mindsue

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I haven't been writing very much lately, there is so much going on in my life right now that is stressful. I have to tell you it's been a struggle not to revert to my old ways during this time. Even though I can't eat as much, some of the things I am eating are not great for me, just less of them. I get so worried that I have stretched out my pouch and my last desperate attempt at losing this weight will be gone. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Some days I just want a cheeseburger or pizza like everybody else. I really resent people saying this is the easy way to lose weight. NO WAY! On a lighter note (no pun intended) I have lost about 55 pounds since the 2nd of February. So that is good...just wish I could lose it as fast as my hair is falling out!

I joined a gym the other day since my doc wants me to get off 100 pounds by the end of my 6 month period. It's a place called Planet Fitness and it is labeled as a "no judgement zone." I still feel frumpy compared to everyone else and I feel like people are staring at me. Isn't that weird, even though fat people are the ones that need to be there, they are judged the most. Anyway I was sitting there trying to lift these weights and this older lady stopped over and said that I was doing a good job and she said how pretty I looked. Sometimes I think God sends people our way.

I went out on Saturday night to see my brother Randy play at a club. He is with the Country Gentlemen, a bluegrass band. They are pretty well known in their field, but I am not a bluegrass fan in particular. I am just proud to watch him play. As you can see by my previous post, I have been a little down since the surgery. I have so much pain I have stuffed down with food so long that it is coming up and I have no way to stop it now. Been starting fights with my husband and everything. Poor guy. It was good for me to get out, I have been locked up here in the house for almost a month with three boys and the TV. Me, Dr. Phil, Maury and all the women who don't know who their baby's daddy is are becoming too well acquainted. Let's hope things look up from here.

I am very depressed today. I am three weeks out and still can't take in much solid food. I was able to eat some rotisserie chicken but that has been it. I threw up most of yesterday afternoon after trying to eat some grilled chicken. My stomach hurt so bad that I wasn't able to keep anything else down but a protein drink. It has been hard to keep up with the water and protein. I am at a standstill with my weight. Have only lost 19 so far and the scale has been stuck for three or four days. It was coming off so quickly at first. I guess It is frustrating to see my family eating so easily around me when I can't even hold down a piece of chicken. I guess I am expecting too much at first. I will see my doctor next week and nutritionist the following day. Let's hope things get better.