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Thursday marked a 3 week surgiversary.  Yeah!!  No pain whatsoever.  Double Yeah!!  I am getting healthier physically, mentally, spiritually...

Friday I went to the surgeon...OK to return to all normal activities.  He was pleased with my weight loss to date...on target.  See him again at 3 months.  He suggested I get off of the Metformin...then admitted that pcos isn't his area of expertise.  He just thinks the drug is too powerful and worries that my blood sugar may get too low.

I have absolutely NO hunger and no appetite.  I get hungry for certain things I can't have yet (grapes, asparagus, tougher seafoods)  I thought that I was an emotional eater and stressed pre-op about the post-op me grieving for food.  So far that is a non-issue

Yesterday, I dragged myself into my primary care physician's office to discuss medically managing my insulin resistance / pcos.  I told him that the VSG was done.  He didn't require me to have more labs done.  I showed him my labs from before surgery (different hospital).  He fully supported me in all of my decisions!!!  See that is why I have a great respect for my PCP. 

He put me back on metformin.  We both agree that this is medically managing symptoms that will likely resolve once I am closer to a healthier weight.  The dosage will need to be tweaked periodically.  He stressed the importance of fitness.  He was very encouraging!!

I was still in that mindset of doubting my judgement for having this surgery prior to talking to my PCP.  I see how others are so successful so quickly and I was not.  Admittedly the green-eyed monster caused me to belly ache a bit (or a lot).  He thought that I chose just the right surgery.  He reassured me that I would be successful with the surgery, fitness and medication.  I felt so so so much better after talking to him.

After taking the first metformin pill my stomach did get a bit crampy.  No other 'symptoms'.  I ate and drank to as close to my protien and water goals as I could.

This morning, I stepped on my scale and I lost 3 lbs since yesterday!!!  Yesterday!!  SO if you heard a bit of celebration all the way from the Dakotas that was just me finally being UNDER 300 lbs again!

I don't know what I was expecting after weight loss surgery.  Weight loss maybe?  What is my problem?  So a week ago today I got pumped full of fluids and had 90% of my stomach removed.  My body isn't in pain.  My heart is.  I am not hungry.  I don't crave any food.  I've been tracking my calories and I'm getting about 5-700 calories per day.  Everything I eat is balanced with protien being the priority.  
So step on the scale today...whoopdeefriggendooo  I've lost 5 lbs since I stepped on the hospital scale right before surgery.
My "2-week-follow-up" appt is scheduled for a week shy of a month after surgery??  WTF???

The Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy laproscopic surgery went as expected.  I woke up so nautious and gagging.  They gave me every type of anti-nausea medication.  A nurse in the middle of the night figured out I got nautious every time I pushed my pain pump.  Oh and I got itchy from it too.  She was such an aloof no-nonsence nurse but she knew her stuff!! 

It was blizzarding outside the whole time I was in surgery.  My aunt stayed until I woke up and I had to tell her to leave.  She packed an overnight bag and barelymade it home safely.  A patch of interstate within walking distance of my home had a 100-car-pile-up that wasn't cleared for over 12 hours.  Thankfully no one was killed.  No friends or family could visit or send flowers.  No travel advised in the metro area.  All highways in a 300 mile radius were closed.  Stores closed.  The whole town just shut down. 

My blood pressure was really high.  Higher than when I was in labor with any of my kids.  Like 147 over 105.  I asked if I could lay on my left side- usually made my blood pressure decline.  The nurse didn't think it was such a good idea, but couldn't hurt.  Sure enough it dropped to 120/80 and by discharge it was my normal 110/70 numbers.

The night in the hospital with recovery I had quite a few different nurses.  They were rotating sleeps in empty beds - the evening shift and morning shifts couldn't come in and they couldn't leave the hospital.  The morning after surgery Dr. Fabian couldn't do rounds because he was stuck in his home too.  He called and said that I looked like I was doing fine.  I was pretty groggy that early in the morning.  He said that because of the blizzard it would be safer if I stayed.  Even if I just wanted to stay at the hotel acrossed the street if I was worried that insurance wouldn't cover the extended stay.  Again, very kind and considerate.  

Just before 3 pm, Dr. Monroe came in and basically told me to get out.  Not very pleased with his bedside manner at all.  He was matter of fact - we are between 2 blizzards right now and if you don't get out before the second blizzard hits at 3 pm you might not get out of here for a few days.  Umm ok, confusing.

Will have to wait for my 2 week appt to talk to Dr. Fabian about checking my insulin resistance and getting back on metformin.  Dr. Monroe didn't even want to hear about it.  He just said that after my weight is lost I would no longer need that medication so it's pointless.  Again Dr. Fabian=good-kind caring partner in your own care.  He even tolerates my silly hockey references.  Dr. Monroe=bad  cool, succinct, abrubt.

So the first few bites were absolutely agonizing!  For some reason I pictured a Bugs Bunny cartoon where the villian is riddled with bullet holes and water pours out of every one of them.   I could probably count on my fingers the # of calories I've consumed in the last 48 hours.  I am just not that hungry.  The only pain that I feel is a lot of gas trapped...I would give anything in my checking account to pass gas in any way - ladylike or not. 

 

My overnight bag and toiletries are packed and ready to go.the surgical scrub is in my shower ready to go.the pureed foods are in my freezer.chewable vitamins on my cupboard.etc.I AM READY!!

The local weather report is for freezing rain, heavy snow and high winds.  So far it is only a winter storm predicted, but stay tuned it may be updated to a blizzard.  Oh Crap Crap Crap  Not now!!!

The Dr's office assures me if I am there, the team will be there to do surgery.  The only time that hospital has cancelled surgery was when record flood waters came closer to the hospital in spring of 09 and they evacuated the whole building.


 

The last days of my pregnancy I remember rubbing my swollen bump cherishing the miracle that God gave me.  Is this nervousness I feel?  I can't honestly tell.  This emotion feels so similar to the emotion I felt as I approached the scheduled c-section of my last son.

Each time I look at the calendar or the clock today I am reminded that this time next week I will be post-op.  I remember the last weeks of my last pregnancy feeling nearly identical emotionally speaking.  My body tired, cumbersome.  My mind visualizing the new life ahead.  My spirit energized and hopeful.

For health reasons I knew that my third 'bonus baby' would definately be my last pregnancy.  Knowing it was the last time I would be pregnant helped me to tolerate the extra burdens on my body.  With PCOS I was honored to have this suprise miracle of new life.  The last days of my pregnancy I remember rubbing my swollen bump cherishing the miracle that God gave me.  I took care of myself, watched what I ate and drank.  Emotionally I didn't want those days to end.

My spirit and my mind knows that I am making the right decision.  I am weathering the liquid diet.  I set a goal for myself to take the shakes for 3 weeks instead of the 2 prescribed by the program.  Maybe to help my body tolerate the burdens of the upcoming days I will think of myself as being rebirthed on 12/30/10.  I will take care of myself; body heart and soul.  I will take care of my family and enjoy their loving words during the holidays.  I may even take a few rubs at all my bumps and visualize them shrinking ;-)

My name is Marge..."Large Marge"

I am nearly 33 years old.  I live in the midwest with my husband of 10 years and 3 children ages 9, 7 and 2.  I work a desk job for a government administrative contractor.  My social life revolves around my children.  My hobbies at home include watching tv, reading, knitting, and crafting.  I don't hide from life, but I don't feel like I offer myself many opportunities to enjoy life outside of my family anymore.

My facebook page lists many friends.  My cellphone lists quite a few less.  The last time I went out socially to connect with one of those friends was the beginning of summer.  So my life feels full of aquaintences.

Obesity runs in my family.  There are slim examples running both lines, but not many.  My family isn't the "clean your plate " type.  They were the "Let's celebrate with food, let's mourn with food" type.  Everytime a kid crys they are handed something to eat to feel better.

Looking back at baby pictures I was born fat (almost 10 lbs).  I was only a bit over average size through early grade school.  Around 1st and 2nd grade I was molested.  I turned to food for comfort and insurance to avoid people wanting to touch me and hurt me.  I heard a statistic that a child of molestation is 50% more likely to have a child that will be molested.  Because of that I started treatment during my teens.  During group therapy I was the only young woman to not have had an unwanted pregnancy or a drug problem.  For by the grace of God...

During group therapy I heard many of the girls explain their actions "I am this way because...[of my molestation].  Although it was easy to be empathetic, I still struggled with that attempt at rationalization.  I understood then that many victims of molestation continue to hurt themselves with addictions and bad relationships.  A terrible thing happened to you that was not your fault and not your choice.  Grieve that the person you were before no longer exists.  You survived that horrible tragedy.  Choose now not to be a victim and live!!

I am grateful that I have not succumbed to the pitfals of drug addictions, bad relationships, unlawful choices.  I know now that I was just as damaged as my peers.  I just put a candy bar to my mouth instead of a bottle of jack.  I am still wounded and my wounds are evident to everyone that sees this morbidly obese person.

Please God, help me.  I want to heal.  I have forgiven those that have hurt me.  I have learned bad habits.  I need to forgive myself now and move on with life.  I know that the people that hurt me then can't continue to hurt me now.  It's time to loose this insulation between me and the people that can hurt me.  I am the one hurting me now by continuing on with this obese lifestyle.  Please God, help me to heal.

Please God, you gave me such a beautiful life with a husband I adore and 3 wonderful children.  Let me be the wife to that husband until death many many many years from now.  Mother Mary show me how to be the mother to Your children that You intend me to be.  AMEN!