Trying not to sound like a whiner

Apr 07, 2010

Okay I am sure it is hormones or something, but I am down.  Not in my weight, well I am but, I mean down in the dumps.  So my stall is over and I am now hovering at the 150 mark. Which is great! I am totally psyched about that.  Only 25 more lbs to meet my goal.  Which in 5 months is nothing to sneeze at.  What is bothering me is that I did this all because of the psuedotumor cerebri (intracranial hypertension). The hope is that when the weight comes off the body starts to respond like it is supposed to and begins working again, causing the condition to go into remission. 

One thing they do to test the pressure in my brain is a spinal tap.  They did one in July and the opening pressure was 38 (I am not sure what that number means).  They tested me again on March 19th after I had lost 50 lbs and the opening pressure was 34.  Not much change.  I should mention that a normal pressure is under 20. I know that was several weeks ago and you are probably wondering why I am bringing it up now.  I guess it is because I just realized that I have been in the dumps as of late.  After self evaluation I think that I am let down that the surgery did not do what it was supposed to do. 
I know it has, I have lost 60 lbs, and that is what the surgery is supposed to do, but it is not taking care of the other problem.  I don't mean to sound like a whiner. I am happy with how I look. I love that I can now fit into a size 12 pants.  But it is not much consolation if I have to have brain surgery or some other horrible thing.

And how is it that I look good and still I cannot get a date?????????   Sorry, I just want to go to bed and hide.  I hope letting it out will help me.  And this seemed as good as any place to let it out. 

Hugs,
Jeanne

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