IamPreacher
I'M ON MY WAY NOW!
Dec 31, 2009
It's hard to believe I haven't been here since May?!! I had a lot going on. Working fulltime and then starting the rigors of preparation for bariatric surgery. I had gotten so frustrated with tracking calories in and calories burned and seeing no progress that for a while I just stopped everything and gave up.
But something in me wouldn't let me do that for too long. After much thought and much more prayer, I decided to take a last resort step. I started getting ready for a sleeve gastrectomy. I didn'g want that band in me. I couldn't even think about it, so with sleep apnea and hight blood pressure, I qualified for this procedure. The first day after the surgery, I laid in bed and cried and regretted having it done. Now isn't that silly? When I think back, I think there was apart of me that didn't really want it b/c I knew I'd have to give up a lot of comfort foods, etc. So I started dealing with the emotional end of this whole journey long before I went though with the surgery. I knew I was an emotional eater and I had to come to terms with that and "pay the band."
I had so many doctors to see and tests to have done and my insurance required nutrition classes for 6 months prior!
Am I still sorry? Not one bite. My scale is no longer lying to me! I've finally begun to lose weight. It wasn't the easy way out -- not by a long shot. It was a hard decision, it's a hard change, but I am accepting it more as each day goes by.
On December 23, 2009, I went to the hospital @ 220 labs. I now am down to 206.8. I'm doing this for me! And for once in my life I feel like I've done something I can be proud of.
GOING FORWARD
May 19, 2009
I'm so excited. Tonight I am going to the Seminar at the hospital where my doctor and others talked about what they do for people like me. I'm even more excited because my husband actually agreed to go with me! My appointment is next week.I saw this doctor about a year ago and was going to get a band at the time but I chickened out and wanted to try on my own to lose weight. After 2 years of trying and counting calories and exercising, I finally came to the conclusion that this wasn't working! So I am going back this time and going through with the plan.
I really want a gastric sleeve instead of the band. Mainly because my stomach over secretes acid, which makes me feel hungry all the time, which has contributed to my overeating. I started taking Prilosec at my doctor's suggestion and it does help--whoopi--I lost 3 lbs.
I don't know if my insurance will cover this surgery, but I'll know soon enough. From what I've read about the band it's not worth it. I know someone who got one and she hasn't lost any weight. And if she overeats, she pukes! Because I have hypothyroidism, I'm hoping that will be enough to qualify. I also have high blood pressure, sleep apnea and have arthritis which makes it very painful to exercise, although I do it, I can't do as much as before my lower back surgery in 2007. That's what brought back the 30 lbs I had lost.
What a predicament! It's totally frustrating to be fat and not be able to get rid of it!
Facing the Truth
Apr 30, 2009
These smileys represent me talking to myself! "Now you know you don't really need that (whatever food I'm tempted with)" "BUT I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU!" I am such a BRAT when it comes to teaching myself something I already know. I mean, I know I shouldn't eat when I'm not hungry, but sometimes I need that comfort. Comfort is something I was never given as a child and now as an adult, I still seek a safe, warm place where nothing hurts. My husband is not very attentive to me after all these years and frankly, I don't see any change on the horizon. So then I cop this attitude of "Oh well, who cares anyway?" and I eat.
I have to admit I have improved somewhat in the last year. When we eat out, I half the meal most of the time, but sometimes I even sabotage my good intentions by having dessert, but we share one serving, so I'm not eating the whole thing. I could just eat and eat and eat.
I seems to me that having been treated for Graves disease, leaving me with an under-active thyroid somehow I lost the ability to feel full and so it tends to cause me to overeat because I can't tell I'm full unless I'm refluxing. Plus having to take synthetic hormone replacement for thyroid, hasn't helped me enough to help me lose the weight I was told I would lose with the treatment. I don't trust doctors anymore because of this.
The truth of the matter is this: I am emotionally stressed. It's an "inside" kind of stress. Not like a work deadline, which would make sense. It seems to be something that I have a really difficult time dealing with. Anxiety is an inward emotion that often overwhelms me and so the escape it if but for a moment I eat. Or I'll want to sleep so I don't feel anything.
I've been that way for a long, long time. Even when I was a teenager, I would sleep until 12 or 1 in the afternoon because I just didn't want to face the situations I had to live with. Well, hellooooooooooooooo! Those days are gone. Daaaaaaaaaaaa! But my husband is a constant reminder of those days. No attention, no love, no affection. It triggers something in me that I don't quite understand but am trying to. You may wonder why did I marry him? I wanted so much to believe he wouldn't be that way. When we first dated, he wasn't like them at all and I fell in love with him because of his attentiveness and his gentleness. He's still all those things, but something has changed him and me and it's as if we live in the same house, but in two different worlds.
Anyway, I just recently had lab work done for my thyroid. I'm going to request the results from my doctor and if they are normal, I'm going to get a second opinion. If they concur then I will have only one option: surgery to make m;y stomach smaller so that I CAN'T overeat anymore.
And that's the conclusion to this whole matter!
Now that I've embarrassed myself by telling the truth,
it's time 
to stop thinking about it and 
get moving!
I've GOT To Do Something!
Apr 30, 2009
I'm frustrated, feel sick about my looks and have been banging my head against a wall. My doctor is no help so I am going to start looking for another doctor who can find out what is going on with me. I take Synthyroid for hypothyroid but it hasn't done much of anything. I was told at the time that this medication would help me lose the weight I'd gain. Bah! Humbug!
My endocrinologist says that T4 converts to T3, which is what causes weight lose. Bah! Himbug! I'm reading about this kind of stuff and the doctor is out in Texas that wrote the book I'm reading. I wish I could just take off and go see this guy b/c he really seems to know everything about hypothyroidism and how to treat it correctly.
I'm eating less and gaining more. It just doesn't figure.
Catching Up
Apr 28, 2009
WOW! I forgot I had this page and just stopped in to see what was going on after reading an article I got from this site.
No wonder. I haven't lost a pound. With all the exercising and eating changes I've made, I should be thinner, but I'm not. I just had blood work done on Saturday for my thyroid. I've had my doseage of Synthyroid changed twice and still no hope in sight. I go to the doctor today and if the results show normal, I am just going to cry. And then when I'm done crying, I'm going to pick up the phone and call the bariatric doctor.
My problem is I have a small umbilical hernia and I'd like to get that repaired at the same time. I also want this fat on my abdomen taken off, too. I'm just not sure if I should do that first or go for the bariatric surgery first. Hey, maybe I could have it all done at one time!
I'M ABOUT TO GIVE UP
Dec 22, 2008
Ha! I love these smilely things. But I hate being fat. I have hypothyroidism and it seems here lately that my body doesn't get rid of fat, almost like it doesn't know how to process it. It keeps building up. I have tended to slightly give up lately. After a full year and a half of watching, charting everything I ate and staying within the recommended calories and exercising rigorously and not lossing an ounce, I finally lost hope of ever loosing any of this weight. I've talked to my doctor, he doesn't believe me when I tell him what I've been doing.I know, too, I am an emotional eater and here lately, I have gone somewhat burzerk since realizing my husband is a control freak...and in the realization, I am at a lose as to know what to do about the whole situation. Christmas is almost here and I've been depressed before but never like this; never this deep. I just want to sleep all the time. (Do you think it's strange that my husband's first wife was like this, too?)
So, here I am. Where do I go from here?
