laurie R.

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Nov 09, 2009

WELL IT IS ALMOST TIME. the NIGHT BEFORE. AM I FREAKING OUT,yes you bet your bunz. I just took the first bottle of magnesium stuff and will take the second in an hour. OHHHH my belly is rumbling. It is a sign of things to come,I'm sure. I have to be in Denver in the morning at 5:30 am for a 7:30am surgery time. I will need to leave the house at 4:00am. which means i will be up at 3:00am.  I'm a night owl. This should be fun. My kind mom will be going with me to Denver for the day and helping to tend to my little people for the week. I'm so blessed to have a mom that is just down right crazy and helpful. My girl friend is coming over to take pictures and measurements for posterity. woo hoo, a record of the weight loss is not one I want to have a do over for. MY daughter said I a little sensitive today. I'm sure it is because I'm starving to death.(liquid diet).  
Any way I am jazzed to think this time tomorrow,my reality as I know it will be changed for the better. I will no longer spend one more moment as A gainer and now A loser. . wish me luck and the hospital staff even more.

Oct 18, 2009

Today I told a friend at church I have a wls date. She was not in support of the idea at all. she said no one she knows is happy with the choice to get wls and all have gained all their weight back. WOW, It gave me a kick to the chest to be honest. She is over weight and I'm not 100% sure there isn't some back in her mind issues. I felt for the most part she is honestly concerned for me. Bummer none the less.  My Mom is very supportive and is telling every one. I'm not feeling that either. I think I need to pull it in and size back on the persons I speak to about this.  I need to make it  just personal.  

Oct 14, 2009

Oct 11, 2009

Today I went to Denver for my class. I had some reluctance due to weather. But as always determination won. Come hell or snow I was going. The class was missing about half the persons registered. So it was more intimate and less questions. We still ran over a Little. fine by me , I welcome hearing different questions others had. Now, let me talk about Kelly, who gives the class. OMG what are great lady, I have to say ,never have I meet a "none" Fat person who gets "IT" ,She does. I was very impressed on the whole presentation, Right down to her hubby accommodating the football fans with scores every hour. Haaa haaa. I would have to say it was worth the cost and the time to receive the quality presentation Kelly has put together. Trust me when I say "I will not drink any thing with calories in it ever" haaa heee. It was nice to speak of the not speakable item you deal with in the normal section of the world.  I found it very odd that persons showed up with soda and alot of it. One fella had a 2littler bottle, drank right out of it and was almost done when we left. WOW. I was under the impression we were here to loss the weight. VERY ODD and sad at the same time.  Half way through the class I was geared up to do this. Then later the reality hit. man, Can I do this.Will I succeed. will I fall. Doubt found a home on my lap and was dancing. The rode home was  not so good. I missed my husband. He would have gone with me and held my hand and made me laugh and then went to Wendy's as his way to make it better(and there is the cause of the ride in the first place). too much Wendy's for him and me. I went to Wendy's and got a chili and went on home. I think spending more time on this will need to be in order.  emotional eating will get ya". In all today was bitter sweet. one life is morphing in to another life, leaving the old behind.

Oct 10, 2009

This is where I should be. I was in park with a bunch of 11 year old's ,freezing. No really freezing, so the pre puberty boy could tackle other pre pubescent out side in a park. I am thinking this was crazy. I still love the snow., but not so found of wind and sleet, freezing cold. NOPE. Okay, well, now we are home and the boy found the bath. so I'm sucking the heat from the lap top and a down comforter. Haa Haa.  This is one and only reasons to be a "fatty" .the skinny mom's didn't make it. Strike one for the BBW's.  I also will have to say though. Same park, same place, 2 week earlier. I was dieing of heat stock, while the skinny moms were fine. okay. we will see. Now I'm sooo excited to go to the class on Sunday. I'm taking My BFF since I was 18. She has lost 100 lbs. and now is a little mama with red hair. I'm not really sure how she did it. last year was a blur for me. we don't get much time due to life and kids and and and. blah blah blah.  It should be fun.  Pray no snow or ice.
 P.s. my footballer, fell down the drive way due to the ice. Was he hurt? no? he had on all his pads for football. haaaa haaa haaa. he was just fine. lOvE  FoOTbALL  pADs  AnD  HeLmEtS. . I'll be back after the class with some stuff to share. I'm still bone cold.

Oct 08, 2009

We have both today. snow and flu. I love snow. I don't love the flu. Bummer my little one is sick. yikes.
I have to say I'm pretty physicked to go to the class on Sunday in Denver to meet  Kelly.  I'm praying for no snow. I actually got a clothing magazine and thought humm, can it be true that i could ware this and not have to settle for a close version from the fat ladies store. WOW. that was quite the tough.  
I'm personal note.... I had to pull out my husbands death certificate yesterday. Man that was hard. I saw again "contributing factor.....OBESITY. J
eeze, I just am shocked it REALLY can kill you. For REAL. there it is is color. on paper,  on a legal document, for always.  Its a killer and I'm not going to let it get me. no way.
Okay, shew I'm over it. I am realizing what a gift I'm giving me, my self, not any one else is in it as much as I am. Sure there are lots of great people who will help to get you the "tools" in place. But. this is for me, about me, no matter what the world bring I am doing this for me. It will benefit me in caring for the kids, home , friends, church callings, work, being alive and apart of the program. I read there is a fashion show where you can join and strut the clothes of the old you. I love that Idea. How much fun can you have with this?. So, I have been gathering item for the pre-op and post op. I have got books from the library on the subject. I have found that I'm mostly concerned with the actual procedure and may be focusing to much on the negative thing I've read.  More focus on the life I want to have seems to help. Her are a few. *I want to sit with out squishing the arms of the chairs or seats I'm in. Man do I hate that. * not be the biggest person in the room and feel i need to be always jolly to be that due to size. * i want to blend in with the crowd around me. * I want to run, run, run, runnnn, I want to run like Phebe on friends. hee hee.* I want to hike and keep up*I want to look at me and not ask what happened to me* I want to not have others whom love me try to accommodate my fat-ness.* I want to not have a Jibbly belly.  *I want to live my life with out restrictions. Starting with my physical pres ants in the world. *I want to be the best mom ever in every form. * I want to beautiful to myself* I want to live and not die with "if I had only".
Yep that's my thought this morning. Oh yes I forgot. I want to hope a fence one day.              haaa haaa hee heee, no really.

Sep 22, 2009

Sep 22, 2009

Okay, I have some stuff running around my head. I have been a fat girl for most of my time. In that time I've surrounded my self with other fat girls and boysI realized that a couple of years ago.
I lost 50 lbs and first experienced this issue. I found we fatties have an exclusive club for fat persons only. there are a few that are fat and are haters even when they are fat as well(denial) what ever.  back to the fat girl club. Here it is, when in the club all are taken the only requirement is a love of your curves and no want and no real desire to be thin( they (thins) are creepy and mad all the time cause they r, I'm guessing cold.) we want health and comfort in our relationship i get it. now, I (we all) desire to alter our reality and want to change our status in our memberships. I have found your titled a trader and no longer desired in the club. your on the outside now. your body is different, the world is really different in how they welcome you then before. A sad lonely part of you still thinks your a fat girl or boy. your not in the fat club and still not in the thin area ether. as fat persons, we are our best defense against the world and the suffering it requires us to endure to make thin (cold)  people feel good. Who need a phsyc evaluation?.
Any way have you been there and done this? Please share your thoughts if you have some. I know it is for a healthier life and all benefits that come with weight loss. if they were real friends. blah, blah, blah, yes i know..

Sep 05, 2009

I got my appointment for Sept 11Th in Denver at university hospital. I have mixed feelings and not sure of the process. I need many answers to my many questions. I know for sure this is the start of  something good for me. odd, i'm doing th cabbage patch dance also.