not carrying around 160 extra pounds.

So, about my visit with Dr. Weber, it went wonderfully.  I've heard so many things about Dr. Weber's office that I wasn't sure exactly what to expect.  They were very nice and friendly.  Lisa and Pam have been tremendously helpful in answering all of my questions and working with my situation.  As I stated earlier I'd already been approved by my insurance through another surgeon, so I had all of my pre-op stuff done (with the exception of the Cortisol level that Dr. Weber requires).  So I went in to see him, gave him all of my information that I'd already had and he kept commenting about how organized I was, LOL!  I told him of my time constraints (long story, but basically if I didn't have it by the beginning of May, I couldn't do it until September) and he said IF I worked out 45 minutes a day and ate a VERY low-fat diet then we could do it.  So, I have been.  He also took my list of questions that I brought and answered each and every one of them.  He was very friendly, funny, but also very serious.  He knows what he's doing and requires a lot of his patients.  I appreciate that.

So, that's about it for now.  I've posted a message on the main board about all of my emotions and the general consensus is that IT'S NORMAL!  People feel a bunch of emotions before surgery.  That is one thing I wasn't expecting.  Now I know.

4/9/2005
I'm struggling a bit emotionally.  I have been large all of my life.  I'm honestly a large person (large bone structure) and went to a very small high school where everyone was smaller so I felt HUGE even though I was a good weight for my body.  I gained the majority of my weight between the ages of 19-21 and have maintained being 120-150 pounds overweight since then.  I am now 36 and I don't know how to be thin.  I don't know what it's like to be thin.  This fat body has been ME for so long that I don't know who I'll be without it.  It scares me.  I can't believe that I'm almost afraid to be thin!  Does this make any sense at all?  How can I even be thinking this?  My weight has been such a hinderance for me my entire life that the thought of getting rid of it should be exhilirating!  So why is it scary for me?  Something to think about.

4/19/05
Well, two weeks from today I will begin my new life.  That's very interesting to think about.  I'm not fearful of losing weight today.  I do have the thoughts about what will become of my children should something tragic happen.  But I just really feel that things are going to be fine.  My surgeon is a genius and is throughly competent.  I trust him completely.

I've been so incredibly busy lately that it's really making time go by fast.  We've got soccer practice and games for my son, Aikido with my daughter, AWANAs for both of them, music lessons, classes, etc. it just goes on and on but that's a good thing!  It's definitely keeping me busy and making the time go fast, as I said.

I've been doing fairly well on the low fat eating that Dr. Weber put me on.  I've had a couple of things that aren't necessarily considered low fat.  I've eaten two slices of pizza, some pretty fat-filled salad dressing once, and a piece of chocolate cake yesterday.  Other than that I've stuck pretty well and have been exercising about 5 days a week, not the seven that he's prescribed.

I did go and get my measurements done and they are as follows:

Shoulders: 53.25
Chest: 55
Arm: 18
Forearm: 12.75
Waist: 48
Hips: 63
Thigh: 32
Calf: 20.5 (but there is no fat on my calf)

Sum: 302.5

When she measured my calf, she tried to do the 'skin fold' thing and couldn't get anything.  It is solid muscle, so I'm wondering if that will change afterwards.  Someone once told me that since I'm carrying around so much weight, they have to be large and when I start getting smaller that they will shrink from not having to carry so much weight.  We'll see.

That's it for me for now.  I'm really sleepy and may go take a nap!!

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5/1/05
Well, two days and counting.  I'm on a full liquid diet today with clear liquids tomorrow and then Tuesday morning is the big day!  Just being on these liquids today has shown me how difficult it is going to be not eating any solid foods for two months.  But, it is worth it as I need to make sure that my new pouch heals completely.

I've been a bit nervous today.  Been questioning my decision quite a few times today.  That's not completly true, not quite a few times, but a few times.  I'm just having a hard time believing that I am actually going to lose weight.  That this is actually going to work.  I just can not imagine having the life that I've always dreamed of.  It's just... I don't know... I just can't imagine it.  That's the only way that I know how to say it.

I went and picked my mom up at the airport this morning.  It's good to see her.  She and the kids are going to have a good time while I'm at the hospital.  I've made up lesson plans for them, drew maps and have everything ready for them, I believe.

Anyway, that's where I'm at today.  I'll probably write more tomorrow before I drive down to the hotel.  We're staying at the hotel since the hospital is so far away and I've got to check in at 6:30 a.m.

Until next time......

5/2/05
My last update until I return home from my surgery.  I am excited, nervous, quiet, and a few other emotions that I just can't explain.  I do have to admit, my biggest 'fear' (although it's not even really a fear, more of a concern) is what will happen to my kids if something happens to me?  I don't expect to die, I trust my surgeon.  I guess my biggest concern physically is an embolism.  I haven't been walking and exercising as much as I should have been.  But I plan on walking as much as possible afterwards.  I don't want any problems.  I really am hoping beyond hope that I will get to come home Friday as expected.  I really don't know what to expect after that.  I'm very curious as to what life will be like.

I'm already mourning food.  I've been on full liquids yesterday and clear liquids today and I'm hungry.  I know I won't be post-op, but I'd really like to eat something today.  A big roast beef sandwich or grilled cheese or something, ANYTHING!  I know that I can't and I fully and completely understand why I can't.  I will survive the evening, I'm sure!

Well, I guess this is it for now.  I pray to God this isn't my final entry, but just my final entry until after the surgery.

So, God willing, until next time....

http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a150/kuuipocloud/DayBeforeSurgery5-2-051.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a150/kuuipocloud/DayBeforeSurgery5-2-052.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a150/kuuipocloud/DayBeforeSurgery52053.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">
Day before surgery
5/2/05

5/13/05
Well, I'm 10 days post op and I have to say that I feel really well.  I have one day where I feel like I can conquer the world and then the next day I'm wiped out big time.  Today is a good day!  So...what happened with the surgery???  Everything went amazingly well.

Hubby and I drove down to Seattle the day before, on the 2nd and the hardest part for me was saying goodbye to my children.  I prayed all the way down there to not let that be the last time my babies saw me and God was good and merciful.  So, we stayed at the hotel, still only able to have clear liquids and hubby goes and gets pizza, LOL!  He was sweet though in that he ate it around corners and in the bathroom so that I couldn't see him.  It didn't really bother me too much though because I knew that it could make me violently ill if I ate it the day before surgery.

So, the morning of surgery, I get up REALLY early, take my shower and head over to the hospital.  I'm a little nervous, but not too bad.  They were very quick and got me in within minues of my being there.  I changed clothes into the robe (which was MORE than big enough for me) and started reading through some Psalms.  A few minutes later they came to get me and started with my vitals.  A few minutes after they begin, my pastor came to pray with me.  That was so nice.  I cried just a bit and kept telling myself, "I'll be alright".  They checked my BP, which was a little high, my blood sugar, which was also a bit high, and everything else.  My weight: 321.

A little bit later (I arrived at 6:35 and this was about 7:30) I was taken into the surgical holding place where I met the anesthesiologist.  I WISH I could remember his name, he was great.  He made me laugh and feel very at ease.  We chit chatted a bit and he asked me tons of questions about did I have any dentures, partials, sleep apnea, acid reflux, etc.  So, then he puts the IV in and I could barely even feel it.  He did a great job.  So, anyway, we had to wait a few minutes for Dr. Weber (which is common) and then they told me that he'd arrived (around 8:10) and wheeled me into the OR.  I gave my husband a kiss and was completely relaxed.  The anesthesiologist gave me something beforehand to relax me a bit and it did!  So, I was joking with the nurses and anesthesiologist and he tells me that he's going to give me some 'cross-eye juice', LOL!  Next thing I know I'm in recovery.  Actually, I don't even remember that, LOL!  I remember VERY little about that first day.  I know that I woke up and my husband was there because I heard him talking on the phone telling someone that I was in the room now and doing okay.  I remember a few walks around the nurses station but mostly I was asleep.  I do remember the physical therapist coming in to talk to me and show me how to get up and I remember being extremely dizzy and a bit nauseous.  I did talk to my kids and my son told me that I sounded dizzy, LOL!  I told him that I was and very, very sleepy.

Day two was a bit easier.  I was able to walk more, still quite a bit of pain and used my morphine push-button.  I still had the NG tube in which was DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!! and wasn't able to take anything by mouth yet.  Pretty much the same as day one except the gas was starting to build and I tried to walk and walk and walk to get it out.  The nurses joked with me that I was going to wear a track in the floor because I was walking so much.  There was a guy on my same floor who was walking a lot, too and we joked about having races.  Dr. Weber came in and said everything looked great.  I was DYING to get that NG tube out, it really hurt my throat.  I still slept quite a bit mostly because I was uncomfortable and just trying to make the hour pass.  Still using the morphine quite frequently.  The night of day two I used the morphine quite a bit.  I did finally pass a tiny bit of gas around midnight.

Day three: HALLELUJAH!  I got the NG tube out!  I feel like a new woman!  I was able to take a sip of water and it felt like the nectar of the gods!  So, I can, at this point, have one ounce every 20 minutes, so I've got to sip it slow.  I order some sugar free cranberry juice and decaf tea from the cafeteria.  I had maybe 1/8 of the cranberry juice and a sip or two of tea as I really just want water.  So, I'm drinking water.  Everything seems to be tolerated fine, no problems with nausea, vomiting, or anything.  The gas is really getting annoying now and painful.  I keep walking and walking and walking and it's just not working.  I don't know what to do.  I am passing some, but very, very little.  That is really the worst part of it all.  The incision only hurts when I move certain ways, but all in all I'm okay with it.  No realy internal pain, just a slight bit of discomfort, but the GAS!  OH!  And my ribs hurt, too.  They feel very heavy, just kind of like they've been worked over.  Dr. Weber moves them during the surgery.  I am able to take a shower today and it feels SOOO good!  Later in the evening my IV infiltrated and they had to start a new one (which I didn't understand as I am getting it out within a few hours - this was about 9:30 p.m. and it was coming out around 7 a.m. and all that it has in it is hydration and I'm able to drink so I don't need it) and the new location HURT!  Right between my 3rd and 4th knuckle on my hand.

Day four: Dr. Weber says I should be able to go home today.  Everything looks fine and I'm healing well.  I'm still pretty sore, but not enough to need pain meds.  The last time I took it was yesterday afternoon.  My ribs still are uncomfortable and I don't really feel like I can relax my upper body much.  Finally, around 2 p.m. after a morning of walking and walking and a shower.  They took my IV out early in the morning so I'm up and walking with nothing attached or coming out of me!!  YEAH!  The nurse still wanted me to wear my robe, I couldn't put on my own clothes until 10 minutes before I left, sigh.  So, I was able to eat 'full liquids'.  I had some REALLY yummy french onion soup that had been pureed and some cream of wheat.  Only about 1 oz of the cream of wheat and maybe 2 oz of the soup.  Just not into eating.  (Did I just type that??)

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Incision
5 or 6 days out

The days since:  Well, as I said, I'm 10 days out now and feeling pretty good.  Each day gets a bit better.  The first day or two out of the hospital I was only able to get in about 15-20 oz of water and a bit of food each day.  I have to puree everything and some things just don't belong in a blender, LOL!  I tried some chicken and it just was kind of yuck.  I mean, it tasted fine, but the texture just made it hard to tolerate.  Spaghetti wasn't too bad, I suppose.  I've just been trying things hit and miss and mostly soups work fine and refried beans are good.  I had some chili today which was fantastic, so I'm finding things.  I'm able to get in more water now, but still not the 48-60 oz that my doc would like.  I'm probably getting 48 oz, but I doubt I'm getting the 60.  I LOVED water pre-op (would drink almost a gallon a day) but having to drink it so slow makes it a bit more difficult.  It just doesn't stay cold so that makes it taste a bit different.  So I've been drinking Crystal Light and decaf tea which makes it easier cuz it's okay if it's not super cold.

As far as the pain/discomfort.  Everyday is easier and easier.  I'm able to pretty much lay on my stomach while I sleep, I can put on my shoes and socks myself, I am able to walk about 1/2 mile at a time and while I'm pooped afterwards, I'm able to do it.  I get tired pretty easily, but each day is a little better.  I've not taken any pain meds since I've been home, haven't needed them.

So, that's all for now.  I'm sure I'll be updating more as time goes on.

Things I took to the hospital:
1. My robe - didn't need it.  The hospital gown was plenty large enough and I was never cold enough to need it.
2. My slippers - could have used them but didn't, but the non-skid socks they gave me were fine.
3. Lip Balm - MUST have and am so happy I brought it.
4. Lots of magazines and two books - only glanced through a magazine on the day that I went home.  The rest of the time I was either sleeping or up walking.
5. My own soap, shampoo, and conditioner - worth it.
6. Toothbrush and paste - worth it.
7. Cards, travel board games to play with hubby - never used (See #4)
8. Body pillow - SOOO glad I had this.
9. Both of my kids gave me one of their stuffed animals to bring.  Not necessary but definitely a comfort to look over and see them on the counter.  They made me smile so I guess it was a necessity.  :-)

5/14/05
Well, I finally found a food that I can't tolerate.  And of all things, it's cottage cheese.  I took a bite of it today and I felt like I was going to die.  I've had other dairy with no problems (mac and cheese, sf/ff ice cream, and yogurt).  People have compared it to gall bladder pain and that is pretty much what it was like.  I felt this HUGE lump in my throat that just wouldn't go away and I threw up like 4 times.  My whole upper abdomen and chest felt like I was full of air or something.  So after vomiting a few times, I took a nap and felt a bit better.  I hated it.  I still don't feel fantastic, but I definitely feel better.  Hope that doesn't happen again!!

5/20/05
Well, turns out I didn't dump as I though I had earlier, it was just that food got stuck.  Man, I know to chew up good now!  I guess when I pureed my cottage cheese I didn't do it well enough.  I tried it the next day but pureed it until it was a sour cream consistency and did fine with it.

Anyway, onto what's up now.  The last 2 weeks or so have been rough.  I've been extremely emotional, tired, and just awful.  I would sway from furious to ready to cry to crying to wanting to sleep and everything in between.  I was so not ready for those emotions.  I heard about them and I knew about them but it is something else completely to experience it.

Another thing that I was knowledgeable of but was tremendously different to experience was the way I had to eat.  I knew that I'd have to puree everything but I didn't think it was going to be a big deal.  I thought I would just throw everything in the blender and VIOLA no problems!  I also thought I'd just throw protein powder in everything and NO PROBLEM!  I'd have my protein in for the day with no worries.  But the texture of the food is something all together different.  Pureeing things gives it a really gross texture.  It tastes fine, but the texture is really hard to handle.  Same with the protein powder.  The unflavored stuff is okay (it does have a slight taste) but again, the texture gives things a very different texture.  It makes it difficult.  That, plus the fact that it is really hard to get it the amount in that I need for the day. 

Now, being 2-1/2 weeks out, I'm getting in pretty much 60+ ounces of water/day (which is what my doc recommends) and getting pretty close to 60 grams of protein/day.  It definitely is taking a lot more adjustment than I expected.  Well, like I said, I expected it, but putting it into practice is more difficult than I expected.  That's what I'm trying to say.  I'm now finally starting to get my energy back which I'm grateful for.  I'm still having really strong cravings.  It's sooooo hard not being able to eat anything.  I go out into town and every fast food or restaurant that I pass I start fantasizing about the food within the establishment (LOL).  I see commercials and I'm craving.  I go into my kitchen and I'm craving.  That is my biggest obstacle right now is to really rearrange my thinking about food.  I have these next few weeks to get a good food plan in order.  Dr. Weber's nurse said that we should have 3 servings of fruit, veggies, dairy, etc. per day.  No way I can do that now, but maybe at some point.

Another thing going on is I actually DO feel hunger.  I know that many people don't but I honestly and truly do.  I can feel the actual emptiness within my stomach.  That's interesting, too. 

I don't feel like I'm losing any weight.  I came home from my surgeon's office last week when I weighed 309 and on MY scale I was 308 (I wanted to compare them).  After a few days I was 310 and stayed there for a few days.  I've not weighed since.  I was ticked.  I just don't feel or see any change in my body yet.  My clothes still fit me exactly the same.  Hopefully I will see some change soon.

Until next time...

5/23/05
Tomorrow is three weeks out.  I was able to wear a size 26W jeans yesterday and I was in a 28W pre-op so that's good!!

The last probably 4-5 days I've been feeling fantastic.  Full of energy, happy, etc. and today I am just plain EXHAUSTED!!!  I'm so sleepy it's unreal.  I just took a good nap and I'm still a bit tired, but a bit better.  I wonder what's up with that.  Nothing has changed food-wise.  I'm getting in all my vitamins and minerals and protein.  Maybe it's just one of those things.  We'll see how the next few days go.

5/26/05
Today is the first day since surgery that I have gotten in ALL of my exercise, protein, and fluids!!  I'm so happy!!  I went to the gym today and did 20 minutes on the bike and 25 on the treadmill.  I'm really trying to change my attitude about exercising.  I just really don't like it.  I find that changing it up helps a bit, though.  Doing a little bit of this then a little bit of that.  I just can't see doing a straight 45 minutes on one machine - too boring!  So I change it up a bit.  I don't think my gym has a pool, but I'm going to check it out.  If it does, I'd like to do some laps.  I actually enjoy that kind of working out.  We'll see! 

Until next time...

5/27/05
Weight today - 300.5.  Grrr...I was really hoping to be under 300 at this point, but oh well.  I'll take what I can get!!

http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/mempix/cloud_michelle/bar.jpg">>

6/7/05
I'm doing quite well.  I went to the doctor yesterday for a non-WLS issue and I got weighed and it said 295!!!  I'm below 300 and I will NEVER see that number on my scale again!!!!  Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!!!  Thank you, Lord for this surgery.  I can now honestly say that I'm happy I did this.  It took some time, but I am.  Most of the time anyway.  :-)I'm really noticing the difference in the top portion of my body.  I'm down to a 22/24 shirt and 26W pants.  I was TIGHTLY fitting into 28Ws pre-op (probably should have been 30s) in tops and bottoms, so that's a good thing!!  I'm just waiting to get into the 18/20s!!

I am not able to eat much quantity wise.  I am able to tolerate pretty much anything, but I can only eat like maybe 2-3 oz of anything at a time.  My husband asked me the other day if I got irritated that I'm not able to eat much.  I said that I was a little, but not always.  I enjoy the taste of it, so I would like to eat more, but it's only about the taste and not the nutrition of it.  Better known as 'head hunger'.

I'm also starting to notice how much of my life was geared around food and when I would use food for comfort and such.  I got a bad headache the other night (history of migraines) and I realized that I was craving food pretty badly.  I realized at that point that I would use food to medicate my headache.  I'm having lots of those 'aha' moments lately.

My energy is improving and I'm trying my best to get in my fluids and protein.  It is not happening very often, but I am trying.  One thing I'm not trying very hard with is exercise and I know that I need to get better in that.  I literally may exercise once a week or so.  MUST improve that.  I'm working on a schedule for the kids and I for the summertime and I'm going to add in at least 30 minutes of phyiscal activity a day if not more.

I suppose that's it!  I go see Dr. Weber in 2 weeks from today and we'll see where I'm at at that point!

Until next time....

6/16/05
Six weeks and two days post-op

Weight today: 289

Measurements:
Shoulders: 49
Chest 51.5
Arm: 18
Forearm: 13
Waist: 44
Hips: 59 (First time they've been below 60 in 12 years)
Thigh: 32
Calf: 19.75

Sum: 286.25
Total Inches lost: 16.25
Total pounds lost: 37

http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/mempix/cloud_michelle/bar2.jpg">>

7/1/05
I'm 8-1/2 weeks out today and as of this morning I was 284.5 (and I'm on my period).  At the 289 mark I stalled out for a little while (about 1-1/2 weeks) and didn't lose anything.  But in the last week I've lost a few more pounds, so I'm glad I'm losing again.

Things have been going pretty well.  I'm feeling energetic, I've started taking my B-12 twice a week instead of just once.  That's been helping I believe.

I gave away four grocery bags full of clothes today, that was fun!  They're all too big!!  I also had to buy 1/2 size smaller shoe because my feet have shrunk.  I've heard this isn't uncommon.

Okay, now the not-so-good thing.  I think I may have a staple line disruption.  I've gotten heartburn twice and am having the esophogeal spasms that I had pre-op.  I didn't think that would happen post-op but I've heard that some people still do get heartburn post-op.  I may be one of those people. But it can also be a sign of a staple line disruption. So, Dr. Weber ordered an Upper GI for me and I go on Wednesday to get that done (7/6).  I pray to God it's not a disruption, but if it is, I have noone to blame but myself.  I did start eating solid foods sooner than Dr. Weber recommended - eight weeks.  I started eating at about 3-1/2 to 4 weeks post-op.  I just don't know what I'm going to do if I have a disruption.  I can't do this again so soon.  But I would do it again at some point if I started regaining the weight.

That's it for me for now.  I'm walking, exercising, eating right, feeling pretty good, and ready to see what the rest of my life holds for me!

Until next time...

7/8/05
YEAH!!  No disruption!!!  I do have reflux, though.  Dr. Weber said that as long as I eat slowly, not too much, and chew thoroughly there should be no problems.  I've been doing that, so I should be fine.  He said if it becomes a problem then we can go from there and decide what to do.  I'm just happy that there's no disruption.

I went to Wal-Mart yesterday and bought some underthings.  I was a 44F bra and size 12 panties pre-op.  Yesterday I got a 42DD and size 9 panties!  Wowzers!  I also got some pictures developed that I'll have to put on here.  They're underwear shots, so I don't know if I will, but we'll see.  Gotta think about it some more.  I couldn't believe the difference that I saw in them.

Anyway, that's about all for now.  Things are going well, life is good, I've got to go do some laundry!  LOL!

Until next time...

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2 months post-op

Side by Side
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Day before on left
2 months out on right

7/13/05
Weight: 280

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7/15/05

Weight: 279

Went to the nutritionist today and she said she's very pleased with what I'm eating.  She said she's surprised that I'm not snacking more than what I am.  I just really don't eat that much!  I eat 3 times/day, sometimes I'll have a snack so that would make it 4 times/day.  I just don't want to start the habit of snacking all day long.  She was happy that I said that I want to make sure what I'm eating is healthy and the right calories so that I'm making good habits now when the weight is coming off well.  We discussed protein powders and calories and nutritional components, etc.  All looks well.  With my protein powders, I'm getting between 650-700 calories/day in.  I, personally, don't want to go over 700.  This isn't a doctor prescribed goal, but mine.

I also saw my PCP today because I've been having a pain in my left side about 4-5 inches to the left of and about 2 inches above my belly button.  It felt to me like what a hernia might feel like.  He said there doesn't seem to be a hernia, but maybe an adhesion or something.  If it gets worse we'll do an ultra sound or another upper GI - blech!  LOL!

I've been taking more B12, too.  I took one yesterday (Thursday), so that makes 3 that I've taken this week.  I'm hoping that will help with my energy.  I'm also needing to exercise.  I'm really not exercising at all and I can tell, I'm tired a lot.  It's