DreamofJeanne

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Hi all - I know it has been a long time since I have posted. Sorry.  I am still dealing with my health issues, but I got back on the bandwagon and am now down to under 150 lbs!!!!!  Just this AM I weighed in at 149.4!  Yaahooo!!!!  I am so excited.  

Just wanted to tell you all I am still kicking and am back on track!

Hugs and kisses,
Jeanne 

Okay I am sure it is hormones or something, but I am down.  Not in my weight, well I am but, I mean down in the dumps.  So my stall is over and I am now hovering at the 150 mark. Which is great! I am totally psyched about that.  Only 25 more lbs to meet my goal.  Which in 5 months is nothing to sneeze at.  What is bothering me is that I did this all because of the psuedotumor cerebri (intracranial hypertension). The hope is that when the weight comes off the body starts to respond like it is supposed to and begins working again, causing the condition to go into remission. 

One thing they do to test the pressure in my brain is a spinal tap.  They did one in July and the opening pressure was 38 (I am not sure what that number means).  They tested me again on March 19th after I had lost 50 lbs and the opening pressure was 34.  Not much change.  I should mention that a normal pressure is under 20. I know that was several weeks ago and you are probably wondering why I am bringing it up now.  I guess it is because I just realized that I have been in the dumps as of late.  After self evaluation I think that I am let down that the surgery did not do what it was supposed to do. 
I know it has, I have lost 60 lbs, and that is what the surgery is supposed to do, but it is not taking care of the other problem.  I don't mean to sound like a whiner. I am happy with how I look. I love that I can now fit into a size 12 pants.  But it is not much consolation if I have to have brain surgery or some other horrible thing.

And how is it that I look good and still I cannot get a date?????????   Sorry, I just want to go to bed and hide.  I hope letting it out will help me.  And this seemed as good as any place to let it out. 

Hugs,
Jeanne

Hi all - so for the past few weeks I have been hovering a little over 160.  But two days ago  at the nuerologist I weighed 160.2 with clothes on and in the middle of the day. I wondered, is it over?  I did not weigh myself yesterday, it was a bad day. I had to do fasting blood work and then get another lumbar puncture (spinal tap), I was much to nervous to focus on my weight.  It was rough, it always is after a LP (lumbar puncture).  I focused on staying hydrated and when I was not nausious I ate what I could. I did not starve myself, I ate what I could.  Today I already had my coffee/protien drink and then went to take my shower and face my nemesis, the scale.  I weighed 157.4.  I am sure that is not just one day of suffering.  I am sure that my stall is over.  I had been getting comments that my clothes were getting too big again earlier this week also.  So it must be over!  Goal - here I come.  Only 32 lbs to get there!  I am almost at 5 months.  I am fine with the time line, I just want to lose the weight.

So the other news, which I am trying not to focus on, is that my opening pressure for my LP was only 4 pts lower than it was before the surgery.  Which is not good.  I had been feeling like my condition had gone into remission, but since February I have been having the head aches again and had a few bads with all symptoms again.  This is why they did the LP.  The nuerologist got my pressure way into the normal range and we are just going to keep watching my symptoms.  If they come back then we may have to do the LP again.  Ugh, they are awful.  But she is hopeful at this point that with the pressure in the normal range and my weight loss, my body will kick start and do what it is supposed to do now.  I am hoping and praying she is right. 

Anyway, so we have good news and we have bad news.  Life is always like that.  I know that things will improve and will get better.

Love to all my OH buddies!
Jeanne

Today is the first time since I had the surgery that I posted a weight gain.  It was only .60 lbs, but it still hits me hard.  I was very bad this week.  I am not sure what is going on with me.  I lived on Decaff Mochas with Protien, pistachios and Thin Mints.  No wonder I gained.  I mean not sure what is wrong with me in the sense that I completely fell off the wagon this last week.  I cannot blame Aunt Flo.

I am also feeling a LOT less patient with my kids, actually in general. I think maybe my depression is rearing its head, even though I have no reason.  It has been sunny, things have been going well.  I am skinnier than I have been in 10 yrs.  I guess it just proves that being thin has nothing to do with depression.

I did have a rough month in terms of my condition.  I had one day that I felt almost like I did when I was first diagnosed.  Maybe that is what is getting me down.  I just don't know and I seem, this last week, to have turned to my old friend food. I need to do something else.  No buts, I just need to find another outlet. 

Maybe I just need to have s*x.  It has been over 3 1/2 years now.  I guess maybe I thought thinner might equal relations with some one?  I don't know. Skinnier would equal a relationship with a man? I don't need a man to be happy, the last 3 1/2 years have proved that, but aarrggh, I DON't KNOW!!!! 

This blog has been a waste, sorry to you all who have read it, but I just needed to get some of it out of my head.  Maybe I can focus on myself and my kids again and stop the madness now!

Today a bit of coffee with milk for breakfast, cottage cheese and a handful of Goldfish.  Sigh. I can do this, I just seem to have lost my motivation.  What is my motivation? To rid myself of the symptoms of my condition. To not experience hearing and sight loss and not have head aches constantly.  Getting skinny is just a perk. No it is not a perk, it is a necessity. I have to get skinny to rid myself of the symtpoms.  I need to keep my eyes (no pun intended) on the prize.  If I do not lose the wieght and I could go blind!  I have to remember that.  I think I lost sight of that.  And I think after having symptoms so bad this month, i got depressed, like if all this hard work has not paid off then what is the point?  But the point is my health. I have to do this and do it all the way. 

I am worth this. I have to do this. My life is at stake here, there is not half way with this.  I just have to remember that.  Okay, I am feeling better.  Again sorry if you read this All the way through.  It really is just verbal vomit.  But I do feel better now and more motivated.

Thank you OH for having a place that I can get this out of my head and not feel judged by what has come out of it. 

Hugs,
Jeanne

And I am doing/feeling GREAT!!  I am so happy that I am still doing pretty good.  I have not hit any more stalls so far and although I am losing about 2-3 lbs a week, it is coming off!  And that feels great!  I cannot believe that I have come so far in so little time.  I would be happy to stay where I am I feel so good. But I am going to reach my goal, no lower the peak for me.  I am totally comfortable in a size 14 jeans now.  And it feels so good.  I think I am ready to pull out my size 12 clothes so that I have a goal to aim for.  Then what am I going to do when I get below that? I got rid of all my 10s and 8s several years ago thinking I would never be that small again.  Oh well, I guess I will have to go shopping!  Darn it! 

My boobs  have stopped shrinking, I am losing my hair and my shoes are getting too big, but I am so so happy!

Hugs to all my OH buddies!

Jeanne

Hey there folks.  So here are my updates I am doing pretty good.  I ate beef jerky which for me was a terrible thing.  I have been back on soft anf moist for about a week now.  But I am down to 166.4!!  Yeah.  I am overweight instead of obese now.  That is great!  I am in a size 16 pants and they are starting to get baggy!  Yay, I am going to be in a 14 before the end of February.  I have not been in a 14 since before my first son was born almost 10 years ago. 
I have started to lose my hair.  I am not too distressed because I knew it was coming.  Plus I seem to have plenty, so a little thinning will probably go unnoticed.  Thank goodness. 
Back to exercise next week.  I took a week off due to the problems with the beef jerky.  Hopefully I will be under 150 by the end of February also.  That is my next goal too.  Wish me luck!

Hugs all,
Jeanne

Okay so I am a few days late in posting. But I am here now.  I have started working out with my personal trainer I was using before my diagnosis and restrictions of no exercise.  I have worked out 3 times now and this time did not feel so bad. I am not completely exhausted today!  Yay!

I have not hit any stalls since I started.  Which I was expecting.  I expected to have weight gain even, but nope. All good, as a matter of fact I am betting tomorrow I will be under 170!  Major milestone I will be overweight instead of obese.  I am looking forward to checking off that goal. 

I recently ordered a bunch of protien samples, I have decided that I am going to try to drink them for breakfast.  I am so tired of the acceptable breakfast foods.  I ordered Chike, Unjury and am going to do the Nectar in a bit. 

Anyway, will post my weight tomorrow.

Everyone keep on trucking!!

Hugs,
Jeanne

I think I have hit a stall.  I had one after the first 20 lbs, right at the beginning, but just kept eating like I should and just turned out to be a slow loser.  I have been not great lately, trying more carb like foods.  But today was the first day that the scale did not move at least a percentage of a pound.  Needless to say I did much better today eating my proteins and drinking my water.  I am going to focus and not lower my mountain peak.
 
My mantra, again, will be PROTEIN PROTEIN PROTEIN!!!!!!  And then some more PROTEIN!

Say hello to PROTEIN GIRL!  AAAHH HAA HAA! 

Jeanne

Okay so it has been some time since I have posted.  I am doing pretty good, feeling good and ready for the holidays to be over.  I admit that I have not stayed on track throughout this week.  But I am doing my best to follow the rules.  It does not help that I seem to be able to eat just about anything. I can eat sugars no problem, breads are doing okay as long as I do not eat too much.  I have had some well cooked carrots, but no other real vegis.  And I have not had any fruit yet.  I guess those will be next year.  More vegis and such.  Maybe that will keep the carbs at bay.  I need to stop eating the carbs.  They just taste so good.  I understand if you cut them out completely for several days the cravings begin to go away.  I think I will try that and see if I can get back on track with that. 

I am almost under 180 lbs.  Which is great.  It is my goal to be under 180 by the new year.  Then I am going to shoot for 170 as my next goal.  Just small steps.  I have to make them small steps or I get overwhelmed.  But I can do this, I now that I can do it.

Well, that is enough for now.  Hugs to all my buddies and thanks for reading!

Jeanne

I did have a good day - I am back from the eye Dr and I am almost in the normal range!!! Which means my brain is returning to normal also! Thank you all for your posotive thoughts and good vibes! I really appreciate all of you so much.

I cannot wait to lose even more weight and then go off that horrible medication.  My brain will recuperate and I will be healthy again! 

What was that song?  Happy Happy Joy Joy??

Hugs and Love,
Jeanne