robinsaxton
Going back to work was hard!
Apr 11, 2006
April 12, 2006
I have been okay. I went back to work last week. That is hard. I can't drink whenever I want while at work because we can't drink in front of customers. That is hard. I am thirsty all the time. I know that I am dehyrdated but I haven't told the Dr. I can't see him again until May 2nd. So far my scale says I've lost about 25 lbs. I guess thats good for 4 weeks post-op today. Still, I don't know if it's worth it yet. I am almost there but I have many moments still where I wonder. I can't drink a lot still and that bugs me. I am thirsty and want to drink but all water tastes so bitter!
I can eat chicken and tuna with no problems. I don't get but a few bites before I am full. I can eat egg salad, which I love. But it gives me diareha (sp) so I have to be careful how much I eat that. I had some homemade turkey chili yesterday. That was good. Only ate about 1/3 cup. I sure can't eat much. In the mornings I have to be careful what I eat. I ususally do cheese. It's protein and I can eat it on the run and it doesn't make me sick. I am trying to get the Slimfast protein shakes in again. They aren't too bad and it'll give me protein. I just wish I could drink more. I am learning to take very, very small sips of ice cold water. That is okay sometimes. I just can't drink but two small sips in a row. I have to wait about 1-2 minutes between sips. Of course at work I can't drink that often at all. I hope this all gets better soon.
I haven't begun exercising yet. After work I am so exhausted that I just don't have the energy in my to go for a walk. I know that if I don't start exercising that this will probably not work for life for me. I must get moving. I enjoy walking and exercising but I am so tired all the time. It takes all of my strength to just get through the work day. I pray that this will get better soon. I am very bad about taking my vitamins. I had better stick to that. Maybe that'll help me have more energy too. I want to try b-12 but I need to check with my Dr. first. Our support group meeting is tomorrow. Maybe Amee will be there and tell me if I can take that and see improvement.
I have been okay. I went back to work last week. That is hard. I can't drink whenever I want while at work because we can't drink in front of customers. That is hard. I am thirsty all the time. I know that I am dehyrdated but I haven't told the Dr. I can't see him again until May 2nd. So far my scale says I've lost about 25 lbs. I guess thats good for 4 weeks post-op today. Still, I don't know if it's worth it yet. I am almost there but I have many moments still where I wonder. I can't drink a lot still and that bugs me. I am thirsty and want to drink but all water tastes so bitter!
I can eat chicken and tuna with no problems. I don't get but a few bites before I am full. I can eat egg salad, which I love. But it gives me diareha (sp) so I have to be careful how much I eat that. I had some homemade turkey chili yesterday. That was good. Only ate about 1/3 cup. I sure can't eat much. In the mornings I have to be careful what I eat. I ususally do cheese. It's protein and I can eat it on the run and it doesn't make me sick. I am trying to get the Slimfast protein shakes in again. They aren't too bad and it'll give me protein. I just wish I could drink more. I am learning to take very, very small sips of ice cold water. That is okay sometimes. I just can't drink but two small sips in a row. I have to wait about 1-2 minutes between sips. Of course at work I can't drink that often at all. I hope this all gets better soon.
I haven't begun exercising yet. After work I am so exhausted that I just don't have the energy in my to go for a walk. I know that if I don't start exercising that this will probably not work for life for me. I must get moving. I enjoy walking and exercising but I am so tired all the time. It takes all of my strength to just get through the work day. I pray that this will get better soon. I am very bad about taking my vitamins. I had better stick to that. Maybe that'll help me have more energy too. I want to try b-12 but I need to check with my Dr. first. Our support group meeting is tomorrow. Maybe Amee will be there and tell me if I can take that and see improvement.
First experience with Stuck food!
Mar 29, 2006
March 30, 2006
Today I tried to have grits for breakfast. I was able to eat them last week. Well, not today. They got stuck! Oh my goodness did that hurt. I can't believe the pain I was in. I was throwing up and felt like my insides were turning inside out. It was so painful. Just horrible. I was sick to my stomach the rest of the day. Everything hurt, water, flavored and plain. I didnt' eat all day. This evening my friend Michele was returning to NM. She wanted us to all go out to Olive Garden. Well, we went. I love that place and it was hard to be there knowing that I can't eat the stuff. I could get the pasta down but I don't want to go against Dr. Carmody. So I ordered soup and drank some of the broth. It was tasty but I couldn't drink much of it. I was quite jealous of the other's eating the breadsticks, salad, alfredo sauce and pasta dishes. This is hard. I want food! I still haven't decied if it's worth it or not. Time will tell.
Today I tried to have grits for breakfast. I was able to eat them last week. Well, not today. They got stuck! Oh my goodness did that hurt. I can't believe the pain I was in. I was throwing up and felt like my insides were turning inside out. It was so painful. Just horrible. I was sick to my stomach the rest of the day. Everything hurt, water, flavored and plain. I didnt' eat all day. This evening my friend Michele was returning to NM. She wanted us to all go out to Olive Garden. Well, we went. I love that place and it was hard to be there knowing that I can't eat the stuff. I could get the pasta down but I don't want to go against Dr. Carmody. So I ordered soup and drank some of the broth. It was tasty but I couldn't drink much of it. I was quite jealous of the other's eating the breadsticks, salad, alfredo sauce and pasta dishes. This is hard. I want food! I still haven't decied if it's worth it or not. Time will tell.
Slowly getting better
Mar 27, 2006
March 28, 2006
I had another follow-up today. Dr. Carmody didn't want me to return to work this week as I had originally planned. He wanted me to take another week off. So I am. I have gained back 2 lbs. He says not to worry since it is probably because I have some fluid back in me. I am feeling pretty good today. Just tired and wondering how to do the protein thing. He told me not to worry too much. He wants me to keep drinking and try some blended tuna salad or other protein like that, maybe eggs. I'll give it a try. I liked my tuna salad tonight, but wasn't able to eat much and it hurt my stomach a bit. I'll try eggs tomorrow. He says to avoid pasta, potatoes, rice and other starchy foods. That might be hard since those are the soft ones. I can start solid foods on Monday April 10th. Then I should return to see him for follow-up on how I am doing.
I had another follow-up today. Dr. Carmody didn't want me to return to work this week as I had originally planned. He wanted me to take another week off. So I am. I have gained back 2 lbs. He says not to worry since it is probably because I have some fluid back in me. I am feeling pretty good today. Just tired and wondering how to do the protein thing. He told me not to worry too much. He wants me to keep drinking and try some blended tuna salad or other protein like that, maybe eggs. I'll give it a try. I liked my tuna salad tonight, but wasn't able to eat much and it hurt my stomach a bit. I'll try eggs tomorrow. He says to avoid pasta, potatoes, rice and other starchy foods. That might be hard since those are the soft ones. I can start solid foods on Monday April 10th. Then I should return to see him for follow-up on how I am doing.
Back in the Hospital~Dehydrated & aggriviated Pancreas
Mar 22, 2006
March 21, 2006, Tuesday
I went to see Dr. Carmody today. I have lost 15 lbs since surgery. But I don't know if all this pain and suffering is worth it. I hope to someday be able to say yes it is but right now I must say it most certainly is not. Dr. Carmody thinks I am dehydrated. He has re-admitted me to the hospital. I was upset but hurting too much to really care. They are going to do a CT scan and run some blood work to make sure everything is okay. The blood work shows that I am a little dehydrated but it also shows pancreatitus. That scares me. I asked what that is and why. Dr. Scanlin (whom I don't care for very much because he has a poor attitude) says that I don't really need to be in the hospital. He thinks this is mostly me getting used to the surgery. In otherwords it's all in my head! Has he ever had this surgery? Does he experience the pain I am right now? NO! I hate when a Dr. tells me that my problems are mental. This is not mental. It hurts, in my body not my mind. Thank God for Dr. Carmody. My pancreas is irriated because of the drain tube. But they won't remove the tube just yet. I don't know why. Late in the night, around 12:30am, I am brought a liter size pitcher of contrast to drink. I told the nurse she has got to be kidding! I can't drink but about 2-4 onces per hour. This will take me all night. She said to do the best I could and when I was done I would have the CT scan. So I forced myself to drink, drink, drink. Surprisingly I got it down by 1:30. I don't know how since I haven't been able to drink for the past week. By 2:15 I was complaining that I hadn't been taked to radiology yet. The nurse decided to wheel me down there instead of waiting for them to call. She said they were probably really busy. I told her that they weren't busy just taking their sweet time. Of course I was right. The guy was eating his snack and chilling. Well, he did the scan. I can get some sleep now.
March 22, 2006
The CT scan shows that everything is normal. No leaks and no blockages. So now what? Well, this evening they took out the drain. That hurt and felt very weird! That drain was going from one side of my body to the other. I am glad to have that out. That night I finally sleep (as much as you can in the hospital) without pain! I know the tube is important but I am so glad to have it out. I am still having trouble drinking but I am doing what I can to get rehydrated and out of the hospital. I want this darn IV out!
side note: I believe that the drain tube was the biggest cause of my problems. Once that thing came out I stopped hurting so much and within a couple of days the pain was gone.
March 23, 2006.
Dr. Carmody says I can go home. He is just going to wait on my husband before releasing me. He says that I should be okay now and I am able to report to him that I don't hurt quite as much. He wants me to start pureed foods by Monday and to drink as much as a liter a day. He said that will keep my hydrated and is probably all I can consume right now anyway. My potassium is low and my magnesium is too. But if I take my vitamins then I should be okay. Maybe I can get a blended banana into one of my drinks.
Okay, now a word about protein drinks! They are terrible. I have tried slimfast, carb now something and this Nectar stuff from the vitamin shoppe. Gross, Gross is all I can say. My sister brought some vanilla stuff and it was nasty too. I don't know how I am going to get my protein in. I just can't do these protein powders and drinks.
I went to see Dr. Carmody today. I have lost 15 lbs since surgery. But I don't know if all this pain and suffering is worth it. I hope to someday be able to say yes it is but right now I must say it most certainly is not. Dr. Carmody thinks I am dehydrated. He has re-admitted me to the hospital. I was upset but hurting too much to really care. They are going to do a CT scan and run some blood work to make sure everything is okay. The blood work shows that I am a little dehydrated but it also shows pancreatitus. That scares me. I asked what that is and why. Dr. Scanlin (whom I don't care for very much because he has a poor attitude) says that I don't really need to be in the hospital. He thinks this is mostly me getting used to the surgery. In otherwords it's all in my head! Has he ever had this surgery? Does he experience the pain I am right now? NO! I hate when a Dr. tells me that my problems are mental. This is not mental. It hurts, in my body not my mind. Thank God for Dr. Carmody. My pancreas is irriated because of the drain tube. But they won't remove the tube just yet. I don't know why. Late in the night, around 12:30am, I am brought a liter size pitcher of contrast to drink. I told the nurse she has got to be kidding! I can't drink but about 2-4 onces per hour. This will take me all night. She said to do the best I could and when I was done I would have the CT scan. So I forced myself to drink, drink, drink. Surprisingly I got it down by 1:30. I don't know how since I haven't been able to drink for the past week. By 2:15 I was complaining that I hadn't been taked to radiology yet. The nurse decided to wheel me down there instead of waiting for them to call. She said they were probably really busy. I told her that they weren't busy just taking their sweet time. Of course I was right. The guy was eating his snack and chilling. Well, he did the scan. I can get some sleep now.
March 22, 2006
The CT scan shows that everything is normal. No leaks and no blockages. So now what? Well, this evening they took out the drain. That hurt and felt very weird! That drain was going from one side of my body to the other. I am glad to have that out. That night I finally sleep (as much as you can in the hospital) without pain! I know the tube is important but I am so glad to have it out. I am still having trouble drinking but I am doing what I can to get rehydrated and out of the hospital. I want this darn IV out!
side note: I believe that the drain tube was the biggest cause of my problems. Once that thing came out I stopped hurting so much and within a couple of days the pain was gone.
March 23, 2006.
Dr. Carmody says I can go home. He is just going to wait on my husband before releasing me. He says that I should be okay now and I am able to report to him that I don't hurt quite as much. He wants me to start pureed foods by Monday and to drink as much as a liter a day. He said that will keep my hydrated and is probably all I can consume right now anyway. My potassium is low and my magnesium is too. But if I take my vitamins then I should be okay. Maybe I can get a blended banana into one of my drinks.
Okay, now a word about protein drinks! They are terrible. I have tried slimfast, carb now something and this Nectar stuff from the vitamin shoppe. Gross, Gross is all I can say. My sister brought some vanilla stuff and it was nasty too. I don't know how I am going to get my protein in. I just can't do these protein powders and drinks.
Sister is here but I am soo sick & hurting!!!
Mar 19, 2006
March 20, 2006
My sister and her husband (Patty and Mark) arrived last night. Patty is trying to have surgery. I am glad she is here to help me out and to see what I am going through. It'll help her out when it's her turn. My nephew Alex is so cute! I am still hurting so very much. This pain never goes away. I take percoset every 4 hours but it is not helping. I also can't drink without pain. I feel worse now than I did when I was right out of surgery. Must be the anesthesia. I just don't feel right. Tomorrow is my followup so we'll see what the Dr. says.
Today is my hubby's birthday, not a very good one with me so sick. I think I managed to get him a cake and I had Stephanie buy his gift, a gift card from Gamestop. I love you Darlin. Thanks for supporting me in all this.
My sister and her husband (Patty and Mark) arrived last night. Patty is trying to have surgery. I am glad she is here to help me out and to see what I am going through. It'll help her out when it's her turn. My nephew Alex is so cute! I am still hurting so very much. This pain never goes away. I take percoset every 4 hours but it is not helping. I also can't drink without pain. I feel worse now than I did when I was right out of surgery. Must be the anesthesia. I just don't feel right. Tomorrow is my followup so we'll see what the Dr. says.
Today is my hubby's birthday, not a very good one with me so sick. I think I managed to get him a cake and I had Stephanie buy his gift, a gift card from Gamestop. I love you Darlin. Thanks for supporting me in all this.
Not feeling well at all!!!
Mar 18, 2006
March 19, 2006, Sunday
I am hurting so bad today. I posted a message on OH and on Marley's angels to let them know I was home. Everytime I take a drink of anything I hurt. If I move I hurt. Yet I know that I have to exercise. I don't like it but I have to do it. I am not drinking much because it hurts so much. My husband made me call my friend Rose. Rose had open RNY almost two years ago. She looks great! I told her how much I was hurting and she suggested that I try to have warm drinks instead of ice cold. Ice cold bothered her in the beginning. So I'll give it a try.
I am hurting so bad today. I posted a message on OH and on Marley's angels to let them know I was home. Everytime I take a drink of anything I hurt. If I move I hurt. Yet I know that I have to exercise. I don't like it but I have to do it. I am not drinking much because it hurts so much. My husband made me call my friend Rose. Rose had open RNY almost two years ago. She looks great! I told her how much I was hurting and she suggested that I try to have warm drinks instead of ice cold. Ice cold bothered her in the beginning. So I'll give it a try.
I had surgery!!!
Mar 17, 2006
March 18, 2006
I had surgery! The recover is not going so well. I went to the hospital at 5:30am. I was given scrubs to get into. Of course the first set were too small. I wonder what some people are thinking when they see how big I am and hand me a medium size pair of pants & shirt! Now come on. No one is that stupid! Perhaps it was the early hour that had that woman confused. :) Well, I went into the pre-op room to get hooked to iv's and stuff. My anesthesiologist was really rough with getting the iv's in. She poked me at least 3 times. One of the first iv's slipped out and she accused me of moving. I didn't move a muscle. She just didn't do it right. Dr. Carmody came in to see how i was doing. He had to initial my belly so that they would know for sure that I was the right person in the operating room. LOL. I think that's funny. :)
Well, they gave me happy juice just before wheeling me into the op room. I have to tell this story cuz it's kinda funny. As they were wheeling in my bed I was having fun. Remember I am on happy juice now. (that stuff hits your system pretty fast.) I told the people wheeling my bed that I had alwasy wanted to take my girls on rides through the hospital on a gurney because it seemed like so much fun. I started cracking up. I think they smiled but then I was gone! I mean I don't remember one more thing until I woke up. Okay, maybe it's not so funny now but it sure was at the time. lol, hahahaha
I woke up in SICU with my husband by my side. He had waited all day for me. I guess the surgery took about 2 hours. So he really didn't wait all day for surgery, just for me to wake up. I don't know what time that was. He gave me a teddy bear. I looked at it, said it was nice and went back to sleep. :) He left and brought my kids back later that evening to see me. I was really out of it still. Each question they asked me took forever to answer. Meghan was a bit scared since I had two different iv's and I looked a mess. She didn't like that I looked that way. They both laughed at me a couple of times since during our conversations I was rather late in my comments. They would all be on another subject and I would just be answering them from the previous subject. I did sit up while they were there.
I didn't have any problems moving around. My surgery was laporoscoplicially. (sp) I had a 6 tiny cuts with one of them having a drain tube coming out of it. I could get in and out of bed pretty easily. On thursday morning I was taken down to exray to do the "sip test". I had to drink this really bitter contrast stuff and then some really chalky stuff. They said it was going through a bit slowly but everything looked good, no leaks! I was glad about that. Now I could start having ice chips and water, but only one ounce per hour. I was cleared to go to the surgerical ward. Once at the ward I was roomed with another WLS patient. She had the lap band done. She was doing pretty good. She couldn't drink very well, it hurt but she was managing. Her name was Sonja. I liked her.
Well, Thursday night the problems started. It was not good. Every time I tried to get out of bed I was dizzy, nauseaus and wanted to pass out. I didn't like the iv's, they had to switch hands since one had swelled up like a balloon. I was trying to drink my little one ounce of water and was getting sick. I was dry-heaving and ready to pass out a lot. Kathy, one of our support group people was there to visit me. What a sweet lady! She wanted to help me so much. But there really wasn't much she could do. I was given some shots to help with the nausea; it didn't help much at first. I got sick several more times and eventually gave up drinking and getting out of bed for some sleep. Of course in the hospital you never get to sleep. They wake you about every 2-3 hours for vitals, sugar tests and whatever else they can think of.
On Friday I was pretty good. I was able to get my one ounce of water per hour down. The nausea was settling and I wasn't dry-heaving all the time. I developed hiccups! Man did those hurt. I couldn't believe the pain I was in. I was so uncomfortable. I was hurting from just below my ribs through to my back. It was so bad. At first I thought the hiccups were bothering me. Then I thought I might have gas since I was burping several times with each sip of water. I just pushed through it and kept taking the morphine! Pretty good stuff that is! lol
On Saturday the 18th I was allowed to go home. I didn't feel good at all but I wanted to leave the hospital. I was still hurting pretty bad but I just chalked it up to being sore from the surgery. That night I was hurting so bad after a few hours of sleep that I had to get out of bed and sleep in our recliner. Still the pain never really went away, even with pain meds. I kept trying to get my water and broth in but without much luck. I am just glad to be home.
I had surgery! The recover is not going so well. I went to the hospital at 5:30am. I was given scrubs to get into. Of course the first set were too small. I wonder what some people are thinking when they see how big I am and hand me a medium size pair of pants & shirt! Now come on. No one is that stupid! Perhaps it was the early hour that had that woman confused. :) Well, I went into the pre-op room to get hooked to iv's and stuff. My anesthesiologist was really rough with getting the iv's in. She poked me at least 3 times. One of the first iv's slipped out and she accused me of moving. I didn't move a muscle. She just didn't do it right. Dr. Carmody came in to see how i was doing. He had to initial my belly so that they would know for sure that I was the right person in the operating room. LOL. I think that's funny. :)
Well, they gave me happy juice just before wheeling me into the op room. I have to tell this story cuz it's kinda funny. As they were wheeling in my bed I was having fun. Remember I am on happy juice now. (that stuff hits your system pretty fast.) I told the people wheeling my bed that I had alwasy wanted to take my girls on rides through the hospital on a gurney because it seemed like so much fun. I started cracking up. I think they smiled but then I was gone! I mean I don't remember one more thing until I woke up. Okay, maybe it's not so funny now but it sure was at the time. lol, hahahaha
I woke up in SICU with my husband by my side. He had waited all day for me. I guess the surgery took about 2 hours. So he really didn't wait all day for surgery, just for me to wake up. I don't know what time that was. He gave me a teddy bear. I looked at it, said it was nice and went back to sleep. :) He left and brought my kids back later that evening to see me. I was really out of it still. Each question they asked me took forever to answer. Meghan was a bit scared since I had two different iv's and I looked a mess. She didn't like that I looked that way. They both laughed at me a couple of times since during our conversations I was rather late in my comments. They would all be on another subject and I would just be answering them from the previous subject. I did sit up while they were there.
I didn't have any problems moving around. My surgery was laporoscoplicially. (sp) I had a 6 tiny cuts with one of them having a drain tube coming out of it. I could get in and out of bed pretty easily. On thursday morning I was taken down to exray to do the "sip test". I had to drink this really bitter contrast stuff and then some really chalky stuff. They said it was going through a bit slowly but everything looked good, no leaks! I was glad about that. Now I could start having ice chips and water, but only one ounce per hour. I was cleared to go to the surgerical ward. Once at the ward I was roomed with another WLS patient. She had the lap band done. She was doing pretty good. She couldn't drink very well, it hurt but she was managing. Her name was Sonja. I liked her.
Well, Thursday night the problems started. It was not good. Every time I tried to get out of bed I was dizzy, nauseaus and wanted to pass out. I didn't like the iv's, they had to switch hands since one had swelled up like a balloon. I was trying to drink my little one ounce of water and was getting sick. I was dry-heaving and ready to pass out a lot. Kathy, one of our support group people was there to visit me. What a sweet lady! She wanted to help me so much. But there really wasn't much she could do. I was given some shots to help with the nausea; it didn't help much at first. I got sick several more times and eventually gave up drinking and getting out of bed for some sleep. Of course in the hospital you never get to sleep. They wake you about every 2-3 hours for vitals, sugar tests and whatever else they can think of.
On Friday I was pretty good. I was able to get my one ounce of water per hour down. The nausea was settling and I wasn't dry-heaving all the time. I developed hiccups! Man did those hurt. I couldn't believe the pain I was in. I was so uncomfortable. I was hurting from just below my ribs through to my back. It was so bad. At first I thought the hiccups were bothering me. Then I thought I might have gas since I was burping several times with each sip of water. I just pushed through it and kept taking the morphine! Pretty good stuff that is! lol
On Saturday the 18th I was allowed to go home. I didn't feel good at all but I wanted to leave the hospital. I was still hurting pretty bad but I just chalked it up to being sore from the surgery. That night I was hurting so bad after a few hours of sleep that I had to get out of bed and sleep in our recliner. Still the pain never really went away, even with pain meds. I kept trying to get my water and broth in but without much luck. I am just glad to be home.
Pre-Surgery!
Mar 13, 2006
January 25, 2006
My surgery date has finally been scheduled. March 15th I will become a loser! :) I am excited about getting this journey well on the road and beginning my new life. I am excited to meet the real me, hidden sometimes behind this body. I feel that at times my weight keeps me in a shell that otherwise I don't think I would hide in. I am ready for freedom from weight and ready to be a thin person. I know that this surgery won't be the magic pill. I will have to work hard, do what the doctors say and get off my butt to exercise but I know that I will succeed once and for all with this great tool!
Okay, I am excited about the surgery, but...I want to use this site to journal my thoughts, feelings, fears, accomplishments and such before, during and after surgery. Today I feel that I am not going to be able to lose any weight before the surgery. I am having a hard time sticking to any kind of eating plan. Forget counting points, carbs, fat or calories. I am not even doing my menu planning like I need to do. I usually plan menus so that I can keep on top of the budget. Being full time at work takes up a lot of time and after spending most of the day on my feet, I go home physically and mentally exhausted so I haven't planned a menu in a long time. I must get back on track this week. One thing I am looking forward to after losing weight is being able to stand on my feet, work my job and go home with energy! I hear from others that have had wls that they love the energy they now have. Energy to exercise, and like it! I want to be full of energy and life. I want to go home after work and look forward to walking my little dog and spend fun time with my family. I am ready to give up the couch potato life. So, beginning today, I am going to make my menu, plan for grocery shopping and get some things back on track.
I have begun the exercise program that Mr. Travis Combest has asked of me. He is the physical consultant that I am seeing during this process. I love the ball for crunches. I am enjoying the resistance band, and boy to my arms feel the workout. I hope that all of this will help me to avoid some of the wiggly jiggly skin that I know I'll have after weight loss. Most won't go away without plastics, I'm sure. But hopefully I can do some good with getting started now.
We'll talk again soon. I am down to 7 weeks!!!
February 11, 2006
It has been a few weeks since my last update. I wanted to journal what I have been doing to prepare for the surgery. I am counting the weeks still. I have been trying different protein drinks/shakes to find ones that I can stand to swallow during the liquid phase. I do not like any drinks that are smelly, like vitamins or medicine smells. Usually if it smells really bad I can't swallow it. It's mostly a mental thing but I just can't do it. I gag when I give my children cough syrup! I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. So, I need to find some protein drinks that I can get past the smell of and be able to be healthy during the liquid phase of this surgery.
I am worried about having enough energy to get through my days. I am only taking one week off of work! I don't want this to interfere with my job, especially since I am a new employee. I put off the date until I passed 90 days so that I could avoid missing out on the training that I have to attend during this time. I don't want to come back to work and be really lagging in energy. I hear from others that in the beginning that is a bit of a problem. It is good that most days I am off of work by 4:00pm and only have one long day a week.
So, what drinks do I like so far. Well, the SlimFast high protein chocolate drink is really good, if it is really cold. I put mine in the freezer for a couple of hours. After it became warm is was a bit chalky but still not bad. I do not like the Carb Solutions brand. Wow, they were terrible. I hear that the atkins drinks are good. I am going to try those next. The SlimFast concerns me because it is high in carbs, 25g in the one I had. A friend of mine told me that the shakes with high carbs made her dump and I want to avoid that if at all possible. Dumping doesn't sound like an experience that I want to have.
I am trying to prepare myself for telling my children that I am having this surgery. I have two beautiful teenage daughters. I haven't told them about my decision yet because I didn't want to worry them. Also, I wanted to wait until closer to time so that we won't be talking about it all the time. I want to be a role model for my girls. Both of them are slightly overweight. Neither of them are active physically. The fact that I am having surgery to help me lose weight makes me wonder if they will think that I have failed them or if they will feel that losing weight and being healthy is too difficult. I don't want them to think that they will not be able to be healthy without surgery. I don't want them to feel that there is no hope for them. I am hoping that the drastic change in my eating, both in types of food and amounts of food, will help them to learn how to eat better. We always have junk food around. We always eat A LOT, even of the good foods. Portion control is not a concept that our family has grasped. When we get a bag of chips in the house, it is usually gone in one day. Sometimes it'll last 1 1/2 days. Ice Cream lasts, if we are careful, three nights. But usually lasts more like only two nights. We all eat to way past the point of satisfaction. When we eat out we eat until we are stuffed! I want my girls to learn to eat smaller portions. I don't want them to be overweight. Maybe having the surgery and getting myself under control will help me get my family under control. My husband is getting out of the military. He likes to eat a lot too. His physical fitness routine in the army has helped him stay fit. He does not like to run or exercise. I am hoping that when I am smaller, I will be more active and my husband and I will be able to work out or walk or ride bikes together. That is something that we have never done.
So, I have written a lot today. I'll catch up again soon.
March 1, 2006
I am exactly two weeks away from surgery. I am so excited. The days are going by so quickly. I really need to get on the ball and put pictures here for my memory and to share with everyone. I HATE finding pictures of myself. They are all bad! Oh well, I need to have something to remember my old life. I also need to get started on my scrapbook. I might take one of my daughters kits to start with. That'll make it easier since this will be my first scrapbook. :)
So I finally told my beautiful girls about my decision to have surgery. Meghan, the youngest, cried. I asked her why she was crying and she said because she was so happy for me since I have wanted this for a long time. I couldn't help but hug her. Stephanie, the oldest, wasn't quite sure what to think at first. She seemed a bit upset. I was concerned that my kids would be upset about me having surgery. I know that this is truly a last resort type of thing. I don't want my girls to think that they can't be happy with themselves or that losing weight is a hopeless cause. I feel like i have failed so many times with this or that diet plan. They have experienced every one of them with me. Not necessarily doing the plan but hearing me talk about doing good or not doing good, etc. Stephanie went to Weight Watchers with me once. She followed the plan for several months and lost 20 lbs. My kids are both overweight, by medical standards. I have always tried to teach them that no matter what they weigh, they are beautiful and valuable. The hard part about deciding to have surgery was partly because I feel like I will be failing them. They can't do a liquid fast and eat like me after surgery. I don't want to see them feel that IF they want to lose weight that it's a lost cause. At first Stephanie said she didn't have any questions or concerns. I can read her face like a book! She was hiding something. (none of us can really hide our true feelings:) Later on I went to her and told her that I loved her, that she was so beautiful. She finally told me that she was upset because she felt bad for me that I felt like I HAD to have surgery to lose weight. I explained to her that after weighing almost 300 lbs for the past 12-15 years that yes, I did feel like this was something I had to do. I told her that I am starting to have problems with my body and health because of my weight. I was honest with her about all the reasons why I made my decision. I also told her that I truly don't expect to be "skinny". My goal is to be healthier, more active and hopefully much smaller than I am now so that I can enjoy doing things with my family. I want to be able to fit into the seat rides at amusement parks, to go outside and get on a bike or rollerskates with my family. After I shared that with her, Stephanie seemed much more at ease about it.
A few days ago I finally told my mom! That was a tough one. My mom isn't thrilled about WLS. She doesn't understand about the entire process. She met a lady one time that had a horrible experience after surgery. This lady told my mom that she had to have some 13 surgeries within the first year and a half after her surgery to correct problems and complications from WLS. The lady was really skinny but my mom said she looked so sick. She had this lady email her story to me. This was several years ago when I mentioned that I was trying to put together a $450 fee to have a consultation meeting with a surgeon. (In California, where we lived at the time, my PCM would not put in a referral. We did not have any type of military hospital or facility to go to so Tricare would not pay for surgery.) I read the lady's story. But I have also read countless other stories of success. No one has exactly the same results from WLS. The majority of people do have great success and while many people have some complication at one time or another from surgery, they overcome it and do just fine. I have found a lot of problems arise when a WLS patient doesn't follow their surgeons rules/guidelines for eating/drinking after surgery. (I read where one lady at real, solid food the night she had her surgery. A total NONO!! She really messed herself up.)
Okay, so I told my mom about surgery because we were talking one night about my sister's decision. My sister Patty (HI) is also trying to have this surgery. My mom is such a worrier. She is really concerned because she has only heard the negatives. This is the reason I didn't tell her right away. I didn't want her to be worried about me. She has enough to deal with. Anyway, she was saying how she was worried about Patty. She asked me if I was still considering having the surgery too. I could not lie. I had to finally tell her. I started by asking her to not get mad. I explained that I have done a lot of research and praying about this. Then I told her that I am scheduled for surgery on March 15. Well, she was actually okay with it. Her first response was to please do exactly what the dr.'s ask me to do. I told her that of course I would. Then she asked me if I had to go to psych and nutrition. I explained that I had to have those appointments plus one with an exersice therapist. They all had to agree that I could have this surgery. She asked me when I knew and I told her that I didn't know for sure until the end of January. I really think that she was hurt because I had not told her yet. Like I said, none of us can hide our feelings very well. She kept asking who I have told and I told her that the first person I told was my best friend, whom I didn't tell until December (three months after my first appointment). Only about 12 people know so far. I am not very open about it just yet. To be honest, I don't want to hear negative responses and I am not entirely sure how to handle the questions yet. This was a very personal and thoughtful decision for me. My husband, Art, has been 110% supportive. I really love him for that. He only wants to see me happy and healthy. So I am glad that I told my mom. She may be having surgery soon to correct one she had for Barret's Esophegeous. I told her to please not worry about me, to take care of herself. I told her that we would be praying for each other for quick recovery and healing and for the Dr's to have wisdom and guidance from God.
I have my pre-op appointment on March 10th. I have to start my pre-op liquid diet at that time. I am thinking of trying to start it a few days earlier just to make sure that my liver is where it needs to be. I don't want anything to hinder my surgery. I'll post again when I have started the pre-op diet. God bless.
March 8, 2006
I am one week from surgery. I am very excited. It's gonna be a difficult lifestyle change but I am so ready. I have had two experiences this week that just reaffirmed my decision to have this surgery.
On Saturday, one of my co-workers saw me ready the OH website. She asked me what it was. I told her that the site was for people that wanted to lose weight. I still haven't told my work why I am having surgery so I didn't want to tell her just yet. She asked me if I wanted to lose weight. I told her yes I did. She asked if it was something like Weight Watchers. I said yeah, something like that. She then said well isn't that just something to motivate you, can't you do that yourself? I told her that if I could motivate myself then I would be as big as I am. The she said that she had to lose about 15 lbs, and she is probably about a size 6. She said she just stopped eating out and started eating really big salads and lots of fruit for breakfast. I congratulated her for her success. Now here's the kicker~~~She then said that when she looks at me across my station (I'm a bank teller) that I don't look that big but when she looks at my butt, well my butt is more than half of me. Pause! Yes she actually said that to me. I am not making this up. I was stunned but still managed to reply sarcastically "Well, thank you for pointing that out to me!"
Ok, so I have to get over that because soon she will have to eat her words. But it hurts no matter what. And what in the world gave her the idea that she had the right to say that to me.
But wait...there's more to this story.
Two days later, again at work, the evening courier came in to collect the days work. Well, usually I am behind the counter so no can see all of me. I guess he hasn't yet because when he saw me he got really chatty. He said How was your day today? I said it wsa good, busy but good. He said that's good. Then he said, I always see you back there (pointing behind the teller stations, I was in front of them in the lobby) you look skinny, but now I see you and you look~~~then he took his hands and opened them up wide (think of the song with hand motions deep and wide). He was indicating that my rear was really big. Again, I was stunned. Only this time I was speechless. I was so shocked that I didn't know what to say. I just said something like OH, okay. This man doesn't even know my name.
What is wrong with people in this world of mine! Do they not know that you just don't tell people things like that. My best friends can get away with it, but we are usually joking with each other. Still, I can't remember a time when any of them have ever said such mean things about my weight. I was hurt. I wanted to cry. But instead I just said to myself that I'll be so glad to have this surgery. I am doing something about this weight and hopefully no one will have a reason to say mean things like that to me again. I just had to share this on here just because we all wonder why someone has had surgery when we are researching it. Well, this is one reason. People love to humiliate others. I am tired of being humiliated. I am tired of being ashamed of the way I look. I am tired of people staring at me and thinking why I am eating out or eating this or that food when clearly I need to lose weight.
A long time ago, many years, someone told someone else, which eventually got around to me, that they felt sorry for my husband that he had such a big wife. Well, I am ready to shed all of the hurt from those comments along with the weight.
March 11, 2006
I had my pre-op appointment yesterday. The first one was with the surgeon. We again talked about how he is going to do the surgery. What to expect when I arrive and then when I wake up how I might feel. He also covered the pre-op diet. Strickly low/no carb, HI protein shakes for three days. Nothing else but water. I have to keep the calories down to between 1000-1400/day. This is so that my liver will shink so they can move it out of the way during surgery. I am having surgery laproscoplically(spelling). I begin that tomorrow. I tried to start that several days earlier but was not able to stay with it. I had to have one more meal, which became two more. I wanted Checkers fries and burger so badly. I know I won't have that for a very long time to come so I had to make a way to have my Checkers one more time.
For my shakes, I am having the Slimfast lowcarb shakes. They are recommended by my surgeon and I can actually stomach the taste of them. I am sure that I'll get used to them since that is all I'll be allowed for about three weeks. I am going to be on clear liquids for 2-3 days followed by two weeks of the low/no carb, hi protein shakes and diet. Then I can try to have pureed foods for about 2 weeks. After that I can go to soft foods. Red meat and bread will probably be introduced last.
I also talked to the anesthesia people. They said they were concerned about putting me under since I have GERD. I have to be sure to take my ZANTAC the morning of my surgery. They explained that in the time between switching from me breathing on my own and the tube down my throat and full sleep that I can reflux and get that stuff into my lungs, which would cause pneumonia. This can be lethal! To prevent this they are giving me some really nasty antacid liquid stuff to drink and I will be mostly awake when the tube is incerted. That'll be weird but I like to watch all that kind of stuff on TV so I hope it'll be interesting to me as well. After the tube is in, then they will fully put me to sleep.
Next I talked to a nurse about what to do before surgery. I have to take two showers, one the night before and the other the morning of with Iodine soap. I can't have any lotion, perfume, hairspray, powder, deoderant, or anything like that. I can brush my teeth (thank God)! :) I can wash my hair as well. I am supposed to be the first surgery for the day (barring any emergencies) so I will have to be at the hospital by 5:30 am. It's about a 45 min drive away so it'll be an early day for me. My poor husband too. Only I get to go back to sleep> ;) He can't. :( What a great guy! I also have to take a urine sample in with me. It's just one more test to make sure I am okay for surgery.
So, I am ready! Oh, I forgot. At my last support group meeting, a friend Jenny, told us about her surgery experience since it was only two weeks earlier. She said that finding a hospital gown in a 3x was hard. They had one for her first thing of the day but the ICU didn't carry any that size. Her husband had to really hunt the hospital when she got to her room to find one that was 3x. The first gown she used was put in the laundry while she was in surgery. Well, Jenny is such a thinker and a giver. She took the gown from the hospital and gave it to me to use! I was so touched. She said it was one thing that she hoped someone else didn't have to worry about while trying to recover from surgery. So we now have this gown in our group and next month I'll pass it on to someone who can use it! THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING HOSPITAL GOWN!!! Gotta love it!
I'll let you know how things go. I'll be updating again soon...
March 12, 2006
This is my first real day on liquids. It totally sucks! I am hungry and want to eat. I was sniffing the sausage as I cut it and cooked it for my family. This is hard. I hope that no one ever tells me that I am taking the easy way out. I only hope this gets easier as time goes by.
March 14, 2006
Tomorrow is surgery day. I am excited and now starting to get scared. But I know that this is the right thing for me. Still, any kind of surgery is a bit scary. I still wonder if I can do the not eating thing. It's been hard these past few days and knowing that I have to do this for a month or more makes me wonder if I can do it.
My surgery date has finally been scheduled. March 15th I will become a loser! :) I am excited about getting this journey well on the road and beginning my new life. I am excited to meet the real me, hidden sometimes behind this body. I feel that at times my weight keeps me in a shell that otherwise I don't think I would hide in. I am ready for freedom from weight and ready to be a thin person. I know that this surgery won't be the magic pill. I will have to work hard, do what the doctors say and get off my butt to exercise but I know that I will succeed once and for all with this great tool!
Okay, I am excited about the surgery, but...I want to use this site to journal my thoughts, feelings, fears, accomplishments and such before, during and after surgery. Today I feel that I am not going to be able to lose any weight before the surgery. I am having a hard time sticking to any kind of eating plan. Forget counting points, carbs, fat or calories. I am not even doing my menu planning like I need to do. I usually plan menus so that I can keep on top of the budget. Being full time at work takes up a lot of time and after spending most of the day on my feet, I go home physically and mentally exhausted so I haven't planned a menu in a long time. I must get back on track this week. One thing I am looking forward to after losing weight is being able to stand on my feet, work my job and go home with energy! I hear from others that have had wls that they love the energy they now have. Energy to exercise, and like it! I want to be full of energy and life. I want to go home after work and look forward to walking my little dog and spend fun time with my family. I am ready to give up the couch potato life. So, beginning today, I am going to make my menu, plan for grocery shopping and get some things back on track.
I have begun the exercise program that Mr. Travis Combest has asked of me. He is the physical consultant that I am seeing during this process. I love the ball for crunches. I am enjoying the resistance band, and boy to my arms feel the workout. I hope that all of this will help me to avoid some of the wiggly jiggly skin that I know I'll have after weight loss. Most won't go away without plastics, I'm sure. But hopefully I can do some good with getting started now.
We'll talk again soon. I am down to 7 weeks!!!
February 11, 2006
It has been a few weeks since my last update. I wanted to journal what I have been doing to prepare for the surgery. I am counting the weeks still. I have been trying different protein drinks/shakes to find ones that I can stand to swallow during the liquid phase. I do not like any drinks that are smelly, like vitamins or medicine smells. Usually if it smells really bad I can't swallow it. It's mostly a mental thing but I just can't do it. I gag when I give my children cough syrup! I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. So, I need to find some protein drinks that I can get past the smell of and be able to be healthy during the liquid phase of this surgery.
I am worried about having enough energy to get through my days. I am only taking one week off of work! I don't want this to interfere with my job, especially since I am a new employee. I put off the date until I passed 90 days so that I could avoid missing out on the training that I have to attend during this time. I don't want to come back to work and be really lagging in energy. I hear from others that in the beginning that is a bit of a problem. It is good that most days I am off of work by 4:00pm and only have one long day a week.
So, what drinks do I like so far. Well, the SlimFast high protein chocolate drink is really good, if it is really cold. I put mine in the freezer for a couple of hours. After it became warm is was a bit chalky but still not bad. I do not like the Carb Solutions brand. Wow, they were terrible. I hear that the atkins drinks are good. I am going to try those next. The SlimFast concerns me because it is high in carbs, 25g in the one I had. A friend of mine told me that the shakes with high carbs made her dump and I want to avoid that if at all possible. Dumping doesn't sound like an experience that I want to have.
I am trying to prepare myself for telling my children that I am having this surgery. I have two beautiful teenage daughters. I haven't told them about my decision yet because I didn't want to worry them. Also, I wanted to wait until closer to time so that we won't be talking about it all the time. I want to be a role model for my girls. Both of them are slightly overweight. Neither of them are active physically. The fact that I am having surgery to help me lose weight makes me wonder if they will think that I have failed them or if they will feel that losing weight and being healthy is too difficult. I don't want them to think that they will not be able to be healthy without surgery. I don't want them to feel that there is no hope for them. I am hoping that the drastic change in my eating, both in types of food and amounts of food, will help them to learn how to eat better. We always have junk food around. We always eat A LOT, even of the good foods. Portion control is not a concept that our family has grasped. When we get a bag of chips in the house, it is usually gone in one day. Sometimes it'll last 1 1/2 days. Ice Cream lasts, if we are careful, three nights. But usually lasts more like only two nights. We all eat to way past the point of satisfaction. When we eat out we eat until we are stuffed! I want my girls to learn to eat smaller portions. I don't want them to be overweight. Maybe having the surgery and getting myself under control will help me get my family under control. My husband is getting out of the military. He likes to eat a lot too. His physical fitness routine in the army has helped him stay fit. He does not like to run or exercise. I am hoping that when I am smaller, I will be more active and my husband and I will be able to work out or walk or ride bikes together. That is something that we have never done.
So, I have written a lot today. I'll catch up again soon.
March 1, 2006
I am exactly two weeks away from surgery. I am so excited. The days are going by so quickly. I really need to get on the ball and put pictures here for my memory and to share with everyone. I HATE finding pictures of myself. They are all bad! Oh well, I need to have something to remember my old life. I also need to get started on my scrapbook. I might take one of my daughters kits to start with. That'll make it easier since this will be my first scrapbook. :)
So I finally told my beautiful girls about my decision to have surgery. Meghan, the youngest, cried. I asked her why she was crying and she said because she was so happy for me since I have wanted this for a long time. I couldn't help but hug her. Stephanie, the oldest, wasn't quite sure what to think at first. She seemed a bit upset. I was concerned that my kids would be upset about me having surgery. I know that this is truly a last resort type of thing. I don't want my girls to think that they can't be happy with themselves or that losing weight is a hopeless cause. I feel like i have failed so many times with this or that diet plan. They have experienced every one of them with me. Not necessarily doing the plan but hearing me talk about doing good or not doing good, etc. Stephanie went to Weight Watchers with me once. She followed the plan for several months and lost 20 lbs. My kids are both overweight, by medical standards. I have always tried to teach them that no matter what they weigh, they are beautiful and valuable. The hard part about deciding to have surgery was partly because I feel like I will be failing them. They can't do a liquid fast and eat like me after surgery. I don't want to see them feel that IF they want to lose weight that it's a lost cause. At first Stephanie said she didn't have any questions or concerns. I can read her face like a book! She was hiding something. (none of us can really hide our true feelings:) Later on I went to her and told her that I loved her, that she was so beautiful. She finally told me that she was upset because she felt bad for me that I felt like I HAD to have surgery to lose weight. I explained to her that after weighing almost 300 lbs for the past 12-15 years that yes, I did feel like this was something I had to do. I told her that I am starting to have problems with my body and health because of my weight. I was honest with her about all the reasons why I made my decision. I also told her that I truly don't expect to be "skinny". My goal is to be healthier, more active and hopefully much smaller than I am now so that I can enjoy doing things with my family. I want to be able to fit into the seat rides at amusement parks, to go outside and get on a bike or rollerskates with my family. After I shared that with her, Stephanie seemed much more at ease about it.
A few days ago I finally told my mom! That was a tough one. My mom isn't thrilled about WLS. She doesn't understand about the entire process. She met a lady one time that had a horrible experience after surgery. This lady told my mom that she had to have some 13 surgeries within the first year and a half after her surgery to correct problems and complications from WLS. The lady was really skinny but my mom said she looked so sick. She had this lady email her story to me. This was several years ago when I mentioned that I was trying to put together a $450 fee to have a consultation meeting with a surgeon. (In California, where we lived at the time, my PCM would not put in a referral. We did not have any type of military hospital or facility to go to so Tricare would not pay for surgery.) I read the lady's story. But I have also read countless other stories of success. No one has exactly the same results from WLS. The majority of people do have great success and while many people have some complication at one time or another from surgery, they overcome it and do just fine. I have found a lot of problems arise when a WLS patient doesn't follow their surgeons rules/guidelines for eating/drinking after surgery. (I read where one lady at real, solid food the night she had her surgery. A total NONO!! She really messed herself up.)
Okay, so I told my mom about surgery because we were talking one night about my sister's decision. My sister Patty (HI) is also trying to have this surgery. My mom is such a worrier. She is really concerned because she has only heard the negatives. This is the reason I didn't tell her right away. I didn't want her to be worried about me. She has enough to deal with. Anyway, she was saying how she was worried about Patty. She asked me if I was still considering having the surgery too. I could not lie. I had to finally tell her. I started by asking her to not get mad. I explained that I have done a lot of research and praying about this. Then I told her that I am scheduled for surgery on March 15. Well, she was actually okay with it. Her first response was to please do exactly what the dr.'s ask me to do. I told her that of course I would. Then she asked me if I had to go to psych and nutrition. I explained that I had to have those appointments plus one with an exersice therapist. They all had to agree that I could have this surgery. She asked me when I knew and I told her that I didn't know for sure until the end of January. I really think that she was hurt because I had not told her yet. Like I said, none of us can hide our feelings very well. She kept asking who I have told and I told her that the first person I told was my best friend, whom I didn't tell until December (three months after my first appointment). Only about 12 people know so far. I am not very open about it just yet. To be honest, I don't want to hear negative responses and I am not entirely sure how to handle the questions yet. This was a very personal and thoughtful decision for me. My husband, Art, has been 110% supportive. I really love him for that. He only wants to see me happy and healthy. So I am glad that I told my mom. She may be having surgery soon to correct one she had for Barret's Esophegeous. I told her to please not worry about me, to take care of herself. I told her that we would be praying for each other for quick recovery and healing and for the Dr's to have wisdom and guidance from God.
I have my pre-op appointment on March 10th. I have to start my pre-op liquid diet at that time. I am thinking of trying to start it a few days earlier just to make sure that my liver is where it needs to be. I don't want anything to hinder my surgery. I'll post again when I have started the pre-op diet. God bless.
March 8, 2006
I am one week from surgery. I am very excited. It's gonna be a difficult lifestyle change but I am so ready. I have had two experiences this week that just reaffirmed my decision to have this surgery.
On Saturday, one of my co-workers saw me ready the OH website. She asked me what it was. I told her that the site was for people that wanted to lose weight. I still haven't told my work why I am having surgery so I didn't want to tell her just yet. She asked me if I wanted to lose weight. I told her yes I did. She asked if it was something like Weight Watchers. I said yeah, something like that. She then said well isn't that just something to motivate you, can't you do that yourself? I told her that if I could motivate myself then I would be as big as I am. The she said that she had to lose about 15 lbs, and she is probably about a size 6. She said she just stopped eating out and started eating really big salads and lots of fruit for breakfast. I congratulated her for her success. Now here's the kicker~~~She then said that when she looks at me across my station (I'm a bank teller) that I don't look that big but when she looks at my butt, well my butt is more than half of me. Pause! Yes she actually said that to me. I am not making this up. I was stunned but still managed to reply sarcastically "Well, thank you for pointing that out to me!"
Ok, so I have to get over that because soon she will have to eat her words. But it hurts no matter what. And what in the world gave her the idea that she had the right to say that to me.
But wait...there's more to this story.
Two days later, again at work, the evening courier came in to collect the days work. Well, usually I am behind the counter so no can see all of me. I guess he hasn't yet because when he saw me he got really chatty. He said How was your day today? I said it wsa good, busy but good. He said that's good. Then he said, I always see you back there (pointing behind the teller stations, I was in front of them in the lobby) you look skinny, but now I see you and you look~~~then he took his hands and opened them up wide (think of the song with hand motions deep and wide). He was indicating that my rear was really big. Again, I was stunned. Only this time I was speechless. I was so shocked that I didn't know what to say. I just said something like OH, okay. This man doesn't even know my name.
What is wrong with people in this world of mine! Do they not know that you just don't tell people things like that. My best friends can get away with it, but we are usually joking with each other. Still, I can't remember a time when any of them have ever said such mean things about my weight. I was hurt. I wanted to cry. But instead I just said to myself that I'll be so glad to have this surgery. I am doing something about this weight and hopefully no one will have a reason to say mean things like that to me again. I just had to share this on here just because we all wonder why someone has had surgery when we are researching it. Well, this is one reason. People love to humiliate others. I am tired of being humiliated. I am tired of being ashamed of the way I look. I am tired of people staring at me and thinking why I am eating out or eating this or that food when clearly I need to lose weight.
A long time ago, many years, someone told someone else, which eventually got around to me, that they felt sorry for my husband that he had such a big wife. Well, I am ready to shed all of the hurt from those comments along with the weight.
March 11, 2006
I had my pre-op appointment yesterday. The first one was with the surgeon. We again talked about how he is going to do the surgery. What to expect when I arrive and then when I wake up how I might feel. He also covered the pre-op diet. Strickly low/no carb, HI protein shakes for three days. Nothing else but water. I have to keep the calories down to between 1000-1400/day. This is so that my liver will shink so they can move it out of the way during surgery. I am having surgery laproscoplically(spelling). I begin that tomorrow. I tried to start that several days earlier but was not able to stay with it. I had to have one more meal, which became two more. I wanted Checkers fries and burger so badly. I know I won't have that for a very long time to come so I had to make a way to have my Checkers one more time.
For my shakes, I am having the Slimfast lowcarb shakes. They are recommended by my surgeon and I can actually stomach the taste of them. I am sure that I'll get used to them since that is all I'll be allowed for about three weeks. I am going to be on clear liquids for 2-3 days followed by two weeks of the low/no carb, hi protein shakes and diet. Then I can try to have pureed foods for about 2 weeks. After that I can go to soft foods. Red meat and bread will probably be introduced last.
I also talked to the anesthesia people. They said they were concerned about putting me under since I have GERD. I have to be sure to take my ZANTAC the morning of my surgery. They explained that in the time between switching from me breathing on my own and the tube down my throat and full sleep that I can reflux and get that stuff into my lungs, which would cause pneumonia. This can be lethal! To prevent this they are giving me some really nasty antacid liquid stuff to drink and I will be mostly awake when the tube is incerted. That'll be weird but I like to watch all that kind of stuff on TV so I hope it'll be interesting to me as well. After the tube is in, then they will fully put me to sleep.
Next I talked to a nurse about what to do before surgery. I have to take two showers, one the night before and the other the morning of with Iodine soap. I can't have any lotion, perfume, hairspray, powder, deoderant, or anything like that. I can brush my teeth (thank God)! :) I can wash my hair as well. I am supposed to be the first surgery for the day (barring any emergencies) so I will have to be at the hospital by 5:30 am. It's about a 45 min drive away so it'll be an early day for me. My poor husband too. Only I get to go back to sleep> ;) He can't. :( What a great guy! I also have to take a urine sample in with me. It's just one more test to make sure I am okay for surgery.
So, I am ready! Oh, I forgot. At my last support group meeting, a friend Jenny, told us about her surgery experience since it was only two weeks earlier. She said that finding a hospital gown in a 3x was hard. They had one for her first thing of the day but the ICU didn't carry any that size. Her husband had to really hunt the hospital when she got to her room to find one that was 3x. The first gown she used was put in the laundry while she was in surgery. Well, Jenny is such a thinker and a giver. She took the gown from the hospital and gave it to me to use! I was so touched. She said it was one thing that she hoped someone else didn't have to worry about while trying to recover from surgery. So we now have this gown in our group and next month I'll pass it on to someone who can use it! THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING HOSPITAL GOWN!!! Gotta love it!
I'll let you know how things go. I'll be updating again soon...
March 12, 2006
This is my first real day on liquids. It totally sucks! I am hungry and want to eat. I was sniffing the sausage as I cut it and cooked it for my family. This is hard. I hope that no one ever tells me that I am taking the easy way out. I only hope this gets easier as time goes by.
March 14, 2006
Tomorrow is surgery day. I am excited and now starting to get scared. But I know that this is the right thing for me. Still, any kind of surgery is a bit scary. I still wonder if I can do the not eating thing. It's been hard these past few days and knowing that I have to do this for a month or more makes me wonder if I can do it.
About Me
Columbia, MD
Location
26.5
BMI
Sep 12, 2005
Member Since
