journal

Dec 01, 2009

So I spent most of my adult life weighing in around 180. I was overweight of coarse and actually obese but nobody ever really said anything to me. The Dr would tell me I needed to lose weight but nobody ever really pushed me. I was more worried about it but me. When I was in the hospital the other day I had my first real wake up call.  They put a heart monitor on me and I wasn't sure why. So I asked why the heart monitor then she says because your weight and diabetes. My heart dropped and I was thinking to myself I really am obese. I really am fat. I knew I was. I guess I just wasn't ready or didn't want to hear it. Well I'm doing something to change it. If I ever have to go in the hospital I don't want them to say it’s because of my weight.  Well I have class tomorrow so I'm excited that one more week is gone and that means one week closer to my surgery. In addition I have been really good at drinking less pop. Next week I will change to drink one pop a day on most days? And then the next week just one a day and then.........on and on till no pop. I almost lost my whole journal. Stupid blackberry. I guess it had to do this major download and it decided to erase a bunch of stuff.

11-30

OMG I gained a pound and a half. You have to be kidding me. I didn't eat for two days. All I ate at thanksgiving was just thanksgiving. I can't believe. Plus I gave up pop. Well half way gave up pop. It’s disappointing. I am going to start exercising today so maybe that will help. That one thing I used to hate about going to weight watchers is stepping on that scale. Whenever there is a gain it just sucks. Well not like I really watched exactly what was going on in my mouth so what do I have to complain about. I'm at my second class. It’s probably just me but I always feel like everyone is staring at me. They probably aren't. I'm just self conscience. They probably think what is she doing here she is not fast enough.

12-1

I had the worst night. I woke up at 1 with a blood sugar of 46. Now it’s 5 time to get ready for work and I don't feel so good. My stomach hurts. Sometimes I think of moments like this and I wonder how I will do after surgery. Am I just a baby? Low blood sugar wipes me out. My dr has been adjusting my insulin to help bring my A1C down for surgery. I know it’s for a good cause. What's going to happen when I start to exercise? I'm scared. I just hate low blood sugar. It is my all time thing I hate the most. I'm on Face book which I love and I'm addicted to but I am afraid of putting it out there. My surgery I mean. I have told a lot of people. I think it will help me but my husband doesn't agree. He wants to keep it private. I figure everyone is going to know at some point anyway. I told my boss which is also a good friend and I asked him should I tell people at work. He said it’s none of their business. I know it’s not but I also don't want to lie about what type of surgery it is. It’s crazy all these things going through my mind. I think I decided today is the last day I'm going to drink pop. One last diet mt dew and I'm done. It will save us money. LoL. I was drinking almost a 6 pack a day. That's a lot. Well I must go get ready for work now. 

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