Food. The Love/Hate relationship. A reflection.

Mar 26, 2009

I know I'm not the only one thinking/feeling this. But I had the rest of that wrap for a snack and while it was a healthy snack and all... it got me to thinking. (and EGADS work is so slow)

I love food. I like the sensation of eating and tasting. I don't necessarily like the feeling of being full (maybe I equate it with overfull) because I think I've had too much. But I also hate feeling deprived. I'm starting to make different food choices as I BOTT, but that age old love/hate thing keeps popping back in my brain.

I love junk food too.   Gimmie a handful of Cheeze-its or Goldfish. I am a crack(er) adict. Likely its more an addiction to bad carbs than much else, but I do enjoy that crunchy feeling. I do hate that greasy coating it leaves on l my tongue and lips. That pizza at the lunch line does tempt me so, and then I go get a wrap instead. Do I feel deprived? I'm not so sure. I do eat the wrap and enjoy it. But sometimes the pizza taunts me in the back of my mind. I sometimes find myself wondering if I can work the rest of the day's diet around a slice of pizza. Its a poor choice and I always seem to be able to forego that sicillian slice for something better.

So what am I saying? I guess that I love eating. But I hate feeling (over)full. I also hate the guilt of eating the wrong foods. I wonder if I'm going to find that balance of loving what I eat and eating the right stuff. It seems like a struggle right now which makes getting BOTT difficult.  There are certain good foods and Iove and certain junk foods I hate. And vise versa. Hmm. Maybe I'm more saying... I love food and I hate that there are bad foods out there to tempt me so!  It probably wouldn't be so bad if I could forget what was so tastey about them.

In the end, I suppose if eating the right food was easy, we wouldn't have junk out there. Rather than greasy burgers and chilli fries, there'd just be gyros and baked chicken. I miss the bad stuff, but it made me feel nasty.  Both emotionally and physically. And then you wonder what the point was. I wish I could maintain that feeling, that feeling of "what was the point" all the time. Then I'd look at that slice and remember how yucky I felt the last time. Rather than how good it'll taste this time. Temptation is out there everywhere you look in this country. I wish it had a little disclaimer... (Psst... what's the point?)  How helpful would that be?

Well while I dream of a world built for post-ops, I'll sip my water and hope to stave off temptation for another day. Thanks for reading.

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