TwinAndTeenMom

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So I'm trying to get my protein in, but this is hard!  I'm starting to lose my hair.  I eat cheese, chicken, power peanut butter, you name it... but never make it past 40ish.  I can't eat that much!!!  I mean, don't get me wrong... I can put down a good 5-6 oz, but not enough for all of that.

There's only one protein shake I like, and to drink it every day is like eating a Thanksgiving meal!  AURGH.  I'm so irritated with myself.  I've GOT to find a way to get this protein in!

It's official!  My size 24s gotta go.  Last week, as I left church, even my pastor said, "Ummm... you're almost outta those clothes, kiddo."  LOL  I guess it would be bad for my jogging pants to fall off in church.

It's getting cold anyway, so I brought all my winter clothes out from last year, and they are mostly 18s.  THEY FIT.  My favorite red jogging suit FITS.  I am just beside myself.  I know, in my head, I'm losing weight, but it's hard to tell when you not only see yourself all day every day, but you still see the fat jiggling around. LOL God help me, I am finally able to see/feel a difference.

I really, really miss it.  I miss steak, beef, burgers, spaghetti sauce with with meat... sigh.  I can't tolerate it.  I know that in a few months I might be able to, but right now it blows right back out.  SO FRUSTRATING!

Guess I'll just have to console myself with some chicken and a spoonful of mashed potatoes.  Ahh, well... if that's the only price, and temporary at that, I have to pay to get this 120 lbs off of me, then so be it.

My surgery was August 3rd, and I've already hit a plateau?  I thought for sure that once that stuck pill was removed, and I could get my water down, the weight loss would increase, but it hasn't.  At one point, my weight popped back up two pounds for like 4 days!

I am so frustrated, but not enough to give up.  Small setback!!!  My husband is leaving for Afghanistan soon, and perhaps this is stress related.  Throw in 1 year old twins, a 15 year old, my mother living with us, and winter coming... yeah, maybe it's all stress related!

So I finally had the endoscopy done yesterday, and oh my GOODNESS.  What a trip!

First off, the night before it, I ate three cheerios and, as usual, lost 'em.  I usually flush while vomiting because it's GROSS and upsets me, but saw a white tablet looking thing come out.  I was shocked.  Should've grabbed it but...eww.  Besides, I'd already hit the flush.

So I tell the endoscopy doc about it, and he says it sounds like a stricture, but that it was concerning to hear about something like that coming out.  Fifteen minutes later, I'm in recovery, and he brings me pictures of the potassium chloride pill STILL IN MY POUCH!!!  And may I just remind you guys that I don't think I've taken one since last FRIDAY.  Holy guacamole.

He did say that the hole was also closing so that just added to the problem.  He opened up the hole and removed the offending pill  He instructed me to continue on with my regular diet and come back if there are any more problems, but NO MORE of those PILLS.  He also let my bariatric surgeon (who is a personal friend, as well) know.

My husband was LIVID.  "I KNEW you should not have been taking those.  They were TOO big!  I knew it!"  LOL  Okay, dude, you're a chef, not a doctor.  Anyway, just wanted to let you guys know.  I'm happily drinking water and eating way more than I thought possible, VERY comfortably.  Maybe this wasn't such a bad decision after all!

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/rny/4005175/Feeling-constantly-full-AND-have-foamies/#32434828

So I had a phone appointment with my surgeon on Friday morning, and figured I would bring up my issue at that time.  Well, the nurse never called, so I called them.  I was told that she was running VERY behind.  I explained that my son might have emergency surgery (nothing major) shortly, so it had to be within the next 15 minutes (she was already 45 minutes late).  I was told she'd call during the afternoon.  I asked to please let her know I was having a little problem, and that was that.

She called while my son was in surgery around 3 PM, and left a msg saying, "Hi! Your labs turned out great! See you in a few weeks."  Uhhh, NO.  I called back and told her my issue, and she said, "Drink a cup of hot peppermint tea, then a teaspoon full of water every thirty minutes thereafter.  If that doesn't work, call the answering service tomorrow."  Ohhhhkay.  If I can't keep water down, you think a cup of tea is gonna work?

Sure enough, that night, I lost all my tea and water, and in the morning, called the answering service.  The head nurse, a sweet lady, called me back, somewhat irritated.  She asked why I didn't call her the day before.  I told her I DID, but the other girl wouldn't call me back and then gave me that advice.  She was NOT happy with that girl, and told me to head to the ER immediately.  On Monday, she'd arrange for an endoscopy for me, because it did sound like a stricture.

Off to the ER, got FOUR bags of fluids, and still barely gave them any pee to test.  They had a pretty tough time finding a vein, which is funny since I'm usually a VERY easy stick.  They were very concerned, but not enough to keep me there.  I wanted to be home anyway.  Came home, took care of my son since my mother and husband were too tired, and then at 5 this morning, woke up to go to the bathroom and proceeded to have liquid poop precede me to the toilet.  I was bawling and even flooded the toilet.  It won't flush.

To add insult to injury, not only are we OUT of liquid plumber/drano, but I'm dehydrated again.  AURGH.  I'm so thirsty I could guzzle a tank of water.  Maybe being fat was easier.

Maybe being fat was unhealthy, but it was easier.  And I've never had a self esteem problem.  *sigh*  This is all just too disgusting and frustrating to face.  I'm going back to bed to wonder where I'm going to poop next.

Had a horrible little protein meltdown today.  I went to have coffee with my team at a local spot, and grabbed some mashed potatoes there.  I was stuffed.  Fabulous, right?  Not so much.

I went grocery shopping afterwards, and by the time my husband and I were checking out, I was sweating, shaking, and simply exhausted.  I came home and ate some cottage cheese, and by God, in half an hour I was FINE.  Folks, they are NOT kidding about getting your protein in.  It's NOT just to prevent hair loss.  WOW!  Won't be doing THAT again!

VanDamme, the anesthisiologist, was so very kind.  A real doll.  At least I liked him until he tore my uvula!  That's right, either putting the tube in or taking it out, he ripped that little ball that hangs in the back of my throat.

My surgery went well, even though during recovery, I couldn't form words I was so exhausted, and moaned... and my nurse turned to another nurse and said, "Oh, drama."  When I was finally able to talk, I glared at her and said, "I can't control it, y'know."  She was suddenly all sunshine and smiles.

I was discharged the next day.  I did great!  I'd be doing better if I didn't have a throat injury.  It makes everything hard to swallow, and increases my nausea by leaps and bounds.

I am finally sleeping a little more level and not sitting up.  Waking up and getting up are still a difficult feat, but otherwise, I'm ok.  Really tired.  Will update more later.

I'm hungry.

No, seriously, I am starving. All I've had today is chicken broth and water.  I want some FOOD.  I know that my surgery is in the morning.  I understand that this is medically necessary.  But it doesn't change the fact that I'm lightheaded and hungry.  This sucks.  I NEVER want to feel this again.

This is forever.  I mean, it's a forever change.  It's not like my breast implants, that I can change whenever I like.  Well, they were corrective implants, but still... wow.  I'm still shocked that this happened so fast.

My mind is reeling.  I'm nervous, excited, terrified, confused, and confident. LOL How's that?