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It's been a year and 3 months since I posted. In that time I have dropped out of school and gotten divorced, finished a year long small group counseling session, ran/walked a 5 k, started dating again, and have become generally a happy smiling person. I havent lost really any  more weight, but i havent gained any either. Even training for the 5K didnt bring weight off me and I was working out 6 days a week.  My body just doesnt want to be overweight, it likes obese. I am still happy with the way I look and am still trying to get those same 20 pounds off. The good news is I did not gain any weight in the divorce or the ensuing year.  Life is good. I will continue to train to run an entire 5K without walk intervals required.  My friends are encouraging me to run a 10 K and shoot for a 1/2 marathon but come on ...Im 52 years old. If I do get there then great, if I only run 5Ks I am still great.  Life is good on this side of the losers bench.  Dont worry I will go back to school, I have two semesters to get my Masters so when the money is there, I will return.  To all those struggling to make the decision for WLS or not, I say go for it. It is a lot of hard work though, but the rewards are tremendous.  In 3 months it will be 3 years and everyday i thank God for Dr. Blaney and Trinity Bariatrics. 

Today is a good day.  I have lost about 3-4 pounds this month so now only  20 pounds from being overweight.  Which is my personal goal.  My body just refuses to be cooperative and lose like my friends but that is fine.  I like the way I look in clothes.  I will like the way I look out of clothes one day too.  Plastics is next but only after I lose that 20 pounds.  Therein lies my incentive.  I am riding my stationary bike 100 miles a week, but my real bike sits and collects dust since the weather has been so poor here.  I am looking forward to spring and trying to ride for real.  Boy, let me tell you,  riding a real bike is a lot of work.  Once you get down the braking and gearing up and down issues just peddling yourself around is tough but even little hills are a challenge.  It is going to take forever before I can ride in a real road ride, but that will come, I know it.  In the meantime I watch Lance and Team Radioshack and dream on...
Dr. Stapleton is still the best, helping me wrap my mind around the concept of feeling my feelings.  What a novel idea.  Can be painful BUT...so rewarding.  The joy is so much deeper and fuller, the laughter more genuine,  and life has so much more color.  Life is good.  Unfortunately on teh other side, the sads are really sad and I am mourning so many lost things in my life.  Years of being fat and miserable,  things I never took the time to do or see or be.  But the Nickleback song "If today were your last day" has given me so much inspiration.  The truisms in the lyrics just strike a chord in me at this point in my life.  One of those one liners is "Dont take the free ride in your own life" .  I mourn the years I did this.  But today is a new day and I plan to move forward.. not back.  So today I saw Dr. B in passing today and he reminded me to measure so I am off to do that before tucking in.  Is it all worth it?  Absolutely!!! So keep up the good work friends. 
Linda 

Lyrics to the song:  "If Today Was Your Last Day"

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
If today was your last day

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the prize is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you'll never live it twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin' stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day

 

I posted this once but it seems to be lost. Forturnately had sent to my local group so I am reposting here.  The new year is upon us and I have taken a minute to look back.  Not all the way back just over the last month.  I last blogged on OH in November and was frustrated still with no weight loss.  Then in December I attended the a LEAP day where we relearned about eating, exercise, and emotions that go along with weight loss surgery.  I found that I was exercising but probably not getting my heart rate up high enough, now I am.  I learned how to do simple weights and now I have 5 and 10 pound weights that I use at home.  I plan to move up as I am capable.  I learned to change it up and I got a real bike for Christmas and will start riding instead of using the stationary bike.  (If I can figure out all those gears and brake handles...left front, right rear).  Bought my new helmet yesterday so going for a ride today.  I saw Dr. Blaney in December and he insists my plateau will end just be patient,   I have come to hate the words patience and plateau!!  I mean just what is a plateau, but a  relatively stable level, period, or state.  Stable as in no weight loss but not stable mentally.  I mean it drives me nuts.  We didn't have surgery to stay stable.  I want the downward slide.  But I am here to say Dr. Blaney was right (isn't he always and I love him for it).  I am finally losing again.  I have lost 10 pounds since seeing him.  Thank goodness.  I really should have known when I could buy a pair of size 12 jeans on Thanksgiving day at Old Navy something was up.  I had 12 pants but not 12 jeans and then I could.  Then suddenly the week before Christmas my pants felt looser. Go figure I mean I JUST GOT those pants.  So the day after Christmas I thought, "Hum, let me just try a pair of 10's on and see how far I have to go before they will go over my hips...you know... a reach clothing item that hangs on your door and demands you are successful.   Well I tried on a pair and they fit my legs nicely,  so lets try the hips.  OK I had to pour into them but once over the hips they snapped and zipped!!!!  OMG can it be true???  They went home with me for sure.  Four days later pants are getting looser so I think go shopping and see what happens.  I tried on 5 pairs of 10's that all fit...bye bye 12's and 14's (packing them up today) but even more amazing I FIT INTO A PAIR OF 8 JEANS.   No way that could be true so I took 4 of the same pants in and tried them on again- 2 eights in case they were sized wrong- 2 10's for the same reason.  The 8's won.  Yes they are a little tight but at this rate I expect to be in them by the end of the month.  Additionally I was dressing to watch the GA vs Texas A&M game (Go Dawgs!!)  and quite by accident put on my sons boys size Georgia jersey--since I got it on I wore it (a personal feel good never hurts).   I have had so many non scale victories and now to see the scales moving too is awesome. 
Add to that I am ever greatful for Dr. STapleton who is helping me keep my head screwed on right and I feel that i am ready to march into 2010 taking the bull by the horns instead of laying under the hoofs. 

My goal is reasonable.   I just want to be overweight!!!  (Not obese, not extremely obese, just overweight).  I have 23.7 pounds til I am there.  Then plastics but that is a whole 'nother worry for later down the road.

May each of your new years be blessed with love, laughter, and success however you define it. And I hope to see everyone at our ball.  Trinity Bariatrics rocks.

Linda

It is now November 8th.  I just returned from the OH conference.  Everyone was great and  there was a lot of energy. I loved seeing melting mama, jeremy gentles, Eric,  bo mccoy, Dr. Garth Davis, Mary Jo Rapini,  and Augusta's own Dr. Connie Stapleton.  It was really great and very motivational.  I am still struggling however.  No more weight loss..so after the meeting I don't have any new strategies really.  So I am going to mix my food up a little more, change my exercise plan again,  and add more vegetables to my diet.  We will see.  Happy holidays to all.  May you be blessed with good health and happiness this holiday season. 
Linda  

It has been a rough time for me mentally.  I am feeling much better though since I am going to counseling.  It is very frustrating to sit in support group meetings and hear all the great stories of losing 100 pounds in 6 months, 9 months,  or even by one year, while i am still sitting at the same weight loss.  I hear exercise more, eat less, eat different, drink more, blah, blah , blah....  BUT I will not let that deter me.  My body has never followed the rules so why should I expect it will be different now.    I DO still  go to support group and I AM very happy for those other people, just not as happy for me.  I just keep following the rules and doing what I am supposed to.  It still very much freaks me out that I can not lose weight but continue to lose clothing sizes.  For example.  IN months I have lost very little weight but have steadily gone from an 18 to a 16 to a 14 and am now able to get into some 12's.  And I have only lost about 6 pounds.  It is crazy.  But I will take whatever I can get.  Yes, I will admit it...I am jealous of the 8's and smaller sizes, and I am jealous of those that have lost 100 pounds or more but I cant make it happen for me any faster and be safe...so I trudge on.  I am happy to suddenly see a change this week and hoping I will break into the 170's.  Maybe now is my time again.  My birthday is the end of October.  I will be 51, was sick through my 50th birthday and within that week my dad died.  I am hoping this birthday will be much happier and all I want is to reach 100 pounds lost.  I am willing to take it from my presurgery weight loss which means I have to lose 6.4 pounds.  Since it took me months to lose 6 pounds I am not sure I can obtain that but I do so hope.   Either way, I will celebrate my new lease on life,  my medication free life (except all those danged vitamins), and my increased mobility.  I still believe this was the right thing for me to do and would do it again.  Many blessings to those that are on this journey with me.  
Linda 

I just looked and I am exactly where I was when I posted on May 19, 2009.  15 weeks and not a single pound.  Well actually lost about 4 pounds, gained 6, lost 3, gained 1, lost 2,  gained 2,  and sometimes had weeks wehre I was up and down each day.  In that same time frame did lose another pants size and am fitting into another size down in some styles.  Sense my frustration?  Okay enough whining...back to the books...plans for overnight hike in mountains, planning ot do the couch to 5K this fall, and getting a personal trainer for weight training purposes.  We will see what happens.

Linda

Just passed my 1 year surgiversary.  I am glad i feel better, wear 14 pants and large tops but am so disappointed with my losses or my lack of losing for months now.  I am going to counseling and will see if that works.  I am straying in little ways since following the rules is not working- but I recognize I cannot let that negative thinking become the norm.  Will get a trainer this week to get me going, and hae gone back to watching what i eat ...Good news is Hemaglobin A1C is down to 5.4 or 5.3 (cant remember which) but in March of 2008 it was 10.6.... So hallelujah for better health.  BP is better but keeps trying to rise...maybe due to all the stress in my life.  Either way, I am still trying to move forward and lose just a little bit more.  If I can get rid of the CPAP then I will feel great but my doc doesnt want to retest until i hit 175 and haven't made any progress in getting there for months.  Arghhh!!!
Linda

Not losing and actually gained some.  Here we go again.  So I threw in the towel and said the hell with it.  yes I gave up and gave in to negativity. I didn't track food or exercise the last almost two weeks.  Now guilt is weighing in and I am back on track.  Recorded all I ate, got my fluids and protein in.  I think counseling is in order so that is my next move.  Yes I still focus on how much better I feel and look.  Happy to be out of the sizes that start with 2_.  Just need some motivation.  

2 more pounds since last post...making it 4 pounds in a week.  Eat my food, drink my snacks.  What a wonderful thing.