robinsaxton

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

A lot has happened and I really feel like I have done a lousy job at updating my profile.  I am sorry about that but updating takes time and I just have had very little time to work on stuff like this.  When I do have the time, I haven't had the energy to update.  But I feel that an update at this time is important.  

So far I have lost 122 lbs, gained back 10 and lost 2 of that.  So I am at 114 lb weight loss.  Surgery weight - 272, current weight - 158.  I want to lose about 13 more lbs and then give myself a 5 lb cushion.  

Just a quick note on gaining weight - YES it is possible to do.  I was going through a very stressful time, problems between my husband and I and double the work load at work.  The new house, Senior year for my daughter, a stressful freshman year for my younger daughter (new school, new neighborhood) so the stress kept coming on and I turned to snacking on carbs to get me through the day.  Crackers, cookies, mini-chocolates, 100 calorie snack packs, candy.  All not good stuff but my go-to foods to destress.  I really need to get things back on track and am working hard to do so.  I am back to getting on the scale every day and counting calories.  I have kept up with the gym but am increasing my cardio for fat burn/loss.  I believe the gym saved me from even more weight gain!  So please, please exercise regularly.  It will be so worth it!

So, on the day of surgery I went to Kimbrough and all went well.   Surgery was about 4 hours and we began around 8 or 8:30.   Can't remember the time cuz as soon as they gave me the happy juice I was gone!   :)   I was quite sore afterwards - felt like someone had just beat and battered my chest but it wasn't terrible.   (I think my pain tolerance is pretty high so I seem to do well).   I asked Dr. Martin if we got my D's and he said yes - depending on the type of bra I wear.   I wasn't sure what that meant and of course was too groggy to ask.   He told my husband that they will settle down soon so not to worry.  

I had a difficult time urinating and had to stay in the recovery area drinking lots of water until I could urinate on my own and go home.   So we left the clinic around 6:30.   I also had lipo on my thighs and was wearing my garment.   I wouldn't take it off to go potty since there is a hole there but for some reason after I took the garment down I was able to go.   Relief!!  

Finally on Saturday I took off the halter they had me in to take a look at my new breasts.   I am going to be totally honest here and tell you I was quite disappointed.   I was expecting my breasts to be really high, like practically sitting under my chin.   I also was expecting to have that really close cleavage line.   I had absolutely no cleavage and while the breasts were lifted and clearly larger I felt they were more out to the sides than the front.   I couldn't see the incisions because of the bandages.   Dr. M asked me not to take the bandages off until my follow-up with him on Friday (one week after surgery).   I was able to shower since he had good bandaging and the glue stuff as well.   So all week I just kept looking at my breasts (still wearing the halter) and thinking "I paid $4800 for this!!!"   I mean they look good but if they "settle down" anymore they will be back in my belly.   I had lots of questions for Dr. M!   However, I had to wait until Monday (3/31) since he was not in the office the Friday before.  

I did talk to a friend who had implants done last June.   I had some serious concerns and was down right worried about things.   She helped me greatly by putting my mind at ease over a couple of things.   She explained that she went from an A to a D and had no natural cleavage either.   She said her doc said that some women do not have that type of cleavage no matter what you do.   She also said her breasts felt more out to the sides than the front in the beginning.   She said she still feels that way sometimes but is very happy with her breasts now.   She told me to talk to he doctor but to also give it time.  

On Monday I saw Dr. Martin.   He is a wonderful man.   He is caring, patient, funny and really wants to do a good job on his patients and give them what they want - if it is possible.   He is also very honest.   So when he walked in and asked how I was doing I told him I had serious concerns.   He said "let's hear them, lay it out there".   He did not at all try to make excuses or push aside my concerns as paranoia or unnecessary or unimportant.   I truly appreciate that.   I told him I was quite disappointed with the fact that while my breasts are lifted they don't seem to be lifted enough.   I wonder if in 6 months I will have full saggy boobs again.   I also asked about the cleavage and about why my breasts seemed more side full than front full.   He explained that the cleavage comes from the muscles located in between the breasts across the sternum.   He said that some women are naturally closer or tighter through that area than others and that is where the cleavage comes from.   He said given my body type I will not have that close line but should with the right bra's have nice cleavage.   He then said that the implant for me is placed under the muscle which allows for less stress on the skin and less chance for sagging later on.   If he had placed the implant on top of the muscle (which may have given me a "higher" appearance) that we would be asking a lot of my already stretched out skin.   The muscle helps to make sure the implant stays in place and doesn't sag as easily.   As for the lift part - he said that if after healing I am not happy with the lift he will go back and lift some more.   He also said if the size isn't quite what I want after healing then he can go about 50cc's more on each side but will not go higher because that would be a lot of stress on my skin.   He also explained that after the swelling goes down we will have a better idea of the size and placement of the breast and can determine if I am happy then.   But he is more than willing to make some adjustments if needed.   He recommended I get some really good soft supportive bras.  

I have chosen to get some good sports bras with cups for now.   They have really made a huge difference over the halter that I was wearing.   I still feel they can be lifted another 1/2 to 1 inch but after I am healed I'll decide it if is really worth the money and time to re-tuck things.   I think the size will be perfect.   I'll have to wear bras that bring them together for a nice cleavage - which is looking pretty good already.   It has been two weeks since my surgery and I still am very sore (sometimes quite intense) but I came back to work on the 31st just 10 days after surgery.   I also started cardio at the gym again yesterday.   I am just going to do the bike and/or treadmill to reduce the "bounce" affect for now.   But if felt good to workout again.   I can not do any upperbody weight lifting or exercises for 4 weeks.  

Oh - the incision!   I have nice round (smaller) nipples and a verticle line from the nipple to the bottom of each breast.   There is no other incision which is nice.   That way I will have virtually no scar to hide at all.   While my breasts aren't perfect - they are much improved.   Each day I am happier and happier with them.   I will have stitches around the nipples removed on Monday the 7th and will talk more with Dr. Martin about any need for revision.   It will take a few months for me to be fully healed so I won't make any final decisions right away.  

I know this has been a very long post.   I just feel it is important to share these experiences with others because I had completely different expectations in my mind.   No two of us are alike so we will all have different stories to tell although some parts of our stories will be very similar.   Please do not be afraid to use Dr. Martin for your plastics.   I am not bad mouthing him at all.   Just the opposite.   I adore him and completely trust in his skills and knowledge.   I did not ask him specifics before surgery as to exactly what I should expect.   I told him I wanted size D cup, lifted and round.   that is what I have.   The type of implant is silicone gel and can be replaced with one that is contoured a little differently for more frontal fullness but I really do not want to pay for more implants.   My silicone's were $1600.   Dr. Martin has been wonderful and really wants what is best for me and my body.   He is honest in explaining that some things just aren't going to be fixed to perfection.   My breasts will not ever look like a 20 year old.   But they are 100% better than they were.   Dr. M also said that he wants to make sure that my breasts won't slap around when I am running.   (His words exactly - which made me laugh.)   He wants to make sure that I will be quite happy with the results and will do whatever it takes to get me there.  

For example, he wants to do a revision of my LBL and remove more skin from my outer thighs since he has taken as much fat out as is safe to do so.   Besides the thighplasty (with that terrible scar from the groin to the knee), that is the next best way for my body to be rid of these bulky thighs.   They won't ever be slim & firm but I am determined to somehow get a couple more inches off of their size!   And Dr. Martin is willing to help me accomplish that goal.   Of course this all takes money so no of it will be happening really soon!  

All in all I am very pleased with my new boobs!   They are still somewhat swollen but I have noticed that has gone done quite a bit.   I just had different expectations and once all of my concerns were addressed I am feeling much better about things.  

If any of you have any questions please feel free to ask.   I have not problem being open with you all because someday you may want plastics and hopefully I can help you along your journey.   One last quick note - the cost of the surgery at Kimbrough was $3105 initially.   There may be additional fees for which they will bill me but I don't expect to have any more expenses other than the meds I was prescribed.   Yes, even though I had them filled at Kimbrough I have to pay for them because this is an elective procedure not covered by TriCare and therefore I pay all expenses.   But it's been worth it!!

I just wanted to announce that my official weight loss for one year is 108.5 lbs! I am so happy with my results. This has been such a wild year. The beginning was very difficult but I was determined to make the best of this opportunity. I made it through the rough spots and I am so glad that I did this for myself. I still have 18 lbs to reach my personal goal. For the first time in my life I not only believe that I CAN and WILL reach my goal, but I also believe that I will maintain my weight loss. That is a very good feeling. For years, everytime I started a new program or diet I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop and to fail, once again. Not this time! This is for life!!! My family is so proud of me. I am hoping that I am teaching my girls that a healthy, balanced life style is possible.

It feels so good to hear my husband call me skinny. I love shopping for clothes. I love hearing how good I look, I also actually believe it when someone tells me how nice I look. I do enjoy the looks I get from men, not that I am seeking them out but it is nice to see a man look at me and smile and know he isn't thinking or seeing how fat I am. It's nice to feel good about how I look. It's great knowing that no matter where I go, I will fit. I will be able to sit in any seat, or even on my husband's lap without making his leg fall asleep. I am physically fit and I enjoy exercise and moving. I don't dread doing anything physical anymore because I know I CAN and I won't be so sore I can't move the next day.

I think the best thing about me that has changed is my outlook on life. I feel better about myself, I love me, what I look like and how I feel. I see things in a whole new way. Our life still has many of the same problems, trials, and life issues that come up. But my attitude is positive and upbeat no matter what. Sure I still have bad days but all in all, I am happy, joyful and looking forward to living life to the fullest!

Thanks for sharing this journey with me. I am sorry this was so long.

Hugs, Robin
272/163.5/145
72.75 inches lost

I can't believe this!  I received a call late yesterday afternoon (3/8) from the case manager at Walter Reed Plastic Surgery clinic.  She spoke with the surgeon, Dr. Bonnecarre and he told her that there won't be any charge because of my massive weight loss and because I am a Walter Reed by-pass patient.  The lower body lift surgery is covered!!!!  I am going to call back the week of March 20th to schedule my surgery date.  I am still in shock.  I started crying on the phone when Mrs. Hill told me.  I really hope this will make a difference.  I hope they can at least get 4 inches off of my thighs.  They will also lift my butt!  That will be cool.  They will lipo the outer thighs and give me the tummy tuck.  

I am so excited!  This is going to be happening very quickly.  I have two months to get 10-15 (pushing for 20) more lbs off.  I can do it.  I know I can.  My hope is that after the surgery I will be able to wear a 12 in jeans comfortably.  I also hope that I won't have to alter my pants in the waist and that I can wear skirts/dresses that match in the waist/hips.  That will be a dream come true!!!   No more elastic waists.  Maybe I can even buy skirt/pant suits that are the same size in the bottom as the top.  That would be so cool. 

I must give thanks to the Lord for His blessings.  He has answered so many prayers in the past year.  And the blessings keep coming.  I am very humbled!  I love the Lord so very much, and I would love Him even if he weren't answering these prayers.  But I thank Him for His love and blessings! 

I am quite frustrated right now.  The case manager, Sylvia, said she would know something by last Thursday (Mar. 1) about Tricare paying for my surgery or not.  Well, I called her on Thursday, she wasn't in.  I called on Friday, no answer.  I called on Monday and her vmail message changed to say she would be out of the office until today, March 8th.  I called again today and still nothing!  She told me today that she would try to get information by tomorrow.  She doesn't realize that I will call her again tomorrow, and every day that she says she will try to have information for me.  When it comes to things like this, you have to be the squeaky wheel or else you will get left behind.  I will be polite but I will call her every day until she does what she said she would do.  She is the one who gave a specific timeframe.  She needs to follow through.  I hope to know something soon.  

The reason I want to know soon is because I want to either be free to prepare and get excited or just put it out of my mind.  If Tricare won't pay or if what I have to pay is a lot, then I cannot have this surgery for a very long time.  We don't have that kind of money and I can not ask my husband to try and finance this and add another bill to our already stretched budget.  I keep praying that I will hear something soon. 

It truly does take awhile for our head to catch up to our body. About a month or so ago my daughter brought me a picture that I had taken about 3 years ago. I had a real "lightbulb" moment when I looked at that picture. I realized for the first time that other people do NOT see that girl when they see me now. Even after losing 100+ lbs, I still felt as if people were seeing me at 275 lbs. Where ever I went I thought that others still saw the old me, even though I see the new me whenever I look in the mirror. It's almost as if I walk away from the mirror and forget what I look like now. I would be in the stores shopping in the misses section and see someone looking at me and think that they must be wondering why I am shopping here because this fat woman can not fit into these clothes. Then when I looked at that old picture, I realized that, NO people do not see the fat woman shopping in the misses section. They see me, 106 lbs lighter, someone who belongs in the misses section! It's kinda weird. I still have to remind myself that others are not seeing me at 275. I don't know if I will ever be free from that, hopefully in time as I learn to live with my new self, I will stop thinking that others see the old me. And in time hopefully I will stop forgetting what I look like when I turn away from the mirror.   

I hope that I become familiar with who I am now and more comfortable in my own skin.  I know that will only help to boost my self esteem and keep me motivated to keep the new me around and never let the old me come back.  

Most of my friends, who are not overweight nor have they experienced something like this, do not understand that I don't think in my mind that everyone sees me as I am now.  They don't get it.  That's okay because I don't get it either.  Although I am starting to get it.  I think that I just need time to get to know the new me.  Become familiar with me.  As I spend more time in my new body, the old body will fade into a distant memory.  I hope anyway.

I read this on the Maryland board and loved it so much.  I hope you too can gain insight, a fresh new outlook about food and perhaps remind yourself why you are or have done this!  Enjoy!

DEAR FOOD: I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR THE COMFORT YOU BOUGHT ME MANY TIMES IN MY LIFE. I BELIEVE MORE THEN ONCE THAT YOU SAVED MY SANITY. WHEN I WAS SCARED, ALONE, A YOUNG TEEN AND NO FAMILY, I TURNED TO YOU AND WHEN NOBODY WOULD LISTEN I SHARED MY PAIN AND LOSS WITH YOU. I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR THE GOOD TIMES I SHARED WITH OTHERS WHILE EATING A DELICIOUS MEAL. I HAVE GOOD MEMORIES SHARING A GOOD MEAL WITH PEOPLE VERY DEAR TO ME. SO FAR, SO GOOD. BUT IT HASN'T BEEN ALL GOOD, THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN YOU AND I. MY DEVOTION TO YOU, MY OBSESSION WITH YOU. HAS REEKED HAVOC IN EVERY AREA OF MY LIFE. YOU BECAME A CRUTCH FOR ME TO HIDE MYSELF, TO COMFORT MYSELF PHYSICALLY WHILE IGNORING MYSELF MENTALLY AND SPIRITUALLY. THE EFFECTS YOU HAD ON MY BODY AT FIRST DIDN'T COMPARE TO THE COMFORT YOU BOUGHT ME. BUT THAT CAUGHT UP WITH ME AND MY BODY PAID A MUCH TOO HIGH PRICE. MY SPIRIT SUFFERED, MY MIND SUFFERED, MY SOICAL LIFE SUFFERED, MY ABILITY TO WORK SUFFERED, MY ABILITY TO BE AN ACTIVE MOTHER/FATHER SUFFERED, MY RELATIONSHIPS SUFFERED. FOR ALL OF THOSE REASONS I WORKED ON MY "SELF" FOR A VERY LONG TIME TO PREPARE TO SAY GOODBYE TO THE ROLE THAT YOU PLAY IN MY LIFE. IT TOOK TWO YEARS FOR ME TO LEARN TO FIND COMFORT ELSEWHERE, TO RECLAIM MY LIFE, TO RECLAIM MY OWN POWER OVER MY FUTURE AND MY BODY AND MY HEALTH. I'VE TAKEN THE PLUNGE AND PURGED YOUR IMPORTANCE IN MY LIFE. YOU ARE NO LONGER NEEDED FOR ME TO FIND SOLACE IN HARD TIMES. YOU ARE NO LONGER GOING TO BE THE PERSON I RUN TO FOR COMFORT, I AM NO LONGER TOO WEAK EMOTIONALLY TO TURN TO MYSELF, TO FIND OTHER WAYS TO FEEL BETTER. ALREADY I SEE THE DIFFERENCE PHYSICALLY SINCE BEGINNING MY PATH TO REDEFINE OUR RELATIONSHIP. I FEEL BETTER THAN I HAVE IN YEARS. I AM NO LONGER AFRAID TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR. I CAN ALSO FEEL HUGE CHANGES EMOTIONALLY. I AM SO MUCH STRONGER AND NO LONGER NEED YOU THE WAY I ONCE DID. SO FOOD, THIS IS GOODBYE. I WON'T CALL YOU MY FRIEND BECAUSE MANY TIMES YOU WEREN'T. I WON'T CALL YOU MY ENEMY BECAUSE MANY TIMES YOU SAVED ME FROM A DOWNWARD EMOTIONAL SPIRAL. BUT I WILL SAY THAT WITH THIS REDEFINED ROLE IN MY LIFE I AM READY TO ACCEPT YOU INTO MY LIFE AS A TOOL TO STAY HEALTHY AND STRONG. WE WON'T SEE EACH OTHER AS MUCH ANYMORE, AND HECK WHEN YOU HIT MY PLATE ALOT OF YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO THE TRASH. I AM LEARNING THAT THERE ARE VALUABLE THINGS YOU CAN OFFER ME AND I'M CHOSING ONLY THOSE VALUABLE THINGS. FROM HERE ON OUT YOU ARE MERELY A MEANS OF EXISTANCE, A FUEL FOR MY BODY WHICH IS NURTURING MY INNER SELF, DON'T BE SAD TO SAY GOODBYE, I AM NOT, I THINK WE'LL GET ALONG MUCH BETTER THIS WAY. SIGNED..... A VERY HAPPY WEIGHT LOSS PATIENT.

I visited with the plastic surgeon today at WRAMC.  I wanted to find out what surgeries they would be willing to do other than the tummy tuck which is free and guaranteed for me.  The visit went very well.  At first I thoguht that I was going to have to cry, beg, plead and fight to get them to agree to help me with my hips.  I didn't have to at all.  I guess they could tell by looking at me that I need help in this area.  Dr. Bonnecarrere took pictures and feels strongly that I should have a lower body lift done.  (I nearly cried!)  This would require them to cut all the way around me, do the tummy tuck, lipo the outer thighs and lift and cut away all the excess skin from my thighs and butt.  I am so happy that he feels he can and should do this surgery.  It's exactly what I wanted.  He will perform the procedure with another surgeon, Dr. Martin.  This will cut down the amount of time it will take to do the surgery.  

I asked about cost.  Neither doc knew about that but did tell me that Sylvia Hill can help with that.  They think that if they put this in as one procedure, a circumferential panniculectomy, that it might be covered 100%.  I am certainly praying for that!  That would be a huge answer to prayer for us.  Oh how I hope that the Lord makes a way for this to happen.  It would be a miracle and a tremendous blessing if we don't have to pay for this surgery.  

The doc's said that we can address the inner thighs and breasts at a later date.  I told them that I want to lose another 20 lbs.  Dr. Martin said that since I am still losing, albeit only 3-5 lbs a month, he wants me to wait until about May to have the surgery.  That way I can work toward meeting my goal and then I don't have to worry about losing after the surgery and things getting loose again.  I don't want that.  So I am going to work my little fanny so that I can get this last 20 lbs off and tone up the muscles in my thighs, back and abs.  

I am so excited and happy.  This is going to happen.  I just know that the Lord is directing my steps and that I will get this surgery and won't have to pay.  Even if I do have to pay, I am sure the Lord will help us find a way to do that.  Art is 100% supportive of this too.  We dont' want another debt so we are both praying for favor in this area that the surgery will be paid by Tricare as a panniculectomy.  

I will go back for a follow-up in April/May and see what happens.  Praise the Lord!!!

Well, the Valentine's Social/Cotillion was wonderful!  The girls are so beautiful in their dresses.  (see pics) I am so happy that we did this.  It was darn expensive but so much fun.  A very memorable evening.  My husband said I looked "very nice" in my dress.  I was hoping for more but then again this is my husband we are talking about.  :)  He isn't very vocal with his feelings.  I could tell he liked how I looked.  

I want to update that I am no longer stuffing my bra.  I gave up trying.  It doesn't help.  I am seeing the plastic surgeon on the 23rd to talk about what Walter Reed will and won't do.  I know that I will have to pay for some of my surgeries but they will be much cheaper at Walter Reed than other places.  However, if they won't do what I want done then I will go civilian.  I am hoping to get a really good lower body lift or outer thigh lift done.  I am not sure that Walter Reed will even do these procedures.  I'll let you know what I find out. 

The dress I found for Valentine's day is in my pictures.  I love it!  I was so excited about the dress.  I went to DressBarn and saw this pretty dress on the wall.  They only had Large & Small sizes hanging up.  I was brave and decided to try the large.  As I was going in the dressing room, on of the store workers had the same dress that she was getting ready to hang back up.  It was an XL so I asked for it.  I tried on the XL first.  It was too big!  So I tried the large and it fits so nicely.  I had to buy it! 

Over the weekend, my daughter showed me an old picture.  It was taken in 2003 at Disneyland.  I was nearly speachless by how different I looked.  I am struggling with my mind really accepting how I look NOW.  I still think that people are seeing the old me.  When I am shopping I am self conscious that people are wondering who I think I am to be shopping in the regular size clothes.  Surely they must still see me as the 275 lb woman.  I must be buying for someone else.  But it just isn't true.  I am shopping for ME.  I wear regular size clothes.  I don't have to shop in the plus/women's area anymore.  It's pretty wild to think that.  I know that for some its really hard to understand that I don't always think that I look like I do now.  I mean, I look in a mirror everyday.  But I forget that I am not obese anymore.  It's a pretty cool feeling but at the same time I find myself being self conscious about how I look.  When I meet new people, I initially feel like they are looking at the 275 lb me.  Then of course I realize, in time, that they are meeting me, 106 lbs lighter.  It's a bit hard to wrap my head around.  You too might struggle with the picture you have in your mind.  It's okay.  It will get better.  Just keep reminding yourself that yes, you really do look like this now.  Yes, you are thinner.  Yes, you are not the biggest girl in the room.  My mind will catch up evenutally.  :)